Brought to you by wank_report!

Clan Mitchell is a Dreamwidth community revolving around the fictional Mitchell family, which appears to be a huge group of people who live in the Carolinas under the administration of a matriarch named Momma, generally serve in some branch of the U.S. military, and/or operate under a general curtain of good ol' American values, get-well-pies, and care packages.

Motto: "The Mitchells will inherit the earth: the meek don't move fast enough."

From the profile:

"So ivorygates and synecdochic made up a bunch of crazy Southern relatives, and the "Fuck Canon, Fanon Makes More Sense, Dammit" club (meetings on alternate Tuesdays, free t-shirts at the recruiting tables, bring your own beer but the cookies are free) firmly believes that "Kansas, my ass" is the best way to approach Cameron Mitchell's home life, and, well, there should be more fic about these people!

Not necessarily a shared-continuity set of stories -- use as much or as little as you'd like -- but a shared-character-list and a place for people to build a shared-world. Grab a Mitchell and start writing. Resistance is futile! You will be assimilated. And probably baked for."

( It all starts with a ficprompt... )
ETA: Revenge of the Sith: cap including the offending fic.

Holy ETA, Batman: (thanks, mousie)
"When someone has put in a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to create an absolutely beautiful sandbox to play in (a sandbox that they love very very much), and then not only allows you to come in and play in their sandbox, but graciously opens the door and INVITES you in, you don't shit in the sandbox. You don't. M'kay? Good."

We can't stop here, this is ETA country: It's time for the public address roll, looks like. From eilan:
* slybrarian calls for fair and balanced.
* quinfirefrorefiddle & co. are appalled at F_W's lack of journalistic integrity.
* Synecdochic's state of the union, and also ivorygates is banned. Or left. Either way, she's not a mod any more.

I read the strangest rant today. How strange you say? So strange no one can agree just whether it's even a rant at all!

OP replies to requests to clarify, a few times, while a brave idealist attempts first contact, before realizing only a sucker would try to breach such impenetrable walls of WTF.

A random potshot at someone's fic-writing skills prompts the best simile ever.

The more persistent commenters dig through the layers of Bizarro-talk until they uncover the truth: OP is... 'anti-criticism'?

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE SMILEYS.

And shattered idealism is shattered.

ETA: aslongasitlasts has studied the people of FFR. He's like a magic 8-ball, in a way.

And wank_report has some too.

ETA2: Modly intervention. But he wants to be banned. No, really.

ETA s'more: Post got blanked and F-locked. Comm membership is open, though.

The ETA Apocalypse Now: Comments are being baleeted at random, and the original post is replaced by the preface to The Picture of Dorian Gray. It's the final troll blowout, people.

ETA Captain Obvious:: Oh, so that's what started it. Taunting the mod, and then deleting comments (A no-no in ffr^2). He's banned now, but you wouldn't know because the mod comment that said that is... deleted!

ETA Cry For Justice: There are 409 Google caches of the wank still with pre-baleetion comments. Saving the ones I can before they update.

snatched from wank_report

"Someone" posts a secret (#114 now bahleeted--caps?) on fandomsecrets and the image is stored on her easily identifiable photobucket account. She claims to be lonely and not have any friends and she wishes the Avatar characters were her RL friends. But she means local friends, not imaginary intarweb bitches her LJ friends.

Responses are mostly of the "Oh, snap!" variety except for the "What am I? Chopped liver?" one. It's really a very mild response though yukinoomoni is outed by name.

( She doesn't overreact at all: )

eta: F_W is not your therapist. If you can't lol at a wank maybe you need to go for a walk. I thought this was funny. lol sociopath.

Thanks to the mousie at wank_report!

Remember this wank? Which involved this guy? Well, if you're wondering what that rattling noise you hear is, it's the sound of head-desking over at TV Tropes, and it's all thanks to him.

