Over in scans_daily today there was a post containing a recent xkcd strip about Nice Guys (TM).

Cue two-hundred comments worth of people arguing about whether people who makes friends with someone just in the hopes of eventually dating them are just shy and insecure, or if they're manipulative assholes.

It's not the most vicious wank in the world, but it does contain the occasional gem like:

"People like that need insulting if it helps them stop acting that way."

"Well, some say the same about women who keep staying in relationships where they get beaten."

From the website that pissed off all their fandom user base twice, Livejournal has decided to go for the gold and piss off their entire user base this time around. I present to you...

The Profile Massacre of 08!

In other words, Livejournal changes the profile design without warning and announces it later. Naturally, Livejournal users are very unhappy. There's more unhappiness to be found over at the news post. (Which hilariously includes a reminder that permanent accounts are going on sale.)

But that's not all! More hilarity ensues when the LJ Design Team posts again and clearly ignores the complaining.

Oh, Livejournal. What WON'T you do?

At discussion forums for George Martin's "A Song of Ice and Fire", a mostly innocent OP made a small mistake. You see, one of Martin's characters, Jojen Reed, has dreams that come true, and he calls them his "green dreams." Another character, Prince Daeron Targaryen, has dreams that come true, and he hasn't called them anything as far as we know. OP Kevin Lannister speculated they were much the same thing, then typed the fatal sentence:

He was world reknown for his drunkeness but his "green dreams" seem very un-targaryen to me and after a reread it seems he might have more to do with the story than he seems.

The thread, which has very slight spoilers for George Martin's "A Song Of Fire and Ice" books, stays polite until here, where Mister Manticore is brusque about Daeron's dreams not being green dreams. Another poster Denver jumps in to defend the Original Poster, martialling all the forces of formal logic to put Mister Manticore in his place.

( Given what your written words are, I cannot prove the A is a viable description of your comments, because there are no actual signs of 'A' (i.e., no signs of any tactfulness), which is a necessary condition for proving a positive. )

The thread gets increasingly cranky (for example, Saddam Hussein and the UN weapons inspectors are referenced), until Denver scores a huge rhetorical victory by tricking Mister Manticore that he owns logic books.

( 'I only read about it on the internets' )

PART IV: ATTACK OF THE 404 ERROR

The rebel forces at MLL got their bus ads (at least two of them, which is like 5%) Notice I'm linking to the images at BWP, because the Death Star forums at MLL have mysterious gone down.

There are rumors and speculation that Sleezer and Kate are in the MLL chat and kick out everyone who tries to pop in.

Kayspleen who donated all the money for the ads was banned from MLL as were JTF, evilyn, and lila. Mod Reuben quit and was replaced by pantiesinawad bunchesoffun.

There is a fun philosophical discussion on the nature of hate over at BWP.

Will the forums come back up? Will we ever find out how much the ads actually cost? Will we learn if the kind of bus the ads are on makes a difference? Will we find out if Sleezer actually ate any of those pagan babies? Stay tuned...

ETA alpha: rijane has more dirt on Sleezer deleting a huge chunk of the forum late last night.

ETA beta:: Leeser caught lurking at BWP??

ETA gamma: Ex-MLL mods offer pretty damning evidence that Sleezer skimmed $10k off the 2008 con money.

ETA delta: rijane explains about lawyers filing charges in this mess.

ETA epsilon: More con $$ shennanigans.

ETA zeta: SLEEZER SAYS MLL FORUM DOWN FOR GOOD!
edited to remove link to chat transcript because it violates F_W rules. You can find it if you dig around at BWP, but I am suspicious of the empty brand new journal.

ETA eta: I smell bullshit. I'm not the brightest bulb in the hallway, but this reads like one of Sleezer's supporters pretending to be a mouse and "leaking" info to us. YMMV.

ETA theta: www.lisagerry.com/ includes lots of MLL caps and all sorts of fun and damning evidence!

ETA iota: BWP has gone to registered users only for the off-topic forums. So none of these links work now. YAY? I think that concludes this wank unless Sleezer brings the forums back and explains it was a social experiment or something.

disclosure: I registered over there because I wanted to ask the site owner to take my user name off of lisagerry.com. FTLOG. Thank you!!

