Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock
because we think "Fandom is Fucking Funny" is not taking it far enough
[User Info] [Recent Entries] [Friends] [View Subjects] [Archive]

Tuesday, October 6th, 2009

I'm the King of the Wank!

tetradecimal
This story brought to you by a lot of Farkers.

Hey, F_W, remember Jack Thompson? He's a longtime activist and former attorney, who has in the past expressed his disapproval of such injustices as rap music, radio shows, the HOMOSEXUALS! gays, the Pixelantes (?), moms, Dennis McCauley, "culture war Pearl Harbor pigeons" Japan, the wimmenz, video games, flowers, the Florida Bar Association, small letter "M"s, people who are not Real Men, and, of course, the Satan.

The Wank:
His latest icecapades involve Facebook. Specifically, one group on Facebook called "I Hate Jack Thompson", in which someone apparently posted, "Jack Thompson should be smacked across the face with an Atari 2600".* Thompson responded by personally faxing Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg to have the postings removed. And comparing himself to Barack Obama.

( But wait, there's more! )
(159 comments | Leave a comment)

Monday, October 5th, 2009

[info]sepiamagpie
Dearest little wankahs, what makes a perfect wank?

I'm not asking this because I'm trying to perfect a Get Wank Quick scheme*, though. Honest.



*Voodoo, not trolling.
(203 comments | Leave a comment)

Also I know the ponies hate me

[info]ari_o
snatched from [info]wank_report

"Someone" posts a secret (#114 now bahleeted--caps?) on [info]fandomsecrets and the image is stored on her easily identifiable photobucket account. She claims to be lonely and not have any friends and she wishes the Avatar characters were her RL friends. But she means local friends, not imaginary intarweb bitches her LJ friends.

Responses are mostly of the "Oh, snap!" variety except for the "What am I? Chopped liver?" one. It's really a very mild response though [info]yukinoomoni is outed by name.

( She doesn't overreact at all: )

eta: F_W is not your therapist. If you can't lol at a wank maybe you need to go for a walk. I thought this was funny. lol sociopath.
(415 comments | Leave a comment)

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

Hermione Granger - Voldemort in the making

[info]mariem_1
A Slytherfan [info]terri_testing writes an essay The Wizarding World and the Otherworld, where she argues that Harry Potter books are horror, not fantasy and that Hogwarts is like the school where the Native American children were brainwashed:

( Read more )

The essay provokes a chorus of "I agree"s and complaints about JKR's treatment of Snape:

[info]mary_j_59 (see "Good night, sweet prince, And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!")

This is brilliant, Terri! And absolutely consistent. You know, my sister and I went to hear Rowling, Irving and King in NYC, and we both liked John Irving (reading from Owen Meany) best. Now the reason is clear. Rowling is actually a horror writer, like King, and I do not like horror. Still less do I like horror disguised as a children's fantasy quest. Irving, on the other hand, was writing in the great tradition of picaresque novels - a tragicomedy with a moral core.

But what I still wonder is: did (and does) Rowling know that she has actually written a dystopion/horror story? Somehow I don't think she realizes this.

[info]condwiramurs/[info]00sevvie

I second the 'brilliant' comment. And I highly doubt Rowling is aware of what she has actually written. She is too utterly blind to the reasons we like Severus, for example, to have any clue that she may have written something different from what her perfect picture of her work in her head is. I'm sure she thinks we're just getting it 'wrong.'

[info]oryx_leucoryx (see Cry the Beloved Slytherins)

So if Severus Snape actually survived Nagini's bite, returned to the Muggle world and became some kind of counselor to delinquent youth or someone who runs an anti-bullying program (by working both with victims and perpetrators) he would be a hero with a rather protracted but complete journey? Starting out as the victim of neighborhood bullies (I doubt Petunia was the only one who knew that the strangely dressed kid was the Snape boy from Spinner's End) who must have dreamed that magic would solve his problems, learned that magic simply gave bullies more dangerous/'interesting' ways to hurt people, played a key role in getting rid of the biggest bully in the magical playground and came home to use non-magical ways against bullies?
***
bohemian_spirit has some fics in that general direction - in her 'Light Between the Cracks' series Severus Snape of canon years was secretly married to a Muggle school teacher and while at his Muggle home watched over the neighborhood children. And in her 'Professor Grunge' Severus immigrates to the US instead of joining the Death Eaters. He studies at a wizarding university and becomes a teacher who fights bullying and uses music to assist in magical healing.

