Once upon a time, there was a lonely drabble. “How I wish I could be more than 100 words long,” it sighed wistfully.

Over time, fandom granted the drabble its wish. Its meaning drifted, expanding further and further, until finally some allowed it to encompass a large number of short fics.

Its newfound happiness was cut short, however, when catchester claimed anyone who said the drabble could ever be more than 100 words was ignorant and a twit.

The drabble’s spirit was crushed, but happily it found catchester alone was unable to take its shiny new status away.

The End.

Thanks to wank_report for this. A brief heads up - there is one bit of unfunny in this, but it's only one small bit out of the entire history of her wankiness.

Background: firemikokagome is a devout and entitled Sailor Moon Sapphire & Demando ship fan. According to people in the fandom, Sapphire and Demando are brothers, and it's considered incest.

Firemikokagome was banned from FFR for breaking the rules in 2008. According to an anon, she failed to reply to the mod note informing her for breaking the rules and wound up banned. She started to create multiple sockpuppets to get around the ban, one of which was eurasiangirl (later hikariofdark4). She was banned again each successive time she was discovered, up to the point LJ Abuse warned her to stop creating sockpuppets and suspended all her accounts. This suspension presumably erased all documentation of her activities at this point, so we only have an anon comment to go by.

Cut to 2010, where she creates hikariofdark4 and crossposts a role-play related rant to FFR and bad_rpers_suck, whining why no one wants to play out her pairing with her:

( Read more... )

ETA 2: So we're on their shitlist. This is very serious. It's so serious, in fact, if you're not serious, you should start being really serious right now. Put your :| face on, take those marbles out of your arse.

Additionally, because it bears reminding: Please do not troll the wank.

ETA 3: Theories abound on FW that Hikariofdark4 might not be the person on FFR_banned, and a third person might be at play here. Also, have a newly discovered potential shitlist while you're at it (the list seems to have been created on the 9th of August, so take that link with a grain of salt).

With apologies to Monty Python.

Jaina: Trouble at Fanficrants.
Kutsuwamushi: Oh no - what kind of trouble?
Jaina: Ona trlls 's rilin' up the 'mmunity.
Kutsuwamushi: Pardon?
Jaina: Ona trolls 's rilin' up the 'mmunity.
Kutsuwamushi: I don't understand what you're saying.
Jaina: [irritated] One of the trolls is riling up the community.
Kutsuwamushi: Well what on earth does that mean?
Jaina: *I* don't know - Theo Harrison just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at Fanficrants, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Wankish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The door flies open and Wanker Izzanami enters, flanked by two junior wankers, Jinxy-sama and Ravyn Skye]

( NOBODY EXPECTS THE WANKISH INQUISITION! )

ETA!

Izzanami: Wankers, we are being mocked!
Jinxy-sama: What?! No one mocks the Wankish Inquisition!
Izzanami: Ha! Ha! Ha! I have the perfect plan.... Wankers, fetch... the EMPTY THREATS OF DOOMY DOOMINESS!

[JARRING CHORD]

ETA 2:

We have contact. Always happy to entertain, thank you for the compliment.

From wank_report:

Someone has decided that enough is enough, and it is now time to cleanse the Pit of Voles FF.net of all that ails it. And that someone is the Literate Union! Motto: "well here are the people who are going to give it anyways!"

"It", apparently, being concrit or flaming. You know, whichever you prefer.

"The LU -- The Literate Union -- is a society that helps to improve the quality of stories on FanFiction that either break the rules or are poorly written. In the case of the latter, we try to help the author, bringing their piece up to standard. Difficult cases are reported to the admins."

( And we got to go in with our hydraulic system, and blast him out! )

Livejournal decided to tag fanficrants as may contain explicit content, which means that nobody logged in as under 18 can see the posts. People logged out can see them, and click the "Yes I'm 18" button—but ffrants doesn't allow anon or non-member commenting. Officially, it doesn't allow sockpuppets, either.

