c/p'd from Mousie's hard work:

Emma Watson is guest editing a British magazine that comes out on Thursday.

In it, supposedly JK Rowling shares her regret for making a certain pairing canon over another one.

Nowadays she admits she got it wrong - she should have shipped Harry / Hermione.

( You can see where this is going )
The actual article is slated to come out on Thursday. Prepare yourselves for the Second Coming...

Tom Hiddleston, British actor who played Loki in the movie Thor, and beloved of many many obsessive and sometimes creepy fangirls on Tumblr, has recently come out.

No, not as gay. As married.

And Tumblr suffers a wanksplosion, monitored gleefully by ONTD, as dozens of "Hiddlestoners" rend their hair and sob into their hug-pillows because some actor who doesn't even know who they are failed to share with them all the details of his personal life.

Let the flouncing commence!

—im so angry right now

For the first time i´ll write something for my own, i´m so sad and angry for this new things about Tom Hiddleston maybe many people think that i am a fucking crazy and maybe i am, i don´t care. But now I REGRET EVERYTHING i don´t like his wife or girlfriend whatever and i don´t think they look “cute” together. He most to said something about this before. This is over for me, i´m not a “hiddlestoner anymore” and just close this chapter of my life.

Goodbye hiddlestoners i won´t vote for him anymore and i need to cleen my dash :(

To which an anon replies:

—I think it's perfectly understandable why you would leave the fandom. I unfollowed many Hiddles blogs. I feel as though I am not ready to accept the couple yet and I want to take my time before returning to the fandom. Though I will admit it was a great fandom while it lasted. It just won't be the same anymore. :/

( Cut because this got surprisingly long )

EDIT: There's more!

—doremiylonenway: all of this thing about the wife is like “OMG, WHAT?” because we have never seen him with her like a couple, we saw pictures of them but we thought “another actress, or just a friend” and yes, it is shocking, I felt like I couldn’t breathe for a second, but honestly, I’m amazed of his ability to keep this in secret or in private, that’s awesome.

right now I feel like “I’ve been through things like this before, I can handle this” maybe this is what I needed to calm down my “obsession”

Not because I think “he’s single, there’s a chance for me to get married with him!!” pff, noo, by “I needed this” I mean.. “He has his own life, it’s time for you to get out of the internet and look for your own”

I now I’ve been wasting so much time here, I won’t let my blog but I need to put my attention on things that are happening in my life, not in someone else’s life… I though I learned this many years ago.

I realized that something is missing in my life right now, like years ago when I started to be a fangirl.

I love to be part of this fandom, I’m not saying goodbye, hiddleston’s army are the best fandom I’ve ever met, I love you all! but suddenly I have all this feelings and emotions… it’s hard.

I just wanted to take this out, thanks for reading!! and I’ll always say this, seriously: I love you :D and I won’t stop loving him

A reply to one of the earliest posts, when the fans were first hearing the news:

—thelusciouslumberjack said: He’s not married… he wouldn’t hide it like that. Why would he? He would at least be wearing his wedding ring.

Yeah, I can't imagine why he wouldn't want his army of possessive fangirls to know that he's married.

EDIT 2: The Morning After:

—nygis: I thought about it a bit last night and this morning, and to me it’s just plain shock. Of course Tom doesn’t owe us every detail of his personal life, and he has done nothing wrong. He hasn’t insulted us or anyone. But I think a lot of us felt at least some kind of connection to him from his interviews or his roles, so it was like we did sort of know him in a weird way. Then yesterday the “he’s married” bomb dropped and it was so out of nowhere that it felt like we didn’t know someone that we’d followed for a long time anymore.

Am I upset or mad at Tom? Absolutely not. Am I puking rainbows over his newly publicized relationship? Nope. But I do feel kind of down today in a bittersweet way, like someone ripped my bandaid off before my little papercut healed. I think I have a right to feel at least a little blue about the unexpected situation.

—mcelise responds: I agree with all of this. Let everyone have their own reactions, and deal in their own way, even if you don’t agree. Don’t be rude and call them crazy and insist that they should react exactly as you do. No one ever reacts the same as another person, and as long as we all realize this and allow everyone space to deal (or not) in the way that is natural to them.

This too, shall pass.

—suphiddles: The thing that dissapoints me is the huge loss of character: normally he’s so open and charming with the press and his fans( that is one of the things which made me like him as an actor so much) but now it’s just bamn- no warning- no inkling of this absolutely enormous elephant in the room

—qchord: until the dust settles

i am not checking the hiddles tag.

it used to be my favourite tag, second to martin freeman. it was like going to a land of bunnies.

it’s not anymore..it’s just giving me chest pains.

