holy freaking crap
What the christ is going on?!

So it's pretty common knowledge to everyone not in high school that Eric Bauman, creator and owner of eBaum's World, is a lying sack of shit who steals content and makes tons of money off it (literally millions). Wank's been hitting the fan with that site since day one with not only SomethingAwful, but Viacom and Sega corporations as well. Beyond the theft, Bauman's moderators once encoded JavaScript into every page of the site focused on DdoS'ing (sucking massive amounts of bandwidth) the SomethingAwful forums, which is holy-shit-illegal.

Last Saturday the denizens of YTMND.com discovered the theft of one of the more stupidpopular sites, "Lindsay Lohan Doesn't Change Facial Expressions".

They got a little mad.

A lot of stupid but oddly hpynotizing sites were created. Repeated attempts to contact Bauman fail, surprise surprise.

But meanwhile, on the ytmnd forums, trouble was a brewin'. DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNNN.

Amazingly enough, considering how unorganized the forums are, users managed to form an alliance including not only over six hundred ytmnd forumgoers, but also SomethingAwful, 4chan, Newgrounds, Fark, and LUElinks.

At EST midnight, Monday morning, they united together to massively DdoS the eBaum's World servers, pinging and flooding and all that other technocrap that makes his forums go down for a good while, though it barely dented the main site's MASSIVE bandwidth.

Beyond even that, Bauman received hundreds of prank calls and two ytmnd forum members actually drove to the eBaum's physical headquarters and vandalized the place.

The next morning, even more stupid sites are created, some just plain retarded and some actually documenting the attack.

Max, the webmaster and founder of YTMND.com, realizing the illegality of the situation, repeatedly attempted to gain hold of his minions with little success.

Meanwhile, over in Hellon eBaum's World, they are PISSED. A bright, bold, ugly red link from the top page leads to an "explanation" of the attack.

"For the last 36-48 hours, ebaumsworld.com has been the victim of a global cyber-terrorism attack allegedly conducted by an alliance of webmasters and their followers who disagree with our company's editorial process." says they.

Yeah, okay, I'm sure all them obsessive World of Warcraft players are a real threat to society. Beyond the smell, I mean. That's so full of bullshit it's coming out their asses.

The next day, though, Max recieves an email from Neil Bauman, Eric's father and Vice President of the eBaum's World corporation.


From: "Neil Bauman"
<neil@ebaumsworld.com>
To: <legal@ytmnd.com>
Subject: Cease and Desist
Date: Tue, 10 Jan 2006 16:01:53 -0500

To Whom It May Concern:


Please be advised that several of your forum soldiers have decided to personally visit our corporate offices. The pictures they took while trespassing on our property were proudly posted on your site. In addition some of the postings on your forum literally threatened murdering Eric Bauman. You have now officially crossed the line. You can consider this formal notification that we have initiated a criminal complaint with several agencies including the FBI Cyber Terrorism Unit. I realize that most of your entire website is comprised of pathetic, pimply-faced maladjusted pre-teens whose parents don't love them, and their best Saturday night date takes AA batteries. Be that as it may, you have now become a criminal threat. There a lot of people now monitoring your site. I strongly suggest that there are no more unauthorized "visits" to our office. There will be severe penalties for failure to heed this warning. The forum banter on your site means nothing to us or anyone in the world for that matter, but your threats of bodily harm and property damage cannot be ignored. I was afraid that the FBI and police departments would not be responsive. I was pleasantly surprised to find the contrary.

Interestingly, no individual or corporate entity has approached us with any question or problem regarding the content in question. This is true lunacy! There is this big dispute over a piece of content that we received a signed release for. Do you have any idea how foolish and immature you look through this? Of course I am referring to the real three dimensional world where real people live and work. You and your forum obviously live in very dark places where they don't teach spelling, grammar, logic, reasoning…etc. Well, that being said, we don't care how you advertise your stupidity, but eBaum's World Inc lives in the real world, and we are very tolerant and sensitive to the underprivileged and the mentally challenged. We will however use any and all legal remedies to ensure our safety. The police and FBI are taking this very seriously. I will leave you with this challenge, if any member of your forum or anyone any where wants to challenge our policy, simply come out from under your rock and call me on the phone, or schedule an appointment. I would be happy to discuss any problem with any credible individual. Of course I am assuming that these "kids" are capable of meaningful dialogue. We have received hundreds of calls, but alas, zero meaningful dialogue, only weak pranks. Judging from the posts I have read from your site I am confident that no one possesses the aforementioned skills necessary to pull that off. The first guy you sent in here probably soiled his pants when he couldn't answer the simplest question and literally ran out the door…LOL. I don't think he is a candidate for Mission Impossible. The police have already contacted him and our lawyers will have fun with Ben and his parents. The invitation stands. BTW, the FBI told me that the operators and facilitators of your site are more liable than they think; they also assured me that nobody from your site would come out from under their rock to talk. They likened your forum to terrorists who always stay under ground. Is that the way you envisioned your forum at its inception? How pathetic. I look forward to your reply.


Neil J. Bauman


Executive Vice President
eBaum's World Inc.
neil@ebaumsworld.com
Office:585-292-0069
Fax: 585-292-0722


A follow-up is sent before Max finally swoops down and releases previously unknown ownage. Give the man some image macros for his good work.

Best part: Dramatic reading of the emails!