The wank is playing out in a couple of posts at ffrantsrants

jinxy_sama is surprised anyone's upset:

I thought it already was marked Explicit Adult Content. I have to say I find it surprising that so many of you who so vehemently disapprove of loli/shouta ... would not dissuade actual underage individuals from creating socks or moving to DreamWidth in order to view content inappropriate for children, ie. rape, bdsm, a myriad of different kinks, explicit smut, etc, etc. With the comm in such disarray over the inability of minors to partake, maybe it's a good thing LJ took the reigns."

Several people point out that "not wanting kids to read x-rated fanfic" is not the same as "not wanting kids to read ranting about fanfic, some of which is x-rated." It's also pointed out that some of the "minors" now being excluded are legal adults in their countries of residence.

But, she continues, sending a lemon to a person under the age of consent via email constitutes corruption of a minor, which, if prosecuted by a parent, could land someone in jail. That's not wank, it's fact. (Plz to ignore the total lack of any such prosecutions in the history of the internet. It's fact that it could happen!)

Yeah, says izzanami, you think telling kids to go to DW to see things ADULTS get triggered and squicked by is alright? You may think that sex should be an open subject for children (and I think it should be), but unless YOU are their PARENT, it doesn't matter.

(All arguments are more persuasive with some words in caps. Really.)

Jinxy says "it should be up to the minor in question's parent/guardian to decide what they deem suitable for their children's eyes, not any random person on the internet."

(LJ's staff is, of course, not "any random person on the internet." You *know* they polled the parents of every minor on that comm.)

Izza brings on the Special Logic: Even though *she's* an enlightened and sensible parent who doesn't believe in hiding the existence of sex from kids, it's totally reasonable for LJ to take a stand against it, because not every parent agrees with her, and *of course* policies should be based on the most hysterical parents' wishes.

Buried in the (mostly frozen now) subthreads are bits about how LJ is only protecting itself from lawsuits (which nobody is admitting has nothing to do with whether or not the content is dangerous for children), and speculations about the real purpose/intent of the "May Contain Explicit Content" tag: "Once a comm has even one entry marked as explicit it's supposed to be marked as 'may' contain explicit adult content, that "may" part is very important."—because once a comm. has a single locked-to-adults post, no minors should be allowed to join that comm.. Riiiiight.

Also includes tangential wank about whether FFR does, or does not, disapprove of loli. IDEK.

jadedissola explains the whole situation to an unhappy 15-year-old:

But we have to protect you from reading about such naughty things, otherwise you might get IDEAS and you might start thinking about trying this S-E-X thing for yourself! Clearly, without all this talk of sex, you'll never think of trying it on your own/fantasize about celebrities! What's worse, you might get the idea that sex is something to be enjoyed, maybe even celebrated! You need to understand that sex can KILL YOU (or at least give you babies).

Try again in three years when, magically, you become an adult overnight and suddenly your brain will be capable of handling all these grown-up ideas.

In fanficrants, madirose brings to light
Her gentle cousin Angie's troubling plight
Her recourse: to review with a request
For author to remove offending text.
When author's friend responds, it makes one cringe
And this is where fanficrants comes unhinged
Some sympathize while still others decry
madirose for her entitled reply
The wanking in this post soon overflows
And to a post in ffrantsrants it goes
Where every point of view's rehashed again
Until it lands on sf_drama then.

This is a case where butthurt spreads with speed.
For those that thought "too long, and didn't read."

Thanks to a mousey for the heads-up.

We begin our saga on the fair hills of house_wilson, where the grass grows green and the House/Wilson shippers occasionally throw shit fits over whether or not David Shore is dicking around House/Wilson shippers.

One day, this (relatively) peaceful comm is visited by slow_mo_panda, who had arrived to bring to everyone her thoughts on yaoi The Contract, a love-it or hate-it extreme-whump fic amongst House fandom.

The masses do not react well. (And euclase wins the "most over-the-top reaction to criticism" award for this week.)

Having been thrown out by her ears, slow_mo_panda once again continued her travels, landing on the shores of fanficrants, where she hoped to be greeted with open arms and kind words telling her how everyone else is a bunch of mean bitches.

