Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Of the many shows currently playing on Broadway, one of the more popular for the family set is The Little Mermaid at the Lunt-Fontanne Theatre.

Our wankstory begins on the Broadway World message boards, when EdwinDrood172 posts that he saw one of the cast members from TLM outside, in his makeup and hair, smoking a cigarette.

( He says... )

The very first comment on the thread summed it up with "This should go well."

It is later figured out - and without a lot of difficulty - that the "offending" cast member was Tyler Maynard, who plays Flotsam. (*points at icon* That's him.) But beyond all of that, is a lot of rending of garments, so to speak, about how it's disrespectful and he is a "Disney employee" and he doesn't deserve to be in the show if he smokes, yadda yadda yadda.

Four pages later, they're still going strong. There's some bonus "THINK OF THE CHILDREN!" comments as well.

Once upon a time, in a wonderful land full of profit, the good company Disney, not content with its other triumphs, decided to go out and establish itself on Broadway. And thus it was that Beauty and the Beast, Tarzan, Mary Poppins, The Lion King and Aida came to the fair city of New York and delighted the hearts of children and adults everywhere. But not all were pleased with the works of Disney, and seeing the happy faces of children spilling out of Disney musicals darkened the hearts of posters on Broadway internet boards. A great evil began to arise, and the dark-hearted ones attempted to bring doubt to those who loved the good Disney. "The Disneyfication of Broadway is bad!" they cried. "Where are the days of original musicals? Why must Disney take so many theaters?" But Disney carried on with their work, undaunted.

And then it was that Disney decided to expand its happy empire with The Little Mermaid. Rumors began to swirl, encouraged by the dark hearts of the doubting internets posters: how will this be staged? Will there be water involved? Will it be as wretched as Tarzan? But their most insidious tool of evil was.... casting rumors. "Who will play the roles?" the innocently curious people asked, not knowing the danger. And then it was that someone claimed that Norm Lewis would play Triton, the father of Ariel the mermaid. And then it followed that wank exploded in the dark internet realm of Broadwayworld, for the rumored Ariel is white, and lo, Norm Lewis is African American.

A great battle was waged with terrible cost. FOAnatic lead the charge with an inability to imagine just how this will work out:
Please someone explain this to me.

Ariel is white.

I'm all for color-blind casting, but when it's believeable.

This, I don't get.

Sweeping generalizations were made by Fenchurch (who rather enthusiastically throws him/herself into such threads):
The debate itself is racist. Having a problem with a person in a role solely based on their skin color is racist.

Period. End of Story. There's no getting around it, no verisimilitude arguments, they don't hold water. If you can't see past the skin color of a person, you're a racist.

Plain and simple.

Fenchurch and FOAnatic continued to duel (My argument is right, his argument debases humanity), and others joined in. As time went on, some fell to fighting over the concept of color-blind casting, and others spoke of mermaid genetics and discussed the sad discrimination against giant lobsters and bird actors in the musical industry. Some tried to walk a middle-ground and come up with explanations as to why a merman could be black and his merdaughter be white. But the darkest hour came when Fenchurch implied that those in disagreement with him were members of the KKK:
If it's a problem for you, then you're more than welcome to put on a white sheet and protest in front of the theater, or in frony of Disney's offices.

Wildly exaggerated rhetoric flew. Those who could threw up the defenses of mockery and graphics, but still the uncomprehending raged on:
You obviously don't know me at all....Or anything about biracial families...which exist all over the country...there are families who have a black parent and a white parent and blonde-haired/blue eyed kids....look at the Singerl twins...perfect example...That's all I'm gonna say about this...I can't educate the totally STUPID!!!!!!!

Will there be a happy ending, or will chaos rule the land? Good Disney didn't write this one, but since it involves the evil internet, I doubt the perfect ending is in sight.

Let it never be said that Broadway fen cannot wank with the best of them when the time comes. A sterling example for the wanky enjoyment and mocking of all.

A little back story for proper enjoyment. Over on the Broadway community on LJ, there is one wank that Will. Not. Die. over whether the terms cast recording and soundtrack are interchangeable (no, they really aren't to my mind, but that's neither here nor there). After at least half a dozen spoogefests about the topic, it seems to have died out momentarily. Oh but just when you thought that was so, cast_recordings pops up. Now, with a name like cast_recordings, you'd think the position on the matter was fairly well sewn up right? Oh so wrong. genericpoptart posts to the community asking which term people think should be used (flamebait of the highest order if you ask me, but I can't say for sure). The expected wanking ensues in quite splurty glory, despite the fact that, as of yet, the OP hasn't replied, including sprnplr bringing out the dictionary definition of soundtrack and pinklacedcorset claiming laziness as her excuse, then being smacked down appropriately. The best of all this though is the anon who is the real wanker here, particiuarly since they aren't signing a name/e-mail address or just getting an LJ account since you don't need codes anymore. Ahhh wank, how I love thee.

It's small yet, but these things tend to turn into a many headed hydra of wank in short order.