Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

The Final Fantasy XII fandom is only a few months into its infancy and there's already wank storms abrewing there.

Follow through for some Mary Sewage...

( Read more... )

...but does involve that other reliable flashpoint of splooge, Final Fantasy VII. As far as news goes, things had been fairly dead in the FFVII fandom until recently, when the Tokyo Game Show trailer for Crisis Core (the fourth entry in the spinoff-fest that is the Compilation of FFVII) finally found its way online.

Joystiq posts an entry featuring the trailer (which, by the by, is teh pretty, with lots of cutscenes [potential spoilers, of course] and a smidgin of gameplay footage toward the end). The post itself isn't wanky (again, it's not by Vlad), but one can never underestimate the Power of Fanboy Commenters (note: comments aren't very spoilerish for CC, if at all).

There are the usual jabs at the series and debates on the bishieness of the male characters (including someone laying the blame on our dear friend Gackt). There's also a fair amount of PSP/Sony bashing and defending. And along the way, Halo's Master Chief is brought into the discussion.

And if that weren't enough, Joystiq later posts the video again (this time as the day's "hottest game video") and the fanboys have dutifully taken up the wank reins once more. This second thread features comparisons between Nintendo and Sony Final Fantasies and the obligatory complaining about where the Final Fantasy series is going.

Kind of small (for Joystiq), but entertaining.

So on everyone's favorite wank source FanficRants, Arcesso posts about FFXII and what she doesn't like about the brand new fandom.

Her problem? She includes the following point

4.) How is it that there are twice as many incest fics as Vaanelo fics already? THIS FANDOM HAS ALREADY GONE TO HELL, AND HALF THE FANBASE ISN'T IN IT, YET.

Immediately, CandyWrapper jumps on it

So incest makes fandoms go to hell?

Arcesso hauls out the deformities arguement.

And lo, we have wank! But the best part is when Arcesso throws this one out there.

Usually when a fandom starts out with fiction that's incestuous, kinky, or gay, it will swing to the obnoxious side of fandom (I know this from experience) and wind up like Yuugiou.

Uh-huh.

Thanks, mousie on wank_report! Oh, I love fanboy wanks.

http://boards.gamefaqs.com/gfaqs/genmessage.php?board=459841&topic=31749519

Goat of Poop (yes, that's the screen name) writes a huge tl;dr rant about how FFXII isn't a true Final Fantasy game.

You know, I came to this board aeons ago with a single topic explaining to people exactly how different this game would be from the original Final Fantasy game prior, and I stated "This does not have the right to be called a Final Fantasy"

Now the release has come and gone and I feel the same way more then ever. This game is NOT a Final Fantasy. For anyone to truly understand this you would have to understand the mechanics and the type of genre that FF has come to produce. Turn based role playing games with the most incredible stories of all time.

Well I look at FFXII and I see...... action RPG with a horrible story. WAIT A MINUTE?!

You see, the fact of the matter is this. You can doll a game up and give it the most amazing graphics on a console. That doesn't make it a good game. You can add a few chocobos, moogles, and familiar tunes, but that doesn't make it a Final Fantasy. As far as I am concerned the last FF game was Final Fantasy X, which seemed to mark the end to a good era. From then it was down hill.

Final Fantasy prior and including 10 had their ups and downs, but never have I seen a Final Fantasy regurgitate so much backlash from fans as this one has


What makes this game a Final Fantasy game? Well, obviously, the letters making up the title. Oh I can do that to. Here, I'm going to make a Tetris knockoff using different colored Moogles as the "blocks" and name it "Final Fantasy: Wowsers" and I guess that makes it a Final Fantasy too?

This reasoning is insane. Compare this to any other Final Fantasy, you get CRAP

Past FF's had story, character development, ROLE PLAYING, a beautiful score, a turned based system, the awesome ability of summoning creatures, the ablity to CONTROL your characters, and did I mention story. This games lacks all of the above.

I see an action RPG game that took a system from a mediocre MMORPG, took out the online elements, and added a few NPCs. The leveling mimmicks that of a MMORPG. The difficulty in beasts is the same. The battle system... hell that is just Vagrant Story battle system recycled, but this time, you get to have a few other guys do what they want next to you. Gil is next to impossible to make and items are extremely expensive. Wonder where they got that idea from, maybe an MMORPG?

