Pretty Angelica is dying of unnatural wank...
So, I was morbidly curious about this whole "Chaos" thing- it's showing a few blocks from my house. I noticed a big blow up outside the theatre of Ebert's review. Went to do some net.research and lo and behold, there is wank! There's a huge amount of tl;dr and pseudointellectual blather on IMDB (is anyone surprised?) on the board for Chaos. So, I'll just try and sum up the wankier threads for you while providing links and hopefully some funny.

And if it's not all that funny, at least it's not more goddamn Harmonywank, eh?

"This film sucks!" "You didn't even see the film!" "I'm 19, so I'm superior to you!"
Best comment of this thread: "And I think it's funny that you have an obvious hard-on for all the tawdry, sticky details in this "film." It is obvious that your demand for evidence is simply to goad him into revealing visceral "red bits" of the movie only so that you might spank your crank to it." from CoyoteKiller
and "We didn't know this movie was your BOYFRIEND!" from singularity1111

"I'm a filmmaker!" "No you're not!" "Yes I am!" "He doesn't have to prove he's a filmmaker!" "Ted Bundy committed crimes because of porn!" "No he didn't!"
Best quote: "YOU posted your opinion on this message board and you don't see me asking for "evidence" that you are an illiterate Colobus monkey, do you?"

"This shit does not take skill, people"
Featuring thejasonbaskeyexperience's HOT new idea for a grindhouse film: "As the man is forced to saw through his own wang, he passes out from the pain and his bloody, mice-eaten, fingernail-less corpse burns to ashes...which the crazy guy later puts in his coffee and drinks...while mastubating." (excerpt)

"I worked on this film!".
"Let me tell you that the people who made this film (De Falco, Bernheim, Parry, etc.) are talented-less, ego-centric imbecils in their forties who wear black-leather pants and black leather jackets as if they were rockstars. ... This folks don't even know how to spell "art", they should never be allowed to use such a word."

The film is accused all over the place and in various threads of being nothing more than a remake of Wes Craven's Last House on the Left- "just like Gus Van Sant's Psycho." Various arguments take place over whether this is actually true or not.

"If you like this movie see a shrink!"
Human brains are loaded with what are called 'mirror neurons' - which cause you to vicariously experience things you see. They greatly facilitate the process of learning by example - i.e. when you watch someone do something, it's easy to mimic them because on some level, you experienced it along with them. This is also why when you're watching a sports event, you may actually wince when you see someone get injured. It's also why when you watch a movie, you can connect with the characters, and feel like you're there with them.

Now, if you watch a movie about brutal torturers - and you find yourself connecting with THEM and sharing in their gleeful cruelty - well, I'd really hope you'd be shocked, apalled and repulsed.

But in all seriousness - if you saw this film and felt amused or pleased when watching the torture sequences - please - for the public good and the welfare of yourself and everyone around you - please - REALLY -make an appointment to talk to a psychiatrist as soon as possible!

Even the pros themselves are wanking hard, as Roger Ebert
writes a scathing review, the filmmakers reply, and Ebert fires back with his own special brand of tl;dr.

ADD'L: David Hess (star/villain of "Last House on the Left") posts dirt on his message board wherein he flat out states that the film -is- a ripoff of Last House, that the director is an asshole, and the whole thing is 'trash'. Hehe.