Somehow, Warhammer-adjacent wank just ends up funnier than the fans' own wank. It's like a rare and delicate flower by comparison. This one's vintage, aged one year (like cheap yet delicious wine) and doubles as an early shower of TV Tropes naming wank, foreshadowing the great renaming splooge-hurricane to come.

The story begins in a magical place called "You Know, That Thing Where..."-land, where young tropes are born. Unfortunately, the parents can't decide on a name for their newest trope. "Bullet Barrage" was suggested first, but then "More Dakka" gains supporters.

One heretic user objects strenuously.

added: 2008-07-02 13:19:35 by Cosmetor
No, the strangeness of the trope name is obscuring and distracting. Let's try to be comprehensible, people. Write for the readers.
added: 2008-07-02 13:33:51 by LargeBluntObject
7 votes (including mine) for More Dakka, 5 for Bullet Barrage... da Orks have it. WAAAAAAAGH LAUNCH TIME!

The dramatis personae introduced, the wank begins in earnest. (For those who don't have two hours to lose to the Site That Will Eat Your Mind, quotes:)

Working Title: More Dakka: From YKTTW

---

    Stupid Flame War 

Cosmetor: Okay... you launched the trope prematurely, miscounted the votes, and created an empty page. That's three strikes against it.

Large Blunt Object: Stop shoving your damn butthurt in everyone's face, it's disgusting. Your little TV TROPES IS SERIOUS BUSINESS crusade fell apart, get over it.

[...]

tl;dr: Piss off, nobody cares.

( Come away, come away, down the rabbit hole we go )

Direct links to tropes included, because I'm evil like that.

( Spoilers for Torchwood and oh god great linky madness within. Enter at your own risk. )

This post brought to you by the ridiculously helpful mousies on wank_report, the letter W and the number 4. (The W is for wut and 4 is how many cups of coffee I've already had today).

It's amazing that Warhammer 40000 fandom hasn't wanked its way here before now. But here it is!

It all started when someone on a bizarre conspiracy theory site makes a play to become the next BADD (see also: Dark Dungeons), by writing the article "Space Marines - Death Toys" about the super-soldiers from Warhammer 40k. It lays bare Games Workshop's nefarious plot to brainwash our children for the coming of the New World Order.

ETA, 2009/08/21: It begins.

Sockity_sock makes a horribly vague post to Bad RPers Suck about a sex-based game. From what I can gather, something happened and the players aren't too happy, so they're dropping. Fortunately, some players from that game come along to explain what this is all about, and they happen to disagree with what Sockity_sock has to say.

First off, here's a handy summary of the events that happened. It also has an explanation of playercesting (basically playing two characters and roleplaying with yourself), which will be a word you will hear a lot in this post. The important point to get from here, though, is that a person was caught playercesting (presumably under two names, as people later mention the RPer in question using a fake name later on), which is against the rules, and was asked to drop one of the two characters. Said player then flounced, and was followed by several other people from her characers' canon.

The first bits of disagreement come in this thread, though, as someone politely disagrees with how sockity_sock has worded the post. But that one isn't nearly as fun as this exchange here:

crystaldawn: Oh GOD, some mods somewhere enforced a rule. HOW DARE THEY

sockity_sock: Yeah, because it's TOTALLY fair to enforce a rule that's not actually in the RULES.

FAIL.

crystaldawn: If the person had nothing to hide and wasn't aware of the rule, she wouldn't have created a fake persona to app under.

Also, this has been in place since forever. People routinely ask the mods about it when apping.

And finally, being asked to drop one of the two characters (without any kind of strike, warning, or reprimand) is hardly unfair. No one else is allowed to play characters that close, the girl in question isn't a special snowflake.

Oh, but wait! You can app under a sock account, so it's okay! But actually part of the app asks what characters you already play, so you can't app under multiple socks. But they mischaracterized the relationship between the two characters! Only not really.

Also, here's more explanation of what's going on. And apparently there was massive flouncing to be had. Sadly I can't go and track that down, since the game is locked to players only.

Sockity_sock also flounces from her own post, so the wank was cut short. Oh well, it was entertaining while it lasted.

Also, I did respond in the post (I'm maplepancakes there), but I wasn't involved in the wank itself (talking about lulzy mod tags for the post doesn't count, right?), so it should be okay to post here.

EDIT: My passive-aggressiveness, let me show it to you.

EDIT #2: The player in question responds.