Alas, she had no luck on that front, either.

After a number of negative comments, she deleted that post and was banninated from fanficrants. And there was much rejoicing.

Hearing the commotion, ffrantsrants and sf_drama arrived on the scene so that they could point and laugh.

However, this is not the end of our story. slow_mo_panda, apparently having not learned her lesson yet, appeared once again, this time in ffrantsrants in order to talk about how oppressed she is. Or something. ETA: Now locked down, but here's a text-version:
( also long )
ETA2: And now doire brings the screencaps.


Caps courtesy of xayeidemon.

ETA: Removed links to locked fanficrants content.

ETA2: Apparently, our friend has left a review on ff.net on the original fic:
( cut for length )


ETA3: Now a tl;dr post in her personal journal. Man, she really doesn't know when to stop, does she?

WARNING: THERE MAY BE SPOILERS FOR EVERY SINGLE BIT OF MEDIA PRODUCED SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME IN THE COMMENTS. SPOILERPHOBES, BEWARE!


Over in fanficrants, auburnmaven posts a rant about being spoiled for an anime series by reading the summary of a fic. Discussion ensues.


The highlight is this thread, featuring noracharles (My point is, I think it's perfectly reasonable and doable to want to avoid spoilers, and to therefore stay away from places where spoilers are likely to be found. In smaller fandoms it can be difficult, but that's life.) and feywood (That's life? Oh that's the lamest excuse ever. "I'm sorry, we'll have to chop your hand off, but that's life." "I'm sorry, you'll have to warn for spoilers till perpetuity, but that's life.").

I read the strangest rant today. How strange you say? So strange no one can agree just whether it's even a rant at all!

OP replies to requests to clarify, a few times, while a brave idealist attempts first contact, before realizing only a sucker would try to breach such impenetrable walls of WTF.

A random potshot at someone's fic-writing skills prompts the best simile ever.

The more persistent commenters dig through the layers of Bizarro-talk until they uncover the truth: OP is... 'anti-criticism'?

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE SMILEYS.

And shattered idealism is shattered.

ETA: aslongasitlasts has studied the people of FFR. He's like a magic 8-ball, in a way.

And wank_report has some too.

ETA2: Modly intervention. But he wants to be banned. No, really.

ETA s'more: Post got blanked and F-locked. Comm membership is open, though.

The ETA Apocalypse Now: Comments are being baleeted at random, and the original post is replaced by the preface to The Picture of Dorian Gray. It's the final troll blowout, people.

ETA Captain Obvious:: Oh, so that's what started it. Taunting the mod, and then deleting comments (A no-no in ffr^2). He's banned now, but you wouldn't know because the mod comment that said that is... deleted!

ETA Cry For Justice: There are 409 Google caches of the wank still with pre-baleetion comments. Saving the ones I can before they update.

Alright people, there's been a long streak of unfunny and fail around here and it's getting bothersome. We need to get back to basics with a short & sweet wank from an old, reliable source.

Thank heaven for FFR.

Picked this up via a mouse in the currently be-spamalated wank_report, incidentally.

Anyways, the short version is that guardian_erin posts a question about the word "childe" in reference to the Buffy fandom. To quote:
"What in the hell is so automatically horrible about dropping the word 'Childe' in a fic?"

By and large, people are pretty civil about it, noting that it's more of an Anne Rice/White Wolf term than a Buffy term. A few reasonable souls note that it's generally associated with badfic and therefore not looked upon kindly.

And then there's liz_marcs, who says, in no uncertain terms, that guardian_erin is "'one of those writers.' I'll be sure to avoid anything you write". Cue the snippyness, raging, bitching, teal deer, passive-aggressive smilies and condescending. There is also much fappery on the topic of "canon." Good wank times are had by all.

ETA: Oh, I forgot to mention, use of the words "cunty" and "cuntishness". The English language is such a wonderfully flexible thing.

