I almost snorted hot coffee out my nose while listening to this week's This American Life. Because lo, I bring you tidings of great joy. There was wank and it involved Santas. Santas breaking into factions and invoking Godwin's. Online drama. Real life drama. Santa against Santa.

I never considered Santa or Christmas a fandom before, but now I know. They cosplay. They have conventions. They live and breathe Santa year round. And they are as dramatic as any wankers we've ever seen.

If you click the link above, click "play episode" and ff to 22:00 you can listen to the segment. It's 27 minutes of wanky Santa hijinks and infighting.

Background reading:

AORBS website and history.
Santa flounces.
No, this is the real history and archives.

I know there is more, but I figured this was a good start.

Nobody expects the Santa Inquisition?

I suppose the best way to preface this entry is to explain about the fursuiting aspect of the furry fandom for those unfamiliar. To put it simply, it's cosplaying. Only instead of pre-existing anime characters, one usually wears an animal costume based on an original character of their creation. Unlike cosplayers, the vast majority of fursuiters commission their suits from fursuit makers. As one would imagine, there is quite a bit of money to be made from this, as full suits of decent quality often cost over $1,000. As a result, there are bound to be some commissioners that try and get things done the cheapest they can so as to reap a large profit.

This brings us to the subject of this post, a fursuit maker known as Jesskitt. Now, while the inspiration for this post was new wank from this week, the fact is that Jesskitt's dramatic and sloppy ways have been making her the subject of furry drama communities for a couple years now. Some of the things she's infamous for include demanding someone return a suit she made them (with no refund) because it was reported the person did not wear it at Anthrocon. Said suit had pawpads made out of construction paper rather than felt or another fabric and was all around shoddy. This sets the tone for the quality of her work in general. There is also her habit of getting puppies, getting tired of them when they're grown up and giving them away only to obtain new puppies, but our focus today is on the fursuit making aspect.

This week, she appeared twice in the fursuitauctions community. The first was a post on the 6th to sell some suit parts. The interesting part here is her disclaimer:

"Warning this may affect your focus on this post, please do not let it mentally disrupt your train of thought:
For the record my name is Jess. My nickname is Kitt. It would be fabulously awesome if you people (aka everyone/anyone) could call me one or the other. JessKitt-08 (Jess Kitt Oh Eight) is a screen/pen-name, but is not something I should be called if you're addressing me personally. If you're looking to address me as an artist then it's JessKitt-08. Your silly and retarded sounding "JessKitt" craze is by far grammatically incorrect and makes you sound like you can't even call a person by their own name. Jess is a totally different character than Kitt. There has never been a combination of the two and will never be. (Jess- my husky/wolf hybrid *and also draft horse- I let them both have the same name* Kitt- my liger). You wanna know what my biggest pet-peeve in the world is? You keep hitting it right on the spot. Get it right! I don't call any of you by something I 'think' you should be called. Thank you."

When people respond to comment that the note is unprofessional, she replies to them with varying degrees of irritation:

"Then we didn't need you as a buyer and or customer. It is quite obvious that you let little things like someone correcting a group of people affect you. Your focus shifted from the products themselves to 'omg drama'. You should buy the product because you like IT- key word IT meaning the product itself. You should not let myself nor my 'boss' affect that in any way. We want people to buy our products based on the product itself- not the person who made it. I guess you are one of the many who buy products based on OMG I LOVE YOU MAN."

The second post was for something she calls 'The Fursuit Challenge', which basically boils down to her trading her own creations for those of others and then her selling what she's sent:

" Since 'so many' furries sit here and baww about our stuff when they haven't even seen it in person, nor held onto it, inspected it, and so on, we all thought that it would be a great idea to share a little challenge with you...."

As you might imagine, the responders find a few flaws in this plan. There's also the minor detail that the person who is listed as the 'neutral' party in judging which suit is better, mursa_artdragon, apparently never agreed this contest:

"Thats how I got all those page views! Take my fucking name off there god damn it I did not sign off on you posting my shit up. I said I'd take a look at some peoples stuff for you."

ETA: Also of interest, a post on her DA journal about the debt she's racked up. She explains she can't get a part-time job to make more money because she has too many fursuits to make. Think about that for a second.

