I stumbled on this a few wanks down, and I think this deserves its own Wank Report.

(EDIT: Sorry, hadn't realized that sparklefield had already covered this one a while back. Oops. But I've added extra links and stuff at the bottom!)

So there's a board called Twilight Sucks where people who don't like Twilight can get their hate on.

Somebody has helpfully complied an entire directory of threads reporting incidents of 'attacks' by rabid Twilight fans, which range from "Cussed out" and "Slapped", to, well . . . this one:

( The goggles! They do nothing! )

On overheardinmelb, lythdan posts an overheard conversation. This includes the revelation that Bella Swan 'wasn't a vampire for most of the series...'

princessjess22 comments with:

Oh crap.
That should have a spoiler :(
I have tried so hard to shut friends up, not read the Twilight books I have sitting there, quickly close browsers when I see a spoiler warning.. then BAM! Now I know :(

That probably sounds so pathetic. But I'm really annoyed by this..

Waitaminute. She's been trying not to read the books? Bzuh? What madness is this? It's okay! Her motivation is revealed a little further down:

Die hard fans wouldn't want any disappointment, and would resist the temptation to read the books before seeing the films.

(Emphasis on the batshit mine.) Oh, of course. That totally explains it. Naturally everyone would want to wait an extra few years to see all the films when they have the books right there.

She gets laughed at, and flounces. Said flounce is shared with the comm, and tokicat finds her tumblr, which has some more BAAAAWWW I WAS ARSERAPED.

tl;dr: Twihard claims films > books (uh, I think) and she therefore isn't going to read the books until she's seen the films, but still doesn't want zomgspoilers! Whut.

Edit: Wanka breaks rule 3.

I got an email from the nice people over at the Blue Whale Pub, pointing me toward new drama. (The OT forum is locked to members only at BWP, but that is not where the wank is--just 27 pages boggling at it.)

But rijane has a nice post about it here.

To sum up: The mods from MoonlightLine.com who all resigned when Sleezer started to smell bad--jumped to their new site MoonlightForever.com--which is now VampLoverForever.com. D: When they changed the name they also made it a site for Twilight/Moonlight/Trueblood, which apparently happened with zero warning to users.

-rijane:
"All hell broke loose. Despite the mod assertions, no one wanted to be part of the even-crazier Twilight fandom and the vomitous True Blood fandom. The complaints raged. The bitching raged. The stories from the mods were confused at best - at first it was because Leeser backordered the domain, then the change was because the fans asked for it, then they wanted to attract more fans, then it was because it was their damned web site and they'd do as they pleased.

In a tangential issue regarding the overly restrictive placement of slash in the fic area and intrusive age restrictions on fic, I flounced from the site and didn't post again. Until Friday night."

God, just go read her whole post. If anyone has screencaps of the Gina's freakout, please share.

eta: rijane to the rescue with caps of mod hissy fit.

eta2: Why has this been tagged grudgewankeverything? O_o I'm not in their fandom.

eta3: bonus Twihard wank from comments. Since this post is tagged everything and the kitchen sink. D:

AngstGoddess003 is the author of the very popular Twilight fanfic Wide Awake - all-human AU, where Edward and Bella are so traumatized that they can't sleep and where "unicorn" is a euphemism for "orgasm". Not all people are impressed by this fic, though. There is even a hate community dedicated to it - boredawake (friends only).

AngstGoddess003 (http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1713572/AngstGoddess003) is getting multiple r00d private messages, and decided she'd take it upon herself to air out her dirty laundry in a fake-out Author's Note (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4627414/41/Wide_Awake) in which she does a surprising rendition of Stephenie Meyer's whiny note to the masses, after the leak of Midnight Sun. (http://stepheniemeyer.com/, 8-8-08 post) (C & P from wank_report).

The author's fans are enraged on behalf of their Goddess:

( What the fuck is WRONG with people?!?  )

Have you heard about the pandemonium that Robert Pattinson--the flesh and blood incarnation of Sparkly Marblepeen God Edward Cullen--has been causing as he makes his way across America in a series of Hot Topic mall tours?

