I found this at wank_report and have too much time on my hands this week. There were 333 comments when I started the recap.

MTV.com has a Twilight Tuesday thing every uh, Tuesday. Let me 'splain, no there is too much. Let me sum up. Stephenie Meyer's Vampire series Twilight is now also a movie coming out in December and staring Cedric Diggory (aka RPATZZ). MTV is making the movie and this blog every Tuesday is part of their marketing strategy.

Today's post is about three sophomore girls from Texas who formed "The Bella Cullens." Larry, the blog writer, falls all over their jailbait asses:

"I had seen their MySpace page and heard some of their songs, but I was honestly amazed by how pretty their voices and melodies are, and with lyrics like “Edward’s so hot he can set the house on fire/he’s a sexy vampire,” these teens already have more talent than all the Pussycat Dolls put together."

1. Those are good lyrics? WOT?
2. More talent than the who now? Doesn't slime mold have more talent?
3. The band's name abbreviated is BCP. But remember only condoms help prevent STDs.


Most comments are some variation on "Larry, you fail" or "I <3 LARRY!":

Edward Cullen Says:
July 8th, 2008 at 9:50 am

My Sparkly Peen sings better, even when it drools for muh Bella.

But Janet comes to Larry's rescue:

Janet Says:
July 8th, 2008 at 10:02 am

Yikes people are being harsh. :) He has a lot of weeks to fill before december and I’m sure summit wouldn’t let him give us big stuff like clips every week and remember these are a gift. I’ve never seen people do something like this before to promote a movie…weekly updates I mean. Larry, I really thought it was the trailer this week and now I feel silly.

Under the cut I C&P for your pleasure.

( It goes back and forth between the Twimoms and the Twatlighters and the haters. )

ETA: LARRY SPEAKS!:( Read more... )

ETA w/XTRA SPARKLES: http://www.thebellacullenproject.com (warning: music embedded in site) is getting spammed on the comment pages by people claiming to be from ontd_twatlight. Twatlighters are saying it is not them. (Sorry can't like to comment pages directly.)


cleolinda convinced me to add the BONUS EW COVER FROM HELL!!!1:
http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/
21 pages of OMGWTFBBQ at ontd

ETA part 9.546382023: MTV blog has posted the EW photo. There may be more comments to come though currently it is at 0. Larry wants to know what people think! *CACKLE*

As Whomageddon rolls on, doctorwho  brings us another sterling gem. Or rather, two bright turds of wank, coupled together to form a synergistic pile of perfection.

First, cringer1982 shares that he's written a very pointed letter to the BBC about how they have portrayed Asians in their recent episode Turn Left. He neglects to mention that he's white as the fresh driven snow. Irish, in fact.

BBC officials respond with a letter that has nothing to do with anything.

Some people don't see his point.

( Meanwhile, back on the blog... )

Kanye West goes insane on his blog after his performance at the Bonnaroo Festival is delayed and the fans are mean to him. (But not insane enough to forget to stick a Mac Air reference in his MOSTLY CAPS rant - keep those ad revenue checks coming in, Kanye.) Cue the usual WE LUV U KANYE vs KANYE SUX comments everywhere.


...His new song, Squid Brains, is sure to be a hit. (OK, I'm wishing here.)

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

What the christ is going on?!

So it's pretty common knowledge to everyone not in high school that Eric Bauman, creator and owner of eBaum's World, is a lying sack of shit who steals content and makes tons of money off it (literally millions). Wank's been hitting the fan with that site since day one with not only SomethingAwful, but Viacom and Sega corporations as well. Beyond the theft, Bauman's moderators once encoded JavaScript into every page of the site focused on DdoS'ing (sucking massive amounts of bandwidth) the SomethingAwful forums, which is holy-shit-illegal.

Last Saturday the denizens of YTMND.com discovered the theft of one of the more stupidpopular sites, "Lindsay Lohan Doesn't Change Facial Expressions".

They got a little mad.

A lot of stupid but oddly hpynotizing sites were created. Repeated attempts to contact Bauman fail, surprise surprise.

But meanwhile, on the ytmnd forums, trouble was a brewin'. DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNNN.

Amazingly enough, considering how unorganized the forums are, users managed to form an alliance including not only over six hundred ytmnd forumgoers, but also SomethingAwful, 4chan, Newgrounds, Fark, and LUElinks.

At EST midnight, Monday morning, they united together to massively DdoS the eBaum's World servers, pinging and flooding and all that other technocrap that makes his forums go down for a good while, though it barely dented the main site's MASSIVE bandwidth.

Beyond even that, Bauman received hundreds of prank calls and two ytmnd forum members actually drove to the eBaum's physical headquarters and vandalized the place.

The next morning, even more stupid sites are created, some just plain retarded and some actually documenting the attack.

Max, the webmaster and founder of YTMND.com, realizing the illegality of the situation, repeatedly attempted to gain hold of his minions with little success.

Meanwhile, over in Hellon eBaum's World, they are PISSED. A bright, bold, ugly red link from the top page leads to an "explanation" of the attack.

"For the last 36-48 hours, ebaumsworld.com has been the victim of a global cyber-terrorism attack allegedly conducted by an alliance of webmasters and their followers who disagree with our company's editorial process." says they.

Yeah, okay, I'm sure all them obsessive World of Warcraft players are a real threat to society. Beyond the smell, I mean. That's so full of bullshit it's coming out their asses.

The next day, though, Max recieves an email from Neil Bauman, Eric's father and Vice President of the eBaum's World corporation.

( MY YIDDISH CUP (fear the grammar) )

A follow-up is sent before Max finally swoops down and releases previously unknown ownage. Give the man some image macros for his good work.

Best part: Dramatic reading of the emails!