Over on D_princesses--a spot for many things Disney and princess--a post is made asking to share some Princess cosplay and arts. (warning: Huge images. I had to scroll sideways and my res is 1600 by 900.)

The first pic is a cosplay of a fanart, and there's some images of the Disney ladies wearing less than what they wear.

Cue people fussing that there's too much T and/or A from the first comment:

[I]t makes me so disappointed to see the princesses turned slutty.

Highlights include:

Complains about cleavage, followed immediately by the Belle cosplayer commenting;

whores whores whores whores whores;

Disney is not a strip club;

Doing this is like whoring up Dora the Explorer.

Note to self: Don't cosplay Disney around some people. With knockers this huge, I'll make EVERYTHING slutty.

ETA:
This sets feminism back.

Cleavage undermines the capacity for social respect for women.

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

(Long time lurker, first time poster. This is possibly old, but I found it too entertaining to pass off. If I happened to re-post something, mods feel free to delete, crowd feel free to point and laugh at me.)

Apperantly Square-Enix isn't happy. Strange really, because I can't see any similarities between
their Final Fantasy : Advent Children clips and this music video. Of course, I can't really comment on the possible ganking just yet as I yet to find a reliable source that confirmed the lawsuit, as well as first-hand confirmation of the classic excuse of "but we can't find their number!"

But it still didn't stop the comments from leaving a smile on my face. Really.

To be fair, I was expecting bigger wank consider "art thief", "Advent Children" and "youtube" are inevitably connected in this beautiful situation. But hey, there are still some beautiful gems.

( cut to save your f-list )

Surprisingly, or maybe disappointingly, there're minimal FF fan acting ever-so-slightly-too-verbal. Or maybe I'm looking into the wrong places. Hey, the comments are still rolling. We'll see.

EDIT: It was on clairvoyantwank, thank you reeve.

EDIT 2: And FFVII fans didn't disappoint. They have managed to blow their side of the story into wankolicious wank too. Lovely.

So, as we all know, the cosplay.com forums are a breeding ground for wank. This one in particular starts with HanakoWings posting a poll asking if there should be "rulez" for cosplay. The original post was apparently quite flamey (now bahleeted, boo), which apparently included some items like "no ghetto cosplay", "don't cosplay someone of another race/gender", and "post pics of bad cosplay here." This incites some isolated wank from people basically saying "cosplay = fun...no rules necessary."

FeelLikeRain sums it all up here: Why has cosplay become srs business???

Highlights of HanakoWings' responses include:
"ZOMG you should've known that I was kidding because I said 'rulez' not 'rules'!"
"Don't cosplay a 6 foot tall character if you're 4 feet tall"
Obligatory "I'm never posting here again cuz u all think I'm a bitch" rant, complete with "ZOMG I'm gunna be a psychologist, so here's my analysis of all you freaks" section.
"Why are you bitching at me if you haven't voted in the poll???"
"I'll only tell you suck on teh intarweb...never in person!"

Watch and wait for more from this mini-wank!
*headdesk*

Apparently at ohnotheydidnt there is a rather lengthy wank discussion over Lindsay Lohan apparently starring as Sailor Moon in a live action movie.

This may or may not qualify for a wank because no one is REALLY arguing. . buuuuut the "discussion" turns into:

LOOK FUNNY PICTURES

Then, the eventual Usagi Kou is brought up and a link is given to her Sailor Moon fan movie.

All in all this is fourteen pages and counting of pretty hilarious photos and some really amusing comments.

My favorite happens to be: This little piece of eyeball melting fun!

My very first demi wank, so ENJOY!

The first part brought over from clairvoyantwank in honor of the recent Kou wank.

Kirby (mseverchanging aka kakyuu_kou) received a mean comment on her cosplay website guestbook. See her rant about it and accuse people that she hates for it.

When the entry was first posted, a little tiff between luna_tsukou and Kirby ensued.

Days later, killmeneko argues with Kirby.

As a bonus, back on the first of March, this entry is made by soullesscyn about Usagi Kou's rumored sex habits. The post is later edited with a link to a picture of Kirby. Kirby replies here.

