I'm going to rip this straight from wank_report   because the Mouse summarized it perfectly:

"Small wank so far, but I'm sure Chancery won't disappoint us.

After Stone's debacle on the Amazon romance forums, Chancery discovered Nora Roberts. And immediately finds her so silly and her writing so horrible, she can't HELP but write a big long post on just how LITTLE Chancery thinks of la Nora.

http://danny.blogspirit.com/archive/2008/09/12/bleedin-nora.html#comments

Also, in the comments, to prove to everyone that she really DOESN'T CARE AT ALL about Nora, Chancery goes to her local library for some of Nora's books. Because she COULD REALLY CARE LESS. The butthurt is continued in her next blog post, wherein Chancery cares so little about Nora and her success that she psychoanalyzes Roberts' home life, motivations, and lack of strong female influences in her life.

http://danny.blogspirit.com/archive/2008/09/19/romancing-la-stone.html#comments

It would have just been left at that, perhaps, if Karen Knows Best, the former blog that complained about the Amazon wank, hadn't picked up on it and posted their own butthurt on behalf of Nora. Now that people are paying attention to her tantrum, Chancery will inevitably ascend to the peaks of Mount Wankalaya never before scaled.

http://karenknowsbest.com/2008/10/01/can-you-smell-the-desperation-from-here/#comments [ETA: Karen's account seems to have been suspended for some reason.]"


*applauds mousie*
The only things I'll add to this is that Chancery added another post in which she tries to spoof Nora's writing, with hi-fucking-larious results, and she found that last link the mousie gave.

I would've put this in clairvoyantwank  , but Chancery trying to spoof Nora's writing just put this one over the top.

Edited again to fix wacked-up HTML. GODDAMN RICH TEXT TAB.

Bride of ETA: There's now some bonus wank/rage in the comments of Chancery's post on being spotted by Karen. I don't know if it's related to Karen's blog going down or not, but some people clearly think so.

Son of ETA: Karen's blog is now back up. Leading theories are lasers, monkeys, space lasers, space monkeys, or space laser monkeys or us wankas overusing metered bandwidth.

Bride of the Son of ETA: What the shit? (from a new comment, made today, in CS's first post)

Revenge of the Bride of ETA: Speaking of batshit comments, there is now delightful catfighting in Chancery's post about Karen. Particularly beautiful (emphasis mine):
ItsASecret, why do you all have an obsession with me changing? Do you have problems with people changing on you? Is this a fear of werewolves, vampires? Did your mother have a sex change and become your dad? And there is no facility to screen comments on Blogspirit. All I can do is delete them. Would you like me to delete yours? Would that help you feel more special? Try not to look so paranoid. It's an ugly trait, and you're already trying too hard. You can't win, you know.

Don't worry, I have screencaps in excess should CS go on a deleteathon.

ETA with a twist of lemon (i couldn't resist): I think this deserves an ETA of its own for sheer fucking irony. Chancery's latest comment on this post:

Of course you "don't have an obsession with anything" about me, ItsASecret. And of course you "are not trying to win". And we do know why you keep posting "stupid comments". That, we do. However, maybe you want to try and learn not to "protest too much." Fails to convince.

And does anyone "disagree with me on the internet"? All I hear is the same sad assortment of 'insults' followed by "oh Chancery, never change", all the time, every time, over and over, endlessly. Not an 'argument' in sight.

Lastly, in the wild, giddy impossibility of one of you actually managing to think up something resembling a "disagreement" - why would that damage my "sparkling reputation"? (Thanks, by the way)

Do you ever think before you speak?

many bothansquotation marks died to bring us this ETA.

As a lot of you must know by now, the first 12 Chapters of Midnight Sun, Smeyer's addition to her Uh-may-zing boooookes was leaked on the internet several days ago, and this has chagrined her dazzle verily.

