Meet Wentworth Miller, improbably named hot star of FOX's even more improbable Prison Break. Many of Wentworth's fans are so batshit devoted that they've been banned from discussing him on some Prison Break forums, and have inflicted multiple and insane sock puppets on others.

Wentworth is 35 years old, appears to never date, engages in frequent ambiguous pronoun usage about his love life (he's never found the right PERSON! he doesn't have time to date ANYONE! etc), cites a sextegenarian British theater diva as his ideal woman, and names board games, Starbucks, and Oz DVD marathons as some of his favorite things. Also, on a TOTALLY UNRELATED and inexplicable note, he's been plagued by persistent gay rumors for years! It's a mystery, people. I got nothin'.

Because of the persistent rumors, infamous gay Hollywood gossip blogger Perez Hilton has targeted him on numerous occasions, most recently throwing down the gauntlet, getting specific and naming names: Wentworth Miller is gay and has been in a secret relationship with TR Knight's ex-boyfriend, Luke MacFarlane of Brothers and Sisters "fame", for the last six months. ( The post, for those of you who don't want to visit PH's site. )

It's a challenge to find Wentworth fandom wankery, because the subject of Wentworth's maybegayness is verboten on almost all the LJ communities and all his major fanforums are locked down and require registration, precluding a great deal of wank. Also, disappointingly, though there are many many threads about the Perez article on IMDB, the tone there is relatively sane/ resigned (but it's still IMDB - there are plenty of wank nuggets to be found scattered in the 100s of pages on the subject). ONTD posters are being unusually sanguine. What's a Fandom_Wanker to do? Lucky for us, the ladies over on the First Church of Wentworth Miller boards have managed to work themselves up into quite the collective lather over this, thus saving the day. Witness!:

ZOMG anyone who believes Wentworth Miller is gay is 'a fucking moron'!!!1!1!11!2!

While I acknowledge the numerous 'highly suspect Dial-A-Pap[arazzi] setups with random women', I think these gay rumors are crazypants.

Whatever, it's just a bunch of loser gay bloggers that care about this, and who cares what they think? Except that he should TOTALLY SUE FOR DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER.

Can't Luke MacFarlane just get back together with T.R. Knight so we can put this nightmare behind us?

Personal favorite: I'm with Primula on the idea of suing PH for defamation of character. While I'm not a fan of Tom Cruise, I admire him for taking legal action against any one who even suggests he may play for the other team. (!!!!!!!!!)

The solution here is obvious: Wentworth Miller needs to marry Penelope Cruz as soon as possible. Y/N?

So Joanna Krupa, playmate and ex-girlfriend of Jensen Ackles (the fish-fucking, hobo-wrestling, coke-addicted pregnant hermaphrodite) has posed nude for the latest PETA ad compaign, slogan: "I'd rather go naked than wear fur."

mddevi posts a link to the campign in the community entirelyjensen, finishing off by asking (in bolded, enlargened font) 'How could have Jensen and her been a couple at one time?'

At first, community members play relatively nice, some defending Joanna by pointing out how happy she appears to have made Jensen, or how 'She's doing something she believes in.' Some mumble about how "it's not much of a stretch for someone who gets photographed nude for a living to say she's "rather be naked"".

At least, right up until potthead comments with 'What a skank. >___>;;'

( Cut for length )

Oh dear, actors make the best wank. Kevin Sorbo talks about Lucy Lawless (who played Xena) and Robert Tapert (writer of said show) and husband of Lucy.


And he's not bitter at all, noooo.

Sorbo played Hercules, and was the star and later the creative person who screwed up took creative control over Andromeda .


“She started having an affair with him down in New Zealand. She left her husband and he left his wife of 15 years. So that’s how that whole thing got together.” “I busted my ass on Hercules and during Season Five, I almost died doing it,” he continues. “I had an aneurism that exploded in my body that almost killed me. I think I’m a good enough actor that he can put me in a secondary part in one of his feature films. It would be nice if he did that.”

