Tom Hiddleston, British actor who played Loki in the movie Thor, and beloved of many many obsessive and sometimes creepy fangirls on Tumblr, has recently come out.

No, not as gay. As married.

And Tumblr suffers a wanksplosion, monitored gleefully by ONTD, as dozens of "Hiddlestoners" rend their hair and sob into their hug-pillows because some actor who doesn't even know who they are failed to share with them all the details of his personal life.

Let the flouncing commence!

—im so angry right now

For the first time i´ll write something for my own, i´m so sad and angry for this new things about Tom Hiddleston maybe many people think that i am a fucking crazy and maybe i am, i don´t care. But now I REGRET EVERYTHING i don´t like his wife or girlfriend whatever and i don´t think they look “cute” together. He most to said something about this before. This is over for me, i´m not a “hiddlestoner anymore” and just close this chapter of my life.

Goodbye hiddlestoners i won´t vote for him anymore and i need to cleen my dash :(

To which an anon replies:

—I think it's perfectly understandable why you would leave the fandom. I unfollowed many Hiddles blogs. I feel as though I am not ready to accept the couple yet and I want to take my time before returning to the fandom. Though I will admit it was a great fandom while it lasted. It just won't be the same anymore. :/

( Cut because this got surprisingly long )

EDIT: There's more!

—doremiylonenway: all of this thing about the wife is like “OMG, WHAT?” because we have never seen him with her like a couple, we saw pictures of them but we thought “another actress, or just a friend” and yes, it is shocking, I felt like I couldn’t breathe for a second, but honestly, I’m amazed of his ability to keep this in secret or in private, that’s awesome.

right now I feel like “I’ve been through things like this before, I can handle this” maybe this is what I needed to calm down my “obsession”

Not because I think “he’s single, there’s a chance for me to get married with him!!” pff, noo, by “I needed this” I mean.. “He has his own life, it’s time for you to get out of the internet and look for your own”

I now I’ve been wasting so much time here, I won’t let my blog but I need to put my attention on things that are happening in my life, not in someone else’s life… I though I learned this many years ago.

I realized that something is missing in my life right now, like years ago when I started to be a fangirl.

I love to be part of this fandom, I’m not saying goodbye, hiddleston’s army are the best fandom I’ve ever met, I love you all! but suddenly I have all this feelings and emotions… it’s hard.

I just wanted to take this out, thanks for reading!! and I’ll always say this, seriously: I love you :D and I won’t stop loving him

A reply to one of the earliest posts, when the fans were first hearing the news:

—thelusciouslumberjack said: He’s not married… he wouldn’t hide it like that. Why would he? He would at least be wearing his wedding ring.

Yeah, I can't imagine why he wouldn't want his army of possessive fangirls to know that he's married.

EDIT 2: The Morning After:

—nygis: I thought about it a bit last night and this morning, and to me it’s just plain shock. Of course Tom doesn’t owe us every detail of his personal life, and he has done nothing wrong. He hasn’t insulted us or anyone. But I think a lot of us felt at least some kind of connection to him from his interviews or his roles, so it was like we did sort of know him in a weird way. Then yesterday the “he’s married” bomb dropped and it was so out of nowhere that it felt like we didn’t know someone that we’d followed for a long time anymore.

Am I upset or mad at Tom? Absolutely not. Am I puking rainbows over his newly publicized relationship? Nope. But I do feel kind of down today in a bittersweet way, like someone ripped my bandaid off before my little papercut healed. I think I have a right to feel at least a little blue about the unexpected situation.

—mcelise responds: I agree with all of this. Let everyone have their own reactions, and deal in their own way, even if you don’t agree. Don’t be rude and call them crazy and insist that they should react exactly as you do. No one ever reacts the same as another person, and as long as we all realize this and allow everyone space to deal (or not) in the way that is natural to them.

This too, shall pass.

—suphiddles: The thing that dissapoints me is the huge loss of character: normally he’s so open and charming with the press and his fans( that is one of the things which made me like him as an actor so much) but now it’s just bamn- no warning- no inkling of this absolutely enormous elephant in the room

—qchord: until the dust settles

i am not checking the hiddles tag.

it used to be my favourite tag, second to martin freeman. it was like going to a land of bunnies.

it’s not anymore..it’s just giving me chest pains.