From her official website:

August 28, 2008 (part II)

As some of you may have heard, my partial draft of Midnight Sun was illegally posted on the Internet and has since been virally distributed without my knowledge or permission or the knowledge or permission of my publisher.

I have a good idea of how the leak happened as there were very few copies of Midnight Sun that left my possession and each was unique. Due to little changes I made to the manuscript at different times, I can tell when each left my possession and to whom it was given. The manuscript that was illegally distributed on the Internet was given to trusted individuals for a good purpose. I have no comment beyond that as I believe that there was no malicious intent with the initial distribution.

I did not want my readers to experience Midnight Sun before it was completed, edited and published. I think it is important for everybody to understand that what happened was a huge violation of my rights as an author, not to mention me as a human being. As the author of the Twilight Saga, I control the copyright and it is up to the owner of the copyright to decide when the books should be made public; this is the same for musicians and filmmakers. Just because someone buys a book or movie or song, or gets a download off the Internet, doesn't mean that they own the right to reproduce and distribute it. Unfortunately, with the Internet, it is easy for people to obtain and share items that do not legally belong to them. No matter how this is done, it is still dishonest. This has been a very upsetting experience for me, but I hope it will at least leave my fans with a better understanding of copyright and the importance of artistic control.

So where does this leave Midnight Sun? My first feeling was that there was no way to continue. Writing isn't like math; in math, two plus two always equals four no matter what your mood is like. With writing, the way you feel changes everything. If I tried to write Midnight Sun now, in my current frame of mind, James would probably win and all the Cullens would die, which wouldn't dovetail too well with the original story. In any case, I feel too sad about what has happened to continue working on Midnight Sun, and so it is on hold indefinitely.

I'd rather my fans not read this version of Midnight Sun. It was only an incomplete draft; the writing is messy and flawed and full of mistakes. But how do I comment on this violation without driving more people to look for the illegal posting? It has taken me a while to decide how and if I could respond. But to end the confusion, I've decided to make the draft available here (at the end of this message on the Midnight Sun page). This way, my readers don't have to feel they have to make a sacrifice to stay honest. I hope this fragment gives you further insight into Edward's head and adds a new dimension to the Twilight story. That's what inspired me to write it in the first place.

I do want to take a moment and thank the wonderful fans who have been so supportive of me over the past three years. I cannot begin to tell you how much each of you means to me. I only hope this note will stop all the confusion and online speculation so that the Twilight universe can once again become the happy escape it used to be. After this incredibly busy year, I am now focusing on spending more time with my family and working on some other writing projects.

--Stephenie

I don't think I need to add much more than that.  Lol.  This is so bloody beautiful...Oh Smeyer...please to be going over there to cry upon your pile of ill-begotten millions.  We all know that that book is going to be finished and published eventually so that you can add to your dragon hoard of booty. 

Who else thinks that she's just waaaaahing for the sympathy and threatening to not provide any more crack so that everyone can forget about the epic fail that was Breaking Dawn and start kissing her ass again? *raises hand*

Edit:

And we get reactions from the Amazon Boards and the ♥ TwiMoms ♥. The ONTD comm weighs in on the situation.

And the NuttyMadam reacts. Though sorry, there's no vid this time since she took it down. But here, have a transcription of the lost vid, courtesy of aegflota

We are all a bunch of meanies hiding away in this little club house of ours.

Smeyer Ego stroking.

Bonus Snack: The Twimoms just cannot leave the poor boy alone!. There's wankiness in the second link, as the TwiMom in the picture appears and asks for her photo to be taken down. Also, Here is a step by step instruction manual on how to go about your Pretty Vampire Actors stalking, for you n00bs who have no idea how to go about it. It is illustrated and everything. The TwiMoms are nothing, if not thorough.

OH NOES YOU GUISE! They be calling the FBI on us!!! WHAT DO WE DO? WHAT DO WE DO?

Twilight is going to save our country from the evil lesbians so you'd better all stop dissing it!

Cleolinda Midnight Sun Commentary! Yay. Lol.