Well, a group of twats, members of the Twilight humor community 'Twatlight, were there to experience the chaos first hand, and they had a plan to bring a smile to Robert's face.

Tom Sturridge is the somewhat lesser known in real life BFF of RPattz. There's several running in jokes amongst the twats involving Tom, and lots of joking around about RPattz/TomStu slashing because the two guys apparently share clothing, and Tom tends to be photographed hovering around Robert protectively as he speaks to the media during red-carpet events (see video for examples. He is the bearded guy standing watch 39 seconds in and at 1.22 minutes. Tom also happens to be wearing the infamous green plaid shirt that he and Robert share.)

The Bring A Smile to Rob's face plan was for the twatlight member kristaynuh to wear this homemade shirt during the autograph signing session. The shirt is of two hearts with Tom Sturridge's face stuck right over the boob area with the words 'TomStu ♥s You' directly
beneath the pictures.

Wanna see how Rob reacted to seeing the face of his best friend over a random girl's bosom? Well, she posted a reaction vid of Rob to youtube, yo here yah go.

The general consensus within the Twatlight community was that she was awesome, and that what she'd done was totally in keeping with the community's lulzy attitude towards Twilight. But others do not agree! Some think that it was a majorly creepy move. Others claim that the twats have a double standard when it comes to mocking TwiHards, that to them it's okay for twats to pull stunts like these, but would find it creepy if it were the TwiMoms doing it. And still more claim that Twatlight has gone too srs bsness and has forgotten about its lulzy origins.

It's small wank right now, but haven't you missed Twilight wank lately?

Bonus Unrelated Thing: RPattz has been doing a lot of promo interviews lately, so he's been doing a lot of Stephenie Meyer slagging off. Like in this video, where he says: "I was convinced... that Stephenie was convinced... that she was Bella... and it was like a book that wasn't supposed to be published. And you're reading like, her sort of sexual fantasy. [...] I was like, This woman is mad. She's completely mad, and she's in love with her own fictional creation. And sometimes you'd like feel uncomfortable reading this thing. [...] It's kind of... like a sick pleasure."

And he says this kind of thing not once, but TWICE.

Compiled from

wank_report. So the MTV Video Music Awards aired tonight and a few members of the Twilight cast (Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner, and Cam Gigandet) were on hand to introduce the band Paramore. Chaos strikes the Internets when host Russell Brand cuts RPatzz off, OMG!

The fan girls are not pleased. At all.

 

TripleBonus!ETA: Because we love our RPattz here at F_W, I present to you various VMA RPattz interviews, including an audio interview which RPattz says he "doesn't think" he leaked Midnight Sun. (Beware of NSFW ads on audio link.) Plus lion_lamb has an RPattz after party pic spam. He doesn't look like he was too put out about being cut off. ;)

HighScore!ETA: MTV.com now has their own report about the wank. 

ExtraLife!ETA: Because a Twilight wank is incomplete without her.

Nutty madam says YOU DON'T START TELLING JOKES WHEN ROBERT PATTINSON IS SPEAKING.

The ETA in which RPattz get even more awesome: "A lot of fans were upset about it."  "...Good."

As a lot of you must know by now, the first 12 Chapters of Midnight Sun, Smeyer's addition to her Uh-may-zing boooookes was leaked on the internet several days ago, and this has chagrined her dazzle verily.

From her official website:

August 28, 2008 (part II)

As some of you may have heard, my partial draft of Midnight Sun was illegally posted on the Internet and has since been virally distributed without my knowledge or permission or the knowledge or permission of my publisher.

I have a good idea of how the leak happened as there were very few copies of Midnight Sun that left my possession and each was unique. Due to little changes I made to the manuscript at different times, I can tell when each left my possession and to whom it was given. The manuscript that was illegally distributed on the Internet was given to trusted individuals for a good purpose. I have no comment beyond that as I believe that there was no malicious intent with the initial distribution.