EDIT #3: Friends show up to defend the subject of the wank.

SGA ficcer is not getting the acclaim she says she deserves. So she is going to delete her LJ. Her 560 "friends" are not fawning enough so what's the point?!

There are at least 60 comments on her epic fic's last two chapters now. I'm too lazy to figure out how many there were before she flipped out. Also she posted the last chapter only yesterday.

And the mea culpas pour in--three pages of "I'm sorry/I suck/Plz don't go."

( cut for dead links )
ETA3: BAHLEETION!! (saved pages below)

page 1, page 2, page 3, and expanded smackdown. And page 4 thanks to longtimegone! :D

Jeffrey Dean Morgan, notorious for dying in nearly every acting role he's taken, and most recently in Watchmen, bought a house not too long ago. The address of his home was published online , upsetting some of his more ardent fans, despite their acknowledging this is public information. Then, an over-zealous fan goes to his home and takes pictures which are posted online. Not that I could find the pics.

The wank begins when dodger_winslow declares that the house-stalking, picture taking fan is a fuckhead who needs to be shot, but that
stalking is an over-used word just like rape. Zhora appears to say that calling for the shooting of other fans is reprehensible. The mods declare that it's just a figure of speach.

As for the fan who went to his home, the people on the other board are means girls who hacked into all her accounts and are causing her to take down her LJ community and fan-site.


ETA: Zhora appears again to discuss censorship and that Jeffrey invited the woman and it wasn't his house anyway!. Zhora knows this is true because flouncer told her it was so.

Well, the wank presaged here has come to be. If you're a Heroes fan who hasn't seen the latest episode, tread carefully.

( Spoiler. )

Zac, aka Anime News Network's Answerman, has announced his retirement in the form of an epic flounce.

As a crusty old douchenozzle myself, I gotta say - I LOL'd.

Is there a crisis going on in the SPN fandom? Could it be possible that Jensen Ackles really doesn't matter? I am no longer a die-hard fan of Jensen Ackles. In fact, I really don't like him much anymore.

But wait! No! This must be an error! Because: "Why Jensen Ackles Matters"

There's a truckload of mind-boggling awesome tl;dr there, so ( let me give you the highlights: )

Sophie Briand and Susannah Eanes - evidently these two wacky kids professional, intelligent, educated, hotass women are one and the same.

BONUS WANK: J2 fans have moved into true tinhat territory: Yes, it's time for the clothing shoutouts!

How very 2002. Domlijah called, they want their schtick back.

ETA: The author has shown up in esorlehcar's journal, claiming it was all fiction, although her friends seem a little appalled and hurt. However, capslock means it was all a joke, evidently!

If it's fiction, does that mean she and her friends aren't intelligent and hot?

ETA 2:

1) susannaheanes has deleted her LJ AND the essay! But it was just FICSHUN! AND FOR THE LOLZ! Alas.

2) Evidently there is nothing more wrong than finding something funny. Only the author and her friends can do that!

3) Evidently me posting this wank is a violation of FW policy! After not explaining how this is to me, she made a very brave post, in which she stood up for her beliefs and completely fail to understand a word Sep said. Now all her friends who are FW members are going to quit or protest or something, I guess. Strangely, these same people who are so concerned with the FW policy, including susannaheanes, do not realize that trolling esorlehcar's journal is a violation of the FW's rules.

I'm sorry, I no longer believe in their intelligence, or hotness. D:

Thank you to the good people at wank_report for this small but delightful Supernatural wank.

agt_spooky posts the ratings for last week’s Supernatural episode to the supernatural_tv community, telling everyone to “feel free to repost this information, but if you do, please credit me, as it takes me awhile [sic] each week to compile all of this. Thank you!”.

saerie mocks the idea that the reposting of ratings should be credited. agt_spooky immediately overreacts and flounces, and the lone voice of reason is drowned out by a sea of people telling her not to be mean.

I don't think you get something. She's not "sharing", she's making. She doesn't copy paste these numbers from somewhere.

It turns out that copying-and-pasting is exactly what she does, as the numbers are directly taken from this forum. The flounce continues in agt_spooky’s lj, along with a promise to never ‘compile’ ratings for anyone ever again. One respondent politely asks what exactly it is that she compiles. The answer: “I go to Marc's site to get the preliminary numbers for every show then check back to get the finals as well. Does that not count as compiling?”