( resources below cut )

As most of you (in fandom, and some who aren't) probably know already, JKR gave £1 Million to the Labour party.

As this included celebrity, politics and Harry Potter, I knew there must be wank somewhere! Oh, internets, you so rarely disappoint. Posted to fandom_wank, because no-one would really care if she wasn't famous and hadn't created Harry Potter.


Bitch! I knew I always hated Harry Potter for a reason

Dogberry: Bloody celebrity socialists, if they are that 'socially aware' they should give all their money to the poor.

Snouter: I never understood the retards who were intrigued by the garbage books she put together. But then again, the Jonas Brothers have also captivated the imagination of today's retards so it is simply folks exploiting the retarded mentality of today's youth.

Datamass: Yeah what is it with the guilty rich who want to force other people to give up all of their money while they only give up a small portion.

I'm beginning to think they are just using socialism as a means to acquire more wealth under the guise of the common good.Essentially they're just playing their bullshit games to get people to give up as much money as they can so they can snatch it up. After all, with money comes power. Those who have the money rule.

Forcing people to "give" at gunpoint is not helping anything.
The greatest of crimes have always been in the name of "the common good", or in the name of helping the poor unfortunate.
So why don't you give up your money to help the poor if you're so concerned for them?
Lead by example, none of this "do as I say not as I do" shit.

( Read more... )

Once upon a time in the magical land of YouTube, there was a Scottish Youtuber who got bored one night . Turning on her camera and pressing the record button, she sat on her arse to praise the latest work of the almighty Stephenie Meyer, the next best thing since JK Rowling.

She was rather stout with a squared jaw and rectangular shaped eyes. Her hair was a silky brown in colour, straight and thin, shining under her lantern's light. After a few seconds of nasty glares and emo stares, our Scottish Youtuber goes on to make her announcement of just how disappointed she is with fans; going on to patronise the whole fanbase on just how pathetic they really are, not realising the irony of her statements.

Quoth she in a patronising tone while staring closely into the camera:

"How can you act like this? After reading that amaaaaaaazing book, not shit! not boring! not glorified fanfiction, A-MAAZING BOOK! I'ma say it real clear: A-MA-ZING BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK! You've been waiting for what? A year? And you've been thinking of how wonderful it's going to be, and DYING to get your hands on it, cause it's going to be soooo good! And then you complain about it? Because it's not what you wanted?

She briefly blew a small gust of wind into her hair, so as to keep her bangs from falling further into her eyes.

"Since when do you get what you want by complaining, you ungrateful little turd?" she enquires with a tone of anger in her voice "Yeah, I'm talking to you! You who is watching this! If you have ever complained about Breaking Dawn because it wasn't what you wanted it to be: I'ma just go this real slow for you, because your brain obviously isn't working right now, because you're being STUPID thinking that its not very good anyway, okay?

"Number One: Stephenie Meyer is a GENIUS! Ya-HA, Ya-HA, okay? She rocks! She wrote Twilight, she wrote New Moon, she wrote Eclipse and you loved them!"

Not even going halfway through her video, her fellow viewers stopped and said:

"Fat FAT FAT FAT You are fat."

Another said:

"Please tell me, why all the Twilight fans are stupid, fat girls?"

And another:

"I think YOU'RE overreacting. You couldn't pay me to read that shit again. Maybe one day you'll develop literary taste and you'll realize how godawful Breaking Dawn was -- no, how godawful EVERY book after Twilight was, and that srs bsns people like you have been acting as Stephenie Meyer's cash cows for the past 3 years. Smeyer's sun tanning on her yacht right now that YOU helped pay for, laughing her ass off at the teenies who believe whatever bullshit she spoonfeeds them."

But best of all. one said:

"THIS. ISN'T. SPARRRRTAAAAA!
You're allowed to have your opinion. The 'haters' are allowed to have theirs.
Deal with it. Stop being so insane over a book.
Y SO SRS BSNS? "

But fortunately to her support one kind soul said:

"I personally loved the book! Although I do think that weather people loved it or hated it they should be able to share their opinions, I do have a problem with people who take it to ridiculous extreems. I hope that after a while things will cool down and everyone can just get over all this drama. I loved all the books and will just try to ignore all the negative feedback. Also, coming from an American I would just like to say that Fuckwit is the most awesome swear word I have ever heard.lol!"