The fun part about this is Usagi Kou recently comments revealing to all that Kirby, the avid anti-Usagi Kou of 2005, has been asking repeatedly to be friended and Usagi Kou publicly snubs her. The other fun part about Usagi Kou commenting means that she's let her friends know about the post so they can join in on the wank too.

ETA: Kirby has removed all the wanky comments in her LJ entry. Screencaps, anyone?

Courtesy of wank_report. People often ask what Usagi Kou will do when she gets old and wrinkly and doesn't look like Sailor Moon anymore. Well, says Usagi Kou

sometimes people make my face do this= O___o;;

Her LJ post explains that she has a life beyond cosplaying Sailor Moon, and everyone else is jealous.

I'm always told its because people are jealous because they think im good looking, talented, loved, or because I'm strong and things don't get to me as easily, but I dont know, those are some pretty petty reason's in my opinion. It's the high-school cheerleader deal. It's somewhat irritating at time's, I'm just glad I have the layed back personality I have, or I think i could have blown up by now.

Amusing comments from her friends including,

Kayla_kagome: WHEN YOU GIVE UP COSPLAY? cosplay is in peoples blood

angela__orosco: I'm honestly suprised you haven't snapped and gone insane yet!

brend: I am sorry everyone gives you so much shit princess. Like you said, it's just cause you're way sexier than them. Also it's because you're cooler. Crazy obsessed freakishly socially retarded otaku cosplayers tend to become jealous of the sane, level-headed chill ones such as yourself.

And, of course, an argument over whether Usagi Kou could get a job. Proving once more than the only people stupider than her fans are her enemies.

From a mousey over on wank_report. A few days stale, yet too hilarious to pass up:

mseverchanging, whom you may recall as kakyuu_kou, has decided to apologize for all her previous misdeeds! (I know she's been here before, but am unable to find the link(s) – anyone able to help a wanka out? Previous wanks featuring Ms. Everchanging may be found here, here, and (in the comments) here. Many thanks to mochibuni!)

Things get off to an awesome start within a few paragraphs, with the OP taking Godwin to new heights by comparing herself to . . . well, just read the sentence:

What in gods name can I even begin to say to you to make the things I've said and done in the past even look shy in comparison to Hitler and what he did to the Jewish community?

After providing her mea culpas to twenty people – with promises of more to come! – she opens up the floor to comments.

And oh, how the comments keep on coming.

There is also a graphic of a cat-tank, I'm not sure what to think of that.

As bonus wank, iamthecosplayer makes a post about the whole thing here, and a lot of "Plz be defriending me kthx" wankery spawns in the comments.

ETA: Oh noes!!! iamthecosplayer has been suspended.

ETA Strikes Back, courtesy sailorjpg: When avian_firefly refers to the OP's otherkin activities here, she is apparently referencing this weird shit. Not part of the wank at hand, per se, but too awesome to pass up.

Revenge of the ETA, again courtesy sailorjpg: Unscreen My Comments, Bitch, the smash hit Broadway musical. With complimentary screencaps!

it seems no matter how many people tell this girl slrmoonserenity that the Eternal Sailor Moon Fukus have bows and broaches she still saying the anime is BLACK red and yellow. Well last time I check its NAVY blue not black.

http://images.cosplay.com/showphoto.php?photo=539630

remember she didnt finished the other one she made.

im just sayin.

The strange emergence of one aj_angelique has caused quite a stir over at cosplayfucks.

Her first clueless appearance was here, in which she was informed in true cosplayfucks "style" to not post OMG GOOD cosplay. The shit hits the fan when they find out she is overweight and cosplays as a mermaid. Oh, dear. And she doesn't exactly help her cause by posting stuff like this:
( Read more... )

So what does she do next? Why, post again, of course, with delightfully predictable results. I don't find the resulting fat jokes particularly funny, but what the HELL kind of drugs was this person taking to think this post was a good idea? (Her incoherent comments are pretty amusing too, especially the seventeen different misspellings of the word "moron.")

This spawns another vendetta post, which also includes this fantastic display of splooge from Ms. Angelique's journal.

