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w**k is a four-letter word ([info]esorlehcar) wrote in [info]fandom_wank,
@ 2005-06-23 11:20:00


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Current mood:repentant

The beauty and power of [info]hugsnkisses's new FL mission statement has filled me with a deep-seated sense of shame and horror at the crassness and cruelty of my own behavior during my years of involvement with the w**k community.

I've done a lot of terrible things in the name of w**k. I've pointed, mocked and laughed at innocent fans whose only crime was trying to enjoy fandom. I've called people insane simply because they view the world a little differently than I do. I've denigrated the fiction and photo manips that people have poured their hearts and souls into. I've been so relentlessly callous that I can't even remember the names of all the people I've abused and bullied and hurt.

But I can't even claim these as the worst of my crimes. Recently, the FW pack mentality drove me to behave in a way more despicable that I ever could have imagined: I graduated from mere petty thuggery into full-fledged religious persecution, and I led some of you down the same evil path.

Oselle, speaking from the bottom of my heart, I am truly, deeply sorry that I mocked your religion. The arrogance and cruelty of my belief that your messiah was somehow less than worthy simply because he's a short Republican B-list mama's boy is matched only by my unbelievable gall in asking why you would choose to worship a diety who made you miserable, as if it is my place to determine not only who but also how people should worship.

I can never undo the damage I've done, and I can never truly atone for the way I so flagrantly spat on one of the most precious ideals the United States was founded upon. But I hope the fact that my disgusting behavior towards you shocked me into realizing what a monster I had become holds a bit of comfort: I will never again succumb to religious intolerance, and I can only express my heartfelt sorrow that your suffering was the price for my awakening.



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[info]hugsnkisses
2005-06-23 07:27 pm UTC (link)
I must echo your sentiments Eso, looking back at it now fills my heart with remorse and anguish. I read that one woman (being over 60 years of age!) feared to post anything serious in public on Livejournal ever again. At the time I laughed, but even then I felt tendrils of self-hatred and pity attaching themselves to me - now those tendrils have germinated and smothered my heart in LOVE AND JOY.

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[info]esorlehcar
2005-06-23 07:49 pm UTC (link)
It was my fault. No one would have mocked Oselle's beautiful tract if it wasn't for my arrogance and w**kery. People were praising their deity in peace, and I swooped in, dripping cruelty and condescension, and made you all think there was something to w**k simply because a few people chose to worship outside the box.

I owe you an apology, too, Hnky, you and everyone else on this comm. I didn't just do irreparable harm to Oselle; I did irreparable harm to everyone who followed my lead and became a religious bigot. I've done a lot terrible things in my life, but this is the most unforgivable. I'll be sorry for that for the rest of my life, and knowing I'm responsible for leading you down the road to such perversity makes me die a little inside.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]elfy
2005-06-24 10:59 am UTC (link)
oh eso. there is only the road to light and love before you now that you've accepted and embraced the mistakes in your past. you're taking the first steps now to becoming a true lover of all things love.

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