BPAL - er, eBay - Is Serious Business
BPAL wank that isn't about BPAL. It's about eBay. Or more specifically, that ever-controversial subject, sniping.

If you don't know anything about eBay: sniping is when someone waits until the last minute to bid on an auction, hoping to snag it before the other person has a chance to rebid. Of course, eBay has a bid proxy system - you enter a (hidden) maximum and the system counterbids for you automatically until you're maxed out - so the snipe is only successful if the late bid has a higher maximum than you do. (Ties go to the earliest bidder.)

The pro-snipe contingency says that sniping is just how the game is played. The anti-snipe contingency says that sniping is rude, sneaky, and mean.

So, girltuesday bid on some BPAL and got sniped. And boy, is she pissed.

girltuesday: I would like to tell you as someone that's just been sniped, you all suck teh major cack. It's not nice, it's not polite and frankly, I hope you choke on that oil. I REALLY hate snipers. If you wanted it so bad you should have sat back like the rest of us and bid on it during the auction. Outbidding someone in the last 5 minutes is TOTALLY DEPLORABLE. I truly hope you die. And frankly I don't care if you DO reply to this post you're still a damned schmuck.

This should be fun. I've never sucked cack before. I mean, I didn't even know I was dishonest.

girltuesday: That's dirty and that's my opinion on it. As an HONEST bidder if I find something I'm interested in, I bid on it. ... What that person did was flat out inexcusable SNIPING. I think it's crappy as a member of a commUNITY.

It took me a minute to see that "UNITY" wasn't a typo but rather a clever little effect. Brava! Let's hope by community she means members of alchemylab, because no one seriously thinks that eBay is a Montessori Let's-All-Play-Nicely community, do they?

Most of the early spooge is limited to her, because the community would rather debate the nuances of sniping, bidbots, late discoveries, setting maximums, and sane things like that instead of wanking. Luckily, gray areas aren't a problem for our OP.

girltuesday: Sniping = unethical. I don't care if you like it, think I'm retarded for thinking that way or you think I don't know how to use ebay. It's unethical, plain and simple.

After all, if she says so, that makes it true. I'm glad she's here to point these things out. Various people are less than impressed with her post, so finally, the wank gets its Zen balance when some of them get cranky.

sarrabellum: This is so... tacky. Your tantrums are better suited to your personal journal.

kellerbl: If you'll allow me to be just as wanky for a moment, saying you "truly hope" someone dies for winning a product that you wanted makes you seem really unstable, and rather spoilt. Not to mention a smidge over dramatic.

ayelienne: Wow. Were you bidding on a replacement lung or something?

stephanielynch: The Foreskin that is removed from the Penis during a circumcision is the correct definition of shmuck. Is that what you meant?

shelldoo: wow, maybe consider a wee less bit of caffiene?

Yeah, how dare she vent! Stupid OP. Why, in my day, we got sniped uphill both ways for ten miles in the snow, with - oh, wrong rant.

Of course, things are pretty low on the wank scale, all things considered. You know what that means: it's time for a new post. raaven decides to share her thoughts on yaoi sniping: why it's a smart, faboo idea, the fact that it's totally legal, and how to get yourself one of those shiny bidbots. After all, the first three snipes are free!

abejitanegra: is it legal? sure. being an impolite jerk is certainly legal. does it make ebay really un-fun? definitely.

eBay: full of meanieheads. Check. Well, that's not going to go down without some snark.

silkcorset: Last I checked, eBay isn't intended to be "fun."

raaven: So, if I understand you correctly, anyone who bids after you do, or has better equipment than you do, or bids MORE than you do, is an impolite jerk?

hayet: bad manners to bid at the last minute? Please. Next you'll be telling us it's bad manners for community members to bid against each other.

But things don't get really fun until someone refers back to the earlier post.

ladybladethrust: I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the concept that the original complainer sincerely wished Complete And Total And Utter Immediate DEATH upon the eBayer who sniped her.

A bit, shall we just say, drastic a response for having been deprived of...perfume...?

Isn't that what we're all here for? Our freakish, shall we just say, drastic devotion to ... perfume? Thought so. Paging girltuesday!

girltuesday: I'm still trying to wrap MY brain around the fact that you haven't figured out that that was a post made in anger in the heat of the moment and was just that. ... I find it amazing that people actually seriously and truly thought I was actually wishing TRUE DEATH on people. ... Think about that a moment, and ask yourself if you've ever said such things. If you have, don't sit on judgment lest you be called a hypocrite. If you haven't? Let me know when you pass away, I'll nominate you personally for sainthood.

Of course, just because she posted a five-paragraph rant doesn't mean she's upset. She's amused. Really.

girltuesday: Am I offended that people don't agree with me? Not in the slightest. Am I offended that some people believe I truly wished actual death on someone? Not really. Am I amused by that? I sure am. Why? Because the thought that someone was actually sitting behind their screen reading, "I hope you choke on that oil" and actually thought I wanted someone to truly choke, well that tickles me.

"Ha ha ha, I'm not pissed, I'm laughing, fuckers! A LOT."

Don't worry, she's not the only one spooging. Apparently some people thought that, based on the earlier post, she was actually a homicidal maniac, out for blood. eBay snipers: lock your doors!

kellerbl: So when someone online, where the only thing we have to go on is their words, not tone, says "I TRULY hope they die", we're supposed to know you're only saying that because you're angry? ... Basically, angry words or not, you came across as seriously unstable, and that's going to linger in people's memories.

moukin: Death is not funny, and words are nothing to be thrown around lightly. I can't say that I've NEVER said anything like it, but I do make a conscious effort to change my phrase to something else...perhaps equally as angry but not involving death.

raaven: What people write here *is*, often, all we know about them, and if someone's writing is consistently angry and hateful, we can't help but form a picture of that person in our heads as someone who may be less than stable.

Yeah. I've never heard someone wish death on anyone before and not mean it. So I totally thought that girltuesday was going to drive up to my house, stab me in the face, and steal some BPAL. That bitch.

It's not related, but it makes for a nice cherry on the wank sundae: there's a post two hours later from aithne sniffling about people who buy too much of the rarer scents, which means she other people won't get any.

aithne: When someone offers something rare wouldn't it be nice to share the wealth? I'm more and more annoyed lately when I see something I'd like to try and then see someone bought *all* 5 available. I mean whats up with that? :(

Shitty luck, there, aithne. If I were you, I'd try sniping.