ETA:How do you gain respect for your much derided favorite author? Why, by starting an online petition for it, of course!

Once upon a time in the magical land of YouTube, there was a Scottish Youtuber who got bored one night . Turning on her camera and pressing the record button, she sat on her arse to praise the latest work of the almighty Stephenie Meyer, the next best thing since JK Rowling.

She was rather stout with a squared jaw and rectangular shaped eyes. Her hair was a silky brown in colour, straight and thin, shining under her lantern's light. After a few seconds of nasty glares and emo stares, our Scottish Youtuber goes on to make her announcement of just how disappointed she is with fans; going on to patronise the whole fanbase on just how pathetic they really are, not realising the irony of her statements.

Quoth she in a patronising tone while staring closely into the camera:

"How can you act like this? After reading that amaaaaaaazing book, not shit! not boring! not glorified fanfiction, A-MAAZING BOOK! I'ma say it real clear: A-MA-ZING BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK! You've been waiting for what? A year? And you've been thinking of how wonderful it's going to be, and DYING to get your hands on it, cause it's going to be soooo good! And then you complain about it? Because it's not what you wanted?

She briefly blew a small gust of wind into her hair, so as to keep her bangs from falling further into her eyes.

"Since when do you get what you want by complaining, you ungrateful little turd?" she enquires with a tone of anger in her voice "Yeah, I'm talking to you! You who is watching this! If you have ever complained about Breaking Dawn because it wasn't what you wanted it to be: I'ma just go this real slow for you, because your brain obviously isn't working right now, because you're being STUPID thinking that its not very good anyway, okay?

"Number One: Stephenie Meyer is a GENIUS! Ya-HA, Ya-HA, okay? She rocks! She wrote Twilight, she wrote New Moon, she wrote Eclipse and you loved them!"

Not even going halfway through her video, her fellow viewers stopped and said:

"Fat FAT FAT FAT You are fat."

Another said:

"Please tell me, why all the Twilight fans are stupid, fat girls?"

And another:

"I think YOU'RE overreacting. You couldn't pay me to read that shit again. Maybe one day you'll develop literary taste and you'll realize how godawful Breaking Dawn was -- no, how godawful EVERY book after Twilight was, and that srs bsns people like you have been acting as Stephenie Meyer's cash cows for the past 3 years. Smeyer's sun tanning on her yacht right now that YOU helped pay for, laughing her ass off at the teenies who believe whatever bullshit she spoonfeeds them."

But best of all. one said:

"THIS. ISN'T. SPARRRRTAAAAA!
You're allowed to have your opinion. The 'haters' are allowed to have theirs.
Deal with it. Stop being so insane over a book.
Y SO SRS BSNS? "

But fortunately to her support one kind soul said:

"I personally loved the book! Although I do think that weather people loved it or hated it they should be able to share their opinions, I do have a problem with people who take it to ridiculous extreems. I hope that after a while things will cool down and everyone can just get over all this drama. I loved all the books and will just try to ignore all the negative feedback. Also, coming from an American I would just like to say that Fuckwit is the most awesome swear word I have ever heard.lol!"

Like the broken clock that used to tick next to me, the vast majority of commentors just went "wankity-wank, wankity-wank, wankity-wank-wank" and occasionally one with a high enough level of oestrogen would go "squee-squee-squee, squeekity sqee! with joy! at the girl who defended Stephie and her literary classics!"

This goes on for a while as tradition has it, and then along came an anonymouse to report the wankage at wank_report

I'm ready for my award now for best break-through narrative of 2008.

[EDIT]:Oh yes, I forgot to point out that like the big bad wolf, this one also huffs and puffs, but didn't succeed in blowing down the house. But she did however manage to have a sadgasm somewhere in between her huffing and her acid trip when Renessme(sp?) supposedly gave her "visions". She also stated that "real vampires poop and wee on you", assuming of course she has come across real ones in her lifetime, and they didn't actually pop out of Stephenie Meyer's books during her state of emotional high. Thank you anonymous!