---

Notes on the Source Material: There were 14 pages of comments, and just after I finished documenting the hijinks on page 12, everything got bahleeted. I snagged screencaps of pages 2-11 (which is more than Google cache got) but the most comprehensive record of this wank comes from my raw notes. Below the cut, you'll find a summary of the wank with links so you can bamf around and read the just interesting bits of the raw notes. The screencaps can be found here.

---

( Cosmetor Saves the Internet )

These two comments, made shortly before the bahleetion, are rather telling:

(15021) Dire Sloth: So... that Fan Dumb thread... it's kind of dumb.

(15022) Tzetze: I don't want to hear about that thread again.

---

ETA the 001: (Thanks to galateus for linkage, and ari_o for linkage that led to more linkage)

( Cosmetor Has Saved the Internet Before )

---

ETA the 010: (Thanks to boomstickjones for linkage to the latest, hottest, breaking news!)

Internet Does Not Want to be Saved, Banninates Cosmetor

2; Fast Eddie: After review ... People tried to reason with him. This is the second time he's been around, spreading chaos. He didn't really break any rules, but being around him is a pain in the ass.
Block installed.
7; Fighteer: Whew, thanks. That Fan Dumb argument felt like it was sucking the brain from my skull.
9; Some Sort of Troper: It feels wrong to me that the thread was deleted, it should have a more fitting end. Something like the house at the end of Poltergeist, it should have imploded and been sucked into hell.

(Be warned: long wank report is LONG. Continuation of this clairvoyantwank post. ETAs are under the third cut.)

This weekend, Torchwood fans flocked to Chicago for TorchSong, a John Barrowman-centric convention with a website that looks like it was modeled after a Geocities page circa 1997, a half-assed commercial that aired on BBC America, and some awfully expensive tickets.

When the con was first announced, the only guests were John, his sister Carole, and Mark Sheppard. When people started emailing the organizers about possible other guests, they were emphatically told while more guests would be coming, there would be no other Torchwood guests because it was a John Barrowman event, not a Torchwood event.

Ticket sales apparently convinced them this was not a good strategy, so over the following months they added Kai Owen, Tom Price, and Gareth David Lloyd. Fans squeed, and despite being not particularly impressed with the organizers' behavior, they willingly plonked down as much as $500 to see John and friends and to see John perform. (Later, 'special' auction packages went for up to $1,410.)

Then things start to go wrong.

On Wednesday, Kai Owen was forced to drop out due to a family emergency. Thursday, the day before the con began, they announced that John Barrowman had torn ligaments in his ankle and he would not be attending.

Aaaaand we're off.

( Act I: Pre-Con )

( Act II: The Convention )


( Act III: The Ongoing Aftermath )
ETA3: "UR JUST JELUS!!"

ETA4: Con-goers have now created their own special clubhouse: torch_tanic (torchsong_09 post announcing it. Commenters are not amused, but you'd never know it because she deleted all the wholly negative ones. Raise your hand if you've got a screencap.) (Thank you kaylamds for the heads-up.)

Just a little wank over how MEAN it is to give unsolicited (for, um, a certain definition of "unsolicited"), anonymous concrit.

Welcome, friends, to

THE ANONYMOUS WRITING FEEDBACK MEME

It's one of those memes where people post their names and other people comment anonymously, in this case, telling what they think of their writing.

Let's look at the rules, shall we?

1. If you’re a writer, comment to this post with your username.
2. Commenters, no drama please. Play like adults. And writers, be prepared for any comment.
3. Pimp the meme out by posting the above code into your journal.
4. Be honest.

(emphasis mine!)

So, we're clear on how this works, right? Writers put their names in themselves, voluntarily. They should expect any kind of feedback, and it will be honest. And as long as there is no drama, any kind of comment is allowed.

( Unfortunately, not everyone is prepared for anonymous comments or honesty... )

SGA ficcer is not getting the acclaim she says she deserves. So she is going to delete her LJ. Her 560 "friends" are not fawning enough so what's the point?!