But the real fun starts when [info]night_train_fm decides to argue with [info]terri_testing and says, among other things:

'Hermione exiling her parents to Australia'
She did that because she was terrified (with good reason) of the DEs coming after them: Voldemort was taking over the government, had already ordered several public mass-Muggle-killings, and anyone remotely connected to Harry was a potential target. According to Jo, Hermione reversed the spell ASAP once the threat was over. For that matter, is it ever outright stated that she didn't sit down and discuss it with them first?

That doesn't go well.

( Hermione is teh ebil! )
(945 comments | Leave a comment)

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

How do you like hat?

tetradecimal
We ask, and wank_report provides.

Team Fortress 2 is an online FPS game in which two teams made up of nine different classes attempt to blast each other into comical bloody oblivion. TV Tropes says it best:

"Two corporations erect fortresses 10 yards from each other and then send waves of men to kill each other to steal a briefcase out of the opposing fort's basement."

Now add hats, equipable items that were introduced earlier in the year that change the appearance of a character and serve no other purpose whatsoever. But they're rare drops, man -- you could be on for hours and not see hide nor hair of a precious, precious hat.

( Do you smell what The Rock is cooking? )
In conclusion: hats!
(165 comments | Leave a comment)

Saturday, August 22nd, 2009

Paula makes more sense than this.

[info]loquaciousquark
Say you're a member of ontd_ai and you're getting a bit tired of the fanfic posts, the idol appreciation posts, the way a particular mod runs things, and anything else you feel doesn't fit the ~true spirit~ of the community. There's only one thing to do!

Start a super-secret elite comm where you and 26 of your friends (including some ontd_ai mods) can plan the upheaval of the 5000-member community, including abrupt fanfic banning and gif trolling of appreciation posts and anyone who objects, or course!

This involved heavily trolling an appreciation post for Megan, one of the AI competitors from the latest season, with gifs and insults. EDIT2: Found it! There are pockets of drama all over the place, but the big stuff is on page six here.

( this is getting long, so i'm cutting it )
(384 comments | Leave a comment)

Saturday, July 25th, 2009

Russell T. Davies: Tinhat SPN Wincest Shipper! In other news, Torchwood wank.

[info]twinno
( Spoilers for Torchwood and oh god great linky madness within. Enter at your own risk. )

This post brought to you by the ridiculously helpful mousies on [info]wank_report, the letter W and the number 4. (The W is for wut and 4 is how many cups of coffee I've already had today).
(574 comments | Leave a comment)

Friday, July 24th, 2009

It's a wank of two halves

[info]caudipteryx
A minor wank, but with tasty bits of hilarity.

Football (or soccer to everyone on the other side of the Atlantic) is an integral part of British culture. There's few things fans find more enjoyable than spending a Saturday standing in the rain watching your team lose again before going off to the pub for pie and a pint. It's serious business.

Southampton FC (aka the Saints) have been going through some hard times. The club is in desperate need of a buyer, or risks being shut down. They find one, but right before the final whistle it pulls out. Saints fans are distraught:

"OMG!!!!!! that officially says THIS IS IT!!!! Saints is FINISHED!!! I cant believe it! no one is buying saints its finished!!"

"Here i am led on my couch on my laptop, tears in my eyes knowing that i have seen my beloved saints for the last time..."

"BLUE SQUARE
YOU SAW ME CRYING ALONE
WITHOUT A DREAM IN MY HEART
WITHOUT A CLUB OF MY OWN"


Then, amidst the wailing and gnashing of teeth, someone raises their voice:

"Amazing how quickly the post-count on any Saints story rises. It's only a game, peoples"

( The crowd's not happy! )

I think what makes the whole thing amusing is that the comments are clearly being trolled, but nobody save TSF notices and so take it at face value. That and the sheer vitriol being hurled at anybody they think is to blame for SFC's troubles. Oh wank, you do show up in the strangest places.
(76 comments | Leave a comment)

Sunday, July 19th, 2009

Red Dwarf Wank Redux

[info]telegramsam
Remember the first-ever Red Dwarf wank from a while ago?

