So I've been idly checking back here on and off all day to see if this wank's been reported yet, and finally decided I should just go ahead and write it up myself.

So, apparently, a big spoiler for the upcoming "Heroes" season finale broke on the interwebs yesterday. Today, the interwebs are responding in fine form, determined to break the "Heroes" writers right back.

Here, we have what started out as a spoiler wank, which has forked off into 'ship wanks, character hate wanks, an entitlement wank, and Fandom v. Fandom wank. Three Four wanks for the price of one!

( Runs a bit long. Also, do I really need to say that a spoiler wank will contain spoilers? )

I come bearing fresh Supernatural wank, because I'm sure none of you are tired of it by now.

A little background: The most recent episode, entitled "The Monster at the End of This Book", was pretty much "A Very Meta Supernatural". It involved ( Spoilers, and lots of juicy crazy follow herein )

( Wherein some fans hate the show like they've never hated a show before )

So, we've all seen the heights of frothiness that Transformers fans can reach, but what about the fanboys' fanboys?

First, Matt Moylan of the webcomic Lil' Formers posts a comic comparing the various incarnations of Optimus Prime.

Then, David Willis of Shortpacked! satirizes Matt's comic in one of his own.

Cue fanboy outrage, in both blogs of the involved artists. Multiple times.

And in the tfwiki.net talk page for Matt Moylan.

And in the wikipedia.net talk page for David Willis.

The heights of impotent nerd rage their fans reach on behalf of people with careers most of the fans would punch an elderly relative for is pretty hilarious.

WARNING: THERE ARE POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR LOST (IF YOU CARE ABOUT THAT SORT OF THING) HERE. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

ladylavinia aka ashmh posts a far, far too long essay in two LOST communities (each under a different username) about how Kate is evil and wrong for saying Aaron was her child and he should have ended up with his grandmother blah blah blah I am WAY too overinvested in Kate and her "eviltude" blah blah blah why did you post in two communities with two different usernames, troll?.

AngstGoddess003 is the author of the very popular Twilight fanfic Wide Awake - all-human AU, where Edward and Bella are so traumatized that they can't sleep and where "unicorn" is a euphemism for "orgasm". Not all people are impressed by this fic, though. There is even a hate community dedicated to it - boredawake (friends only).

AngstGoddess003 (http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1713572/AngstGoddess003) is getting multiple r00d private messages, and decided she'd take it upon herself to air out her dirty laundry in a fake-out Author's Note (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4627414/41/Wide_Awake) in which she does a surprising rendition of Stephenie Meyer's whiny note to the masses, after the leak of Midnight Sun. (http://stepheniemeyer.com/, 8-8-08 post) (C & P from wank_report).

The author's fans are enraged on behalf of their Goddess:

( What the fuck is WRONG with people?!?  )

The wank over the new Doctor Who has already begun.

Some like the new Doc, Others Don't

One Rants About Him Being a Crappy Choice

Another post says everyone needs to grow up

Another says DO.NOT.WANT

And the posts just keep on coming!

Still, I really wanted Paterson Joseph. :o

ETA 1: More screaming and capslock at Who_Anon!

ETA 2: More ugly wank at ONTD, with bonus Martha Jones wank

ETA 3: Macros at ihasatardis, including one of Matt and Billie!

ETA 4: Also Captain Jack has spoken! Bishy wank and age included!

ETA 5: Round 900 And Counting!

ETA 6: The missed Crafty Tardis wank post!

ETA 7: The Eleventh Doctor has enraged the internetz so much that even readers of The Sun are having a field day; Page 2 and Counting!

Boy, oh boy. May I present to you one of the most epic wanks ever to befall the Sims 2 community - the revolution involving Insimenator.net. Thanks to simscribe (Devilfish) and simmiesworld for the writeups. I've just made a few minor tweaks.

Be warned that this is a wank of epic proportions. It's hard to tell what happened when and who said what. I've given most attention to the facts that can be supported by screenshots. Hundreds of people were involved in this wank, everyone has their own opinions on it and events may or may not have occurred in the order described.

( Viva la Revolucion! )

Have fun!

Bit small compared to the past couple of wanks but full of fangirl rage and lulz.

Some information to better understand the wank. In Japan there is an agency called Johnny's that is the major male idol agency in the country. Most of the most popular boy bands are signed with them, one of these groups is called NEWS.

A few days ago a German NEWS fan chyco_chan decided to share scans from a German J-Pop magazine, that is notorious for poor research and nabbing whatever pictures they can find on the net for their magazine, as this time they snagged two pictures of NEWS/Kanjani8 member Ryo Nishikido for an article about gay life in Japan.

In the words of chyco_chan:

BUT why??? Ryo = gay??? XDDDD
That's bashing XD (not even by us sou~ XD)

She then tries to get people to contact Johnny's about the magazine to tell them about it in the comments as she's afraid of being blamed if the magazine goes out of business.

