Just a reminder, don't delete your posts without permission or we'll ban you.

redwarrior has been banned from FW and its associated communities for deleting this post from i_wank. Missing from the screencaps: Someone telling him he was stupid, and his edit saying he'd been banned from FFR but that was okay, he was going to leave anyway, SO THERE.

Carry on, citizens!

EDIT: Cap of the comments.

...it's more likely than you think.

Thanks to the anons at wank_report for the writeup.

The backstory: the latest title in the Halo series, Halo: Reach came out recently, spurring millions of fanboys to new heights of level grinding in an effort to reach the top rank and increase the size of their e-cocks.

The set-up: A few people found out that you could exploit the credit-earning/ranking system using a network manipulation trick. Thousands try it and are delighted to find their credits skyrocketing, unlocking new ranks, armour effects and other cool goodies. Much rejoicing ensues.

The twist: Bungie (the guys behind Reach) reveal that network manipulation = cheating, and bring out the banhammer.

The wank: Here on the forums is where most of it is going down, but if you check, there's plenty more going on outside the official bitching thread. Responses range from "but I didn't do anything wroooooooooooooong!" to "FUCK YOU, BUNGIE, I'M NEVER PLAYING YOUR GAME AGAIN p.s. when do we get our credits and armour back?"

One enterprising poster comes up with the best solution for the forlorn.

For bonus points, look out for the places where Bungie officials have outed people claiming they didn't cheat by revealing just exactly how many times said users had used the exploit per day. Official ownage is always the best kind. :D

Snagged from wank_report with some edits by yours truly.

In the land of the internets, there was a community called house_cuddy. For four years the denizens played and frolicked. Sunshine and lollipops ruled the day and unicorns ran free.

And then shit got real...

It all started on January 29, 2010, when someone spammed all over LJ House-related communities for merchandise from a Russian website. Most places ignored it but house_cuddy fed the troll with added anti-Russia wank for extra measure. Mod, lissiePissie, deletes the spam and in the afternoon announces that things have been so wanky that she's put the comm on moderated status.

Nothing could possibly go wrong with that, right? Right?

Oh nay- within a few hours, that post is deleted and fellow mod fishingvegas announces that he has kicked out lissiepissie and will be taking over.

( cut because this is getting too long )

OH SNAP- fishingvegas posted a response to everything-
http://community.livejournal.com/housecuddy_temp/3948.html DELETED

Yes, there were comments. I have caps of the first and third page which I will have up soon. He's gone through and deleted all comments.

EDIT: Here are the caps of fishingvegas' post along with two pages of comments before he got delete happy.
Page One with comments
Page Three with comments
Right before he deleted- disabled comments

EDIT AGAIN: And now it's back. Yeah, I don't know-
http://community.livejournal.com/locked_office/42889.html

Why they didn't kick him out the first time they got control back I will never know.

I read the strangest rant today. How strange you say? So strange no one can agree just whether it's even a rant at all!

OP replies to requests to clarify, a few times, while a brave idealist attempts first contact, before realizing only a sucker would try to breach such impenetrable walls of WTF.

A random potshot at someone's fic-writing skills prompts the best simile ever.

The more persistent commenters dig through the layers of Bizarro-talk until they uncover the truth: OP is... 'anti-criticism'?

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE SMILEYS.

And shattered idealism is shattered.

ETA: aslongasitlasts has studied the people of FFR. He's like a magic 8-ball, in a way.

And wank_report has some too.

ETA2: Modly intervention. But he wants to be banned. No, really.

ETA s'more: Post got blanked and F-locked. Comm membership is open, though.

The ETA Apocalypse Now: Comments are being baleeted at random, and the original post is replaced by the preface to The Picture of Dorian Gray. It's the final troll blowout, people.

ETA Captain Obvious:: Oh, so that's what started it. Taunting the mod, and then deleting comments (A no-no in ffr^2). He's banned now, but you wouldn't know because the mod comment that said that is... deleted!

ETA Cry For Justice: There are 409 Google caches of the wank still with pre-baleetion comments. Saving the ones I can before they update.