Later:

I have friends that I’ve held over from that show forever and I have nothing but great memories of working in New Zealand. we will conveniently forget the furor he caused in the NZ press when he said that he found the country dull and implied it a little backward

Acting, such a lovely profession.

ETA: And if anyone is interested in the reaction in LJ-Land, the article was posted on the Xenites community here. Predictably fans aren't impressed.

The part of Prince Caspian for the next Narnia film has been cast and was announced yesterday on Narniaweb. (Going to a unknown, primarily stage actor).

Some people there take the casting news okay. Many don’t however, some whining about the actor's real age (25), some about his previous/current acting role (in which the part he’s playing is "quite racy") and some complaining - and on imdb literally screaming - about the fact that he isn’t *gasp* blonde! (Never mind that the casting people have been saying for months they were looking for someone who looked of Mediterranean looks or descent.)

ETA: All links fixed. (Damn MS Word :p)

Everywhere a douche douche!

A few night ago, Jared Leto choked Elijah Wood for insulting his band and his brother. (And no one recorded it? Come on, who else would love to watch that girlfight?) There are small bursts of wank in the comments there (a little popup box,) but plenty more to come on other sites, trust me on this. A little bit of "Jared rules" "No Elija Rules!" over at bestweekever., and the implication by someone named "Stephen" that this has maybe more to do with Jared's brother than the actual band. ("I stood about three feet from Elijah Wood’s table all night and saw this tense exchange. The only words I could make out over the music were Jared Leto’s “That’s my f’ing brother, man!” It was intense, and absolutely awesome.") I like a few of those comments. ( Here are some of my favorites. )

Elijah's fans don't have too much to say at his forum aside from that they were worried he might have gotten hurt.

Not so at the 30 Seconds to Mars forum, where everyone's got their willy out 24/7 ready to start wanking. ( Starting on page two of the gossip thread...... )

( But when it really gets going is when someone calling themselves jaredsdouche starts a thread. )

The wank is almost as much fun as trying to picture Jared Leto and Elijah Wood trying to beat each other's scrawny ass and probably end up crying in each other's arms.

THERE'S MORE! Some "Echelon" is upset that Fandom Wank talked smack about Jared hitting women! I don't know where that comment came from (am I gonna have to lose my impartiality and start to actively hate Leto?) but you have angered TEH EHECLONZ!@@@!! (Except that most of them are telling himherit to shut the fuck up already.)

And I fixed the italics. Go me.

David Hewlett, who plays Rodney on Stargate: Atlantis, is one of the nicer sorts of fannish celebs: approachable, inclined to provide a place for his fans to hang out around him, pleasantly geeky, and reasonably unflappable. You know what this means, of course: wank. Having previously weathered the storm of his own nudity being displayed to him (yes, it seems he is aware he has a penis), it seems the fans are determined to move on to challenging his zen with that old fannish standby: fanfic.

However, this is not his story.

It is the story of a fanfic awards site, a woman determined to talk about it, and some of the consequences.

It all begins on David Hewlett's aforementioned forums, with Icarus. Icarus starts a thread titled 'Fandom Security' which initially seems to be a discussion of steps to take to keep your real life and your fannish life from colliding, but doesn't stay to that topic for long. Amusingly, a major immediate tangent is how crazy vast parts of fandom are, and how important it is to take steps to protect yourself from people who don't understand how to be polite and sensible members of fannish society--and how to interact politely and sensibly with actors and other TPTBs. Other discussions this thread naturally launches into are such obvious topics as the OOC-ness of slash and the reasons to read and enjoy fic at all. Naturally, it starts to go wanky as early as page three, when an un-named Visitor shows up to question the wisdom of having this discussion on this forum at all:

"I maintain that certain aspects of fandom should be kept within fandom circles, fanfiction -- especially any type of het/slash fiction -- being one of them. Not strictly for legal reason, though those are still possibly a concern.

It also seems that people are still confusing this site with other fandom forums. This is not an extension of fandom in the form of an official site. It is an official site venturing into fandom space."