It doesn’t, but that’s okay because saerie has clearly learned the error of her ways. With the dissenters browbeaten into submission and everyone believing that copying and compiling are the same thing, the internet was once again a really nice place to be.

ETA: agt_spooky claims she had to turn off anon commenting in her lj due to people dropping by and calling her a bitch. Did anyone see any of these anon flames? [Answer: yes.]

ETA 2 (a relevant one this time!) agt_spooky's problems with the concept of ownership extend to selling pirated DVD's for a profit.

Have you ever said, "If I see that meme one more time, someone's gonna get hurt?"

It turns out that at least one person has been saying that about a Supernatural meme that's been showing up ad nauseum on padacklesrps on LJ. ( Peace, love, and off-topic wank )

As a lot of you must know by now, the first 12 Chapters of Midnight Sun, Smeyer's addition to her Uh-may-zing boooookes was leaked on the internet several days ago, and this has chagrined her dazzle verily.

From her official website:

August 28, 2008 (part II)

As some of you may have heard, my partial draft of Midnight Sun was illegally posted on the Internet and has since been virally distributed without my knowledge or permission or the knowledge or permission of my publisher.

I have a good idea of how the leak happened as there were very few copies of Midnight Sun that left my possession and each was unique. Due to little changes I made to the manuscript at different times, I can tell when each left my possession and to whom it was given. The manuscript that was illegally distributed on the Internet was given to trusted individuals for a good purpose. I have no comment beyond that as I believe that there was no malicious intent with the initial distribution.

I did not want my readers to experience Midnight Sun before it was completed, edited and published. I think it is important for everybody to understand that what happened was a huge violation of my rights as an author, not to mention me as a human being. As the author of the Twilight Saga, I control the copyright and it is up to the owner of the copyright to decide when the books should be made public; this is the same for musicians and filmmakers. Just because someone buys a book or movie or song, or gets a download off the Internet, doesn't mean that they own the right to reproduce and distribute it. Unfortunately, with the Internet, it is easy for people to obtain and share items that do not legally belong to them. No matter how this is done, it is still dishonest. This has been a very upsetting experience for me, but I hope it will at least leave my fans with a better understanding of copyright and the importance of artistic control.

So where does this leave Midnight Sun? My first feeling was that there was no way to continue. Writing isn't like math; in math, two plus two always equals four no matter what your mood is like. With writing, the way you feel changes everything. If I tried to write Midnight Sun now, in my current frame of mind, James would probably win and all the Cullens would die, which wouldn't dovetail too well with the original story. In any case, I feel too sad about what has happened to continue working on Midnight Sun, and so it is on hold indefinitely.

I'd rather my fans not read this version of Midnight Sun. It was only an incomplete draft; the writing is messy and flawed and full of mistakes. But how do I comment on this violation without driving more people to look for the illegal posting? It has taken me a while to decide how and if I could respond. But to end the confusion, I've decided to make the draft available here (at the end of this message on the Midnight Sun page). This way, my readers don't have to feel they have to make a sacrifice to stay honest. I hope this fragment gives you further insight into Edward's head and adds a new dimension to the Twilight story. That's what inspired me to write it in the first place.

I do want to take a moment and thank the wonderful fans who have been so supportive of me over the past three years. I cannot begin to tell you how much each of you means to me. I only hope this note will stop all the confusion and online speculation so that the Twilight universe can once again become the happy escape it used to be. After this incredibly busy year, I am now focusing on spending more time with my family and working on some other writing projects.

--Stephenie

I don't think I need to add much more than that.  Lol.  This is so bloody beautiful...Oh Smeyer...please to be going over there to cry upon your pile of ill-begotten millions.  We all know that that book is going to be finished and published eventually so that you can add to your dragon hoard of booty. 

Who else thinks that she's just waaaaahing for the sympathy and threatening to not provide any more crack so that everyone can forget about the epic fail that was Breaking Dawn and start kissing her ass again? *raises hand*

Edit:

And we get reactions from the Amazon Boards and the ♥ TwiMoms ♥. The ONTD comm weighs in on the situation.

And the NuttyMadam reacts. Though sorry, there's no vid this time since she took it down. But here, have a transcription of the lost vid, courtesy of aegflota

We are all a bunch of meanies hiding away in this little club house of ours.

Smeyer Ego stroking.

Bonus Snack: The Twimoms just cannot leave the poor boy alone!. There's wankiness in the second link, as the TwiMom in the picture appears and asks for her photo to be taken down. Also, Here is a step by step instruction manual on how to go about your Pretty Vampire Actors stalking, for you n00bs who have no idea how to go about it. It is illustrated and everything. The TwiMoms are nothing, if not thorough.

