I love that I did not even have to make up that title.

For those who are like me and frequently too lazy to click links...

( plagiarism! and plagiarism again! and flouncing! and DE-flouncing! also skywriting which is apparently only for sociopaths. )

ETA: The apology to Clowes was skywritten over Los Angeles...but Clowes lives in the Bay Area.

More details on LaBeouf vs. Dunham.

ETA #2: LaBeouf to possibly hold a repentance-themed performance art show at a Los Angeles art gallery. Just when you thought this guy couldn't be any more of a drama queen...

Apparently fans of Loki (as played by Tom Hiddleston in Thor and Avengers) figure that since their favorite character is the God of Mischief, there should be a lot of mischief in their fandom.

Devoted Loki fans mostly infest tumblr, but they also closely follow relevant Twitter accounts, including one which purported to be the official Twitter of the upcoming Thor sequel Thor: The Dark World, which was @Thor2themovie. (Click here to see a screenshot of this now-deleted Twitter's tweets; thank you to this tumblr for the link.)

There should have been some warning, because a few days earlier the Twitter account linked to a photo of Christopher Eccleston from another movie, claiming that it was of him on the set of Thor 2, and a couple of days later was forced to admit it wasn't. Still, it posted plausible remarks about the various people involved in the production and links to the first set photos of Chris Hemsworth and others. But Tom Hiddleston had yet to make an appearance, much to the frustration of Loki's fangirl army. This Twitter feed announced on September 11th that later in the week, set photos of Loki would be released.

( Tumblr promptly lost its shit. )

... or so fandom seems to think. The lovers might disagree.

So, it’s been announced that Genevieve Padalecki is pregnant.

And the Supernatural fandom, naturally, loses it.

Like any rational fan, they question it:

“But why would she have to disappear the second she found out she was pregnant if everything is hunky dory normal?”

Speculate wildly:

“Or, maybe that's when Gen said she wanted out, and Dan came up with this great excuse for her to be out of the public eye for the next year while still contributing to the het parade.”

“If it's true my opinion of Jared is in the toilet. I still believe he's gay and in a relationship with Jensen. It's not possible for two guys to work as close as they do for almost 7 years and be as close friends as they are unless it's beyond friendship. Not possible. Not with HW egos.

But they don't need to bring kids into the mess to establish het cred. For God's sake he's not 30 yet. Most men in HW don't have kids till way into their 30s. I always thought Gen was a lesbian. Far out theory but maybe she's pregnant with a GF and will pass it off as Jared's.
“
( J2 are gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay... )

Tom Hiddleston, British actor who played Loki in the movie Thor, and beloved of many many obsessive and sometimes creepy fangirls on Tumblr, has recently come out.

No, not as gay. As married.

And Tumblr suffers a wanksplosion, monitored gleefully by ONTD, as dozens of "Hiddlestoners" rend their hair and sob into their hug-pillows because some actor who doesn't even know who they are failed to share with them all the details of his personal life.

Let the flouncing commence!

—im so angry right now

For the first time i´ll write something for my own, i´m so sad and angry for this new things about Tom Hiddleston maybe many people think that i am a fucking crazy and maybe i am, i don´t care. But now I REGRET EVERYTHING i don´t like his wife or girlfriend whatever and i don´t think they look “cute” together. He most to said something about this before. This is over for me, i´m not a “hiddlestoner anymore” and just close this chapter of my life.

Goodbye hiddlestoners i won´t vote for him anymore and i need to cleen my dash :(

To which an anon replies:

—I think it's perfectly understandable why you would leave the fandom. I unfollowed many Hiddles blogs. I feel as though I am not ready to accept the couple yet and I want to take my time before returning to the fandom. Though I will admit it was a great fandom while it lasted. It just won't be the same anymore. :/

( Cut because this got surprisingly long )

EDIT: There's more!

