Sex scenes can be really funny. Badly-written sex scenes can be absolutely hilarious. Since there are a lot of badly-written sex scenes in the world, the denizens of LJ's weepingcock take it upon themselves to select the best of the worst and laugh uproariously at it. Or cringe. Or possibly laugh uproariously in a cringing fashion. It depends on the excerpt.

Anyhow, pirsquar posts this amazing excerpt, for the enjoyment of the entire community.

( My ovaries are incandescing at the thought of this quote. )

The reaction is a standard mix of 'lol', 'wtf', and 'OW'...

...at least, until Loyal Defender Of The Literary Mighty deborahkla charges in to express her displeasure with the mere posting of this blurb.

Why?

Because it was written by Henry Miller.

Apparently, if you are a Noted Figure Of Literature, you are incapable of writing bad porn, regardless of what our eyes might be telling us. She makes sure to inform us of this. She even did it twice, in the exact same wording.

( Her learnings, let her show us them. )

Despite the condescending tone, the weepingcock natives are actually quite reasonable in pointing out that funny sex is not discriminating, and 'great authors' are not immune to mockery if they write and publish something weepingcock-worthy. For deborahkla, however, 'reasonable disagreement' translates into 'OMFG EVERYONE'S ATTACKING ME'. So she attacks back...despite not being attacked in the first place. (She has mastered the use of the c&p comment, for sure -- there are several in there that she copies verbatim into multiple threads.)

She also flounces out of the community.

The only problem there is that she keeps right on posting answers to comments, actively telling people that 'she's out of the community now'. Her logic flaw is pointed out to her numerous times.

She reacts, naturally, by doing the most reasonable, mature thing possible.

She messages the mods.

( Mods, they're being meeeeeeean to meeeee! )

I don't know about all of you, but I definitely feel my ovaries incandescing right now.

Pop Quiz:

You are R. Malone, a new author who has a book out that is predominately getting reviews in the four to five star range when someone gives your book a review a one or two star. Do you. . .

A) Post an attack on the review (NEW WITH SCREEN CAPS!)
B) Post an article attacking the reviewer on authorsden.com ETA: DELETED NOW WITH SCREENCAP!
C) Send nasty comments and later delete them off of Goodreads (see second edit at the end of this post)
D) Openly declare war on anyone who rates your book poorly
E) Do all of the above until readers are afraid to post reviews DELORTED TOO! ALAS, SCREENCAPS: REBECCA, WE WEILL PROTECT YOU!!

BONUS WANKERY IN SCREENCAP FORM!!!


Credit given when credit is due: Copypasta directly from sf_drama

( THE OTHER 7,256/SCREENCAPS/NAME-CALLING/ACCUSATIONS EDITS BEHIND THE CUT NOW )


EDIT, YET AGAIN:
And what's a wank without sock-puppetry? God I love this woman. Keep up the crazy, please. The lols are great. Where we're been mentioned.

Hey, y'all remember Inuyasha? You know, the boy with the dog ears and the fandom that just won't quit wanking? You'll be glad to know that the wanking doesn't stop, even though the manga is over!

trailertralk does a mediocre sporking of an Inuyasha fanfic over on weepingcock, likeyoudo, and the community proceeds to laugh at "giggle of her ass" and "*SMACK, SMACK*."

Of course, it doesn't take long for the author of the fic to show up.

plumespixie2 descends on the community like an avenging mosquito, replying to just about every single comment with "I'm proud of my fic, and I will continue to be proud of it." This is interspersed with minor variations on a few defensive themes that eventually melds into a cacophony of "LOL, I'M NOT UPSET! LOOK AT ME LAUGH WITH YOU! WATCH ME BE A GOOD SPORT! please love me?"

The anonymice, scenting blood, descend on the community like avenging mosquito fish. This leads to one of the more disquieting exchanges I've ever witnessed, wherein plumespixie2 and her girlfriend izzanami try to talk /b/tard and end up sounding as authentic as Reagraham Lincool.

There's an accusation of grudge-sporking, since plumespixie2 sporked a Sess/Rin fic a few days ago.

And trust me, they're wanking all over the place. You don't need to know anything about Inuyasha to be entertained by this one. Just click on any random thread in that post, and you'll find someone being hilariously wanky.

(Interesting circle-of-wank sidenote: The apparent sockpuppet who wrote the sporking here, trailertralk, is a member of tropical_bitch, a community formed to fight inuanonymous, which was featured in this wank.)

ETA: There's more wank when another sockpuppet shows up to spork an Inuyasha fic and plumespixie2 blows a gasket or something (thanks to ladybirdsleeps for the link!)

Remember teh_no? He's been involved in some amusing wanks in the past, including "Fandom wimmins are sexist!", "I can totally pwn Warren Ellis!" and "You didn't comment on my fanfic, you pedo bitch!"

Back in November, brown_betty posted a few theories about teh_no, sockpuppets and scans_daily. This prompted surprisingly little fall-out.

Well, teh_no did comment on monkeycrackmary's journal asking, "What did I ever do to you?", apparently working on the principle that Betty is Mary's sockpuppet. And also on the principle that Mary would have forgotten teh_no calling her a pedophile. And there was a complicated little exchange on teh_no's journal. (Note that Betty's brutal expose was posted on November 15.)

But, all in all, rather quiet. Certainly nothing that ended up on f_w, anyway.

However, on December 13, teh_no posted: "So fast, my posts at fanficrants have inspired a metaquote and icons. I can only imagine that a movie offer is next. Oh, BB, I totally forgive you for all those things you said about me. Dissecting the badfic skeletons in your closet is more than worth your harsh words."

So, what badfic skeletons are in this mysterious "BB"'s closet?

Well, there's this one, this one and this one. Allegedly.

You see, the mod of weepingcock has spotted something:

"Is it possible that you would prefer not to link to the original author because the excerpts are from an online Hustler novel (this post, in particular, comes from page 10, BTW) and not, in fact, from Batman fanfic as you've previously claimed in fanficrants?"

Oops.

koshiroryuu then decides it's only fair to expose the badfic skeletons in teh_no's closet. And, oh boy, are there a lot.

Not that it's his fault, of course. A girl made him do it.

ETA Disclaimer: I have tangled with teh_no in the past and can be seen in the comments of Betty's post. I'm not involved in the current wank.

ETA: Year One: I forgot to include some tantalising hints teh_no dropped as to the identity of 'BB'. She's somebody from "Batman fandom, sorry to say" and also somebody who fancies herself quite the feminist." Why, it's almost as if he's describing brown_betty!

ETAfall: And banninated from fanficrants.

The ETA Knight: Also banninated from weepingcock.