Thanks to the mousie at wank_report!

Remember this wank? Which involved this guy? Well, if you're wondering what that rattling noise you hear is, it's the sound of head-desking over at TV Tropes, and it's all thanks to him.

---

Notes on the Source Material: There were 14 pages of comments, and just after I finished documenting the hijinks on page 12, everything got bahleeted. I snagged screencaps of pages 2-11 (which is more than Google cache got) but the most comprehensive record of this wank comes from my raw notes. Below the cut, you'll find a summary of the wank with links so you can bamf around and read the just interesting bits of the raw notes. The screencaps can be found here.

---

( Cosmetor Saves the Internet )

These two comments, made shortly before the bahleetion, are rather telling:

(15021) Dire Sloth: So... that Fan Dumb thread... it's kind of dumb.

(15022) Tzetze: I don't want to hear about that thread again.

---

ETA the 001: (Thanks to galateus for linkage, and ari_o for linkage that led to more linkage)

( Cosmetor Has Saved the Internet Before )

---

ETA the 010: (Thanks to boomstickjones for linkage to the latest, hottest, breaking news!)

Internet Does Not Want to be Saved, Banninates Cosmetor

2; Fast Eddie: After review ... People tried to reason with him. This is the second time he's been around, spreading chaos. He didn't really break any rules, but being around him is a pain in the ass.
Block installed.
7; Fighteer: Whew, thanks. That Fan Dumb argument felt like it was sucking the brain from my skull.
9; Some Sort of Troper: It feels wrong to me that the thread was deleted, it should have a more fitting end. Something like the house at the end of Poltergeist, it should have imploded and been sucked into hell.

This is a story of capslock-rage, sparkly-penis font, and the healing power of Michael Jackson. Thanks to this mousie on wank_report for the tip.

Shamone_MJ is community created for fans of Michael Jackson who supported each other in the aftermath of his sudden death. What a gentle, benevolent place--surely no one would disturb its peace? But wait!

( Do you hear a capslock key being clicked? )

Say you're a member of ontd_ai and you're getting a bit tired of the fanfic posts, the idol appreciation posts, the way a particular mod runs things, and anything else you feel doesn't fit the ~true spirit~ of the community. There's only one thing to do!

Start a super-secret elite comm where you and 26 of your friends (including some ontd_ai mods) can plan the upheaval of the 5000-member community, including abrupt fanfic banning and gif trolling of appreciation posts and anyone who objects, or course!

This involved heavily trolling an appreciation post for Megan, one of the AI competitors from the latest season, with gifs and insults. EDIT2: Found it! There are pockets of drama all over the place, but the big stuff is on page six here.

( this is getting long, so i'm cutting it )

Here's a very small but absolutely delightful fic wank courtesy of the mousies of wank_report. I will say now that, to the best of my knowledge, all involved are 18+, though not all of them had ages posted so I can't be sure.

ravenette2506 is am member of the small Alex Rider fandom (Alex Rider is apparently some teen spy book series I'd never heard of, but the wank is good anyways) and the yassen_alex community. She posts a fic of this pairing in her personal journal. frayer shows up to give some constructive criticism (or "concrit," apparently? You kids and your crazy portmanteaus). To paraphrase: "your fandom tends to do a lot worse but this isn't bad, oh and this line bugged me." A little harsh, perhaps, but not overly nasty. But it's on a personal journal, right? If the author objects they can just deal, delete, screen, whatever.

Or not.

( 'The Mod Signal! Quick Boy Fapper, to the wankmobile!' )

ETA: Bahleetion! Luckily, harumph has provided a cap for your entertainment. Also whoever linked them here is FAIL.

ETA deuce: OH NOES TEH HAXORS

ETA god my poor thesis: More cappage courtesy of _goblin_! And may I repeat: mousie who trolled the wank, you are a failure among failures. (Now with the original "concrit" courtesy of killer_gopher and sisterelwood)(AND MORE!)