As some of you know, Avatar: the Last Airbender had its series finale yesterday. Many mind-blowing things occured in the finale, but since this is fandom, all the wankers care about is one thing: whose ships got sunk?

( Spoilery Ship Wank under the cut )

OH my fandom. You never stop wanking, do you?

Edit: Bonus wank from livejournal! (Thank you ueuecoyotl!) Character-bashing, creator-bashing, and plans for a rewrite. My Harmony flashbacks grow stronger and more vivid by the minute.

Edit 2: Limey404 brilliantly calls Avid on her bullshit. Wow that's some grade-A hypocrisy right there folks.

Edit 3: The batshit continues as Avid posts a follow-up. Just... read it. It's special.

Edit 4: Avid's BFF, Isaluvszutara, brings the drama in her own journal. Sheesh, don't these people have lives ouside of their ships? D:

EDIT: In light of the more recent wank involving FH and Laura, the links to her site have been removed.

Secret post that started it all. Specifically Secret 130.

It's an attack! But, don't worry about taking it down - I'll just try to divert attention to Michela instead. Looks like someone's never forgiven FanHistory either, and lays all the blame on Michela even though it seems other moderators there were involved.

ataniell93: There's no reason for you to know about me - that's why I repeatedly posted in this topic while signed in

SO RIGHT.

Leave Britney ataniell93 alone!

Here we finally see the truth: F_W hates me because I'm better than them!

Fail. The main reason F_W dislikes me is that I used to be part of F_W because some of my friends liked it, and then I saw that what F_W does is wrong, and instead of slinking quietly off into the dark and trying to forget it, I denounced the community. Period. I will never be forgiven for that, but I don't care, because it's not like I'm forgiving F_W next week. I still think who some of my friends are is part of the issue, but the main issue is that you all resent me for eating the red pill and waking up to what we were doing.

I guess we're all still in the Matrix.


And a personal note: Can one really be a part of F_W? It's not like we're Anonymous or anything.

The ever wanky Twilight fandom has finally exploded.

It stared off with the usual batch of hate secrets which no one really looks twice at anymore, but then things heated up when inksplotched made an disgustingly attention whoring announcement of her departure from the fandom and her crony __dittany followed her shortly.

The anons did not approve.

As if that wasn't obnoxious enough, they two of them proceeded to STICK AROUND and wank even harder at various anons.

But that is not all. She was then echoed by fallenmelody in her spazzy announcement.

Some of inksplotched's cronies jumped into the wank and made total asses of themselves, as can be seen in the comments I linked to.

ETA: Many of the secrets occurred because of now deleted wank which took place in sortofbeautiful when aromarcuscaius created the community realtw_secret. This community annoucement set off a bucket-load of wank when anons starting going off on the ontd_twilight mods for what may or may not be accurate accusations of assholery and god-modding.

ETA 2: Please see secrets number 9, 43, and 50 to see what started her off on her diatribe (#50 refers to a friendship community she apparently runs with her friends).

ETA 3: And also note the explosion of ontd_twatlight. They seem to be twatting all over the secrets, in the anons, and have several long comment threads (foutu aka the shining star/twat/anus of the Twilight fandom also made an appearance.)

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

In vergil_fangirls, rosiesintherain posts:

I know I'm going to be stomped with flames and insults for asking, but why exactly do people like Dante/Vergil?

It's something I never understood. I understand people appreciating the brotherly (FAMILY) love between them. The fact that they're so different and would definately be willing to kill each other, but they can't bring themselves to completely hate each other. Lady and Arkham had that too. Despite all the horribly things that Arkham had done to both her and others, she was still saddened when she killed him. Same with Dante. Despite what Vergil had done to him and was planning on doing to the world, when he left the human world forever, he was saddened by that too.