I did not want my readers to experience Midnight Sun before it was completed, edited and published. I think it is important for everybody to understand that what happened was a huge violation of my rights as an author, not to mention me as a human being. As the author of the Twilight Saga, I control the copyright and it is up to the owner of the copyright to decide when the books should be made public; this is the same for musicians and filmmakers. Just because someone buys a book or movie or song, or gets a download off the Internet, doesn't mean that they own the right to reproduce and distribute it. Unfortunately, with the Internet, it is easy for people to obtain and share items that do not legally belong to them. No matter how this is done, it is still dishonest. This has been a very upsetting experience for me, but I hope it will at least leave my fans with a better understanding of copyright and the importance of artistic control.

So where does this leave Midnight Sun? My first feeling was that there was no way to continue. Writing isn't like math; in math, two plus two always equals four no matter what your mood is like. With writing, the way you feel changes everything. If I tried to write Midnight Sun now, in my current frame of mind, James would probably win and all the Cullens would die, which wouldn't dovetail too well with the original story. In any case, I feel too sad about what has happened to continue working on Midnight Sun, and so it is on hold indefinitely.

I'd rather my fans not read this version of Midnight Sun. It was only an incomplete draft; the writing is messy and flawed and full of mistakes. But how do I comment on this violation without driving more people to look for the illegal posting? It has taken me a while to decide how and if I could respond. But to end the confusion, I've decided to make the draft available here (at the end of this message on the Midnight Sun page). This way, my readers don't have to feel they have to make a sacrifice to stay honest. I hope this fragment gives you further insight into Edward's head and adds a new dimension to the Twilight story. That's what inspired me to write it in the first place.

I do want to take a moment and thank the wonderful fans who have been so supportive of me over the past three years. I cannot begin to tell you how much each of you means to me. I only hope this note will stop all the confusion and online speculation so that the Twilight universe can once again become the happy escape it used to be. After this incredibly busy year, I am now focusing on spending more time with my family and working on some other writing projects.

--Stephenie

I don't think I need to add much more than that.  Lol.  This is so bloody beautiful...Oh Smeyer...please to be going over there to cry upon your pile of ill-begotten millions.  We all know that that book is going to be finished and published eventually so that you can add to your dragon hoard of booty. 

Who else thinks that she's just waaaaahing for the sympathy and threatening to not provide any more crack so that everyone can forget about the epic fail that was Breaking Dawn and start kissing her ass again? *raises hand*

Edit:

And we get reactions from the Amazon Boards and the ♥ TwiMoms ♥. The ONTD comm weighs in on the situation.

And the NuttyMadam reacts. Though sorry, there's no vid this time since she took it down. But here, have a transcription of the lost vid, courtesy of aegflota

We are all a bunch of meanies hiding away in this little club house of ours.

Smeyer Ego stroking.

Bonus Snack: The Twimoms just cannot leave the poor boy alone!. There's wankiness in the second link, as the TwiMom in the picture appears and asks for her photo to be taken down. Also, Here is a step by step instruction manual on how to go about your Pretty Vampire Actors stalking, for you n00bs who have no idea how to go about it. It is illustrated and everything. The TwiMoms are nothing, if not thorough.

OH NOES YOU GUISE! They be calling the FBI on us!!! WHAT DO WE DO? WHAT DO WE DO?

Twilight is going to save our country from the evil lesbians so you'd better all stop dissing it!

Cleolinda Midnight Sun Commentary! Yay. Lol.

ETA:How do you gain respect for your much derided favorite author? Why, by starting an online petition for it, of course!

Once upon a time in the magical land of YouTube, there was a Scottish Youtuber who got bored one night . Turning on her camera and pressing the record button, she sat on her arse to praise the latest work of the almighty Stephenie Meyer, the next best thing since JK Rowling.