There are at least 60 comments on her epic fic's last two chapters now. I'm too lazy to figure out how many there were before she flipped out. Also she posted the last chapter only yesterday.

And the mea culpas pour in--three pages of "I'm sorry/I suck/Plz don't go."

( cut for dead links )
ETA3: BAHLEETION!! (saved pages below)

page 1, page 2, page 3, and expanded smackdown. And page 4 thanks to longtimegone! :D

...meaning politely, with excessive courtesy, and attempting to make as little noise as possible. But in the end, someone's still gonna have to launder the long johns.

And somehow, over a decade later, the wank is still all about the Rays.

First, belmanoir posts about, generally, the marginalization of Fraser/Vecchio shippers by Fraser/Kowalski fans, and why it's important to phrase things carefully, and be respectful of everybody's shipping preferences, and that "If you're concerned that something you're planning to post might be offensive, consider running it by a non-F/K shipper to get their opinion."

( Some highlights )

It's all very polite and thoughtful and considerate... maybe a little too polite and thoughtful and considerate. ignazwisdom is not impressed:

Honestly, DS fandom, you are one of the nicest groups of people around. That's usually a great thing. It makes the fandom very welcoming to newcomers. Sometimes, though, the obsession with being the Nicest People Ever gets a little bit out of control and actually starts to alienate people, including people who've been in the fandom for years.

...

But fans taking their toys and going home over incidents like that is totally old meme, so I'm more alarmed by the number of people nodding along and saying that yes, people should never talk about how they're not interested in Not-So-Popular Character A or Not-So-Popular Pairing B because that's hurtful to fans of Character A and Pairing B. (Or, whatever, people should think real hard before they say anything about a character or pairing lest it offend someone who likes that character or pairing. It adds up to the same thing.)

zvi_likes_tv ( has stuff to say )

Me, I'm just still bemused by the concept of DS fandom being biased against F/V shippers. THE REVOLUTIONARIES HAVE BECOME THE OPPRESSORS!

Is there a crisis going on in the SPN fandom? Could it be possible that Jensen Ackles really doesn't matter? I am no longer a die-hard fan of Jensen Ackles. In fact, I really don't like him much anymore.

But wait! No! This must be an error! Because: "Why Jensen Ackles Matters"

There's a truckload of mind-boggling awesome tl;dr there, so ( let me give you the highlights: )

Sophie Briand and Susannah Eanes - evidently these two wacky kids professional, intelligent, educated, hotass women are one and the same.

BONUS WANK: J2 fans have moved into true tinhat territory: Yes, it's time for the clothing shoutouts!

How very 2002. Domlijah called, they want their schtick back.

ETA: The author has shown up in esorlehcar's journal, claiming it was all fiction, although her friends seem a little appalled and hurt. However, capslock means it was all a joke, evidently!

If it's fiction, does that mean she and her friends aren't intelligent and hot?

ETA 2:

1) susannaheanes has deleted her LJ AND the essay! But it was just FICSHUN! AND FOR THE LOLZ! Alas.

2) Evidently there is nothing more wrong than finding something funny. Only the author and her friends can do that!

3) Evidently me posting this wank is a violation of FW policy! After not explaining how this is to me, she made a very brave post, in which she stood up for her beliefs and completely fail to understand a word Sep said. Now all her friends who are FW members are going to quit or protest or something, I guess. Strangely, these same people who are so concerned with the FW policy, including susannaheanes, do not realize that trolling esorlehcar's journal is a violation of the FW's rules.

I'm sorry, I no longer believe in their intelligence, or hotness. D:

Meet kyuuketsukirui. She writes reviews for SGA on her LJ , and recently reviewed a bunch of stories on mcshep_match. kyuuketsukirui commits the unpardonable fandom sin of saying she's disappointed in the latest mcshep_match stories and will be posting her reviews soon.

Meet lamardeuse. She doesn't approve of kyuuketsukirui's disappointment in the stories or her reviews and says so. Many people agree with her, in the process confusing concrit and reviews. kyuuketsuikirui shows up to politely disagree. lamardeuse and her friends don't respond well. darkrose brings in a bit of Earth logic, but it's not enough to leaven out the massive amount of Unclear On the Concept, alas.