And then cue the fangirl rage and lols at the article in the seven pages of comments this post has spawned.

There is someone that questions the 'calling someone gay=bashing' of the OP but then goes on about homoerotic the pictures are, despite them being, y'know solo shots.

And we have some minor capslocking of rage against other fangirls by bugattack.

Plus rage against the magazine as this would 'hurt' Ryo if he ever saw it from yamapilovergyal.

And many, many 'Poor Ryo' and 'Johnny's should sue' than it's worth counting.

Berkeley Breathed's popular comic strip Opus has come to an end. The author had informed the readers through the strip and interviews in Salon, that it will all end with Opus finding his 'final resting place' in November 2. Many speculations were had through those weeks on where the said final resting place will be. (There was even a contest for people to guess it, on BerkeleyBreathed.com. The winner would have $10,000 donated to the animal shelter of their choosing.)

The last page was posted in Salon, the given time. However, the last panel wasn't. The readers were directed to go to www.humanesociety.org/opus in order to view the last panel showing Opus' fate. But they couldn't find it there, either.

People were not pleased

( I've been waiting for TWENTY TWO MINUTES now )

Soon, the panel is up for viewing.

Again, some folks are not pleased:

( 'maudlin crap' )

Berkley later responds in the comments section.

...And all sorts of wank breaks loose!

Of course, ONTD is on the scene with a cover of Clay and his (imho) adorable son Parker. There's also a video (which I'm afraid to load on my pee oh ess computer).

And then we find in the comments that obsessive Claymates really go over the top.

The Clayboard has placed a temporary ban on discussing the People article until all of the mods can be reached. They have to discuss how to handle the issue, or something.

And in this article by The New York Daily News, it's mentioned that the mother of baby Parker was inseminated using artificial insemination. (Awkward sentence, it is awkward.)

( ETAs under cut. )

From past Avatar, The Last Airbender wanks I'm sure people are familiar with Zutara the ship term for the characters Zuko, angsty teen villain turned hero of the show, and Katara, main female heroine of the series. It has had a very vocal fan following even when the creators began dropping anvil sized hints that the ship was not going to happen. But like stalwart tinhats before them they never gave up that Zutara was the one true pairing even if the creators did not know it.

KyokoMari over on her deviant art account made a lengthy post about how she doesn't hate the creators for not seeing the ship they so obviously created in the show and then swiftly turns around in the same post to rage against them. The boxset for the third and final season just came out and the commentary by the shows creators, Bryan and Mike, who have their own name squish of Bryke, laughed at bit at the Zutara shippers, which is what has set this Zutara shipper off.

( Some quotes from the rant. )

And the wank continues in the comments with people jumping on the bandwagon of bashing Bryan and Mike for being the meanies they are and a few death threats towards them thrown in for good measure.

What follows is an account written by swsa, a friend without a JF account, and it is such a classic take-the-money-and-run story that I present it to you unaltered (well, okay, I threw in some links).


In Moonlight fandom, their high priestess of campaigning is named Leeser. Leeser's status in the fandom grew and grew as she organized fan cons, did the leg work for their Variety ad, etc. She is absolutely beloved and a hero of their cause. Which is why another fan apparently felt secure enough to give her $11000 in order to pay for bus ads to run in L.A. ( This ends about as well as you might expect )

ETA ∞: I was waiting to update until the supposed Leeser-vindicating deadline this afternoon, but it looks like... I don't even know what. So:

The donor updates:

The ad agency has stated they cannot confirm whether the funds are available or not. The New York office is placing at least a 3-5 day hold on Lesser's account in order to verify funding with the bank, however it may be longer. They are now hoping to be able to post this account on Friday. The ads have arrived and are waiting in the warehouse. Lesser is aware of this. I am so angry at this moment I dare not say too much more. One thing I must say though is to Lesser: Shame on you! To put me through this is one of the most unconscionable deeds I have experienced in my life.

Also: Homophobia on Leeser's board? Convention money shenanigans? Sockpuppetry? (Note: the Blue Whale Pub board seems to be down at the moment.)

ETA ∞ +1: And now about $8K in convention funds cannot be accounted for. (More.) Yes, we are pretty sure this is not VB on the rampage again.

ETA ∞ +2: I think dhaunea called this one...

ETA ∞ +3:: The ads are going up on Monday?

ETA 9/29/08: Y'all, please somebody take this over and do a new entry or something. I can't keep up with all the board shenanigans now.

Another wank found on wank_report. A bit mild but it has fangirls full of rage.

Over on the Akame LJ community frythe_egg decided to translate some news for the English fandom as they were just furious that a Shanghai TV drama used an altered image of Japanese pop idol, Kazuya Kamenashi from the popular boy band KAT-TUN, for a funeral photo.