—doremiylonenway: all of this thing about the wife is like “OMG, WHAT?” because we have never seen him with her like a couple, we saw pictures of them but we thought “another actress, or just a friend” and yes, it is shocking, I felt like I couldn’t breathe for a second, but honestly, I’m amazed of his ability to keep this in secret or in private, that’s awesome.

right now I feel like “I’ve been through things like this before, I can handle this” maybe this is what I needed to calm down my “obsession”

Not because I think “he’s single, there’s a chance for me to get married with him!!” pff, noo, by “I needed this” I mean.. “He has his own life, it’s time for you to get out of the internet and look for your own”

I now I’ve been wasting so much time here, I won’t let my blog but I need to put my attention on things that are happening in my life, not in someone else’s life… I though I learned this many years ago.

I realized that something is missing in my life right now, like years ago when I started to be a fangirl.

I love to be part of this fandom, I’m not saying goodbye, hiddleston’s army are the best fandom I’ve ever met, I love you all! but suddenly I have all this feelings and emotions… it’s hard.

I just wanted to take this out, thanks for reading!! and I’ll always say this, seriously: I love you :D and I won’t stop loving him

A reply to one of the earliest posts, when the fans were first hearing the news:

—thelusciouslumberjack said: He’s not married… he wouldn’t hide it like that. Why would he? He would at least be wearing his wedding ring.

Yeah, I can't imagine why he wouldn't want his army of possessive fangirls to know that he's married.

EDIT 2: The Morning After:

—nygis: I thought about it a bit last night and this morning, and to me it’s just plain shock. Of course Tom doesn’t owe us every detail of his personal life, and he has done nothing wrong. He hasn’t insulted us or anyone. But I think a lot of us felt at least some kind of connection to him from his interviews or his roles, so it was like we did sort of know him in a weird way. Then yesterday the “he’s married” bomb dropped and it was so out of nowhere that it felt like we didn’t know someone that we’d followed for a long time anymore.

Am I upset or mad at Tom? Absolutely not. Am I puking rainbows over his newly publicized relationship? Nope. But I do feel kind of down today in a bittersweet way, like someone ripped my bandaid off before my little papercut healed. I think I have a right to feel at least a little blue about the unexpected situation.

—mcelise responds: I agree with all of this. Let everyone have their own reactions, and deal in their own way, even if you don’t agree. Don’t be rude and call them crazy and insist that they should react exactly as you do. No one ever reacts the same as another person, and as long as we all realize this and allow everyone space to deal (or not) in the way that is natural to them.

This too, shall pass.

—suphiddles: The thing that dissapoints me is the huge loss of character: normally he’s so open and charming with the press and his fans( that is one of the things which made me like him as an actor so much) but now it’s just bamn- no warning- no inkling of this absolutely enormous elephant in the room

—qchord: until the dust settles

i am not checking the hiddles tag.

it used to be my favourite tag, second to martin freeman. it was like going to a land of bunnies.

it’s not anymore..it’s just giving me chest pains.

EDIT 3: Whoops, looks like we've got some wanking inside the house. For those wishing to avoid the unfunnybusiness, it's in the thread that mentions Michael Fassbender.

(For the record, I do rather kind of love Stephen Fry. But really Stephen.)

The illustrious Mr. Stephen Fry, writer, actor, comedian, famous twitter-er, friend to Hugh Lauries everywhere, object of fans on multiple continents, is interviewed by some obscure magazine, and his (admittedly bizarre) interview is re-printed on the internet. Said 'net dogpiles him on being misogynist and stereotyping and generally backward in his views on gender and sex and possibly some kind of baby-eating, puppy-kicking Nazi (I won't bother trying to gather together all of that clusterfuck because it would take years. Plenty on Twitter and a nice selection in the comments on that reprint). I leave it up to you, dear readers, to judge the contents of said interview. *ahem*

Well then.

So, Mr. Fry quits twitter. That's the end of it, right? I mean, certainly he's smart enough to just keep out of the spotlight for a while until this shitstorm blows over and everyone forgets about it and goes back to laughing at their old DVDs of Jeeves & Wooster, right?

Well, not really, since he must come back to explain himself in what may be the most beautiful 4-page flounce I have ever read in my life. Well, you can't accuse him of having a narrow vocabulary, at any rate.

I'm sympathetic (to a point), but really? "None of you understand me! The media misquotes me! I'LL NEVER DO PRINT INTERVIEWS AGAIN!"