She was rather stout with a squared jaw and rectangular shaped eyes. Her hair was a silky brown in colour, straight and thin, shining under her lantern's light. After a few seconds of nasty glares and emo stares, our Scottish Youtuber goes on to make her announcement of just how disappointed she is with fans; going on to patronise the whole fanbase on just how pathetic they really are, not realising the irony of her statements.

Quoth she in a patronising tone while staring closely into the camera:

"How can you act like this? After reading that amaaaaaaazing book, not shit! not boring! not glorified fanfiction, A-MAAZING BOOK! I'ma say it real clear: A-MA-ZING BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK! You've been waiting for what? A year? And you've been thinking of how wonderful it's going to be, and DYING to get your hands on it, cause it's going to be soooo good! And then you complain about it? Because it's not what you wanted?

She briefly blew a small gust of wind into her hair, so as to keep her bangs from falling further into her eyes.

"Since when do you get what you want by complaining, you ungrateful little turd?" she enquires with a tone of anger in her voice "Yeah, I'm talking to you! You who is watching this! If you have ever complained about Breaking Dawn because it wasn't what you wanted it to be: I'ma just go this real slow for you, because your brain obviously isn't working right now, because you're being STUPID thinking that its not very good anyway, okay?

"Number One: Stephenie Meyer is a GENIUS! Ya-HA, Ya-HA, okay? She rocks! She wrote Twilight, she wrote New Moon, she wrote Eclipse and you loved them!"

Not even going halfway through her video, her fellow viewers stopped and said:

"Fat FAT FAT FAT You are fat."

Another said:

"Please tell me, why all the Twilight fans are stupid, fat girls?"

And another:

"I think YOU'RE overreacting. You couldn't pay me to read that shit again. Maybe one day you'll develop literary taste and you'll realize how godawful Breaking Dawn was -- no, how godawful EVERY book after Twilight was, and that srs bsns people like you have been acting as Stephenie Meyer's cash cows for the past 3 years. Smeyer's sun tanning on her yacht right now that YOU helped pay for, laughing her ass off at the teenies who believe whatever bullshit she spoonfeeds them."

But best of all. one said:

"THIS. ISN'T. SPARRRRTAAAAA!
You're allowed to have your opinion. The 'haters' are allowed to have theirs.
Deal with it. Stop being so insane over a book.
Y SO SRS BSNS? "

But fortunately to her support one kind soul said:

"I personally loved the book! Although I do think that weather people loved it or hated it they should be able to share their opinions, I do have a problem with people who take it to ridiculous extreems. I hope that after a while things will cool down and everyone can just get over all this drama. I loved all the books and will just try to ignore all the negative feedback. Also, coming from an American I would just like to say that Fuckwit is the most awesome swear word I have ever heard.lol!"

Like the broken clock that used to tick next to me, the vast majority of commentors just went "wankity-wank, wankity-wank, wankity-wank-wank" and occasionally one with a high enough level of oestrogen would go "squee-squee-squee, squeekity sqee! with joy! at the girl who defended Stephie and her literary classics!"

This goes on for a while as tradition has it, and then along came an anonymouse to report the wankage at wank_report

I'm ready for my award now for best break-through narrative of 2008.

[EDIT]:Oh yes, I forgot to point out that like the big bad wolf, this one also huffs and puffs, but didn't succeed in blowing down the house. But she did however manage to have a sadgasm somewhere in between her huffing and her acid trip when Renessme(sp?) supposedly gave her "visions". She also stated that "real vampires poop and wee on you", assuming of course she has come across real ones in her lifetime, and they didn't actually pop out of Stephenie Meyer's books during her state of emotional high. Thank you anonymous!

Twilight sucks...And Not In A Good Way.

Many people agree. Others...do not.

I’m sorry, but i don’t agree with anything you say. At all. I loved all four books and there are plenty of us out there who also enjoyed the series. I can’t wait to read more of Stephenie meyers books. So Fuck you all.