Like the broken clock that used to tick next to me, the vast majority of commentors just went "wankity-wank, wankity-wank, wankity-wank-wank" and occasionally one with a high enough level of oestrogen would go "squee-squee-squee, squeekity sqee! with joy! at the girl who defended Stephie and her literary classics!"

This goes on for a while as tradition has it, and then along came an anonymouse to report the wankage at wank_report

I'm ready for my award now for best break-through narrative of 2008.

[EDIT]:Oh yes, I forgot to point out that like the big bad wolf, this one also huffs and puffs, but didn't succeed in blowing down the house. But she did however manage to have a sadgasm somewhere in between her huffing and her acid trip when Renessme(sp?) supposedly gave her "visions". She also stated that "real vampires poop and wee on you", assuming of course she has come across real ones in her lifetime, and they didn't actually pop out of Stephenie Meyer's books during her state of emotional high. Thank you anonymous!

blackjackrocket makes a rather mundane post in the pokemon community to find out if jesusatemeout still wants to do an earlier agreed upon Pokemon trade. jesusatemeout says she does, and they proceed to began the joyous dance of trading!

Sadly, this does not go smoothly. A span of time passes with no reply, and BJR starts getting testy.

"...ok, I've been waiting for TWENTY TWO MINUTES now, stalling out on that INVITE/DISCONNECT screen. Where the HELL are you?" "Yeah, half an hour. Tell me when you're *actually ready* instead of making me wait around with that insipid music going on."

jesusatemeout replies about twenty minutes later: "You could like. Not be mean. Right when I got to the Pokecenter, my internet went out. It's still intermittent. I was fucking tearing my hair out and worrying you'd freak out, and you totally did. I don't intend to keep your Lugia, I'm very happy you let me get the info with a tradeback, and please just calm down and stop accusing me of shit when it is entirely out of my control.

In fact, if someone completely disappears, I think it's safe to assume that their internet went out or something more important happened. Next time just be patient- I will get back to you when I can."

In most cases, things would smooth themselves out from here and people would go on about their lives. But really, would I be posting here if it had? Of course not.

Aside from the always amusing cluelessness of BJR, we also feature penguinsane letting her know she's banned from the pokewifi community in spite of this whole shebang not taking place there.

Fanboys are out in force on Rotten Tomatoes. There are six bad reviews of The Dark Knight posted, and each one has hundreds of comments, mostly consisting of "**** YOU, YOU PRETENTIOUS DOUCHE! I HATE NEW YORKERS!" Four (or five—I'm too lazy to check) of the six reviews are from NY, you see. Here are the posted blurbs from reviews:

"The Dark Knight is noisy, jumbled, and sadistic." 194 comments

"This movie is too in love with itself to make you love it." 334 comments

"This movie is grim and jammed together. The narrative isn't shaped coherently to bring out contrasts and build toward a satisfying climax. The Dark Knight is constant climax; it's always in a frenzy, and it goes on forever." 535 comments WARNING: alleged spoilers in the review.

"Visually impressive, but any hack can do a halfway decent job with trailer-ready tangents. Not everyone can push the genre forward, and the fact that Nolan's padded popcorn flick isn't the streamlined masterpiece it could have been is a real buzzkill." 200 comments

"Plodding, puffed-up kitsch mistaking itself for profound psycho noir that the source material won't support." 122 comments WARNING: alleged spoilers in the review.

"The generation of consumers who swallow this pessimistic sentiment can’t see past the product to its debased morality. Instead, their excitement about The Dark Knight’s dread (that teenage thrall with subversion) inspires their fealty to product." 201 comments

Everyone's a jerk! Yay!

As Whomageddon rolls on, doctorwho  brings us another sterling gem. Or rather, two bright turds of wank, coupled together to form a synergistic pile of perfection.

First, cringer1982 shares that he's written a very pointed letter to the BBC about how they have portrayed Asians in their recent episode Turn Left. He neglects to mention that he's white as the fresh driven snow. Irish, in fact.