Well, Norman Lovett is, unsurprisingly, still not happy about Back to Earth and his absence there within.

Only this time it's some of the fans he's having a go at -

( None of you understaaaaaand!! )

And of course somebody has to bump the original wank thread to add to the general nastiness, because the most logical course of action here is to continue talking about it and feeding into the whole mess. Who wants to bet they put yet another 5 pages onto it?

ETA: More fans getting in on the mudslinging. Fun times, folks, fun times.

Ugh. My poor happy little fandom. D:


ETA II: A small related funny - Some fan starts a new thread asking the messageboard admin about "Norman-gate" to... what's the exact opposite of thunderous applause?
(67 comments | Leave a comment)

Monday, May 11th, 2009

why am I seething with this animosity?

[info]ari_o
I went to [info]wank_report to see if there was anything else around besides Our Lady of Perpetual Aggrivation's bullshit.

And lo, I bring you tidings of great joy... or Trent Reznor vs. Stalkerchick on Twitter.

( stale incense old sweat and lies lies lies )
(364 comments | Leave a comment)

Monday, April 20th, 2009

Some tasty Red Dwarf wank (with extra actor!wank sauce)

[info]telegramsam
This is still fairly contained at the moment, but I anticipate much wankiness shall blossom as time passes...

As I'm sure most geeks and people with televisions living in the UK know, UK satellite channel Dave recently aired 3 new episodes of sci-fi sitcom Red Dwarf, which has not seen the light of day since about oh 1999 or 2000 if I'm not mistaken.

Fans cheer, all is happy in Red Dwarf town

Except in the corner inhabited by former "Holly" actor Norman Lovett, who is apparently rather pissed off about not being invited to the tea party. Blogs were posted trashing the new specials and his former coworkers, and subsequently deleted (anybody who has screencaps of these shall receive internet cookies) on his myspace page and several comments are passed around between Norman and his myspace pals, including this gem on Martin Curran's page in response to Curran's asking as to what happened to his disappearing blogs:

Apr 9 2009 4:12 PM

I put up info that I didn't mean to because it's for my autobiog which I'm working on at the moment. I can let you know that I will not be working with RD/GrantNaylor again as I have been treated appallingly by them over the years and there comes a time when it has to end.
Cheers, Norman

And of course the fans have to get in on the action on the official website forum, trotting out such insults as "miserable, bitter, old bastard" and that he's always been a "moaning git", and surprisingly few of them coming to defend someone they apparently liked just a week or two ago. Speculation that this is all just hype to sell his new upcoming bare-all book is mentioned.

It's a tiny wank as of yet but if speculation that Dave will be ordering a full new series of Red Dwarf bears out, and when that book hits the shelves, I suspect a delightful three-ring circus act on behalf of the happy little Red Dwarf fandom. I shall be making popcorn if anybody wants any.

ETA: The forum thread (including a previous wanky thread) has supposed excerpts copied from his deleted blogs, if anybody's interested, ( including these fun little messages: )
(200 comments | Leave a comment)

Friday, April 3rd, 2009

Slash fans? That's sick! TPTB says so.

[info]ryuutchi
I come bearing fresh Supernatural wank, because I'm sure none of you are tired of it by now.

A little background: The most recent episode, entitled "The Monster at the End of This Book", was pretty much "A Very Meta Supernatural". It involved ( Spoilers, and lots of juicy crazy follow herein )

( Wherein some fans hate the show like they've never hated a show before )
mood: Amazed
(1481 comments | Leave a comment)

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009

HEAR YE, HEAR YE!

[info]sepiamagpie
Oh fair and forgiving denizens of fandom wank, it has come time for us to choose a new champion. Or a new mod, at least. You may have noticed us fading away, like beautiful unicorns. But no more!

Before you are the tasks three that must be completed for consideration:

1. You must locate a truly funny wank. It may be in our archives.
2. A golden apple. You may be creative.
3. Ten disney icons (edit: This can also be Pixar). Sep wants disney icons.

Those that complete this task will be brought before the oracle of Phosfate to hear their fate!




There will be prizes for participation, although they are best described as 'crappy'. Oh, and the mod prize.