Oh dear. At least he does it in an entertaining manner...

ETA: Okay, wasn't aware that Fry has bipolar disorder. Which explains the flouncy a bit. Sorry, kids.

(for the record, I still think it's just a tiny teeny bit funny in a schadenfreude sort of way, but I am admittedly a rather evil person, so YMMV with this one. LOL at your own risk.)

Thanks to a mousie on wank_report for this tip!

Even though they might be the same asshat!mousie who has linked the wankers to the wank_report already. This has happened before, so I suspect we have a repeat-offender moron!mouse on the loose.

(Update: reporter!mousie says no; the fink ain't hir. Many apologies to our intrepid reporter!mouse for the libel.)

---

Also, before we start, I humbly dedicate the following post to the presumably-different and very amusing outraged!mousie who continues to snipe in any and all posts on wank_report that feature spn_gossip. Everyone loves a bonus wank!

---

This wank involves a nice long thread on spn_gossip, but before we can get to that, you're going to need some definitions and facts:

( Danneel Harris has short fingernails and is therefore lesbian. )

I love Supernatural. One of these days, I'm going to have to actually sit down and watch the show.

Found on wank_report:

Pics surface of the Twilight cast going to Kings of Leon concert. Robsten are sitting together and there are grainy pics of them leaning close to each other to talk because concerts are loud kissing and Kristen's hand resting on a dark part of the chair near Rob's elbow holding hands.

The apocalypse descend. Robsten Shippers vs Non-Shippers Battle #985316865 commence!

( Read more )

Remember the first-ever Red Dwarf wank from a while ago?

Well, Norman Lovett is, unsurprisingly, still not happy about Back to Earth and his absence there within.

Only this time it's some of the fans he's having a go at -

( None of you understaaaaaand!! )

And of course somebody has to bump the original wank thread to add to the general nastiness, because the most logical course of action here is to continue talking about it and feeding into the whole mess. Who wants to bet they put yet another 5 pages onto it?

ETA: More fans getting in on the mudslinging. Fun times, folks, fun times.

Ugh. My poor happy little fandom. D:


ETA II: A small related funny - Some fan starts a new thread asking the messageboard admin about "Norman-gate" to... what's the exact opposite of thunderous applause?

(Be warned: long wank report is LONG. Continuation of this clairvoyantwank post. ETAs are under the third cut.)

This weekend, Torchwood fans flocked to Chicago for TorchSong, a John Barrowman-centric convention with a website that looks like it was modeled after a Geocities page circa 1997, a half-assed commercial that aired on BBC America, and some awfully expensive tickets.

When the con was first announced, the only guests were John, his sister Carole, and Mark Sheppard. When people started emailing the organizers about possible other guests, they were emphatically told while more guests would be coming, there would be no other Torchwood guests because it was a John Barrowman event, not a Torchwood event.

Ticket sales apparently convinced them this was not a good strategy, so over the following months they added Kai Owen, Tom Price, and Gareth David Lloyd. Fans squeed, and despite being not particularly impressed with the organizers' behavior, they willingly plonked down as much as $500 to see John and friends and to see John perform. (Later, 'special' auction packages went for up to $1,410.)

Then things start to go wrong.

On Wednesday, Kai Owen was forced to drop out due to a family emergency. Thursday, the day before the con began, they announced that John Barrowman had torn ligaments in his ankle and he would not be attending.

Aaaaand we're off.

( Act I: Pre-Con )

( Act II: The Convention )


( Act III: The Ongoing Aftermath )
ETA3: "UR JUST JELUS!!"

ETA4: Con-goers have now created their own special clubhouse: torch_tanic (torchsong_09 post announcing it. Commenters are not amused, but you'd never know it because she deleted all the wholly negative ones. Raise your hand if you've got a screencap.) (Thank you kaylamds for the heads-up.)

This is still fairly contained at the moment, but I anticipate much wankiness shall blossom as time passes...

As I'm sure most geeks and people with televisions living in the UK know, UK satellite channel Dave recently aired 3 new episodes of sci-fi sitcom Red Dwarf, which has not seen the light of day since about oh 1999 or 2000 if I'm not mistaken.