In the news report that is translated the blame for it is passed off to a props man where a lot of the fangirl rage is directed at. The props man did issue an apology but that is not enough for some fangirls as they cry over 'poor Kame', who they are sure is also crying over this as using his photo for this is like 'implying he is dead'. And none believe that the props man would have just grabbed any photo off the net to use and used Kame's picture with full knowledge of who he was.

A handful of quotes from the comments as people express their rage:

kat_tunatic said:

what the fuck is the problem in his brian?..
well sure now that kame is SOOOO popular almost all over in Asia..
how can they not know him?..

I seriously hate the guy who used is pic..
when I read this one it shocked me..

grr..
they better apologize because its all their fault first..

futari_love said:

WHAT THE ...
such crap.
i don't think an apology is enough!
that is one of my fav kame pic.
poor kame :(

katrinasacay said:

that guy better go and hang himself..

its like he killed kame already on peoples mind in china..darn..

and his apology is kind of fake..he wants to get sympathy from people by saying he loves his work.. *well, we love kame more than how much u love your work!*

ilukame said:

I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!! I want to kill that guy who prepared that!!!!!
but good thing that he apologize!!! but I haven't forgive him yet!!!!!!
I want him to RESIGN!!!! Yeah, you are truly working hard in the job that you love. But the person you used as a props in a funeral is working hard too!!! I hate this!!! I was really hurt by this... it was like "KAME DIED in that scene..." COME ON!!!!!!!

There's also a mix of sane fans that aren't flipping out and some finding it rather amusing.

Here's a recent addition to Torchwood wankage, brought to you by a kind anonymouse who submitted it to wank_report, only this time with the added bonus of plagiarism on behalf of the unofficial torchwood guide author.

Funtimes as someone publishes an unofficial guide to Torchwood. Containing pages of reviews from fans on livejournal without their permission.
Amazon.com version
UK Amazon.com version

People are less than pleased.

whereas some are quite happy to be featured.

Leave the author alone!

Differing views of copyright laws

People suggesting going to the tabloids to get their own back.

Meme view:

Reply from author


Oh dear. I'd like to see what'll happen if this bloke makes a fortune on this guidebook and who will be the first LJer to actually initiate a lawsuit. Should be an interesting case to watch on the evening news.

I'm surprised nobody has picked up this wank from wank_report. I don't really know the fandom so I'm just going by what I could find in the links given.

Stargate Atlantis has been canceled.

Queue the wank from the fans over the announcement which can be found in the comments over at GateWorld and Joe Mallozzi's blog (a writer/executive producer for the series).

They include such gems like:

( Am I high? Did they just cancel SGA? Why???? )

And of course what fan reaction to the cancelation of a series would be complete without the 'bring back our show' petition, which can be seen here. And now there's even a LJ community dedicated to bringing back Stargate Atlantis.

But Stargate fans don't have too much time to come to terms about SGA's cancellation as it is then announced that a new Stargate series has been green-lit for production, Stargate Universe. In the announcement they mention that this series will be geared towards a younger audience and will have a 'young vibe' to it.

Not all Stargate fans take to the announcement in good graces, for example:

( I'm going to hurl, seriously. )

Twilight sucks...And Not In A Good Way.

Many people agree. Others...do not.

I’m sorry, but i don’t agree with anything you say. At all. I loved all four books and there are plenty of us out there who also enjoyed the series. I can’t wait to read more of Stephenie meyers books. So Fuck you all.

This is a fictional book, and I totally disagree with YOUR OPINION. I enjoyed the Twillight Saga.The reason I don’t want to go point by point with you is space, time, and I’m not trying to convince you to change your opinion.
(Yes that is TOTALLY the reason)

OK people SHUT THE FUCK UP,if people like this book stop dissing it and stop compareing it to FRICKIN harry potter!they are 2 different series.and in the 2nd book BELLA SAVES EDWARD FYI!!!!!!!!!!!so there bella is a great role model she cooks for her dad,takes care of her mother,and does her homework and is an excellent stdent!and smeyer said bella will go to colleage but as infinate time so ahe can do what ever.so in conclusin if you say twilight sucks YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GO TWILIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( Some more.. )

ETA: TwiMoms send white chess pieces to EW to get them to change their review for BD from a D.

ETA2: Have some more TwiMom forum links.

ETA3: Return of the Batshit! Via shallow_kid Twilight fan woos man with the last name of Cullen and eventually marries him.

ETA4: Batshittier! Twifans physically attacking those who don't like the books?!

Team Bella or Team Hermione whose side are you on?

ETA5: IT NEVER ENDS. First twelve chapters of Midnight Sun leaked. Edward = creepy stalker confirmed.