And the wank just keeps on a' sploogin'. I think the folks at cosplayfucks sitting around a campfire singing "Kumbaya" is more likely than this chick ever getting a clue.

EDIT: Damn, she baleeted her entries fast! And I didn't save 'em. *cry*

The rest of the wank is still there, including her lj entry.

We all know what comes with Sailor Moon wank, don't we?

Usagi Kou related wank, of course!

The Sailor Moon Pocky Box has several articles covering the major dramas and wankers within the Sailor Moon community. Naturally, Usagi Kou is shining brightly amongst the drama articles, which brings us to our wank.

Gothicanime would like you to know that they are not a minion of Usagi Kou.

Neoqueenserena adds her two cents for publicity and remind you all that "luna is me friieeeend! Dun be meeen cuz shes muh friieeend!one"

We have a calling out of one of the Pocky Box members, Eudial (endymion_sama). We have the abundant usage of emoticons, piss poor grammar, and netspeak. We also have jabs at the most important achievement in life. Ever: getting laid.

It's small, I know. So to compensate, I give you Kakyuu Kou vs Kou Minions wank to go with it.

lolzdrama must be having much to talk about.

Note: Don't bother looking at neoqueenserena's user profile, or any of them for that matter, if you're on dial up.

Edit: Neoqueenserena's entry has been bahleeted. Unfortunately, I am screencapless.

Edit 2: Gothicanime has friend's locked her entries. Sadly, I do not have screencaps of these either.

Yes, the community that won't quit provides more wank. "Likely to be just a troll" community member retainercase posts pictures of s0nified and beverlyfaerie that aren't bad cosplay at all. The two cosplayers are fairly well known, and are regarded well by most people. He then proceeds to make stupid comments about the pictures and the cosplayers (as most cosplayfucks posters are wont to do), but these comments are unfunny even by cosplayfucks standards.

Here is the original thread

Most of the commenters call "troll" and taunt retainercase mercilessly. Several of them think that the OP might just have a vendetta against the two girls, and guess what? He does! Here he admits that beverly wouldn't give him her number. AH! All becomes clear now! The two "victims," s0nified and beverlyfaerie, show up and join in the mocking, and later in the same thread he proceeds to ask Beverly for her number again.

It's now up to 4 pages of comments mostly mocking the OP, him responding, and people posting image macros everywhere.

So here is your daily dose of cosplayfucks wank. Tune in tomorrow, where I'm sure there will be even more.

EDIT: We're up to many many pages of comments now. And there's more fun at retainercase's journal. Thanks to ninja_stripper (I love that name!) for pointing this out.

Cosplay Troll

It's not too wanky yet, but a troll decides to show up, saying, "Bad Horse Cosplay" and post a picture of a semi-ugly woman.

Wanking probably will ensue. Or banning. If this isn't wanky enough, this is my first post so tell me and I'll take it down.|

ETA: Baleted.

Cosplayfucks drama! that does not involve Usagi Kou

EDIT: There is some very scary and non-worksafe "artwork" posted in the comments. You've been warned.

...........I have no clue if this has been posted before or not.

Anyway, I'm sure most of you are familiar with a community on LJ called cosplayfucks. Their ultimate goal is to find crappy cosplay costumes, post them on the Internets, and laugh heartily at the overabuse of foil, brightly-colored wigs, and hosiery.

Or maybe it's just about making fun of fat people.

The post itself is a normal cosplayfucks post, but I can GUARANTEE that if you click on a thread with the member aufdeutschebag in it, then it's going to be wanky.

I know that codename_windy is one of the Malik cosplayers in the post, but I couldn't puzzle out whom the other one was..........there was a lot of wank and Photoshopped images clogging the threads. O.o

In short, there was a lot of offensive terms for lesbians thrown about, people discussed the substantiality of two GIRLS cosplaying what is clearly BOY ON BOY action, and both sides have yet to mention the Nazis, so no clear winner has been decided yet.

*shrug* Have at it; there's tons of wank there to keep you occupied for the day. All worksafe, unless you count the original cosplayers crotch-grabbing each other in their.......non-existent.......crotches to be porn.