Fans cheer, all is happy in Red Dwarf town

Except in the corner inhabited by former "Holly" actor Norman Lovett, who is apparently rather pissed off about not being invited to the tea party. Blogs were posted trashing the new specials and his former coworkers, and subsequently deleted (anybody who has screencaps of these shall receive internet cookies) on his myspace page and several comments are passed around between Norman and his myspace pals, including this gem on Martin Curran's page in response to Curran's asking as to what happened to his disappearing blogs:

Apr 9 2009 4:12 PM

I put up info that I didn't mean to because it's for my autobiog which I'm working on at the moment. I can let you know that I will not be working with RD/GrantNaylor again as I have been treated appallingly by them over the years and there comes a time when it has to end.
Cheers, Norman

And of course the fans have to get in on the action on the official website forum, trotting out such insults as "miserable, bitter, old bastard" and that he's always been a "moaning git", and surprisingly few of them coming to defend someone they apparently liked just a week or two ago. Speculation that this is all just hype to sell his new upcoming bare-all book is mentioned.

It's a tiny wank as of yet but if speculation that Dave will be ordering a full new series of Red Dwarf bears out, and when that book hits the shelves, I suspect a delightful three-ring circus act on behalf of the happy little Red Dwarf fandom. I shall be making popcorn if anybody wants any.

ETA: The forum thread (including a previous wanky thread) has supposed excerpts copied from his deleted blogs, if anybody's interested, ( including these fun little messages: )

Jeffrey Dean Morgan, notorious for dying in nearly every acting role he's taken, and most recently in Watchmen, bought a house not too long ago. The address of his home was published online , upsetting some of his more ardent fans, despite their acknowledging this is public information. Then, an over-zealous fan goes to his home and takes pictures which are posted online. Not that I could find the pics.

The wank begins when dodger_winslow declares that the house-stalking, picture taking fan is a fuckhead who needs to be shot, but that
stalking is an over-used word just like rape. Zhora appears to say that calling for the shooting of other fans is reprehensible. The mods declare that it's just a figure of speach.

As for the fan who went to his home, the people on the other board are means girls who hacked into all her accounts and are causing her to take down her LJ community and fan-site.


ETA: Zhora appears again to discuss censorship and that Jeffrey invited the woman and it wasn't his house anyway!. Zhora knows this is true because flouncer told her it was so.

Compiled from

wank_report. So the MTV Video Music Awards aired tonight and a few members of the Twilight cast (Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner, and Cam Gigandet) were on hand to introduce the band Paramore. Chaos strikes the Internets when host Russell Brand cuts RPatzz off, OMG!

The fan girls are not pleased. At all.

 

TripleBonus!ETA: Because we love our RPattz here at F_W, I present to you various VMA RPattz interviews, including an audio interview which RPattz says he "doesn't think" he leaked Midnight Sun. (Beware of NSFW ads on audio link.) Plus lion_lamb has an RPattz after party pic spam. He doesn't look like he was too put out about being cut off. ;)

HighScore!ETA: MTV.com now has their own report about the wank. 

ExtraLife!ETA: Because a Twilight wank is incomplete without her.

Nutty madam says YOU DON'T START TELLING JOKES WHEN ROBERT PATTINSON IS SPEAKING.

The ETA in which RPattz get even more awesome: "A lot of fans were upset about it."  "...Good."

So, check it.

SPN fandom has (or had, really) a little LJ comm and a corresponding website called People for the Ethical Treatment of Jensen Ackles, or PETJA, or spn_petja. It was basically all about mocking Ackles, mostly for saying stuff like "unpossible," (no, really ETA: It's a Simpsons reference. I'm just dumb) which then gave rise to PSA "Jensen Ackles is functionally illiterate - won't you please help him" videos and the like. Or something. Anyway, remember RESPECT wank and the "talentless asshole" icons? Much of what PETJA satirizes is the overreactive Ackles and Jared Padalecki fans who will cry tears of blood should anyone diss them. They also profess their deep love of Jensen and hope he will someday become successful. It's amazing that they can do both at once, but subtle is their comedy art. They are also Capslockers. I think. It's all down the same street.