AND WE'RE DONE. PRIZES IN NEXT POST

(240 comments | Leave a comment)

Friday, September 29th, 2006

Usagi Kou. 'Nuff said.

[info]narcissam
It's that time of year again. The time of year when we all draw up our chairs and watch another outbreak of Usagi Kou wank.

Usagi Kou's friend Sonnya is no longer her friend and wants everyone to know Lori is a leech and a parasite.

The Klou Kou Clan is circling around giving their opinions for and against Usagi Kou, who is either the leech who leeched their life spirits away, or the only reason they go on living. And D.J. Ranmas has shown up with nude pictures of Usagi Kou. Yes, you read that right. Hold on to your seats.

ETA: Usagi Kou responds in her usual mature manner.
(734 comments | Leave a comment)

Sunday, June 25th, 2006

Of real life yaoi, transsexuals, and someone who has read TOO much yaoi manga...

[info]ladyofviolets
Ganked from [info]clairvoyantwank!

[info]ashleyvsdestiny makes an apparently innocent question in the [info]yaoi comm at LJ: Like, people do you think REAL YAOI BOYS exist? I mean, I'm like an uke, with long blond bangs, yet only straight guys like me, like WTF...

People, naturally, aren't exactly kind to the OP. Like [info]toxictatoo, who starts raising his doubts: Could this be because, gasp, real life gay men prefer manly partners? And because this is REAL LIFE, not yaoi manga? What do you mean with *yaoi lifestyle, BTW?

[info]ashleyvsdestiny: Imagine boys who are somewhat feminin in apperance and could pass as girls under a lot of circumstances without looking out of place. Boys who are soft and harmless and cute looking. Boys, who to discribe them, you could only come up with the word 'Uke' even though you know 'yaoi words' should never actually apply anthing you've seen in the real world. (Yes, this is copy/paste from her reply to TT).

[info]da_rosas: O RLY?! Yanno, yaoi only exists in FANTASY! But why don't you ask, like, some FtM transsexuals?

[info]ashleyvsdestiny: NO, NO, NO, NO! Transsexuals? EWWWWWWW! NOT bishie enough!

[info]tasukikou: STFU N00B!!!111 What have transsexuals ever done to you!?

It pretty much goes downhill from there.

BONUS TRACK! More transsexuals bashing in [info]ashleyvsdestiny's LJ. OH, DON'T GO THERE, GIRLFRIEND.

ETA2: MORE transsexuals bashing. In a post very adequately named "Fucking Transsexuals".

ETA3: Look what happens when the OP posts some pics of... herself?! It's a GIRL?! WRYYYYY!? Bonus explanation about gay slang inserted here.

There is NO damn God.
mood: Petty
music: The prelude to the Portugal v/s Netherlands match
(1662 comments | Leave a comment)

Friday, September 17th, 2004

You're destroying fledgling authors, you bitches!

[info]limyaael
Yes, deleterius wank again!

A new user appears. User is obviously a troll. User posts a story about how Deleterius members destroy young authors' hopes and dreams in the community.

There's all the usual lessons from Troll school: Deleterius members are obviously ugly, can't get laid, and geeks who know what Tolkien would have wanted written in fanfiction- the same accusations the troll makes in her LJ bio.

You'd think they'd at least come up with original accusations.
mood: *sporfle!*
(50 comments | Leave a comment)

Wednesday, January 21st, 2004

When old wank becomes new... and fizzles.

[info]martianhousecat
In the beginning, there was PISA and all was good. Peter Pettigrew fans were united in rat-positive discussion and Cedar (
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a href">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

In the beginning, there was <a href="http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=52421">PISA</a> and all was good. Peter Pettigrew fans were united in rat-positive discussion and <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/cedarlibrarian/">Cedar</a> (<a href"=http://www.thedarkarts.org/authorLinks/Cedar/Symphonie_Fantastique/">Symphonie Fantastique</a>) and <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/webbapettigrew/">Webba</a> (<a href="http://www.schnoogle.com/authorLinks/Webba/">The Devil's Deal</a>), two of the more popular writers of Peterfic, were good friends. They even talked about doing a presentation about Peter at Nimbus 2003.