BBC officials respond with a letter that has nothing to do with anything.

Some people don't see his point.

( Meanwhile, back on the blog... )

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Picked up from wank_report.

Ponystars.com is an online game for a pony raising connected to Acclaim Games, Inc. All is not fine in this land of happy pony love though. It begins with this thread. On June 9th doulanurse creates a thread saying she believes it is impossible for people to have the kind of ponies they have in their account without knowing or paying someone at Acclaim to get them. Methony confronts her about her accusations in this thread and doulanurse pulls the cancer card on her. The thread dies off quickly though and the argument seems to have ended.

Then a few days later doulanurse makes another thread, this time about her being unhappy with people owning multiple accounts, which she sees as cheating. She makes a post in the forums about this, Methony, as an example, based only on the fact her account is less than a month old.

Of course quickly there are users accusing doulanurse of using Methony as an example because of a grudge against her. doulanurse insists that using Methony as an example is not because of a grudge and everyone just needs to get back on topic, whether or not having multiple accounts are cheating. In fact she quotes herself several times whenever any conversation that deviates from the topic shows up to trey to get people to discuss the topic she wants discussed, but for the most part she is ignored.

As other members of the board come in to refute her, doulanurse responds by telling everyone that:

( I am on medications that make my inhibition's free! )

Neither side seems to want to let go of this issue and the actual topic seems to be lost within finger pointing from both sides on whether or not doulanurse posted this in a grudge against Methony.

As seen on clairvoyantwank...


LiveJournal is holding elections for a users' representative on the LJ Advisory Board. Among the candidates are jameth and legomymalfoy. There are other candidates, bugt these two have the most attention. Depending on who you talk to, jameth is a witty, widely read LJ celebrity/troll who kicks people when they're down, and legomymalfoy is a fannish member in good standing of LJ Abuse/Establishment Pig who left her fellow fen out to dry during Strikethrough.

This being LJ-related, there's wank. Sweet Mother of God, is there wank.

It starts with a post from jameth about possible ballot-stuffing and rolls downhill from there. Accusations of jameth's newest campaign icon triggering seizures in epileptics (sorry, no links - the one I saw on metafandom has been locked down). Supporters of both candidates being called trolls (too many threads to link) and accusations of smear campaigns on both sides. The "sleeping giant" of fandom being awakened. Like the dragon!

By Monday, legomymalfoy was in the lead. But that's not enough bookshop, aka Aja. Because jameth is still a menace to LJ! So she encourages people to spam fannish LJ communities to get out the vote.

Not everyone agrees. Comments are deleted. jameth shows up, and Aja freezes the thread.

And what's a fandom popularity conest debate without Godwin's?

ETA: Someone blew their Humanity roll.

Thanks to the wank_report mouse for the tip off.

the summary:

EXTRA, EXTRA, READ ALL ABOUT IT. Chancery Stone, fandom_wank mockee and author of the infamous 'Danny' 'mad as hell and not going to take it... er... two years later'! Thrill! As she describes how badass she is! Marvel! As she repeatedly laments the horrors that have lead her down the path of legal action against a certain fan-run journalling site! GASP! As she remarks of herself, "Once I scent blood I'm in there like a heat-seeking missile."

COMING SOON to a tl;dr blog post near you.

( More highlights under cut )

In the Guardian: Manish Vij thinks that the Simpsons character Apu is a demeaning stereotype. Special exception is taken to "7-Eleven's bizarre promotion, which moves a crude ethnic stereotype into the real world. Desi franchise employees, among others, are being asked to don Kwik-E-Mart costumes with Apu nametags, come to work under banners mocking their ethnicity, and bid customers goodbye with the phrase, 'Thank you, come again!'" Comparisons to minstrel shows are made.

Comments go boom. Lots of "You're exactly right!" and "I'm Indian/Asian and I think it's funny!" Much self-righteousness and tl;dr on both sides; as grapefruitzzz said, "Ah, Guardian blog wank. A rich vein, nutritious and ever-flowing."