As those of you who haven't been living under a rock may know, a new Star Trek movie just came out. Over on fanficrants, roq is upset about this. Apparently, TEENAGERS are now WRITING in HER fandom! Quelle suprise!

She has some choice words to say about it.

( Wank long and prosper )

It's a beautiful day in the fanficrants neighborhood. The sun is shining, birds are chirping, people are ranting. amandasapanda stomps in to let the community know, in no uncertain terms that Star Trek fanfic is for real characters and not stinky OCs.

( Phasers locked on grudgewank, Captain! )

( ETA THE FIRST )

( ETA THE SECOND )

( TRIPLE ETA )

akisawana rants on fanficrants about how much Rhinox sucks, apparently in relation to a comment made here about her friend's slashfic.

Dear Beast Wars fantwats,

Please learn the difference between "character bashing" and "Rhinox is an utter and complete tool who would totally kill half the pairing given the chance, and is practically the abusive husband of the other half."*

Please do not refer to Rhinox as "the mother hen of the Maximals" or anything along those lines. It makes me headdesk. I think my skull is getting a stress factor.

Please go back and watch the show. It's on Youtube.

Seriously, when the Pit is being more intelligent than LJ, we have a problem.

Lordy, and it ain't even my fic!*

*Friends do not strangle friends into submission.

*I'm beta'ing it. I think that makes me more defensive.

For those who aren't familiar with Beast Wars, Rhinox is generally regarded as one of the more reasonable, stable, and decent of the good guys, although like all the other characters he's had a few morally questionable moments. The rest of the comm goes "WTF mate" in response to this rather odd alternate character analysis, to which akisawana responds that we'll understand when we're older.

I guess it must be one of those things you don't recognize until you grow up [...] I guess Rhinox is just something you can't fully grasp until you've grown up.

dunmurderin notes that they're actually older than the OP. Response?

I did come up with a defense for my opinion. Your response was "you hate Rhinox so anything you say doesn't count because it's distorted by your dislike of him." So you may be twice my age, but you sure aren't acting like it.

Apparently older here is defined as mentally old enough to agree with her.

This is also when a new challenger comes diving in to claim that age isn't everything anyway and defend her colleague's assessment of FFR maturity Yes, apparently ianam1983 is the author of the nefarious fic in question and has come to show her bravery and creativity by comparing the abandonment of an immortal, sadistic mass murderer and cannibal to child rape.

It's my fic. Y'all want to argue about it, feel free to take it up with me. I love hearing this "in-context" BS. Like if the situation is screwy enough, you could rape a child and be forgiven for it. Some things are just plain unacceptable no matter what the situation, no matter what the excuse. (Hell, if you carry the "in-context" argument to its logical conclusion, you can justify Megatron's actions in the entire show, or even Rampage's. I've seen people do it.)

I'm making a moral statement here. Rhinox never got called on his crap in the show, so I'm calling him on it. What's more, I'm exploring an aspect of his character that I find highly interesting. He is not a plot device to me. I'm trying to get into his head and find what makes him tick, and why he does things like this. I'll admit that part of it is deeply satisfying to me as a fan, who found him very unnerving even when no one else did, to put my perspective down on paper, and I won't apologize for that. But I personally find that an adult perspective on a kid's show uncovers a lot of layers, subtleties, and shadows that were overlooked as a child, and those make very good story elements.

Because no one's ever used alternate character interpretation to explore the darker side of a character or faction before, and certainly not done it while actually adhering to their canonical characterization. What foolishness.

Still, for all that akisawana has a severe case of needing to chill the fuck out, she does have an excellent marketing idea!

Is your vibrator named Rhinox or something? Seriously, why can't you just chalk us up as a bunch of loonies and walk away?
Clearly you're not going to change our minds any more than we're going to change ours, so why don't you and "Rhinox" go have a little quality time together. I think it would do you good.

Beast Wars vibrators? I'd go for that.

EDIT: Apparently the ranter just isn't brave enough to face the slings and arrows of FFR and has deleted. Fortunately alanahikarichan has a few screencaps.