Pages and pages of argument ensue. I can't even begin to recap them, and really, why would anyone want me to? It's nothing particularly new. No, the different kicks in when Icarus, who is obviously a special child, decides that in the middle of this argument is a perfect time to start a new thread--this one pimping the Stargate Fan Awards, which will be announcing their winners soon. Her reasons for posting are fairly obvious--she mentions right on page one of her earlier thread that she's been nominated--and course the reaction is fairly obvious too, especially since she forgot to log in when starting the thread....

crownglass39: "Is it wise to be posting a link to such a large fanfic forum here?
I've heard authors request that people not link to their fic at the dgeek site, and this is a rather large repository for said fic. "
Vistor: "Thank you, I was just about to make the same request. This is exactly the sort of thing that a large number of us do not want posted to this site. Several authors friends are concerned about this link being here and ask that you take it down."
Hanes: "No one can edit a post created as a Visitor."
Visitor: "Ah. Right. Well played."

Icarus's reaction to all of this?

"It should be fine. It's not a direct link to any specific fic.

Many authors I know are just fine with their stories here. There's a whole fanfiction archive on Gateworld.

If anyone wants the thread edited, Hanes has a point. I was logged out mid-post and can't edit it. They can petition David. He's the only one who can remove it."

There's only one thing left to do now--it's time for it to go to LJ! lamardeuse has a poll in which the commenters feel strongly about this--very strongly, in some cases. And amireal hates it and just wants it all to go away, but with someone like this involved, I believe she may be overly optimistic:

[in response to a suggestion they just shouldn't discuss fanfic on this forum]
"It's a terrible idea. This is why we don't have gay marriage in the U.S. and two friends of mine stand to lose their kid if one of them dies, no matter who actually raised him -- because a few people are offended at the idea of two men (or two women) married to each other."

Made with the assistance of the mice of lol_meme and wank_report. They will find links for cheese. Or even just to alleviate the boredom.

(My first wank! *beam* Kinda small though...)

Over on IMDb, someone comments on the movie "Meet the Feebles," directed by Peter Jackson in 1989. The poster states that this was the worst piece of *bleep* that s/he has ever seen and that Jackson should give back his award he won FOR A LATER MOVIE.

( Peter Jackson, you're a sick freak and didn't deserve that award! BTW I LOVE YOUR MOVIES!!!1one )



The OP never showed up again, but many came to defend Peter Jackson's good name:

( As seen here )


----------


( And here )


----------


( Some friendly advice )


----------


( Still, some don't like him. I hear pigs don't like him either. )

Though the post is two years old, people still respond to this day.

Some comments are deleted by the admins... one wonders what they were about. Ah well.


All in all, a small wank. But all of the comments are great.

Gerard Butler (probably best known at this point from The Phantom of the Opera) has extremely devoted fans who call themselves "Tarts." They hold conventions, show up at movie sets, they swarm talk-show tapings, and have started ganging up at film festival screenings so heavily that they're actually getting mentioned in news articles. Frequently they get into contests of oneupmanship--I met him at the taping, well I got him to kiss me, well I met his mother, and so on--at the gerardbutler.net forums. I'll digress for a moment to tell you my favorite story is how they once said that he was a "precious butterfly" who brought them together to, I presume, stare at him while he flutters around in a Mason jar. This was before they printed out several hundred pages of forum threads, IIRC, bound them together, and presented them to him.

(Wait, I lied. My favorite story is about the article where a Tart actually told a journalist that she has life-size dolls of him.) (ETA: AIEEEEE.)

"Does Gerard Butler think his fans are ‘crazy’?"

Yes. Yes, he does.

As the OP at ONTD then notes, "What was their reaction? According to the person who e-mailed me, they were horrified and set up new rules for their community." The rules (see link for full text) were leaked by an anonymous tipper:

Somebody e-mailed all of this to me, afraid to speak out because she didn’t want to be banned from the community! [My note: The forums are already pretty well known for "disappearing" posts that don't toe the party line.] To quote her:

However, know in advance that, if you accept this mission a legion of porculent grandmas and twiggy tweens will plague your life. It's drama...but a) they were asking for it and b) I firmly believe that it is just the brand of petty-bitchery that makes ONTD such giddy fun.

