What's better than having a big scoop? Making one up, of course!
I bring you wank that is not only about a video game that isn't released yet, but which runs on a CONSOLE that isn't released yet. And no, it's not about the price of the PS3.

On May 9, Square-Enix unveiled "Fabula Nova Crystallis", a Final Fantasy XIII compilation which will be released at some point in the future on the PS3. Many people were excited ... the graphics are incredible, and the main character of the core game is girl who appears to kick some major ass. Alas ... some people apparently aren't content with just being excited about it though.

Enter Moogle Kupo, an individual with a very foggy grasp on the English language coupled with delusions of grandeur. He claims to work for SUPER ULTRA TOP SECRET organization called Gamerz Envelope "wich gets and sells media (vids,pics and interveiws such as this one) to diffrent magazines and sometimes sites. such as famitsu,hyper and opsm". Ahem.

He first appears with an apparent interview with Tetsuya Nomura.

GE: sounds exciting, so what about with a boss how would we go with that.

TN: this is where it gets exciting

instead of using flip you use a diffrent ability called switch, this is where you are able to 'switch' your attacks meaning you once again stop time and you switch your attacks among players wich could give you a disadvantage or an advantage.

GE: i think you may of released to much

TN: no not at all infact that isnt even the basics of it, infact it isnt even how the battle system will actually work, ok it will have that exact system but you would use it diffrently to how it has been set out in the game.

People respond with some skepticism.

Next, someone begins to persistently edit the Wikipedia entry for FFXIII with absurd, sourceless information about the battle system of the game, which it claims is called "Stop Fusion". It uses the Gamerz Envelope article as its source (even though there is no mention of that term in the "interview"). Interestingly, one of Moogle Kupo's early posts includes the comment "i think that the battle system will be a new one wich i call stop-fusion". Hm.

It gets better though. Moogle Kupo next turns his sight on the newly created FF-XIII.net forums.

How Final Fantasy XIII Versus will work ... guess what people! THERE WILL BE PARTIES! Who'd have thought?
Moogle Kupo is upset because his "interview" about Agito wasn't taken seriously
States that FFX was "the first true Final Fantasy"; promptly gets mauled (and rightly so!).
Moogle Kupo arrives with some important information about FFXIII Haeresis ... a game which we only know the name of, and nothing else.
Just in case you don't want to wait for legitimate scansalations of Japanese articles, Moogle Kupo went to Babelfish and back just for you!

Despite the fact that pretty much no one takes him seriously, Mr. Kupo continues to work hard to provide us with up-to-date information from the mysterious Gamerz Envelope organization. Aren't we lucky?

On a final note, a genuine interview with the Fabula Nova Crystallis developers was translated into English (without aid of Babelfish) and released today. Moogle Kupo had some comments:

hmm yes good interveiw.

I remember watching them interveiw Nomura and the others while i was preparing my Interveiw with him, but it seems he was much more open with me than he was with them, i wonder why that is.

I wonder why, too.