EDIT 3: Whoops, looks like we've got some wanking inside the house. For those wishing to avoid the unfunnybusiness, it's in the thread that mentions Michael Fassbender.

The first volume of William H. Patterson's biography of Robert Heinlein is released today, but the scuffle over it is already a week old.

This is approximately the millionth Heinlein biography to hit the shelves, so perhaps it is a bit difficult to see why it matters, but this underestimates the devotion of Heinlein nerds. Jo Walton, (papersky) published a review on Tor.com, in which although she says some nice things, she concludes:

Patterson’s biography is also riddled with tiny insignificant errors of the kind that make me lose trust. [...] If I can’t trust Patterson on details that I know backwards and forwards and inside out, how can I trust him on matters that are new to me?

A reasonable doubt!

( OR IS IT? )

First attempt at posting, although I've been barracking from the sidelines for about a millennium now ...

astolat posts A Matter Of Inconvenience, which is American Idol slashfic (Kris/Adam) with a 'Regency' setting. At least, that's the general idea, and harmless enough you would have thought - assuming that AI AU RPS is your thing. (Alphabet soup!)

zvi, however, takes exception. Amongst other objections, A Matter of Inconvenience is not about race, thoughtlessly invokes colonial issues, and just doesn't put up any warning flags for those who are about to read it. Also, apparently, this is a thing Astolat fucked up. Everybody, please to endeavor not to fuck up like that with your next happy fun sexytimes historical.

What starts off as moderately polite discussion about historicity in slash fanfiction is, however, quickly derailed by willow who offers the following reasoned evaluation: In the middle of the cuppa tea, the empire waist dresses and the ass-sex of your AU Regency - please to be remembering the hydra heads of colonialism and imperialism and what that means for and about your whitey white penis salt lick fan thought of the moment.

liviapenn tries to calm things down a bit with some entertaining stuff about plumbers and blow jobs but this only serves to upset willow further. Why is it that everytime I see you lately, you're happily shoving your foot into your mouth via your hindquarters? ... You keep claiming to understand your privilege and say you're reflecting on it and then you start chomping that feces encrusted shoe leather again. willow's User Info states "'M brown and I have an attitude." No kidding.

astolat's attempt to explain herself gets stomped on, and the desirability of historical accuracy in a Kris/Adam Regency alternate universe is lathered, rinsed and repeated for those who missed it the first time.

Small, but strangely vitriolic given the subject matter. It's difficult to imagine why people are getting quite so over-excited about one piece of costumed fluff in a universe of lesbian cars and tentacle porn, but it may keep us entertained while we're waiting for next incarnation of VB.

ETA: Okay, I get the message, I got it wrong - or maybe I just don't have a sense of humour? Either way, it was obviously a bad call. Lesson learned.

Meet Lironess, a person of such stunning perfection that she feels confident, nay obliged, to point out the shortcomings of others. Constantly.

When she's not diagnosing diseases over the internet, she's apparently advocating approaching strangers at cons with skin diseases to ask them:

"OMG What the hell is wrong with your skin?"

Yeah, not even kidding*.

Unfortunately no one told betnoir that icky diseased people exist solely as teaching moments for the beautiful people, and that she better learn to live with it or else spend the rest of her life in misery. Luckily for her then, that lironess is here to explain it to her.

The spat lands in sf_drama, where lironess baleeted her most offensive comments (though considering what's left - just WOW) and apparently whole threads if bizarro goodness like handing out condoms to furries, and horse sex, and her inability to spell freak. she then demonstrates her utter lack of getting teh internets, as well as proving that there really isn't a maximum fail quota per post.

After calling like, everyone, a coward or accusing them of hiding (for commenting in an unlocked post in a very public community? huh?) lironess prepares her flounce by calling betnoir (and everyone else) out. As in, *cue scareh music* she can FIND people:

"It has been fun to watch you all hide on a community and make your statements thinking I would not see and reply. However, I can find all of you, any where."

betnoir names a place and time.

but yanno, it's waaaay to far, plus it'd be a hassle and betnoir's fucking parents would sue and it would be a big mess and lironess doesn't care enough to bother. Or something.