Petty bitchery, you say? Here begins the naming of names. (Scroll down to "LadyKatheryne.")


ETA: It's IMDB wank, but you get to see the players in action.

"What kind of weirdo would go chasing off to Scotland?" "I DID!" And they're off. Hang in there as the conversation changes from "You're crazy" to "No, we're not" to "Oh God, it's the gb.net people!" and thence to "Also, you are OLD."

The Man is changing like a magnificent Butterfly! I told y'all.

Thanks to Witchery Bitchery for the extra links.

Some bloody good ohnotheydidnot wank. NSFW.

A member posts topless pics of Clemence Poesy (aka Fleur Delacour, for those who have managed to avoid GoF hype for as long as humanly possible).

pink_dog wanks: Pff. Well, I don't think I'd want my 8 year old little brother finding these when he googles Fleur.

Others respond. Something makes me want to find screencaps of the many films in which David Thewlis has been butt-ass naked. Or a psychopath. Or a rapist. Or an alcoholic. Or a gangster who drops taxis on people.

Some other charming quotes:

your tits look deformed. and you are FAR from skinny, sorry love.

jeeze, nice freckles/moles. ewww

I am willing to bet every single cent of money I have that Clemence Poesy is a million times hotter than either of those posters.

Meet Sharon (aka Coymoon and Parielle), the webmistress at martoncsokas.net. Sharon is revolutionizing the terms “ownership” and “copyright” by applying her own unique blend of fannish entitlement to them. Sharon feels that “owns” any and all pictures of Marton Csokas (the guy who played Celeborn in LotR) posted on the web because, well she does all the hard work of finding and reposting (and watermarking!) them to martoncsokas.net.
( LotR, you always bring the crazy. How I <3333 thee )

EDIT: One of own wankas real life run in with Sharon!

EDIT THE SECONDI: This isn't the first time Sharon's had a bitchfit about someone "stealing" her work
EDIT the trilogy
Sharon's UPDATED! She took down the banned list and several of ktnb's stolen piccies, but added this screed:

EXPOSED: For your information, the sabotaging and looting of this web site is definitely discouraged. I stand by this popular Internet decorum - Among webmasters, there exists a prevailing courtesy against the "looting" of a legitimate web site for photos and information to be used on satellite web sites. Though this cannot be enforced, we do proceed in good faith relying on integrity, ethical behavior and respect for one another's work. I really hate to stamp all these photos, but we all know there's always a few rotten eggs in every basket. It's shocking to realize what a so-called fan can do to desecrate and violate the dignity of their favorite actor(s) by their sick fantasies. Click here for a sample but be forewarned that it's very graphic. The gal who did this composite actually wrote me and offered to make up some pics of Marton for the Archives. Pathetic, eh? Seems they prefer Vin Diesel as a partner for Marton. And just for the record, the Archives has absolutely NO affiliation with these undesirable CULT FANDOMS (yes, strange but true) present among forums, journals, diaries, guestbooks, message boards, picture shrines, and pornographic fanfiction, photos or drawings, that seek to denigrate and vilify Mr. Csokas's good name and character. This should remind you that there's a very dangerous element in today's Internet culture. It's called ANONYMITY. It allows a person to dabble in whatever evil behavior they want because consequences don't exist when nobody knows them.

So now she scrawls her name across the pictures to PROTECT Marton! Wow, she really is his number one fan...
Or has just completely lost her marbles.

It seems that Jessica Simpson is up for the role of Dazzler in X3, and the people over at Rangerboard (which is a Power Rangers forum) are in a tizzy....for the most part. We get randomness of "Charmed sucks", "Jessica is better Britney" and "Britney sucks"(which is followed by members gleefully waiting for one of the admins who is a Britney fanatic to see it....seems he takes high offense at peeps slagging off Britney), defending of ickle Jessica, and debate over who in the X-Men movies are actually B-list actors.....

http://www.rangerboard.com/showthread.php?t=41258&page=1&pp=20

Its small, but its funny......

ETA the actual link to the wank....its been a long day.