EDIT 3: Whoops, looks like we've got some wanking inside the house. For those wishing to avoid the unfunnybusiness, it's in the thread that mentions Michael Fassbender.

Elsewhere on the internet: LJ reveals some news to its users about a redesign of the LJ homepage. Changes involve a feature showcase, links to the latest LJ news posts, and a brand new section smack in the middle of the page:

"Oh No They Didn't" shows popular entries from ohnotheydidnt.

22 pages of comments follow, half of which appear to be people complaining about the new change and ONTD in general, and the other half comprised of ONTD members buckling down for some earnest, dedicated trolling.
( Read more... )

Just a light wanky snack.

Facts:
(1) Hideo Kojima is the creator of the Metal Gear Solid series.
(2) He is a fan of Twilight.
(3) He will be in ur Pixiv, judging ur Twilight fanart. Also, winner gets an autographed copy of MGS4: Guns of the Patriots.

( Metal Gear fans: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO )

ETA: ONTD post. Thanks to: vitalitat.

Inglourious Basterds is the latest Quentin Tarantino movie. Oh No They Didn't, is a gossip site based on LJ that is big enough it's actually taken LJ severs out more than once all on its lonesome (I think the last time was when Michael Jackson died, but don't quote me). Eli Roth is the guy who plays Donny "The Bear Jew" Donowitz in Inglourious Basterds (he also wrote/directed Cabin Fever and Hostel and its apparently awful sequel. That guy).

It all started when Eli Roth discovered the Inglourious Basterds Kink Meme.

Surprisingly, not via a fangirl breaking the sacred rule of Though Shalt Not Force Porn On The People In It AFAIK, but all on his lonesome. He was pretty much amused and also decided to show it to and discuss it with Quentin Tarantino (who apparently agreed with him the Donny would be a top), and also Christoph Waltz (who played Landa in IB) and apparently his parents, because he's that kind of classy. This garnered many facepalms from fangirls in places like 100_scalps, but shockingly, very little wank.

This resulted in a lot of twittering porn at him and his discovery of ONTD. He made a I <3 ONTD sign. Something a fair few celebs have done in the past.

After that it kind of got out of control, progressing from ONTD changing his Wiki page to say he was their Official Boyfriend to him twittering he would think about all of ONTD when he jerked off the night, then posting a picture of a very used looking tissue, then to a very candid interview with questions from a lot of people at ONTD*, to-- and here's where the wank really started, pun utterly and completely intended-- having cyber sex with various ONTD'ers on his MySpace. The Eli Roth tag on ONTD contains basically every screen cap and citation, so I'm not linking to everything individually. Scroll on down.

Then it came out that some of said cyber sexin' ONTD'ers sent him pictures of their boobs.

ONTD proceeds to have a 5000 comment long flamewar consisting of the brilliant arguments (paraphrased, but I assure you all quite accurate as you will see if you click this link): YOU'RE SLUTS. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE.

I think, in conclusion, I would like to say that despite what you may think of Mr. Roth, he certainly knows how to make a girl laugh.

*This is the only thing that is locked, however, you only have to join ONTD to see it. It's... worth it.

[ETA]: Omar Doom answered a similar fangirl written survey for ONTD, said he wouldn't be at all opposed to seeing some fangirl boobs, and the wank goes ever on and on in the comments.

Say you're a member of ontd_ai and you're getting a bit tired of the fanfic posts, the idol appreciation posts, the way a particular mod runs things, and anything else you feel doesn't fit the ~true spirit~ of the community. There's only one thing to do!

Start a super-secret elite comm where you and 26 of your friends (including some ontd_ai mods) can plan the upheaval of the 5000-member community, including abrupt fanfic banning and gif trolling of appreciation posts and anyone who objects, or course!

This involved heavily trolling an appreciation post for Megan, one of the AI competitors from the latest season, with gifs and insults. EDIT2: Found it! There are pockets of drama all over the place, but the big stuff is on page six here.

( this is getting long, so i'm cutting it )

Over on ontd_olympics, brand-spankin'-new user kristixkupcakes (journal now deleted) posts a tl;dr entry (also now deleted) titled "MY SEXUAL ENCOUNTER WITH RYAN LOCHTE." Her long, sordid tale of a disappointing hookup with the US Olympic gold-medal swimmer includes the following highlights:

( I'm doing bodyshots off Ryan and everybody's in a deep drunken haze )

Again with the sympathy and the "omg, I totally knew he was a douchebag!" At least until kristixkupcakes posts again:

MY SEXUAL ENCOUNTER WITH RYAN LOCHTE -- MORE.