*I debated if this should be in UNF because disability!fail = so fucking unfunny, plus there's bonus!fail on both sides, but for sheer overwhelming WTF wankiness I think it belongs here.

Snapefen are still wanking about Lily Evans Potter. terri_testing posted an essay More on Lily's behavior in SWM: Lily the Prefect? on Snapedom. An excerpt from this essay:
( Read more )

Batshit flourishes in the comments:
( Read more )

Thanks to an anon on wank_report for all the links.

SPN fans Legoline and benitle wrote a long post called Workshop: Faking It: Pretending You're A US Citizen When You're An Ocean Away. It covers immportant issues for SPN fic writers like how big the United States is, how the social security system works, and the need to spell colour as 'color'.

Oddly enough, the writers aren't Americans or native English speakers. They talk a lot about the US as if it had just one culture. They make several mistakes. And maybe they just went a little over the top at points:

High school/college-based shows like Glee or Freaks & Geeks will give you a first impression of how the educational system works and where you need to do some further reading. If you're into shows like Criminal Minds, CSI or various police shows you can get a feeling for law enforcement (which might come in handy if you're writing a fic from Henriksen's POV about chasing the Winchesters). If you're willing to invest the money, there are plenty of textbooks about Criminal Investigation that show and explain various techniques of interrogation etc. to students of criminal science. These books are usually very expensive, but it's worth keeping an eye on Amazon marketplace or eBay - sometimes they pop up there for a few Dollars or Euros.

Initial response was positive, until someone asks if the OPs are just talking about dialogue, or are they saying the narrative should sound American too. 'Because the latter would be incredibly offensive.'

benitle responds that it's the writer's call, but they're just trying to help fic writers hide their non-American-ness. And kaboom, wank explosion!

( Highlights under the cut )

snatched from wank_report

"Someone" posts a secret (#114 now bahleeted--caps?) on fandomsecrets and the image is stored on her easily identifiable photobucket account. She claims to be lonely and not have any friends and she wishes the Avatar characters were her RL friends. But she means local friends, not imaginary intarweb bitches her LJ friends.

Responses are mostly of the "Oh, snap!" variety except for the "What am I? Chopped liver?" one. It's really a very mild response though yukinoomoni is outed by name.

( She doesn't overreact at all: )

eta: F_W is not your therapist. If you can't lol at a wank maybe you need to go for a walk. I thought this was funny. lol sociopath.

Information culled from an anonymouse source on wank_report.

Daddy's Little Cannibal was a Twilight fic writer, and apparently quasi-BNF enough to merit at least one interview, with 43 stories to her name that garnered multiple awards. Her most popular story was Cigarette Burns, which her twin sister is now posting for her posthumously.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention. Daddy's Little Cannibal died on May 8, 2009, after being involved in an accident with a drunk driver.
( Tragery! Or something else? )

The end! ... or is it?

Is it a social experiment? Attention seeking? Was she just tired of flitting from xanga to xanga and craved a more dramatic way to disassociate herself from her previous activities? And who is the anonymous source on wank_report - grudge? overzealous detective wanting to show off their leet snooping skills? or one of the wankers, trying to garner more attention? Only time - and possible ETAs - will tell!

ETA: I found a single now-deleted flame c&p'ed by other authors on FF.net.

Lady Sybilla put out another press release. She also showed up at the Twilight Lexicon again, since that went so well the last time. (When the formatting gets hard to read, check it here.)

(Fanhistory links are all nofollow.)

After her Wikipedia article was deleted (you can go to the Russet-Noon webpage for more information), Lady Sybilla edited the shit out of the Russet Noon Fanhistory page all by her lonesome (despire Laura Hale asking around on Bebo whether anyone else had anything to contribute).

And in case your blog entry about the whole affair shows up there, I'm sorry. Lady Sybilla farmed the Russet Doom Supplementary Links Collection and changed my format a little to make the attention seem less wholly negative.