OH NOES YOU GUISE! They be calling the FBI on us!!! WHAT DO WE DO? WHAT DO WE DO?

Twilight is going to save our country from the evil lesbians so you'd better all stop dissing it!

Cleolinda Midnight Sun Commentary! Yay. Lol.

ETA:How do you gain respect for your much derided favorite author? Why, by starting an online petition for it, of course!

I refer to this as small because it's pretty much over now, but still worth a look.

Over at fanficrants, Transformers stickyfic is protested. Or rather, stickyfic with no warning. smart_blonde223 sends a polite message to the culprit, asking for a warning to be placed on the fic.

The result? Wank. She gets flamed, barred from the site, said site actually gets taken down in a spectacular flounce, and the 'writer' turns up to threaten the OP. It's right here.

Well done, TF writer. Well done. You showed those nasty people! Taking down your site means you are such a martyr and everybody will be so impressed.
*slow-clap*


ETA: I somehow missed this. My bad. *blush*

EDIT: In light of the more recent wank involving FH and Laura, the links to her site have been removed.

Secret post that started it all. Specifically Secret 130.

It's an attack! But, don't worry about taking it down - I'll just try to divert attention to Michela instead. Looks like someone's never forgiven FanHistory either, and lays all the blame on Michela even though it seems other moderators there were involved.

ataniell93: There's no reason for you to know about me - that's why I repeatedly posted in this topic while signed in

SO RIGHT.

Leave Britney ataniell93 alone!

Here we finally see the truth: F_W hates me because I'm better than them!

Fail. The main reason F_W dislikes me is that I used to be part of F_W because some of my friends liked it, and then I saw that what F_W does is wrong, and instead of slinking quietly off into the dark and trying to forget it, I denounced the community. Period. I will never be forgiven for that, but I don't care, because it's not like I'm forgiving F_W next week. I still think who some of my friends are is part of the issue, but the main issue is that you all resent me for eating the red pill and waking up to what we were doing.

I guess we're all still in the Matrix.


And a personal note: Can one really be a part of F_W? It's not like we're Anonymous or anything.

Over at doctorwho a user psychedelicsand decides to share her 'art' with the community. Red flags instantly raise, as well as Crystal-wank comparisons, as her 'art' looks like it was run through paintshop filters. The original post has been bahleeted but a mousey over at wank_report has a screen cap of the original post with some of the early comments.

With the post bahleeted, psychedelicsand makes sure she gets her say against all the naysayers (I suggest trying to not look at her default icon there)over at doctorwho. Where she gives us such gems like:

I don't think I can take this anymore... I have done nothing wrong.. ever... I posted those images in my previous post because I really did paint them.. and people responded with so much hate. I'm not a hateful person. I'm not a liar. I'm an existentialist and a writer, I treasure experience.

And:

My message to all of you is: IF YOU THINK I'M A LOSER, FINE, TAKE ME OFF OF YOUR FRIENDS LIST BUT I AM NOT A LIAR AND I HAVE THE PROOF THROUGH WORKS IN PROGRESS TO SHOW YOU. AND YOU, WHO ADDED ME AND NEVER RESPOND.. WHAT'S THE POINT? The whole world is fucked. Everything I do, no matter what it is, is wrong. No one gives a shit about me or the things I have to say.

When I fucking twisted my ankle today people literally SLOWED DOWN IN THEIR FUCKING CARS to gawk at me. Not once did anyone offer to help me or drive me to the hospital. Not once has anyone ever showed any interest in anyone other than themselves. Fuck. My Husband went to a house to ask to use the phone. . . and you would think as the woman stared at me from her doorway with "Aww that's awful." in her tone, that she would have offered me a drive. Funny.

So the message is

FUCK YOU ALL.

The wank may no longer be on LJ but there's some over on DA where psychedelicsand goes by lord-of-time. You get the, waah they're so mean and I that was totally my work that she posted on her LJ and wanking in the comments on her DA page.

ETA: Her LJ account have been bahleeted. And now I feel bad about being too lazy to think about capping any of it. =( But she has left a parting message on her DA, though has bahleeted all other entries.

The ever wanky Twilight fandom has finally exploded.

