Wank at GAFF? Say it Isn't So!
Ian Gainsborough for some reason thought it would be a good idea to write a fanfiction starring board members, without their permission. Also he self inserts himself in a very stuish way complete with fangirls and "boomsticks".


“I read your essay, the Fangirl Society Theory and thought it was absolutely funny,” the intern stated. “Especially how not to be a talented writer or—“
“’We’ll send our worst author with the most praise to come and tattoo, “Insert Mary-Sue cock here” across your ass and then fuck you like a female victim in A Sorcerer, a Demon and Emeralds’,” Ian finished the quote. He smiled as he thought back on that essay, having fun writing it. “Yeah, that was actually rather fun to write.”

“I also liked the snarking you did on that Christian!Sailor Moon,” the intern commented. “Did some pretty good jokes there.”
“Actually, my favorite snarking was an OOC Harry/Hermione lemon,” Ian responded. The intern giggled.
“Ho!rry and Ho!mione,” she snickered. “Oh, yeah, I enjoyed that snark. I thought that Fic was totally tasteless.” The Elevator lurched to a halt, the doors opening to the 23rd floor.



’Night Ian,” Sheltigrrl waved and was gone, leaving Midmusu and Ian alone. The silence was awkward between the two, and Ian’s gaze was longing. He pecked Midmusu gently on the cheek and was off, shielding his blushing.

And no one is still quite sure if Ian even knows Midmusu personally.


Hey She-Bitch,” Ian taunted. “Come get some.” The Sue was fair-skinned, dressed in a black and purple ensemble, armor plating like Terra as Slade’s apprentice, and a belt resembling Beast Boy’s. Her hair was long and green, from both sides of her parents, obviously, with highlights of black, blue and red. Her rather pointy ears perked up at Ian’s taunting, and she let go of a near unconscious Robin to lunge at Ian. The resulting fight had Ian using all forms of Boomstick, the butt as a club, barrel as a defense. In a final finishing move, Ian turned his back on a staggering and reeling Sue, taking aim as she advanced and pulled the trigger. The Sue’s headless corpse fell backwards, and Ian twirled Boomstick on his fingers, blew the smoke from the barrel and shouldered it.
“Groovy,” Ian eyed the purple-blooded corpse. “In this job, I feel like a king. Hail to the king, baby.”



And a plot point I'm sure you'll all enjoy:

“Hey Charlie,” Ian waved. “Come pull up a seat, man.” Charles looked up from the wad of papers clenched in his fist and then striding up to take a seat next to Ian. He ordered a virgin Strawberry Daiquiri.
“So what’s with the papers?” Ian asked.
“I have reason to believe that we’ll be having a nasty fight coming up soon,” Charles handed Ian a couple of such papers. “I’ve been monitoring the Fandom Wankers for some time and their activity has been stirring. I think they’re planning to attack us in a couple days time.”
“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” Anthony stated, taking a drink.
“Half the GAFF Army is on leave and won’t be back until the end of the week,” Ian added, sipping at his drink. “The only few notable GAFFers around are Freezer, JM, RabbitRabbit, me and you, Charlie.” Charles shrugged at this, taking a swallow of his daiquiri.



Follow GAFFers are not happy...

Congratulations. You've written your very own GAFF themed Marty-Stu.


Well, well, well. A Stu self-insert, standard fangirl-grade descriptions (Hair! Exact clothes! Eyes!), kinda implausible plot and a rather non-gripping read in general.
I find it very ironic that it's a GAFF homage ...

Especially the ones who were mentioned without permission.

Naturally Ian G. faces all of these criticisms in a true gentlemenly manner by the standrad angsty good-bye post.. This time for sure.


Alma Geddon chimes in with a smack-down of Ian's critics. No one really listens to hir though.

ETA:The Truth Comes Out. Who knows? Maybe he learned his lesson...