So kyuuketsukirui writes a post clarifying her position on reviews and reviews of fanfic and fandom.

zillah975 makes a post about this whole civility/reviews/concrit situation, including a thread in which anatsuno laments that life on the Nice Side ain't all it's cracked up to be. telesilla does a post too.

No responses from lamardeuse and friends. At least, not publically. That wouldn't be civil, after all.

ETA: Supposedly lamardeuse was responding to lavvyan, though kyuuketsukirui's post seems to have been the back-breaking straw.

EDIT: In light of the more recent wank involving FH and Laura, the links to her site have been removed.

Secret post that started it all. Specifically Secret 130.

It's an attack! But, don't worry about taking it down - I'll just try to divert attention to Michela instead. Looks like someone's never forgiven FanHistory either, and lays all the blame on Michela even though it seems other moderators there were involved.

ataniell93: There's no reason for you to know about me - that's why I repeatedly posted in this topic while signed in

SO RIGHT.

Leave Britney ataniell93 alone!

Here we finally see the truth: F_W hates me because I'm better than them!

Fail. The main reason F_W dislikes me is that I used to be part of F_W because some of my friends liked it, and then I saw that what F_W does is wrong, and instead of slinking quietly off into the dark and trying to forget it, I denounced the community. Period. I will never be forgiven for that, but I don't care, because it's not like I'm forgiving F_W next week. I still think who some of my friends are is part of the issue, but the main issue is that you all resent me for eating the red pill and waking up to what we were doing.

I guess we're all still in the Matrix.


And a personal note: Can one really be a part of F_W? It's not like we're Anonymous or anything.

I found this at wank_report and have too much time on my hands this week. There were 333 comments when I started the recap.

MTV.com has a Twilight Tuesday thing every uh, Tuesday. Let me 'splain, no there is too much. Let me sum up. Stephenie Meyer's Vampire series Twilight is now also a movie coming out in December and staring Cedric Diggory (aka RPATZZ). MTV is making the movie and this blog every Tuesday is part of their marketing strategy.

Today's post is about three sophomore girls from Texas who formed "The Bella Cullens." Larry, the blog writer, falls all over their jailbait asses:

"I had seen their MySpace page and heard some of their songs, but I was honestly amazed by how pretty their voices and melodies are, and with lyrics like “Edward’s so hot he can set the house on fire/he’s a sexy vampire,” these teens already have more talent than all the Pussycat Dolls put together."

1. Those are good lyrics? WOT?
2. More talent than the who now? Doesn't slime mold have more talent?
3. The band's name abbreviated is BCP. But remember only condoms help prevent STDs.


Most comments are some variation on "Larry, you fail" or "I <3 LARRY!":

Edward Cullen Says:
July 8th, 2008 at 9:50 am

My Sparkly Peen sings better, even when it drools for muh Bella.

But Janet comes to Larry's rescue:

Janet Says:
July 8th, 2008 at 10:02 am

Yikes people are being harsh. :) He has a lot of weeks to fill before december and I’m sure summit wouldn’t let him give us big stuff like clips every week and remember these are a gift. I’ve never seen people do something like this before to promote a movie…weekly updates I mean. Larry, I really thought it was the trailer this week and now I feel silly.

Under the cut I C&P for your pleasure.

( It goes back and forth between the Twimoms and the Twatlighters and the haters. )

ETA: LARRY SPEAKS!:( Read more... )

ETA w/XTRA SPARKLES: http://www.thebellacullenproject.com (warning: music embedded in site) is getting spammed on the comment pages by people claiming to be from ontd_twatlight. Twatlighters are saying it is not them. (Sorry can't like to comment pages directly.)


cleolinda convinced me to add the BONUS EW COVER FROM HELL!!!1:
http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/
21 pages of OMGWTFBBQ at ontd

ETA part 9.546382023: MTV blog has posted the EW photo. There may be more comments to come though currently it is at 0. Larry wants to know what people think! *CACKLE*

Oh yeah... I forgot to say 'sorry' in my last post.

