It's all fun and games until someone calls you a fish...
Enterprise Wank:


It all starts innocently enough, someone

I guess I should say "Happy Birthday". You do a great job on Enterprise and I know you're gonna have larger part next season. Portraying the complex Lt. Reed must be difficult work, going over every line each week, trying to figure out how to say it, but you do it with such...oh, to hell with it!



And of course, the issue of his age comes up. You see, he's been keeping it Secret, because he's Much Older Than His Character. So someone, fairly reasonably, asks:

What is he, like 50?

But it's OK, because he's 34, dammit! Every year. He's turning 34 again this year. Got it, sucka?

Not too wanky so far.

Cue accusations of alcoholism and underuse of Oil of Ulay/Olay/WhateverTheyCallItTheseDays.

All fun and games. So far.

Then someone calls him a fish.


Lampreys are parasitic and feed on the body fluids of their host. The Lampreys obtain these body fluids by attaching themselves onto the body of the host fish, cutting a hole in its flesh, using their tongue, and then feeding on the blood and tissue inside.

---

Duuude, that is so freakin' HOT! It could also explain why Reed doesn't like to go home to visit the rest of his lamprey family. Perhaps, though, he and his sister got the hagfish genes and are not parasites but rather scavengers, so they only suck the dead or dying, rather than the young and vital. Like Daddy Stu.


The original poster returns to show her anger at this evil slander.

TWO THINGS, OKAY YOU LOSERS! (And you know who I'm talking to).

This is a happy birthday thread to Dominic Keating and not a critique of his genetics, so shape the hell up!

Try to do something nice on this BBS these days and all you get is your good intentions destroyed. I'M SICK OF IT, YOU HEAR ME!

If you can't wish the man a happy birthday, get off of this thread and vent your anger and disgust with the world someplace else.


Despite attempts at rapproachment in the form of:

Hey, I've seen some pretty sexy lampreys out there. I don't know why you have to take everything so negatively.

The bitterness remains.

Personally, I'm with the person who chimed in with:

I think maybe you owe an apology to all the lampreys and the hagfish in the BBS audience.