So I've been an avid watcher of this community and ONTD and I've finally joined here and noticed how everybody's gaga over the kid I slept with on my birthday and I think you guys should know what happened because your opinion of him will change.

And then, behind an lj-cut:

you just got punk'd.
- christopher ashton kutcher <3

USE A CONDOM!

The comments EXPLODE. Accusations of sockpuppetry and mod involvement abound, and there are calls for bannination, as well as the usual "OMG, you guys, have a sense of humor!" Again, this one's been bahleeted, but there are screencaps for downloading: before the post was unlocked and after it was unlocked.

Finally, like all good wanks, this one's wrapped up with a mod post claiming that the whole shenanigan was the result of a "chat that got too out of hand." Things seem to be settling down for now, but who knows? Maybe Nastia Liukin will eat someone's baby, or Usain Bolt will turn out to actually be a cyborg! IT COULD TOTALLY HAPPEN, PEOPLE.

I found this recipe in the other wank and thought you guys might enjoy it:

You will need
1 greased ohnotheydidnt
1 ship-based MS Paint macro (Do not credit the macro! This is very important!)
3 cups inksplotched
1/2 teaspoon grudge (optional)
2 heaping tablespoons bazcat89
a pinch of CAPSLOCK
sparkles to taste

1. In a large bowl, add inksplotched to the macro in 1/2-cup increments, beating on high speed until stiff peaks form.

2. In another bowl, combine grudge, bazcat89, and CAPSLOCK and stir until mixed thoroughly.

3. Fold grudge-bazcat89-CAPSLOCK mixture into macro-inksplotched meringue.

4. Spread over ohnotheydidnt and top with sparkles.

5. Bake at 400 degrees for 3 days until edges are crusty.

6. Serve with your favorite alcoholic beverage and a large sprig of mockery.

*You may store Twilight Sparkle Surprise in your freezer up to 3 months.
**CAUTION: if you share your thoughts on fandom near Twilight Sparkle Surprise, it will turn out bitter and inedible and all the hungry wankas will eat you instead!

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

A recent ohnotheydidnt post features a list of the most misogynistic movies of the decade. On cue, the wank commences, with responses ranging from "feminists suck" to "I'm not a feminist but..." to "this is kinda silly but I agree with a few points" to "it's just entertainment lol".

Top threads of wank:

( Pretend I put something witty here. )

In conclusion: I needed a reason to not see Superbad?

Found this little gem when I was looking through the "Dread Central" forums for news on "Wrong Turn 2". I didn't find much of interest on that, but when I came upon a thread about the mythical, rumored X-Files movie sequel, I struck wank-gold. Apparently, there are still people who think this is SERIOUS BIZNEZ, and so is Gillian Anderson's hotness, or lack of it.

http://www.dreadcentral.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=4847&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

WARNING: NWS for a really nasty icon with an eyeball being poked/scooped out with a spoon, potty-mouth language, and pics of Gillian Anderson in her underwear/with ribs poking out of her hideous dress.

( Read more... )

So Britney Spears shaved her head. CNN couldn't get enough of it, and of course, neither could the folks at ONTD.

Then jrexasaurus chimes in with this news: "I spoke with my relative who works at CSMS. Apparently Britney was checked in late last night by an older male and was diagnosed with something called 'Amphetamine psychosis'."

This is all dishy and good, but y'know, there's this little law in the US that goes by the acronym HIPAA, which spells out a lot of things about disclosing medical information. As in, don't.

Various posters weigh in on the subject. There's bonus sockpuppeting accusations. And oh gods, it'll take someone with a lot more patience than I have to wade through the rest.

ETA: Alas, the HIPAA wank post has been bahleeted. Meanwhile, however, a mouse in the comments has provided a link to ONTD's full photodocumentary of the head-shaving and the 105 pages of comments, plus a C&P of jrexasaurus's possibly sublegal dish. Warning: NSFW user icon.

Moved from clairvoyantwank.

Anna Nicole Smith is dead. So, of course, this is a prime opportunity to wank about her life and consprechy!11!!! theories about her death. There's a bitty wank on the Snopes.com boards here, but of course our friends at ONTD wank the hardest. ONTD was temporarily ded from server and may well vanish again, so I've reproduced some of the wank below.