Oh also I put together an entry in my journal with links to screencaps and transcriptions and things, for quick and easy reference. 

For those just tuning in:

Lady Sybilla wanted to put out Russet Noon, her tribute sequel to the Twilight Saga via sockpuppet publisher. Smeyer never drew her characters, so this totally wasn't copyright infringement. She put out press releases, a Youtube reading, and listed her book on eBay months and months before she intended to make it available.

Then, of course, the "massive hate campaign" began. Darn Earth logic!

I myself wrote no less than four separate versions of a wank report, as I tried to keep on top of everything (and eventually lost my grip on sanity).

Lady Sybilla did not take this well. She pretend-banned the russet-noon site, taking down its former glory, then changed it to goad voyeurs.

And what did I get for my efforts? Emails from Lady Sybs herself.

Now she's put up a message directing us to the interview she did at a Brazilian fan site.

In the words of Stephenie Meyer, "When a story demands to be written, there's no way to resist."

Yes, Sybsy baby, and your story demands to be put down. Um, I mean the reports on you, not Russet Noon. Your tomfoolery must be chronicled for posterity the lulz.

But wait, there's more! Aaaaaaand she's back to writing press releases. It's the Foforks interview with this blurb at the end:

AV Paranormal Publishing is an independent publisher in the Los Angeles area. We publish online books, digital art and paperback novels. No unsolicited manuscript submissions are considered. We accept query emails with a short synopsis. Email your queries to submissions@avparanormal.com

O rly? Also the Twilight Lexicon is back to smacking her down. Kisses, kids!

And guess what just came up in my Google reader? This post by Karen Knows Best! Which led me to go and check...yes! Lee Goldberg is back on the case!

( Now for the tl;dr... )

In other news, I'm totally over this email business. I have a spam filter and I intend to use it. If someone wants to continue discussing this shiz, she can do so in the comments like everybody else.
ETA: Yes, we can haz more press release.

Taking your children to see Watchmen is child abuse? -found at wank_report

Conservative blogger's "review" starts:

"If you take your kids to see "Watchmen," you're a moron.

If you see it yourself, you're also probably a moron and a vapid, indecent human being. The movie arrives in theaters at Midnight, Thursday Night. It's rated "R"--which should kinda sorta be a hint--but it really deserves an "NC-17," at the very least. And plenty of clueless parents brought their young kids and kept them there for the entire almost three hour "experience" at the screening I attended."

She can't stop bitching that it is somehow being marketed to children because there are people in superhero costumes. Or something. Are there like happy meals with these characters or something? I honestly don't have a clue about the marketing and am curious now. There's a video game--but like the movie it is rated for Mature Audiences Only.

There are comments over and over that Debbie doesn't get it. SHE DOES THOUGH! IN ALL CAPS! AND WE'RE ALL MORONS IF WE DISAGREE WITH HER!!

My favorite comment:

"Its not enough to feed children to Molech to satisfy depraved adult desires. No we must show children what adult desires are like when they are young enough before they are fed to Molech."

Yesssss, it makes them more tender to traumatize them first.

Also her photo scares the bejeezus out of me. Instead of ponies with hateful eyes watching me sleep, I am sure I will now see her in my nightmares.

ETA:
She posted about Watchmen again and the screed is even less comprehensible. One of her commenters calls himself "Uncle Joe McCarthy." D: The Godwins breakage is coming up like kudzu.

Here's a recent addition to Torchwood wankage, brought to you by a kind anonymouse who submitted it to wank_report, only this time with the added bonus of plagiarism on behalf of the unofficial torchwood guide author.

Funtimes as someone publishes an unofficial guide to Torchwood. Containing pages of reviews from fans on livejournal without their permission.
Amazon.com version
UK Amazon.com version

People are less than pleased.

whereas some are quite happy to be featured.

Leave the author alone!

Differing views of copyright laws

People suggesting going to the tabloids to get their own back.

Meme view:

Reply from author


Oh dear. I'd like to see what'll happen if this bloke makes a fortune on this guidebook and who will be the first LJer to actually initiate a lawsuit. Should be an interesting case to watch on the evening news.