This is a fictional book, and I totally disagree with YOUR OPINION. I enjoyed the Twillight Saga.The reason I don’t want to go point by point with you is space, time, and I’m not trying to convince you to change your opinion.
(Yes that is TOTALLY the reason)

OK people SHUT THE FUCK UP,if people like this book stop dissing it and stop compareing it to FRICKIN harry potter!they are 2 different series.and in the 2nd book BELLA SAVES EDWARD FYI!!!!!!!!!!!so there bella is a great role model she cooks for her dad,takes care of her mother,and does her homework and is an excellent stdent!and smeyer said bella will go to colleage but as infinate time so ahe can do what ever.so in conclusin if you say twilight sucks YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GO TWILIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( Some more.. )

ETA: TwiMoms send white chess pieces to EW to get them to change their review for BD from a D.

ETA2: Have some more TwiMom forum links.

ETA3: Return of the Batshit! Via shallow_kid Twilight fan woos man with the last name of Cullen and eventually marries him.

ETA4: Batshittier! Twifans physically attacking those who don't like the books?!

Team Bella or Team Hermione whose side are you on?

ETA5: IT NEVER ENDS. First twelve chapters of Midnight Sun leaked. Edward = creepy stalker confirmed.

So, there is a petition aimed towards Stephenie Meyer and her publisher Little, Brown that's actually more of a letter about why Breaking Dawn sucks and what the author (of the letter!) would have done to make it better. It has received 1152 signatures so far.

When it broke a thousand, the petition's author emailed the following letter to Seth*, the maintainer of StephenieMeyer.com:

Seth,

I completely understand that you are not the whipping boy for Stephenie Meyer, but she has given us no address to reach her directly, so sadly, I have few choices- and one of them was to send this to you.

My name is Heather Faust, and I have written a letter to Stephenie and to Little, Brown. As suggested by a number of others on message boards, I posted this letter as a "petition." Today we reached a thousand signatures. (It has only been live for a few days.) We will continue to leave it live and see how it grows.

I feel that it is well written and respectful, and I would hope that you would take a few minutes to read it. If it gets through to Stephenie, well, I'd be thrilled. We are not looking to hurt her, we aren't looking for her to rewrite it... We just want our opinions acknowledged, and we'd like to no longer be referred to as a "vocal minority." We'd also love it if she'd be able to answer our concerns with more than just "it's fiction," "I'm not a biology major" or other brush offs. We don't, of course expect that at all. But just a simple "Yes, I hear you, I'm sorry that you were disappointed" would be enough for us.

Anyway, sorry that you are in the middle of all of this. That must suck for you.

Thanks for your time

Seth responds:

( In an attempt to keep the books clean and not make young girls think about things that they don't need to think about, no other book mentioned anything about reproductive systems. )

*A lot of people have mentioned that Seth is not only the webmaster of SMeyer's site, he's also her brother.

Since cleolinda has had more than enough Twilight, it seems, I thought I'd take her up on her offer to move the growing wank to a new post.

Previously, on the Sparkledammerug: People weren't happy.

Entertainment Weekly, previously best known in the Twilight fandom for its extensive coverage of the hype and for this monstrosity of a cover, reviewed Breaking Dawn in the issue released today. The overall grade was a D.

( lion_lamb reacts. Badly. )

lion_lamb isn't the only place where the wank is, though.

SMeyer tells MTV.com that the backlash "hurts." Most comments run along the lines of "LEAVE STEPHENIE ALONE!!!!"

The Twilight Lexicon takes a position on BD, and disallow character-bashing, expressing disapproval at SMeyer's writing, and calling Jacob a pedophile.

And if you're tired of the wank, have an extended Twilight parody in which Edward is turned into a cranky, scrapbooking virgin?

It's going to be a long August.

EDIT THE FIRST: Nora Roberts smash!

EDIT THE SECOND: Dissapointed 'Breaking Dawn' fans organize protest. Twilighters in the comments claim that the haters only make up 10% of the reader base.