When shezoo reposts hir Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children fanfic, "Flower Face", to ffvii_yaoi (locked, comm is open membership), the response is seemingly underwhelming - that is until eternalwings posts to fanficrants about the story.

The first few comments are pretty tame and agreeable, until some of the author's friends and the author hirself show up.

It's called AU, twit.

Apparently, the story title comes from Welsh mythology, something renos_rude AND screamersgirl explain in the comments using the exact same text (with a tiny error likely because the entire lump wouldn't fit in AIM).

And then the author appears, complete with capslock, insults and exclamation point abuse.

AND YOUR RUINING THE PRETEND!

Not to mention the entire thread devolving into something to do with coconut.

All's well that wanks well, right? Except that a quick check back to see when "Flower Face" was originally posted reveals that shezoo is sepherotica is ssgallery is annataria (that Annataria), because ze changes usernames as often as ze changes URLS. And while some of those journals have been deleted, Annataria's is still there, listing many of the 'random' defenders (including the one so taken by the story) on FFR as friends. ...whoops?

nemesishamartia posts yet another rant about gay guys who act like stereotypical women in slashfic. "Words" are given, offense is taken, snark is had. But alas, in the end the commenters were merely guinea pigs in nemesishamartia's social experiment:

"ETA2: Thank you all for participating in my women's studies experiment. A male classmate didn't quite grasp that the comments he made during class were insulting.

Your help was most appreciated. -- ;D Nems."

Over fanficrants; oceanica ranted about sexual orientation in Naruto fandom.
It looked normal until emperorsteele decided to join the rant.

"Could" provides for possibility. If something doesn't exist or is not true, then it's not possible.

Girl likes guy. She is straight UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. UNTIL that point, it's just whistful fantasy that she wants the clam.

Anyway, the OP was saying things like "Likes girls.. possibly bi". I mean really? What does it take to convince some people that someone is straight? In a boy's action story where romance is hardly ever a focus, no less?

Bit late to the party on this one, but I've got one name for you: Dumbledore.

Oh sure, point out the ONE time something like that happened!

I guess that means ALL characters are secretly gay!! My bad!!!

So on and on and on and on and on....

ETA: Fandom is such math.

MOAR ETA: It's dragged to ffrantsrants.

ETA'S MOM: Seem like he is having fun in another wank entry.

DEAREST PAPA OF ETA: Another butthurt and FFRR.

And no, I'm not going to defend this position ad infinitum for 5 hours straight against heterophobes. The OP asked for opinions, and I'm gicing mine. If anyone has a problem with this view, kindly count to ten and pass up on hitting reply, kthnx. My E-mail inbox is still crying from the last wankfest. Please, think of the inboxes!

My "problem" seems to be that I have an opinion about the nature of the written medium (and to a lesser extent, the nature of sexuality) which rubs people here the wrong way because they assume that having that opinion translates into real-life quasi-homophobia, making me a horrible person, thus giving them an excuse to attack me because it's not politically correct; or rather they feel compelled to disagree in order to defend their beloved slashfics.

ETA'S SIS: He is now temp banned from FFR

Remember this wank (also known as this wank) about death threats over Transformer porn?

lady7jane, you were right.

( Cut because this is getting damn long. )

I'll let the OP on FFR say it best:

Next Entry
Dear fanficrants,

Quit saying "fanbrat". It's annoying and reeks of superiority.

Bitching and accusations of fanbratism ensue, as well as many exciting words to use synonymously with fanbrat.

Edit: Teh wank lacks wank. I apologize. :( My eyes shall be pecked out by fangulls.

scribe_porta: Dear fanbrats, HIS NAME IS ZORO, NOT ZOLO! No love, me.

fearlessfirefly: Oh come on, just because they use the dub names doesn't mean they're less of a fan! Maybe the dub's all they know!

saiyako: THEN DO THE RESEARCH AND FIND OUT WHAT HIS REAL NAME IS! True fans use the Japanese names, anyone who does otherwise is insulting the creator's hard work!

And so on and so on.

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.