Modsquad out. *snap* *snap*

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

So! There is a bandom specific anonymous mocking comm over here on JF that is called bandflesh. It's all flashing text and caplock lulz and stupid anon shenanigans... until certain people decide that it's all too much for them. To the point of: Quite a few of the defriendings were people I have met IRL, care about a lot, a couple of them I even consider good friends.

Mmhmmm.

I wasn't sure if this was quite wanky enough for F_W itself, even though I got some lulz out of it.

[ETA]: Oh dear: South Part and Fandom Wank paved the way to a world where being a giant fuckwit is admirable and hilarious. And it makes me feel so vulnerable and unhappy and lonely, because how can I trust anyone?

:(.

[ETA2]: And:

[info]shoemaster wrote: It certainly creates the opportunity for dialogs such as this, now doesn't it?

[info]claireweasley wrote: Sure, if it makes you feel better about being a shitty human being.

Over on lj, well-meaning thisissirius tells us how to behave in fandom and tells us this in a heap of passive-agressive niceness and tl;dr.

( Common Courtesy in Fandom )

Remember the recent American Girl wank? The one where mods of one board banned members of another because they didn't like them? Well, it marches on, my friends! The mods, who have been conspicuously silent since the news broke out in the AG fandom have finally spoken to Nethilia (kittikattie), a mod at ag_over_18, and they employ the kind of doublespeak that would make a politician caught with his pants down proud.

( The mods, they have spoken! )

Of course, Neth isn't going to take this lying down:

( Here she is, calling crap for what it is! )

Most of the angry responses can be found on ag_over_18's version of this post, but it's currently locked. I'm just linking to Neth's entry with her permission. And this isn't even counting the mods reappearing on the AG Playthings message board (again, locked to members) just to...pointedly ignore everyone's demands for answers.

American Girl Dolls = still serious business.

Fanfic writer Diana Williams wonders what happened to good manners?

Many people, some via metafandom, wander in to ask what do you mean by good manners?

Confusion, cultural comparisons, and over 140 comments result.

Ow, all that html hurt. ;_;

ETA: It appears that the discussions in this post on The Cutting Board may have been the catalyst for Diana's post.

Over on LJ moonlight_tryst writes a long, admittedly wibbly, post about furiosity's reviews and how she's scared of them:

( Wibbling underneath )

Okay. Whiney, but give her an A for honesty, right?

furiosity replies. The discussion goes back and forth for a bit, with furiosity trying to figure out exactly what moonlight_tryst wants.

Then in comes mordryn4 with the WTF:

You do know you're part of the silent majority, yes? Similar to how the overwhelming majority of Americans feel about Bush..."

furiosity responds, and it turns out it was just a chance to go "nyah-nyah, I defriended yoooou! And you ARE scaring other people, you big meanie!"

Oh, fandom. Don't ever change.

ETA: Eeyore continues to be Unclear on the Concept: Day 8

ETA II: Bahleeted! But there's saves. Lots of saves.( Cut again, to save the weak-willed )

ETA 3: ( Still more links )

ETA: The "furiosity" screencap has been taken down, to help save the website owner's webspace; others may or may not follow. They'll return when the webspace is stabilzed.

Mother of all ETAs: Furiosity is back! Many thanks to princessdot for walking me through the ftp set up.

It's an old story: HP fangirl creates sock, plagiarises (self?), denounces sock, confesses to all, and thoroughly underwhelms audience.

(from a mouse to your screens, dramione drama)

Stone the infamous slytherinjoli, er... cs_kurumi.

It was me all along! Woe. Regret.

The chorus: "I don't care!" "I care even less" "I'm not even conscious!" and further illustrated apathy.

eta: The Cult of Nice vs the Mean Girls