EDIT THE THIRD: The Twilight Lexicon is hacked! EDIT THE THREE-POINT-FIFTH: One of the Lexicon mods posts about it on her journal. Is the Lexicon no more? ETC: Screencaps of a troll post made to the Lex shortly before the hacking. ETC THE RECKONING: The hacker speaks? ETA SQUARED: Lexicon admin claims it's not an inside job, posts messages from the hacker. ARE YOU KIDDING ME: And the hacker speaks again! (deleted) THIS DESERVES ITS OWN POST: Amazon.com boards on the hacking, with a surprise guest appearance by Laurel K. Hamilton's personal assistant?

EDIT THE FOURTH: ... off-topic, but were we just deleted for a bit?

EDIT THE FIFTH: Twilight Moms have possibly gone underground. FIVE-POINT-FIFTH: Confirmation! YEAH, WE'RE STILL GOING: The TwiMoms have returned, and ready to stroke Steph's ego all over again!

EDIT THE SIXTH: The Washington Post review of BD. Not wanky, just hilarious.

EDIT THE SEVENTH: Smart Bitches, Trashy Books weighs in. Smug Twilighter alert in the comments.

EDIT THE EIGHTH: Twatlympics?

EDIT THE NINTH: The haters draft a petition!

EDIT THE TENTH: You don't know the history of Twilight. Darla Cook does. TEN-POINT-FIVE: And she keeps on going, too.

DOES IT EVER END: Publishers' Weekly article on the protest. They think Twilight's audience consists entirely of teenagers. Ahahaha... ha.

We are falling behind on the Sparkledammerung, you guys. Previously: Twilight had its own Carpet Book. Fresh off the truck:

>> Don't Burn It, Return It!

Just got back from Borders, where they took back my book with no problem. Got into a discussion with the cashier about how I was the 15th (!!!) person to bring my book back today. Seems like many customers felt that SM was not true to her characters and her self created Twilight world, and are calling foul.

(See also: Half.com's BD listing; more anecdata at iworkatborders and ONTD).

>> Two new communities are up, mmmcradle (specifically protesting ( spoiler )) and whysofailsmeyer, and those are just the ones I know of.

>> Epic ONTD post is epic, complete with macros and Dark Knight rewrites (ALFREDS EYES WERE A BUTTERY, BURNING GOLD; HIS PERFECT FACE ALMOST SEVERE WITH THE DEPTH OF HIS EMOTION AS HE STARED INTO MY EYES AND SHOUTED "NEVAH").

I hear the Twilight Moms board is supposed to open back up today (apparently Stephenie Meyer asked her fan boards to go on hiatus prior to the book release...?), so that should be interesting. ETA: The Twilight Moms loved it! Bless. ETA 2: ... And so it begins. ETA 3: And continues! ETA 4: NO DISSENT!

ETA 5: It was a social experiment test, Twihards, and you failed it! Also: Godwin's. Also-also: She couldn't have been referencing Lolita... could she?

ETA 6: OH SHI--

ETA 7: Alleged MySpace defriending by the author!

ETA 8: A new letter-writing campaign: EDIT MOAR; a J/B shipper decides to rewrite the book.

By the way, you guys, if something else happens, feel free to post a new entry. I'll be over here battening down the LJ hatches.

ETA 9: Seriously, people, there is some fantastic wank linked in the comments now. SOMEONE ELSE TAKE A TURN ON THE CAROUSEL.

Mucho gracias to the folks over on wank_report. AND A SPOILER WARNING WITH EXTRA SPARKLES FOR TWILIGHT FANS. I suggest Twilight fans who actually care that much about being spoiled avoid this post like the plague.

( Why do I feel we've been through this before? )
ETA: Fixed the tag on the last link. Sorry, folks.
ETA3: A support request was entered by someone claiming to be from a law firm, claiming to represent the publishing group with a pretty much standard letter that has been going around like a strain of herpes to people leaking the book or even discussing spoilers (julian_black explains exactly why here). I don't think intellectual property laws work that way.