Small wank but some of us need a break from Twilight wank, y/n?

So what happens when an obscure American musician finds out that a Japanese indie band that just might be less obscure has the same name as the one you've already picked. Well if the name is Versailles you copyright the name and threaten legal action against the Japanese band for stealing the name from you. Because you know there's no way that they could have been inspired by the French city the name comes from being as they are a visual kei band that uses the glory days of French aristocratic society as their band's theme.

Needless to say the wank is easy to find from both sides in the US Versailles myspace page.

And wank from JP Versailles can be found a few places like the Last.fm shoutbox for JP Versailles and the Jrock Revolution Versailles board that has their announcement that they will be changing their name so they can continue performing in the U.S.

I found this at wank_report and have too much time on my hands this week. There were 333 comments when I started the recap.

MTV.com has a Twilight Tuesday thing every uh, Tuesday. Let me 'splain, no there is too much. Let me sum up. Stephenie Meyer's Vampire series Twilight is now also a movie coming out in December and staring Cedric Diggory (aka RPATZZ). MTV is making the movie and this blog every Tuesday is part of their marketing strategy.

Today's post is about three sophomore girls from Texas who formed "The Bella Cullens." Larry, the blog writer, falls all over their jailbait asses:

"I had seen their MySpace page and heard some of their songs, but I was honestly amazed by how pretty their voices and melodies are, and with lyrics like “Edward’s so hot he can set the house on fire/he’s a sexy vampire,” these teens already have more talent than all the Pussycat Dolls put together."

1. Those are good lyrics? WOT?
2. More talent than the who now? Doesn't slime mold have more talent?
3. The band's name abbreviated is BCP. But remember only condoms help prevent STDs.


Most comments are some variation on "Larry, you fail" or "I <3 LARRY!":

Edward Cullen Says:
July 8th, 2008 at 9:50 am

My Sparkly Peen sings better, even when it drools for muh Bella.

But Janet comes to Larry's rescue:

Janet Says:
July 8th, 2008 at 10:02 am

Yikes people are being harsh. :) He has a lot of weeks to fill before december and I’m sure summit wouldn’t let him give us big stuff like clips every week and remember these are a gift. I’ve never seen people do something like this before to promote a movie…weekly updates I mean. Larry, I really thought it was the trailer this week and now I feel silly.

Under the cut I C&P for your pleasure.

( It goes back and forth between the Twimoms and the Twatlighters and the haters. )

ETA: LARRY SPEAKS!:( Read more... )

ETA w/XTRA SPARKLES: http://www.thebellacullenproject.com (warning: music embedded in site) is getting spammed on the comment pages by people claiming to be from ontd_twatlight. Twatlighters are saying it is not them. (Sorry can't like to comment pages directly.)


cleolinda convinced me to add the BONUS EW COVER FROM HELL!!!1:
http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/
21 pages of OMGWTFBBQ at ontd

ETA part 9.546382023: MTV blog has posted the EW photo. There may be more comments to come though currently it is at 0. Larry wants to know what people think! *CACKLE*

scribe_porta: Dear fanbrats, HIS NAME IS ZORO, NOT ZOLO! No love, me.

fearlessfirefly: Oh come on, just because they use the dub names doesn't mean they're less of a fan! Maybe the dub's all they know!

saiyako: THEN DO THE RESEARCH AND FIND OUT WHAT HIS REAL NAME IS! True fans use the Japanese names, anyone who does otherwise is insulting the creator's hard work!

And so on and so on.

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Mini meta wank.

SGA fandom is race wanking - yes, again. This time it started with a review Cesperanza wrote about last week's SGA episode, "Midway," aka the Teal'c and Ronon duke it out ep.  Ces says:

"this ep is going in the waste bin, because, I'm sorry, I am TOTALLY UNAMUSED by the Ronon/Teal'c fight. I think its humiliating, and treats the characters like animals, and I'm horrified at the betting, like it's--what--a cockfight? And to me it's racialized and repulsive: I was typing to Linabean: REPULSED REPULSED REPULSED and that about covers it. I'm absolutely repulsed. I don't care if it's supposed to be a showdown like Batman vs. Superman or the Hulk vs. Thing or whatever--fact is, you had two black men beating the shit out of each other and drawing the largest crowd we've ever seen on Atlantis thus far. And like, this thing of "Ronon and Teal'c have so much in common"--they DO NOT. THEY REALLY DO NOT. They are two men with darker skin than the rest of the cast, but Teal'c is overwhelmingly gentlemanly, and they were portraying Ronon like a beast, though he totally is NOT a beast, and just--WHAT THE FUCK, SGA, SERIOUSLY."

