Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

This one's so hot off the press, it burns to the touch. (Edit: Though, well- it got scooped about in clairvoyant_wank, the same minute I'd thrown it up here... still!! *sizzle*... sorta.)

deleterius is known for burying bad suethors and ebul canon-killers... but some people there can wank JUST as much as anyone!!

WAHHH! You don't lyk Eragon and I'm gonna make a rant-post to talk about it in a group of people who rank on bad Harry Potter and LotR fanfic!! Cuz someone here teased it!!!!21`2!1 And I DON-LYK-IT!!!

Judging by the comments, people aren't impressed. Small for now, but you know how it goes. Up to about 30 comments, and it's BEEN up for about 30 minutes.

More fun edit: The original post has been changed to an 'apology'. Anyone screencap the idiocy?

Not so fun edit: Bahleeted. :P

Slight amusement alert edit: Deleterians discover this post, and the OP of the wank defends themselves BY themselves.

A minor wank, but one that made me lol nonetheless.

So anyway, Eragon that big bloated rip-off of SW and LotR and HP and Dragonheart that it is just got released at the movies, much to the rapture of thirteen year old boys across the English-speaking world.

Eric D Snider, internets comedian and film critic, reviews the erstwhile film:

I haven't read the book, but I know this about it: It was written by a home-schooled, fantasy-obsessed teenager named Christopher Paolini and published when he was 19. And yet somehow -- and this is stunning -- somehow the story turns out to be geeky, simple-minded and shamelessly derivative of "Lord of the Rings" and "Star Wars." Why, it's almost as if ... as if a home-schooled, fantasy-obsessed teenager wrote it!

In the reader's comments, some vent about their crappy teenage novels never getting published. Others take mild umbrage at his comments about home-schooled kids.

Others simply take potshots at the critic because ZOMG ERAGON ROX!!!

This proves that the writer of this review is a complete idiot (seriously). How can you psooibly judge his book off the movie makers mistakes?! In the book you will notice NO parallels from LOTR or SW. The story (in the book) is not geeky at all. And since when did not going to those Indoctrination camps (public schools) make you a target for insult.

All in all, I have never read a worse review, NEVER.

A book about dragons not being geeky? Whatevs. Mommy, on the other hand, decides to pull out the Cassandra Clare Defence-Card Deluxe on us:

I thought the book was good, considering it was written by a teenager. Now just the fact that you need to consider that tells you something. Still those who think they could write something that good, haven't written something that long. At least he had the brains to choose good sources to copy, and to pull together a cohesive story.

I think this post was just an excuse for me to say how much I hate Eragon and anything associated with it.