I don't find it romantic in the least and I don't understand why people try to make it out to be. I don't think someone can completely hate their family member, and DMC3 decided to play on that. And it's fairly obvious that Dante likes women. He hits on almost all the DMC girls, has naked pictures of women in his office, and totally got a boner the moment he saw Nevan. I don't think he's ever done that around Vergil.

Plus.... they're brothers. That's just sick.

So since there seems to be quite a lot of twincest fans here, I'd like to hear what they have to say. It confuses me when people dislike Dante/Trish because Trish is a clone of his mother, but turn around and say that two brothers fucking is hot.

Just curious.

( YAY WANK! )

ETA: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE GODWIN.

As an offshoot of the Lexicon wank, it appears Melissa wank has arrived.

As part of her "impartial" coverage of the lawsuit, Melissa Anelli of TLC apparently felt it necessary to qualify Steve Vander Ark's (signed under oath) statement that the advertising on the Lexicon "covers the cost of running the site" by reminding people that "The Leaky Cauldron houses and runs the Harry Potter Lexicon for zero charge, and has since it came under its current domain name. That is true as of this posting." However, on Feb 11 she admits to denying a request for the transfer of hosting.

This prompts SVA to release more detail than anyone wanted to know about the finances of the Lexicon. Quote: "If there was any income to me, it wasn't much, especially by comparison to the income other websites have earned." The "other website" he specifically mentions is MuggleNet, whose owner claims a "six-figure income" from the site. SVA doesn't mention TLC, but Melissa goes crazy.

A bit of digging reveals that TLC's finances have been discussed before over on I was a Leaky Lounge Mod. In May 2007, a mouse says: "I know for a fact that Melissa used Leaky money to buy herself a new laptop." In September 2007, Gina raised suspicions about who paid for Melissa's New York apartment ("the web provides a TON of information about purchase prices of condos which are pretty darn high to not have jobs *koff koff*") Over Sep/Oct 2007 the subject was raised again, and another mouse said:

"To take Melissa as the main example, as has been pointed out she lives in New York. That place is very expensive, not just real estate but the cost of living as well. She is in no way living off the advance on her book because let's face it, even if all her fangirls and boys buy it it's not going to be a huge best seller. The time has been and gone for that. She has left her full time job and therefore she must be taking at least a 5-6 figure salary from Leaky. If she is doing this and has deliberately registered it in a way that doesn't mean full disclosure, then that is appalling."

The matter was pretty much put to rest until Melissa forced SVA's hand. Ex-staff are pissed. Highlights:

There will continue to be no transparency about Leaky income. They've claimed for far too long that they make no money. I can only say that I actually know this to be total BS. I'd love to tell you my proof, alas I'm not able. Steve threw some stones but Melissa opened a door that, IMHO, that now begs the question of well, so, what DOES Leaky earn then?

and:

Since Melissa is bringing up money herself, she really should answer. If she is going to criticize Steve for trying to make this a full time job that she should be above that same criticism.

Arianhrod marches over to Leaky Lounge with this:

But since it doesn't appear that anyone else is going to ask the logical question, I will.

Just how much does Leaky make from all of this--in profit? Is this considered a hobby by the IRS, or is it a major source (or even sole source) of income?

And before anyone questions my audacity, Melissa has laid it out on the line and brought the subject of hosting and ad revenue costs into the open. It's no longer a private matter--the whole world now knows about it and as such this is a valid question, especially if TLC has been or gets dragged into this lawsuit.

I don't expect an answer--I do expect to get ripped to shreds, and that's fine. But at least I'm not afraid to ask.

Melissa ignores the question. Arianhrod calls her on it ("With all due respect, Melissa, that is avoiding the issue.") Melissa gets defensive.

So here's the dealio: A Teaspoon And An Open Mind (the main Doctor Who fic archive) underwent a changing of the mods and implemented some changes in policy.