It stared off with the usual batch of hate secrets which no one really looks twice at anymore, but then things heated up when inksplotched made an disgustingly attention whoring announcement of her departure from the fandom and her crony __dittany followed her shortly.

The anons did not approve.

As if that wasn't obnoxious enough, they two of them proceeded to STICK AROUND and wank even harder at various anons.

But that is not all. She was then echoed by fallenmelody in her spazzy announcement.

Some of inksplotched's cronies jumped into the wank and made total asses of themselves, as can be seen in the comments I linked to.

ETA: Many of the secrets occurred because of now deleted wank which took place in sortofbeautiful when aromarcuscaius created the community realtw_secret. This community annoucement set off a bucket-load of wank when anons starting going off on the ontd_twilight mods for what may or may not be accurate accusations of assholery and god-modding.

ETA 2: Please see secrets number 9, 43, and 50 to see what started her off on her diatribe (#50 refers to a friendship community she apparently runs with her friends).

ETA 3: And also note the explosion of ontd_twatlight. They seem to be twatting all over the secrets, in the anons, and have several long comment threads (foutu aka the shining star/twat/anus of the Twilight fandom also made an appearance.)

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Picked up from wank_report, a small wank but it's probably a good sign of the wank to come from the Twilight fandom.

Wank that is crossing the fandoms as The Leaky Cauldron post an article about the upcoming Twilight movie that is starring Robert Pattinson who played Cedric Diggory in the Harry Potter movies. The writer of the article decided to bring up the comparison between the Twilight and Harry Potter series as it has been brought up in the media during the promotion for the Twilight movie. Though there is little to compare between the two besides both being popular fantasy book series with high page counts not aimed at adults, as Twilight is a vampire romance story aimed at teens.

Most of the comments go back and forth over which is the better book and which is complete trash. One of the Twilight fans, Kerrie, seems to have taken on the role of defender of her 'much more mature book series, hehe'. This of course only causes the warring between the fans to grow even more. She enters in on page 7 and has refused to stop posting since with the thread now 22+ pages and that's with deleted comments. Here are some gems from her posts as she explains how Twilight is sooo much better than Harry Potter:

( And lets face it, sexy vampires are just way cooler then wizards, no matter which way you look at it hehe. )

And that's only snippets from the first ten comment pages as she seems to suffer from 'broken record syndrome' and refuses to believe her opinion could be wrong, being the 'mature working 22 year old' she is.

There's also additional wank from angry TLC readers that such a 'long article' was posted on TLC whose only connection to HP is that the movies share an actor sprinkled through out the comments pages.

ETA: Thanks to an update from mechanicaljewel, Kerrie has found Fandom_wank and surprise, surprise, doesn't get the point of f_w at all:

OMFG that article on Fandom_wank was too funny. Utterly hilarious. Pathetic article really. it wasn’t even written well. Oh well, clearly i’m out numbered. I don’t care one little bit. You guys ganged up on me and acted like its a crime to think that something is better then Potter. Its not a crime to like both. Did anyone notice that i tried to change the subject and people still kept insulting me. Very annoying. I have completely lost all respect for HP fans, who clearly refuse to accept that another book series could appeal to someone more. Just to clear the air, I never ever tried to force anyone to like Twilight, I only reccomended it and listed the reaons why i like it. If thats a crime, then take me away to jail hehe.

ETA2: kumquat_of_doom has brought to my attention that there are now sock puppet accusations about Kerrie and the commenters, deidre/daniel/elaine, that have been supporting her and saying the other posters are being too mean to her. Which can be read near the bottom of page 23.

ETA3: We have flounce on page 24, thank you ari_o for that update. But Kerrie is still going on the next page, cause she's just so sick and tired of all those immature HP fans and wants it to just end.

From wank_report:

starblade-enkai is a very unhappy dragon otherkin. In fact, he's outraged.

Why, you ask?

I can't explain the horror better than the man can himself.

A sample:

IT REALLY PISSES ME OFF WHEN A PREDATORY FUR TURNS PREY AND THEN EVERYBODY'S EATING THEM! WHAT THE FUCK, WORLD? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WANTED TO BE EATEN! FUCK THIS SHIT!

Don't you feel sympathetic? Of course you do!

Sadly, many of his commenters don't. They think he needs professional help. Others think he should ignore those meanies.

But he will punish everyone for their hateful lack of sympathy! He's LEAVING FOREVER.

He's totally serious about that flounce, people, because he hates you all. so. much. He'll be leaving any month now.

So much, packed into so little space.