Well, it used to be. Apparently Ackles' team of fun-ruining poopy heads have focused their lasers and nuked the house of the rising PETJA and its corresponding websites with a C&D. Maybe. Nobody is offering any proof, which surprisingly does not sit well with some people as the PETJAers and their supporters moan about how very disappointed they are in Jennywenny.

( It's a profoundly disturbing and distressing feeling, to be deprived of your right to love [Jensen Ackles]. )

Remember when it was just nights of the living Ware-Ackles and chicks jumping off of bleachers and riding their Hollywood cowboy all the way into an elevator? Those were the good old days. Oh, Jensen, how could you do this to your adoring public? What hath you wrought? ;_;

Oh, and you should check out the Ware-Ackles link - apparently she's still at it! :D:

ETA: Anonymous to the rescue! Oh, I could kiss you. It includes Onelittlesleep's "I am disappointed in Jensen" original post, another she made before the wank to pimp PETJA, Affectingly's Cry of Woe, Susannaheanes's (the delightful chick who told us Dean was an angel in a testorone-laced meat suit) LJ post and blog post: "Shame on you Jensen! SHAAAAAME." And Estameurta's original post before they changed it for "legal reasons." And they're huge, so beware.

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

To some people, Raven-Symone will always be the cute little toddler from The Cosby Show. To others, she'll always be remembered as the psychic comedienne on the Disney Channel hit, That's So Raven, or perhaps the best-known founding member of the girl group, The Cheetah Girls.

To Derrick, an adult man who is the founder and maintainer of the huge, years-old fan site Raven-Symone.org, she is a constant source of disappointment, and he's had enough.

You see, Derrick is extremely butthurt that Raven didn't do more to promote her last album. Blaming Raven personally for the behavior of: her record label, her management, her web designer (seriously), her publicist and even her record-buying audience, Derrick has decided to shut down his site, but not before tl;dr-ing about why Raven sucks.

( Raven was STANDOFFISH when I met her. My righteous indignation, let me show it to you. )

Most of the wank I've seen about this is in friends-only communities, but, between the comments on Perez Hilton ("I'm so glad Derrick decided to do something with his life instead of stalking this girl"/ many variations of "Bitch is NOT MILEY ENOUGH for this kind of diva attitude!") and the posting on ONTD, ("I've heard she's a bitch!"/ "You can't act all high-and-mighty and pretend to take the mature high-road when you've been the maintainer of a fansite for Raven Symone")... I'm confident there's still more than enough wank to go around.

Let's see if I can do this properly.

Hiatus in the Supernatural fandom officially started last Friday, and already fans are getting a little stir-crazy.
There have been small-time rumblings from various corners of LJ this season over gender issues and many of these rumblings have involved Dean Winchester, one of the two stars of Supernatural.

There are spoilers about the finale of course.
( Here )
eta: and for added FAIL, the poster of this wank has not figured out auto-formatting. Would anyone be kind enough to link me to the FAQ that deals with LJ-tags? When I try to use the search function I keep running into a page about harassment. Maybe it is a sign?

Most of these links came from the many diligent wank_report mousies; I have merely compiled (and maybe editorialized a little).

dodger_winslow makes some icons:

As many of y'all know, me and many of my closest LJ friends have been utterly appalled and deeply outraged at what we see as a growing trend of disrespect for Jensen and Jared as people in the very fandom that professes to adore them for being the genuinely good and generous guys they are.

Some people make responses along the lines of "Chill the fuck out, I can make fun of celebrities all I want and guess what? It won't actually hurt them in any way."

Like affectingly:

Hey, don't appreciate my loving mockery of Jensen Ackles? That's fine. I don't expect everyone to participate in that or to think that's a fun way to express one's love of something. I'm a sarcastic bitch and I'll be the first to admit that. But you don't get to label me or the people who DO think it's funny as bad fans without looking like a complete asshole yourself.

alazysod posts some response icons with text such as "Because this is polite stalking" and "Because nobody likes a Fatty!Jensen"
Among others, ladymirth takes offense and calls alazysod "a jerk with an entitlement complex who just can't WAIT to mock people for having ethics." Comments were deleted in that thread EDIT: alazysod to the rescue! part one and two.