ETA FOR FUCK'S SAKE IT'S ONLY BEEN LIKE TEN MINUTES SINCE THE LAST ONE: Not content to rank among the mousies, SuperMod has appeared to slaughter us all with his/her/its passive-aggressive smilies! :)

ETA of genuine interest: This shit's getting weird. OK, so, we had bahleetion, then some helpful mouse showed up with a link to a cap which turned out to be capped by Yaseanne and was promptly deleted. The twist?

The "helpful mouse's" IP

abrandnewboom's IP

Yaseanne's IP

So...either these two are in collusion to both keep the wank alive and try to act all superior about it being trolled or we've got some crazy-ass sockpuppetry and IP hiding going on. Yeah. I don't even fucking know.

ETA FTW: And this, ladies and gentlemen, is good modding. *salutes*

Oh fair and forgiving denizens of fandom wank, it has come time for us to choose a new champion. Or a new mod, at least. You may have noticed us fading away, like beautiful unicorns. But no more!

Before you are the tasks three that must be completed for consideration:

1. You must locate a truly funny wank. It may be in our archives.
2. A golden apple. You may be creative.
3. Ten disney icons (edit: This can also be Pixar). Sep wants disney icons.

Those that complete this task will be brought before the oracle of Phosfate to hear their fate!




There will be prizes for participation, although they are best described as 'crappy'. Oh, and the mod prize.

AND WE'RE DONE. PRIZES IN NEXT POST

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Remember teh_no? He's been involved in some amusing wanks in the past, including "Fandom wimmins are sexist!", "I can totally pwn Warren Ellis!" and "You didn't comment on my fanfic, you pedo bitch!"

Back in November, brown_betty posted a few theories about teh_no, sockpuppets and scans_daily. This prompted surprisingly little fall-out.

Well, teh_no did comment on monkeycrackmary's journal asking, "What did I ever do to you?", apparently working on the principle that Betty is Mary's sockpuppet. And also on the principle that Mary would have forgotten teh_no calling her a pedophile. And there was a complicated little exchange on teh_no's journal. (Note that Betty's brutal expose was posted on November 15.)

But, all in all, rather quiet. Certainly nothing that ended up on f_w, anyway.

However, on December 13, teh_no posted: "So fast, my posts at fanficrants have inspired a metaquote and icons. I can only imagine that a movie offer is next. Oh, BB, I totally forgive you for all those things you said about me. Dissecting the badfic skeletons in your closet is more than worth your harsh words."

So, what badfic skeletons are in this mysterious "BB"'s closet?

Well, there's this one, this one and this one. Allegedly.

You see, the mod of weepingcock has spotted something:

"Is it possible that you would prefer not to link to the original author because the excerpts are from an online Hustler novel (this post, in particular, comes from page 10, BTW) and not, in fact, from Batman fanfic as you've previously claimed in fanficrants?"

Oops.

koshiroryuu then decides it's only fair to expose the badfic skeletons in teh_no's closet. And, oh boy, are there a lot.

Not that it's his fault, of course. A girl made him do it.

ETA Disclaimer: I have tangled with teh_no in the past and can be seen in the comments of Betty's post. I'm not involved in the current wank.

ETA: Year One: I forgot to include some tantalising hints teh_no dropped as to the identity of 'BB'. She's somebody from "Batman fandom, sorry to say" and also somebody who fancies herself quite the feminist." Why, it's almost as if he's describing brown_betty!

ETAfall: And banninated from fanficrants.

The ETA Knight: Also banninated from weepingcock.

You know what pisses the mods off? Using FW to solicit readers for your jackassery. Friendslocked material is not permitted and frankly, we don't like people inviting others to view it here.

This is why we can't have nice things, kids.

luvginnyarwen, kvader and varkias (as well as: verthandi, having had a previous warning for this behaviour) have received bans. The others received temp bans for the duration of a week. I would like to remind people that the reposting of friendslocked material is also grounds for your journals being suspended, according to the admins of JF. Also, it makes us look more like assholes than usual.


Although I must thank you people. Now no one will ever top my ban record.