So, there is a petition aimed towards Stephenie Meyer and her publisher Little, Brown that's actually more of a letter about why Breaking Dawn sucks and what the author (of the letter!) would have done to make it better. It has received 1152 signatures so far.

When it broke a thousand, the petition's author emailed the following letter to Seth*, the maintainer of StephenieMeyer.com:

Seth,

I completely understand that you are not the whipping boy for Stephenie Meyer, but she has given us no address to reach her directly, so sadly, I have few choices- and one of them was to send this to you.

My name is Heather Faust, and I have written a letter to Stephenie and to Little, Brown. As suggested by a number of others on message boards, I posted this letter as a "petition." Today we reached a thousand signatures. (It has only been live for a few days.) We will continue to leave it live and see how it grows.

I feel that it is well written and respectful, and I would hope that you would take a few minutes to read it. If it gets through to Stephenie, well, I'd be thrilled. We are not looking to hurt her, we aren't looking for her to rewrite it... We just want our opinions acknowledged, and we'd like to no longer be referred to as a "vocal minority." We'd also love it if she'd be able to answer our concerns with more than just "it's fiction," "I'm not a biology major" or other brush offs. We don't, of course expect that at all. But just a simple "Yes, I hear you, I'm sorry that you were disappointed" would be enough for us.

Anyway, sorry that you are in the middle of all of this. That must suck for you.

Thanks for your time

Seth responds:

( In an attempt to keep the books clean and not make young girls think about things that they don't need to think about, no other book mentioned anything about reproductive systems. )

*A lot of people have mentioned that Seth is not only the webmaster of SMeyer's site, he's also her brother.

For years Ginny and Ron fans have been whinging all over the web about the film and promotional treatment of their characters. For a short while at least, it seems they can take a break from whinging while Hermione fans pick up the gauntlet.

Recently a teaser trailer was finally released, and all were joyous! The trailer mainly featured young!Voldie, Dumbledore and Harry, but there were snippets of Ginny and Ron. Alas! There was no Hermione. The insult continued recently when some promos were released, featuring Ron and Harry, but still no Hermione. The final straw came when some pictures of foreign merchandise were released, featuring new pics of Ron and Ginny, but nothing new for Hermione. As well as some trading cards featuring Ron and Harry.

There were some small signs of dissent in the posts linked above, but it never really went anywhere. The Leaky Cauldron was not so lucky, maybe because they didn't link to the old pic of Hermione. There, some of the Hermione fans rage and the Ginny and Ron fans rub it in.

As I can't link direct to comments, I'll copy paste the juiciest from each page, so this will be quite a long report.

( Read more... )



But I'll leave you with my personal favourite!

Who needs to be entertained by the HBP film? Reading all these comments have me rolling on the floor in laughter! Remember, children, they’ve only released the “Teaser” trailer… obviously, teasing releases “the Dark Lord ” in some of you. Wicked.

So True!

Thank you to the Mouse on wank_report for dropping this in my lap.

ETA: More wanksting about the promos, on LJ this time. Thanks peachespig!

We are falling behind on the Sparkledammerung, you guys. Previously: Twilight had its own Carpet Book. Fresh off the truck:

>> Don't Burn It, Return It!

Just got back from Borders, where they took back my book with no problem. Got into a discussion with the cashier about how I was the 15th (!!!) person to bring my book back today. Seems like many customers felt that SM was not true to her characters and her self created Twilight world, and are calling foul.

(See also: Half.com's BD listing; more anecdata at iworkatborders and ONTD).

>> Two new communities are up, mmmcradle (specifically protesting ( spoiler )) and whysofailsmeyer, and those are just the ones I know of.

>> Epic ONTD post is epic, complete with macros and Dark Knight rewrites (ALFREDS EYES WERE A BUTTERY, BURNING GOLD; HIS PERFECT FACE ALMOST SEVERE WITH THE DEPTH OF HIS EMOTION AS HE STARED INTO MY EYES AND SHOUTED "NEVAH").

I hear the Twilight Moms board is supposed to open back up today (apparently Stephenie Meyer asked her fan boards to go on hiatus prior to the book release...?), so that should be interesting. ETA: The Twilight Moms loved it! Bless. ETA 2: ... And so it begins. ETA 3: And continues! ETA 4: NO DISSENT!

ETA 5: It was a social experiment test, Twihards, and you failed it! Also: Godwin's. Also-also: She couldn't have been referencing Lolita... could she?

ETA 6: OH SHI--

ETA 7: Alleged MySpace defriending by the author!

ETA 8: A new letter-writing campaign: EDIT MOAR; a J/B shipper decides to rewrite the book.

By the way, you guys, if something else happens, feel free to post a new entry. I'll be over here battening down the LJ hatches.

ETA 9: Seriously, people, there is some fantastic wank linked in the comments now. SOMEONE ELSE TAKE A TURN ON THE CAROUSEL.