About the same time, user MelindaKitty was banned for using a homophobic slur in an essay and being abusive to moderators. Also, as it turns out, misclassifying one of her essay as a story. (There are screencaps.) She was kind enough to post the essay in question so we could see how entirely not like a story it is.

She was not very happy about it. Neither were either of her spouses or her friends. But the mods and their ilk kept their own comments on the affair behind f-lock and so things quieted down for a while.

Then came the Fighting Spoon. Fighting Spoon's purpose was to provide a place for people to bitch about the recent policy changes at the Teaspoon. It also created an lj comm which claims it can "achive your fics but you should use friend only posts there - so Teaspoon Mods don't know who's with me" (which ignores the fact that anyone can see who's joined a comm.)

Meanwhile, in the journal itself, Fighting Spoon starts out by reposting an email where it complains about how it took a whole twelve to fourteen hours for their fic to get approved now that submissions are moderated. In the comments, moderation of submissions is called repressive pseudo-fascism and V for Vendetta is quoted channeled.

Wank breaks out on all sides! There is tl;dr rant about how mods should be democratically elected and that the whole thing is in violation of the First Amendment, never mind that the mod that banned her is SCOTTISH. Melindakitty's husband reposts the Godwin-invoking lyric-filled rant he'd emailed the mods with. People get confused about who swore at the mod. A debate on the nature of fascism is held. Comparisons are made to Animal Farm. The spirit of Aldous Huxley is called upon. Someone tries to play peacemaker which doesn't work.

All the while Fighting Spoon is backpedalling furiously and MelindaKitty just wants to get back to policy.

About the only thing missing from this is Rosewank, but don't worry, someone's trying to start one in the wank report!

Peter Jackson is apparently responsible for all that is wrong with LotR fandom these days. Okay, sure, a case can be made for that. But I wouldn't tend to blame him, as this rather vitriolic individual (who claims she liked the movies... I'd be scared to see her discuss a movie she hated) does, for fangirls not knowing the proper names of horse colours. Do you really think he was intimately involved in writing every question for the trivial persuit game?

A commenter hopes the movies will be forgotten quickly and the fandom will go back to being like it used to be. Excuse me while I point at and mock the hopelessly naive.

Hiya there people! I'm here for the snark (well duh!) and I've been reading posts for months now.

Because my fandom (Yami no Matsuei, or Descendants of Darkness) is most likely the least wanky fandom EVA!!!11! I have to search around for my daily dose of wankage. This time, the wank came to me. Ooh, and it was flamy!

First it was in my friend's journal. The original flame is, sadly, deleted, but she paraphrased it there. See the comments to find out the flamer has a name. And absolutely no consept of paragraphs ^_^

Now let me remind you, this person left two anonymous flames before that. Starza has been called a pedophile and a creepy pornographer. Why? Because she likes yaoi. And we all know how wrong and disgusting yaoi is, right?

The flame is taken to fic_flames. Watch the flamer come and defend herself! She's "quoted out of context" and she only did this because her personal beef with Starza! Ok, lemme wrap my head around those comments...

...no, still makes no sense. Flame someone for writing soft shounen-ai fluff, because you don't agree with her on matters totally unrelated to the fic writing?

OKAY!

Oh, and what was that all about then? This topic.

It's an anime thread on a forum for PDA, online RPG. I know jack shit about it, but judging from what little I've browsed through the forum, there's lots and lots of wank. It's bukkake round the clock.

Starza is a mod in one section there.

Suddenly, it no longer seems so weird...

Ahh, love it when people get jumped for doing what they're supposed to do: moderate a board!

PS: biased, me? Nooo~!

Attention! Is someone in your fandom bugging you? Getting up your nose and not sharing your values? Fear not, because for the price of a dial-up, you can now share the hate with the rest of the class!

Display emails, IM conversations and chat transcripts! Go searching for posts in other forums in order to prove your point! Get your friends to agree with you! Spend hours of time building a website dedicated to one person (albeit a stunningly silly person) instead of having a drink and forgetting about it! Act now now now!