People come by, agree and discuss.  Some DON'T (and LiviaPenn gets involved).

Then, ZZanthalinn stops by to say that Jason Momoa is Polynesian, not black, hence Ronon is too? HERE. More of Momoa is Hawaiian thread.

However, Anonymous is just "pissed off" about the fight after reading Cesperanza's review.





 

The Buffy shipper wank made me nostalgic for the days when David Boreanaz was thin and pretty, so I went and dipped my toes into the Bones fandom. Guess how long it took me to find wank..?

TWO MINUTES FLAT!

It starts back in February, over on the books discussion of the Fox forum for Bones, when tcjmom sounds the alarm about the first spin-off novel, 'Buried Deep', written by Max Allan Collins: "I'm only on page 14 and have quit reading. I got so mad. ... It seems that not the person who wrote the book or any of those editing it has ever watched one single episode. If they had how could they have gotten something so grossly wrong!!!!! ****steam if coming out my ears***** Oh, you're still waiting for me to tell you what's irritating me so much?! The description of Agent Seeley Booth ...."with his square jaw, close-cropped brown hair, and (***gnashes teeth***) steel-blue eyes..." BLUE EYES!!!! How could anyone mistake them for blue?!!!

****slams down books and stomps off****"

She's mildly worried that she might be over-reacting, until Edgeoforever assures her that she isn't. Just to *really* show her that she isn't, Edgeoforever does what anyone would do in a situation like this, and emails the author to let him know that she most certainly won't be buying the book: "What is the point of writing a book based on a TV series if your characters are not going to be based on the characters in said TV series?( Read more... )

Max Allen Collins allegedly takes some time out of his busy schedule of knocking out CSI novels to actually respond:( Read more... )

Edgeoforever emails him a picture of David Boreanaz to "express her feelings".

Collins considers the picture and loses his cool:( Read more... )

Edgeoforever explains that she has a very rare medical condition: "I won't argue with you about my people skills, but maybe, like Brennan, I also have a mania for truth."

fluteishness offers a valuable contribution to the debate about Boreanaz's features: "His face is square-shaped, not his jaw. His jaw is prominent, but it tapers normally like most other guys'."

Edgeoforever sends Collins some of Boreanaz's interviews to aid him in writing future books about Boreanaz's dreamy eyes and hair Bones and magnanimously offers to actually read 'Buried Deep'. It transpires that she has in fact had "many lengthy exchanges like that with writers, radio personalities, journalists etc.  I don't find anything unusual in that."

And all is momentarily quiet, until lasakra invokes the First Amendment to defend the writer's freedom to give the character whatever eye colour he wants!

Edgeoforever: "Freedom of speech is all fine and dandy, but then don't put on the cover "based on the TV series" - because then the so call freedom becomes deceit and false advertising."

After a little more tedious mudslinging, fluteishness steps forth again to illustate that paying attention to detail is important when it comes to Bones, by talking about how she created Sims of Seeley and Tempy: "I just created their faces with the Simulator. Several hours, and several downloaded pics later (including quite a lovely one where someone was in a bathtub...) two lovely sims were born (and later married *g*)."

And there was still wank coming out of this thread five days ago...

Fanficrants is at it again.

waffle_heiress makes a post ranting about how fic authors need to do research on childbirth before they write fics about. Hilarity ensues when it is pointed out that she is actually wrong on several points in her rant. dz_crasher starts wanking pretty hard here.

The thread isn't full of wank, but the original post sure is.

I hate anime because it's all the same crap, even though there are obviously a lot of different genres out there that have nothing to do with one another!