Then Cedar, not Webba, was chosen to do a <a href="http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=25239&highlight=Nimbus">modifed presentation</a>, and things went sour. Webba insinuated that Cedar stole her work and that Webba was the only one capable of properly representing Peter at the convention. Cedar implied that Webba was a nutter and a backstabby bitch. Ad infinitum ad nauseum until <a href="http://www.mr-squirrel.org/webba.html">friends got involved</a> (including me, oy!).

Miraculously, it all went away until <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/mollymoon/">Mollymoon</a>, a friend of Cedar's, made <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/mollymoon/65010.html">this post</a> about wanting to be matched up with Webba in a <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/hpbnfdm_lives/">deathmatch</a>. <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/ani_bester/">Ani_Bester</a> jumps in to call Molly a drama queen. Molly is annoyed and <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/mollymoon/69386.html">asks</a> if anyone has link to a saved copy of one of Webba's old rants. Webba decides its time to apologize to Cedar for her behaviour. In Molly's journal.

A puzzling end to months of vague, quasi-wank.
(2 comments | Leave a comment)

Sunday, January 4th, 2004

Rape rapefic writers with knives!

[info]eljuno
I got bored a little while ago, and started plugging random things into the livejournal interests search. Being a masochist, one of the first things I tried was "Anti-RPS"

Via this search, I found Anti_Fandomrape, a community basically dedicated to being against everything-we-don't-like. All the major flamewars are sitting here, just WAITING...slash, RPS, chan/lolita...

And, of course, Rapefic.

The level of insanity to which Calimante (who I really, REALLY wish I could believe was JUST a crazy troll, rather than a crazy troll with "extras") takes it to is just...unique.

( Really, really...unique... )

Needless to say, even people who are anti-rapefic find all this a little bit creepy. And we get probably the wordiest fuckin' wank I've seen in a LONG time. Massive blocks of text, each creepier than the last. Also, Calimante is one of those people who's FAR too fond of using big pictures in posts.

Go have a look. It just keeps getting "better", and I don't even want to guess the number of [info]jurisimprudence laws that are broken in here, or how many can be inspired by it.

And be sure to keep an eye on anti_fandomrape. Methinks that, if it's not fully dead, it'll keep providing us with joy.

ETA: No way, I think we have a tie-in...

If you look over at this post on [info]i_wank, you can read about [info]rann's run-in with a whacko, who was very anti-rapefic, had a familiar looking use of grammar and insanity, and posted as Heinrich Walker.

Now, check what Calimante has under "name" on his Livejournal profile...and, now that I check, what Heinrich Walker has as his URL on the link [info]rann provided...

ETA2: Ladies, gentlemen and assorted sockpuppets, we have LJDrama. (Thanks to [info]flutterg for the heads up.)
mood: Amazed
music: The Strokes - Automatic Stop
(332 comments | Leave a comment)

[info]nikari
Quasi-Fur wank.

As I'm sure most here know, furries have a horrible reputation for being weird, and ugly.

Browsing randomly on my /friendsfriends list, I came across this entry, which I find extremely infuriating.

Furs have to try hard to not get laughed at after all the bad publicity, and this fur goes off like this calling people ugly left and right. Granted, some of them ARE quite ugly, but a handful are just normal, and he's tearing into them. Is there really a reason to be so needlessly hateful, ESPECIALLY considering he's associating himself with a group that is mostly looked down on for the same things he is attacking?
mood: boomtastic
music: X TV ost 2 - Last Battle
(56 comments | Leave a comment)

Saturday, January 3rd, 2004

Idol politics. It's like wank, in a way.

[info]firebad
Soooo ... Kelly Clarkson lost World Idol to a plumber from Norway with, according to one of the judges, "the voice of an angel and the face of a hobbit".

Which, as you know, is all about politics.

"How much are you willing to bet they invade Norway next week?"

"Come one people wat did Aretha teach us?"

And icons, naturally. This thread alone manages to include:

australian was a penal colony, sure. only way it can go is up. america was founded as a religious utopia, only way it could go was down. and by the looks of it...

Have a nice life in your beautiful country, I'm going to have a wonderful night in my nice little American house, having sex with my wonderful American fiance

oh, college? is that the american term for 'make our mummies and daddies pay for pen and paper and teacher while we have unprotected promiscuous sex and get stoned'?
mood: energetic
(61 comments | Leave a comment)
Previous 20 | Next 20