( *insert boob joke* )

And on and on. jezepuff also directed me to TheSuperficial.com, where there's ONTD-esque wank in the comments, including this gem: are they sure they just didn't find a blow-up sex doll in there and got confused?? And thanks to hangingfire, commentary from The New York Times' The Lede blog. One example: I’m sorry to say but its not like she was a symbol of America. She was a sexual enthusiast and doesn’t deserve all this agony. She is dead but we are not. You can call me an ass but I’m not the one crying about a dead pornstar

— Posted by Joe

I doubt this is the end of it.

Over at ohnotheydidnt, we get this this item (via Newsweek) regarding contract talks for Dan Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson and the final two movies (Order of the Phoenix currently being shot)

The post focuses on Emma's reluctance to sign up for the last two movies, citing wanting to do "other things".

People all "She sucked as Hermione anyway! Good riddance!": Right off the bat - Check. (In particular - lesmile's wonderfully loopy "worst Hermione ever" comment.)

People wondering why she can't just finish the movies then go to school/whatever: Check.

Fanbrats with entitlement issues: Check.

People who actively hate Emma but think it would be weird to see someone else as Hermione: Check.

And we haven't even heard from the Danemma shippers yet. (But the day's still young!)

ETA: Forgot to spotlight avilewoman's bout of "If you didn't understand my point, it's because you're stupid!"

Over on ohnotheydidnt, xxrottedstarxx has had it up to here with all you dumb bitches.

Why? No one cares about Fefe Dobson! Or something!

Also features: return of the banned!, flames upon flames, memes, and some really bizarre hate graphics/screencaps in the original post... I wouldn't recommend clicking if you have dialup, or don't want to see Hitler or netspeak splashed on your screen.

Stealth! ETA: This bit of COMPLETE AND TOTAL INCOMPREHENSIBLE BATSHIT has been deleted. Lucky for you, zealot's got the caps.

Gerard Butler (probably best known at this point from The Phantom of the Opera) has extremely devoted fans who call themselves "Tarts." They hold conventions, show up at movie sets, they swarm talk-show tapings, and have started ganging up at film festival screenings so heavily that they're actually getting mentioned in news articles. Frequently they get into contests of oneupmanship--I met him at the taping, well I got him to kiss me, well I met his mother, and so on--at the gerardbutler.net forums. I'll digress for a moment to tell you my favorite story is how they once said that he was a "precious butterfly" who brought them together to, I presume, stare at him while he flutters around in a Mason jar. This was before they printed out several hundred pages of forum threads, IIRC, bound them together, and presented them to him.

(Wait, I lied. My favorite story is about the article where a Tart actually told a journalist that she has life-size dolls of him.) (ETA: AIEEEEE.)

"Does Gerard Butler think his fans are ‘crazy’?"

Yes. Yes, he does.

As the OP at ONTD then notes, "What was their reaction? According to the person who e-mailed me, they were horrified and set up new rules for their community." The rules (see link for full text) were leaked by an anonymous tipper:

Somebody e-mailed all of this to me, afraid to speak out because she didn’t want to be banned from the community! [My note: The forums are already pretty well known for "disappearing" posts that don't toe the party line.] To quote her:

However, know in advance that, if you accept this mission a legion of porculent grandmas and twiggy tweens will plague your life. It's drama...but a) they were asking for it and b) I firmly believe that it is just the brand of petty-bitchery that makes ONTD such giddy fun.

Petty bitchery, you say? Here begins the naming of names. (Scroll down to "LadyKatheryne.")


ETA: It's IMDB wank, but you get to see the players in action.

"What kind of weirdo would go chasing off to Scotland?" "I DID!" And they're off. Hang in there as the conversation changes from "You're crazy" to "No, we're not" to "Oh God, it's the gb.net people!" and thence to "Also, you are OLD."

The Man is changing like a magnificent Butterfly! I told y'all.

Thanks to Witchery Bitchery for the extra links.

Over at ohnotheydidnt, hell_is_4_heros posts pictures of a noticeably pregnant Gwyneth Paltrow wearing a bikini. Certain members of the comm are squicked by this.

And a good time is had by all.

http://www.livejournal.com/community/ohnotheydidnt/2920226.html

 

A break in the endless stream of Harry Potter coming our way this week? We should be so lucky! But at least this one is about one mostly ignored character and the movies, and serves as a nice change of pace...

 

We finally see the first picture of Katie Leung as Cho Chang from the upcoming Goblet of Fire movie... and the fine net denizens of OhNoTheyDidnt LJ community get to demonstrate their maturity, willingness to believe all "chinks" look alike and deep loathing of anyone who gets to peck THEIR Daniel Radcliffe-- all in one handy, 6-page wank!