Once upon a time, there was a lonely drabble. “How I wish I could be more than 100 words long,” it sighed wistfully.

Over time, fandom granted the drabble its wish. Its meaning drifted, expanding further and further, until finally some allowed it to encompass a large number of short fics.

Its newfound happiness was cut short, however, when catchester claimed anyone who said the drabble could ever be more than 100 words was ignorant and a twit.

The drabble’s spirit was crushed, but happily it found catchester alone was unable to take its shiny new status away.

The End.

With apologies to Monty Python.

Jaina: Trouble at Fanficrants.
Kutsuwamushi: Oh no - what kind of trouble?
Jaina: Ona trlls 's rilin' up the 'mmunity.
Kutsuwamushi: Pardon?
Jaina: Ona trolls 's rilin' up the 'mmunity.
Kutsuwamushi: I don't understand what you're saying.
Jaina: [irritated] One of the trolls is riling up the community.
Kutsuwamushi: Well what on earth does that mean?
Jaina: *I* don't know - Theo Harrison just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at Fanficrants, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Wankish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The door flies open and Wanker Izzanami enters, flanked by two junior wankers, Jinxy-sama and Ravyn Skye]

( NOBODY EXPECTS THE WANKISH INQUISITION! )

ETA!

Izzanami: Wankers, we are being mocked!
Jinxy-sama: What?! No one mocks the Wankish Inquisition!
Izzanami: Ha! Ha! Ha! I have the perfect plan.... Wankers, fetch... the EMPTY THREATS OF DOOMY DOOMINESS!

[JARRING CHORD]

ETA 2:

We have contact. Always happy to entertain, thank you for the compliment.

My Lord,

I hope this missive finds you well, for I write to you now with the most dire of news. A new enemy threatens our homes, our families, our very existence.

I am speaking, of course, of that movie about Scott Pilgrim.

( Read more... )

ETA from ilinana: Banned!

If you're havin' money problems I feel bad for you son
I got ninety-nine problems but selling fic ain't one

ryosato out on fic patrol, she out on flist patrol
The problem here is her funds are getting low
She's got bills stacking up that gonna have to go
She asks for commissions to get some cash flow
But lady_jane shows up and says "Oh no"
When selling fic, son, what kinds of profits are those?
lady_jane says illegal like her analogy shows
ryosato sees that post, and her temper blows
She comes right out and calls lady_jane "old"
"Over 60" even - now hot damn that's cold!
"If you're fucking ten years older... TWICE AS OLD OR MORE..."
Then apparently "YOU CAN'T PICK ON [me] ANYMORE"
So I don't know what you take this as
Or understand the problems that ryosato has

I'm from rags to riches, wankas, I ain't dumb
I got ninety-nine problems but selling fic ain't one
Hit me

ETA: I capped ryosato's post while writing this up, so I missed the troll but I got the original posts.
Cap 1
Cap 2

ETA 2: Courtesy of rodo, we now have So I pretty much win at the internets.

Prologue:
A little background, fandom_wank, and then we can proceed
The Paradoxers are a clan that ship Sheldon/Penny
The show Big Bang Theory is what these characters are on
Bill Prady is a writer there; that's your sine qua non.

In lj's sheldon_penny, a mod post there is made
Concerning their show's writer and the tweets he has forbade
He does not want to be scared off by "@replies," you see
So please don't send him links to fic or he'll be forced to flee.

The general consensus first is one of agitation:
"Let's not be dicks and send him fics; we need some separation.
Who could send something like this? Who'd do something so odd?"
Imagine, then, the comm's surprise: turns out it was a mod!

She says Bill Prady asked for it but it's not very clear
(One dedicated mousy capped before it disappeared)
Upon this revelation, some members backpedal fast
And others simply quiet down - you think this calm will last?

Epilogue:
The anonymice on wank_report are those you should be thanking
They provided links and caps while they engaged in some more wanking.

Continued!
An ETA's in order, folks - there's been a change in wank
It seems these Sheldon/Penny shippers have really raised a... stank.
arabian has tweeted* that she's stepping down as mod
And at new comm spanon no mousy seems slack-jawed.

*thanks to galletas for the cap. I don't think I could shoehorn your name into a rhyme even if I tried.

Reminder: Don't troll the wank. Lurkers, I'd much prefer it if you'd support me in email.

In fanficrants, madirose brings to light
Her gentle cousin Angie's troubling plight
Her recourse: to review with a request
For author to remove offending text.
When author's friend responds, it makes one cringe
And this is where fanficrants comes unhinged
Some sympathize while still others decry
madirose for her entitled reply
The wanking in this post soon overflows
And to a post in ffrantsrants it goes
Where every point of view's rehashed again
Until it lands on sf_drama then.

This is a case where butthurt spreads with speed.
For those that thought "too long, and didn't read."

Thanks to a mousey for the heads-up.

It was a frosty morning on the 29th of December when I was surprised to find Holmes already awake and active, pacing back and forth in a show of nervous energy before the hearth in a manner that suggested he had been waiting for me to arise for some time. Upon catching sight of me, he immediately presented me with a single piece of paper, now fraying slightly about the lines upon which it had been carefully folded.

( Come, Watson -- the game's afoot! )

( The Actual Wank )

 IBecause I, caito    , could not stand the heat, I decide to step out of the kitchen. The previous incarnation of this post was getting more negative attention than I could possibly cope with, so I have rewritten the content to remove any false or libelous accusations against anyone's websites or personal character (before someone files a complaint against me or contacts an administrator). Please enjoy the following tutorial; I hope that you find it instructive.

If you were one of those who were giving me gruff, you can expect an email shortly, in which I accuse you of stalking me, make a vague and passive aggressive threat, and link you to my most recent blog comments. Thank you.



Yes, I'm just taking the piss. After drinking one or five Zimas, it seemed like a good idea. For even greater lulz, please see the Russet Doom Supplementary Link Collection. 

Wild optimusprime appeared! Wild optimusprime used grudgewank!

fandom_wank used Mock! Wild optimusprime's defense dropped harshly!

Wild optimusprime used selfdestruct!
Wild optimusprime fainted!

fandom_wank gained 2342 EXP!
fandom_wank gained a level!

I have the original f_w thread in another window and can take screenshots if someone can host 'em. Some caps over here, provided by worstangel.

ETA: UH OH!
Wild optimusprime appeared! Again!
COMMAND?