American Idol Wank: You mean everything you read on the Internet ISN'T true?
From people beating the shit out of their own mothers over finalist disagreements to Simon Cowell publicly flaming Prince, this season of American Idol has seen nigh-unprecedented volumes of wank, but I guess we've all been too busy wanking right along slacking off, 'cause none of it's been posted here. To try to make up for it, here's a recent small but amusing one:

Over on ohnotheydidnt, erinthrasher posts an anecdote in which she wanks (IN CAPS LOCK OF RAGE!!!!) about her negative experiences serving American Idol 5 finalist Chris Daughtry pizza:

so......today I had to make a zillion and a half stupid pizzas because, who else?
Chris Daughtry was here in Greensboro singing. I work for a big pizza chain and my boss figured it would be a good idea for me and one of my co workers to go sell pizzas at the high school football stadium (woo-fucking-hoo) where he was singing. Besides the fact that it was 3,000 degrees and I had to be in full uniform, his really, really, shitty former band played with him. Some girl had chris SHAVE HER HEAD so she could get tickets to see him on the American Idol tour. also, some lady gave him the KEY TO THE CITY. WTF? Anyway, to make a long story short, he came over to get some grub and was a complete asshole to me and my co-worker, totally SHOCKED he had to pay 3 dollars for the stupid pizza. I think this dude really, really truly belives he's the shit. Not to shit talk on our oh-so-beloved "hometown hero", but you DIDN'T EVEN WIN AMERICAN IDOL. Oh well, at least he was pretty alright to look at.

source: me. duh.

People on ONTD chime in with the usual "Chris is a douche" variety of comments, but some people on americanidol, not all of them Chris fans, call bullshit:

I saw Taylor Hicks at the mall eating a baby. Source: ME

Apparently Taylor Hicks is a cannibal.

and: Yeah, I saw Kellie [Pickler] wipe her ass with the American flag! I KNEW she was a commie! and so forth.

To add intrigue, there's even further doubt cast on the story, since in her own LJ, erinthrasher posted her righteous indignation at not being called in to work that morning. She is now claiming she was called in anyway, but she made the "I didn't get called in" post after the ONTD post, so her claim is dubious. But her ONTD post, which she has apparently reposted in multiple American Idol/ Chris Daughtry communities, isn't enough of a 15 minutes of fame thing for this girl. She had to repost this witty AIM tete-a-tete *again* the next day, detailing how she did, after all, go in to work - turns out it seems her coworker was trying to SABOTAGE her chances of meeting Chris Daughtry:

i had to make pizza and it was retarded as shit.

So, did Erin, in fact, serve Chris Daughtry pizza? Was she even there? Was he a douchebag about it? Was it okay to be a douchebag about it, because, you know, it was Erin? Did someone seriously let a reality show contestant shave her head for a $35 concert ticket? You be the judge.