[EDIT]: Since aufdeutschebag possesses the most DISGUSTING football icon in the history of man and chooses to use it at her will, this isn't safe for work anymore. And courtesy of one sick sick anonymouse, we now have a penis beauty contest going on in the threads here at F_W. So, er, yeah. Not safe for work anymore. Douchebags.

kakyuu_kou decided to clear things up on cosplayfucks

so people will have a better understanding of her "costumes".  She made herself look like an idiot in the process.

edit she deleted it http://www.livejournal.com/community/cosplayfucks/166597.html the post that started it all.

This wank is a few days old and a bit mild until you get to the capslock flamer, but it's still interesting to me.

Ah, the Man-Faye. The legends in cons across the states told of a man, equiped with a Cowboy Bebop costume, who attended Anime Expo and shook his hairy ass for all to see (and spank).

Animenewsnetwork.com puts up an interview with the Man-Faye himself, which ends with a link to the Man-Faye topic on ANN's
forum where anime fans can state their mind.

It turns out that the Man-Faye was banned and refused entry at the last Anime Expo he went to. It probably had something to do with his costume. *shrugs* That's not really my point.

Mild wank goes about with debates such as:

Man-Faye - Like or Dislike.
Anime Expo - Fair or Unfair.
Crossplayers - Interesting or Ew.
Crossplayers - Cosplaying Rights vs They Shouldn't Be At Cons At All.
Cosplayers - Wear What They Want vs Dayum, J00 So Fug! Get Outta Mah Con Biznitch!

All is well and calm until you get to page three, where Starwind Armada shows up with this message:

Any middle-aged man who dresses up in a skimpy female outfit has some serious problems to work out. And this man's obsession with keeping Bebop on the air is a joke. According to that site, he has seen it run over 12 times and he has the entire series on DVD. I don't even think he's a true anime fan; he's just some poor, lonely Bebop fanboy who deserves to be banned from EVERY single convention. Sailor Bubba, too. All these guys are doing is making anime fans look like a bunch of mindless losers who like to cross-dress in disgusting ways.

And then later comes back with this beauty:

And here's a message to Man-Faye: YOU'RE NOT A CELEBRITY. STOP THINKING SO HIGHLY OF YOURSELF. YOU ARE AN UGLY, ANNOYING BASTARD WHO IS JUST MAKING ANIME FANS LOOK BAD. AX WAS RIGHT IN BANNING YOU AND I HOPE ALL FUTURE CONS PREVENT YOU FROM ACCESSING THEM. YOU HAVE RUINED A GREAT ANIME CHARACTER AND FOR THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE HATED. I HOPE YOU DIE OF GONNORHIA AND ROT IN HELL.

I mean, God, is that shit disgusting or what? He mentioned he got picked on as a kid; probably because he pranced about in his mom's lingerie or something.

Needless to say, a few posters barked back at Starwind, but she (I believe this flamer is female) keeps coming back for more with her stubborn ways for several pages.

All in all, little wank, though it was amusing seeing how the forum posters reacted to the Man-Faye, then showing a bunch of pictures at the end of what really scary cosplaying is, showing that once and for all, there truely are worse things than a Man-Faye shaking his bootah.

Tiny, but hopefully it's pleasant enough.

tear_venus posts in the Gankutsuou (Count of Monte Cristo anime) community a very awesome Count cosplay. Nothing out of the ordinary, for we all love our blue men.

Sadly, the first reply is along the lines of "so-and-so makes a better Count!" and it goes down hill from there.
"He's not feminine enough!"
"the Count is feminine?"
"This comment is ridiculous. It's a bit silly to go "OH ______ is better!" when someone says something positive about a costume. GOOD FOR THEM."

Its only 27ish comments long, but cosplay discussion is always interesting.

Favorite quote!
I love how you're all negative about the Japanese cosplayers, though, quite frankly, all the cosplay posted by our members here has been just a hair above "ghetto," in my opinion. Maybe their faces aren't to your liking, but as far as construction goes they have everyone here beat.


You won't see them wanking... till they strike!

(... I love how JF tells me Cristo is misspelled and offers Crisco as a subsitute. I love you, JF.)