According to former wanka teratologist, Fandom Wank isn't just like those mean girls from high school--we're like supporters of the war in Iraq, too!:

When you want to see others hurt and humiliated, and you don't want to feel guilty afterwards, the best fix is to find some people that 'deserve' it. Better make them pretty close to one hundred percent bad, to be safe. Such people being in short supply, they sometimes must be created. Or the regular sort of people must be cunningly disguised as them. This is not exactly an earth-shaking psychophilosophical discovery, over here. Most of the f_w crew, most of the people who got a real chuckle out of the Ton-Tongue Toffee and felt a fierce joy at Marietta's facial scarring, hell, even most people who still support the Iraq war, could probably tell what I just told you, on an intellectual level, and could probably invoke such an explanation to cover the behavior of characters and fans they don't identify with. [emphasis mine]

As she continues taking fandom Way Too Seriously, she describes The Incredibles as "a disappointing crypto-facist bowl of nut crunch" in a comment. Apparently:

It was a great movie for people who unsophisticatedly imagine that _they'd_ be the superheroes. Sadly, the demographic at Rotten Tomatoes seems prone to contain a lot of people who also think they're magically delicious in the genes department.

Which of course is completely and entirely different from people who think that the Malfoys would just adore them, as opposed to using them for target practice.

Did you know that LJ users are expected to maintain strict standards of fannish decorum at all time? At least, that's what selenitatis seems to think. When rageprufrock posts on her private journal about the most recent episode of House, selenitatus takes offense at the post's frivolous tone:

While it's hard to object to pure joyous fangirling, I can't help but be truly shocked and frankly a bit disappointed to hear "there's probably another plot and stuff" out of you. I've respected you greatly in the past and was hoping that I would find some of the depth desperately lacking elsewhere here. Not only did I not, but you seem to be validating the shallowness that other, lesser writers are flaunting.

Remember, kids: Your LJ is a valuable public service. And medically-shoddy-yet-highly-entertaining doctor shows are, as always, Serious Business.

First wank report, yadda.

In the DMC LJ icons community, mortenuova pimps demoncest, a newly created community for fans of Vergil/Dante.

I'm just pimping our new Virgil/Dante community. XO If you hate Virgil/Dante, or pimping. Ignore me! (We will be having icon challenges and so on and so forth—we're actually having one now.)

Ha ha. *run*

parsephoni proceeds to ignore the "ignore me" part and completely spazzes out about the OP being "a fucking pro-incest sick bitch" (although she said nothing about all the Vergil/Dante icons posted to the comm) and about the spelling of Nelo Angelo's name.

I'm still surprised it took THREE GAMES before this pairing got wanked.

ETA: And as the mod steps in, Parsephoni proceeds to suck up as if she wasn't the one who royally flipped out in the first place

ETAA: From the above sucking up thread:
Parsephoni: Also, I did not assume the girl was pro-incest. She made a community celebrating homosexual sex between twins. It’s obvious that she is.

The Logic is weak in this one.

Today's FoxTrot is the latest in a continuing storyline about Roger visiting the North Pole on the Polar Express after drinking bad eggnog.

The latest strip refers to the fact that it's too pricey for Santa to employ elves, so he's had to outsource the jobs to the Chinese. weekoldsushi takes offense as s/he is Chinese.

Wank ensues. There are arguments about the Chinese economy, and xellchiri manages to work in a Homestar Runner reference in there.

It doesn't take long before Hitler shows up, courtesy of the OP, and Godwin's Law is invoked.

And the 'best comment award' goes to this post.

But wait, there's more on page 2! littlemiss_pms brings up racism, and is shocked, SHOCKED by the whole thing. And mrs_peabody ties it all together by bringing in some election wank.

Enjoy!

/happy holidays to all!

Peter Jackson is apparently responsible for all that is wrong with LotR fandom these days. Okay, sure, a case can be made for that. But I wouldn't tend to blame him, as this rather vitriolic individual (who claims she liked the movies... I'd be scared to see her discuss a movie she hated) does, for fangirls not knowing the proper names of horse colours. Do you really think he was intimately involved in writing every question for the trivial persuit game?

A commenter hopes the movies will be forgotten quickly and the fandom will go back to being like it used to be. Excuse me while I point at and mock the hopelessly naive.

Continued Smallville debate on whether or not the fandom is MEAN. The devil is in the comments.