( text can be found here )


Other posts concerning the leaks can be found here and a twilight_news (thanks to hooloovoo_too). Possible confirmation of some of the spoilers has also sparked more wank over here.

There's some more fun over at ontd (the macros start on page 2). The OP itself only concerns the movie, but that doesn't stop people from wanking over the spoilers.

ETA4: system is love.

( Go System! )

And there's now been blurry confirmation on spoilers (thanks to miraba).

ETA5: Ok, guys, lay off the Mormons or I'm going to have to ask you to get out of the pool. I really, really, REALLY hate to quote mcity but plz no Mormon bashing. Let's have some class.

ETA6: SMeyer allegedly wrote a parody version of Breaking Dawn according to this EW article (thanks to greenconverses).

I found this at wank_report and have too much time on my hands this week. There were 333 comments when I started the recap.

MTV.com has a Twilight Tuesday thing every uh, Tuesday. Let me 'splain, no there is too much. Let me sum up. Stephenie Meyer's Vampire series Twilight is now also a movie coming out in December and staring Cedric Diggory (aka RPATZZ). MTV is making the movie and this blog every Tuesday is part of their marketing strategy.

Today's post is about three sophomore girls from Texas who formed "The Bella Cullens." Larry, the blog writer, falls all over their jailbait asses:

"I had seen their MySpace page and heard some of their songs, but I was honestly amazed by how pretty their voices and melodies are, and with lyrics like “Edward’s so hot he can set the house on fire/he’s a sexy vampire,” these teens already have more talent than all the Pussycat Dolls put together."

1. Those are good lyrics? WOT?
2. More talent than the who now? Doesn't slime mold have more talent?
3. The band's name abbreviated is BCP. But remember only condoms help prevent STDs.


Most comments are some variation on "Larry, you fail" or "I <3 LARRY!":

Edward Cullen Says:
July 8th, 2008 at 9:50 am

My Sparkly Peen sings better, even when it drools for muh Bella.

But Janet comes to Larry's rescue:

Janet Says:
July 8th, 2008 at 10:02 am

Yikes people are being harsh. :) He has a lot of weeks to fill before december and I’m sure summit wouldn’t let him give us big stuff like clips every week and remember these are a gift. I’ve never seen people do something like this before to promote a movie…weekly updates I mean. Larry, I really thought it was the trailer this week and now I feel silly.

Under the cut I C&P for your pleasure.

( It goes back and forth between the Twimoms and the Twatlighters and the haters. )

ETA: LARRY SPEAKS!:( Read more... )

ETA w/XTRA SPARKLES: http://www.thebellacullenproject.com (warning: music embedded in site) is getting spammed on the comment pages by people claiming to be from ontd_twatlight. Twatlighters are saying it is not them. (Sorry can't like to comment pages directly.)


cleolinda convinced me to add the BONUS EW COVER FROM HELL!!!1:
http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/
21 pages of OMGWTFBBQ at ontd

ETA part 9.546382023: MTV blog has posted the EW photo. There may be more comments to come though currently it is at 0. Larry wants to know what people think! *CACKLE*

I found this recipe in the other wank and thought you guys might enjoy it:

You will need
1 greased ohnotheydidnt
1 ship-based MS Paint macro (Do not credit the macro! This is very important!)
3 cups inksplotched
1/2 teaspoon grudge (optional)
2 heaping tablespoons bazcat89
a pinch of CAPSLOCK
sparkles to taste

1. In a large bowl, add inksplotched to the macro in 1/2-cup increments, beating on high speed until stiff peaks form.

2. In another bowl, combine grudge, bazcat89, and CAPSLOCK and stir until mixed thoroughly.

3. Fold grudge-bazcat89-CAPSLOCK mixture into macro-inksplotched meringue.

4. Spread over ohnotheydidnt and top with sparkles.

5. Bake at 400 degrees for 3 days until edges are crusty.

6. Serve with your favorite alcoholic beverage and a large sprig of mockery.

*You may store Twilight Sparkle Surprise in your freezer up to 3 months.
**CAUTION: if you share your thoughts on fandom near Twilight Sparkle Surprise, it will turn out bitter and inedible and all the hungry wankas will eat you instead!