Ok, that's all I got. Anything I missed?

EDIT: In addition to the response icons mocking the original icons, there was also cran's post of icons pointing out the hypocrisy of requesting respect for the actors, when many of said respect-requesters are filled with hate-fueled glee when one of the female actors does something dumb.

EDIT again: traveller also has some stuff to say about the dangers of Fat!Jensen. And how mocking celebrities is like rape.

Once upon a time the Sci-Fi channel had the great idea to have a messageboard and leave it widely unmoderated. Then came Battlestar Galactica. As you can imagine: this went well.  The following trends emerged: you would fangirl your chosen object of fanlove by making its thread as long as humanly possible by posting endless picspams, pages of what every poster had for breakfast and how the enemy-ships or characters resembled a trainwreck. 

But two weeks ago the zombie-admins decided to close all the multi-thousand pages threads and force the posters to start new ones. Things might have gotten a bit competitive because 200 pages into their own thread a few Kara/Lee shippers call fans of the Leoben Conoy character and actor Callum Keith Rennie (lastly wanked about in the Ray Wars) fans of a psycho stalker (Their thread being on page 250 probably had nothing to do with this.)

Now Rennie's character is a bit of psycho stalker, but the original remark apparently left it ambiguous/implied that it was calling the actor a psycho stalker, not the character. (The post has been bahleeted before I could read it to judge it myself.) Unfortunately, the same day the actor who played another rival of the Lee character and a threat to the posters' beloved Lee/Kara relationship had been severely injured in a car accident.

Cue greycoupon's dramatic entry  "Someone save me":


Right. I see they have moved from bashing the Kara/Leoben fans to the Callum fans directly.

Classy bunch that group. I am just waiting for someone to post that Trucco should have died in the accident so that we wouldn't have Sam getting in the way of Kara/Lee's OTP. Oh, you know someone will say it. I am just waiting.

lyssie says I need to stay out of that thread as it causes my IQ to drop. Not to mention causes me to twitch.

Said lyssie quickly replies with Wasn't there one who said they hoped Trucco never came back, or something? Eh. Same thing, really.

The word of that post get quickly back to the Kara/Lee thread and wank pours in quick and fast by the way of lyssie's whose opinion of the Kara/Lee shippers couldn't be lower.

But it's the anonymice who bring the real fun. Their contribution varies from: Does belittling others bring you great pleasure, because I am starting to develop the opinion that it does. to it gets me as hot as rape gets you leobenites to my absolute favorite:

Look. I know I'm an idiot, but you should really come to terms with your own. I mean you have such a grasp of the english language and the way you know how words go together and are used and ...gosh darn it, I'm just lost for words. It's kinda hard to believe that you're so petty, but I guess it's true and since I can't compete with you in that way....I'll just call you Rapist and leave it at that.

You know what all this controversy means: A Sequel by greycoupon about how her original point was misunderstood and so what about those trolly anonymous commenters?

Anonymous quickly makes a suggestion: do you want my name and address?..or some make up Name. Call me Daddy and leave it at that. You should get a kick out of that. 

Another late 90s wank. Sorry about that; it's been harder than I anticipated getting good primary sources online for some of the epically hilarious earlier stuff. But this one's got a certain amount of meat on its bones.

Anyhow, someone said something about a "new VB", and while I realize that they were probably referring to Victoria Bitter, as that would make sense in context and all, it reminded me of another VB. A VB whose name is seldom spoken, for reasons ( concealed herein )

Merv Griffin died today.

Or, as www.tmz.com put it:



83 90 135 175 comments thus far. Among them are repeated outraged pearl-clutching, people saying get over it because Merv would have liked that!, claims that TMZ has jumped the shark, flooding and random slams against Harvey Levin and Perez Hilton, and questions as to why Vanna is clapping and smiling. There's also repeated statements that gay butt sex causes prostate cancer, which I think would be news to some oncologists and most of these people.

Pretty darn small, but I'm amused. The Jerry Falwell post got like 4500 comments, so this should continue to grow.