The ever wanky Twilight fandom has finally exploded.

It stared off with the usual batch of hate secrets which no one really looks twice at anymore, but then things heated up when inksplotched made an disgustingly attention whoring announcement of her departure from the fandom and her crony __dittany followed her shortly.

The anons did not approve.

As if that wasn't obnoxious enough, they two of them proceeded to STICK AROUND and wank even harder at various anons.

But that is not all. She was then echoed by fallenmelody in her spazzy announcement.

Some of inksplotched's cronies jumped into the wank and made total asses of themselves, as can be seen in the comments I linked to.

ETA: Many of the secrets occurred because of now deleted wank which took place in sortofbeautiful when aromarcuscaius created the community realtw_secret. This community annoucement set off a bucket-load of wank when anons starting going off on the ontd_twilight mods for what may or may not be accurate accusations of assholery and god-modding.

ETA 2: Please see secrets number 9, 43, and 50 to see what started her off on her diatribe (#50 refers to a friendship community she apparently runs with her friends).

ETA 3: And also note the explosion of ontd_twatlight. They seem to be twatting all over the secrets, in the anons, and have several long comment threads (foutu aka the shining star/twat/anus of the Twilight fandom also made an appearance.)

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Picked up from wank_report, a small wank but it's probably a good sign of the wank to come from the Twilight fandom.

Wank that is crossing the fandoms as The Leaky Cauldron post an article about the upcoming Twilight movie that is starring Robert Pattinson who played Cedric Diggory in the Harry Potter movies. The writer of the article decided to bring up the comparison between the Twilight and Harry Potter series as it has been brought up in the media during the promotion for the Twilight movie. Though there is little to compare between the two besides both being popular fantasy book series with high page counts not aimed at adults, as Twilight is a vampire romance story aimed at teens.

Most of the comments go back and forth over which is the better book and which is complete trash. One of the Twilight fans, Kerrie, seems to have taken on the role of defender of her 'much more mature book series, hehe'. This of course only causes the warring between the fans to grow even more. She enters in on page 7 and has refused to stop posting since with the thread now 22+ pages and that's with deleted comments. Here are some gems from her posts as she explains how Twilight is sooo much better than Harry Potter:

( And lets face it, sexy vampires are just way cooler then wizards, no matter which way you look at it hehe. )

And that's only snippets from the first ten comment pages as she seems to suffer from 'broken record syndrome' and refuses to believe her opinion could be wrong, being the 'mature working 22 year old' she is.

There's also additional wank from angry TLC readers that such a 'long article' was posted on TLC whose only connection to HP is that the movies share an actor sprinkled through out the comments pages.

ETA: Thanks to an update from mechanicaljewel, Kerrie has found Fandom_wank and surprise, surprise, doesn't get the point of f_w at all:

OMFG that article on Fandom_wank was too funny. Utterly hilarious. Pathetic article really. it wasn’t even written well. Oh well, clearly i’m out numbered. I don’t care one little bit. You guys ganged up on me and acted like its a crime to think that something is better then Potter. Its not a crime to like both. Did anyone notice that i tried to change the subject and people still kept insulting me. Very annoying. I have completely lost all respect for HP fans, who clearly refuse to accept that another book series could appeal to someone more. Just to clear the air, I never ever tried to force anyone to like Twilight, I only reccomended it and listed the reaons why i like it. If thats a crime, then take me away to jail hehe.

ETA2: kumquat_of_doom has brought to my attention that there are now sock puppet accusations about Kerrie and the commenters, deidre/daniel/elaine, that have been supporting her and saying the other posters are being too mean to her. Which can be read near the bottom of page 23.

ETA3: We have flounce on page 24, thank you ari_o for that update. But Kerrie is still going on the next page, cause she's just so sick and tired of all those immature HP fans and wants it to just end.