Story is boring, characters have little to no development, not to mention NO REASON to even want to take part in the main story.

Yes, we can look at this game as a stand alone game but simply put, it is not. The Final Fantasy tag on it and thus it would demand a certain expectancy from the fans. NONE of that expectancy was there. If they took Radiata Stories and named it Final Fantasy XIII would it be a FF, No.

So, this little crap fest will be thrown into the abyss with other abominations including Crystal Chronicles and Final Fantasy XI. However, as far as I am concerned, Final Fantasy X was the last FF. I am still awaiting a PROPER Final Fantasy XI and it seems I'm not going to get that.

For all the TRUE Final Fantasy fans that see past this sham and this game called "Final Fantasy" than good for you. Join my as this becomes the first Final Fantasy I refuse to buy for my collections, owning all others prior. To those who are new to the series and see this as your first awesome experience, then I pity you and suggest you pick up some prior in the series, games that are TRUE works of art. And lastly to those "true fans" who sit by idley and accept this as a REAL Final Fantasy, then shame on you. Go ahead and forget the roots that created a franchise, that created a legend, that created countless memories.

This game will hold only countless bad memories for me.

48 pages of wank and counting...

(Now if you excuse me, I need to get back to chaining.)

Edit: oxydosic points out that the entitlement fanboy continues...

I know it's GameFAQs but it's hard to pass up with the fanboy fapping. I think there should be a FF XII wank befores it comes out this month.

ElricVanClaus posts a whine about how he doesn't like to be attacked for not liking FF XII:

I'm trying to understand the logic behind this. So please leave you frustration and harmful words at the door. Let's be civilized shall we?

Some people find FFXII to be a boring game. Mind you, hardly anyone has something bad to say about the fighting system, as it is a breath of fresh air and a lot of fun, not mentioning that the Gambit system absolutely rocks (in my humble opinion). No, in fact, people who think FFXII is disappointing mention the story. And if I'm to state my own opinion on the matter again, I have to agree.

FFXII's story is sporadic and hardly interesting. The number one defense here is that Squenix wants players to "work for it". Now, how does that make sense? I will spend $50 on this game, I don't want it to feel like work. I want to have fun, and what has been fun since the beginning with the FF series is that the story is usually pretty good. Yes it's cliche, but it's still very fun. So when I'm hearing a couple of lines here and there about two countries that want to bash each other over the head, and a girl who really wishes they wouldn't but really is as useful as a tree trunk, I'm asking questions.

Is it "political" as some may reply? If "political" is another term for "loose and coma inducing", then I suppose it is. It's not "complicated" or "intricate" though, unless "So that guy is evil and he wants to take over the world with a weapon so the only way to stop him is to do the same thing" sounds complicated to you.

Then comes the dungeon-ing. If FF fans wanted dungeons, they would play Baldur's Gates. Though this isn't Baldur's Gates, is it? So, I must ask, why do I see myself paining through my 20th 4 hour long tomb before I can reach the next line of dialogue that explains to me that "our princess is in an other castle"?

Finally, the number one defense for the FFXII bashing, and the number one attack for the FFXII backing, is FFVII.

Does FFVII suck? While you may not like it, millions upon millions of people could swear their life to it, therefore it must be doing something right. But that's really not the issue. Because here we're arguing about FFXII. Not FFVII.

Can't we argue about a game in itself, without having to try to compare it to something else? Can't people who don't like the game for certain reasons just say "I don't like the game for certain reasons", and people who disagree say "I disagree"?

Is that really too simple?

Would it mean less Karma posts?

jsmith2001: I guess people could do that, but then the average intelligence of GameFAQ would rise above that of a dead penguin - and we simply can't have that. Sorry.

It's not long before the bashing, "VII/XII is better!", "MY OPINION!", namecalling, "The reviews totally back me up!", "Can't we all just get along?" and "Tee hee, fanboys! lol!"

As Dark Zero sums up:

For Anubis sake, do you know how painful it was to read through all this pages?

Opinions are sacred for their supporters but blasphemy for his detractors, in the end nothing matter and the war will continue. There is no point in clash against others for something so superfluous as a game, just let people be, you don't need to start WWIII because you don't share the same point of view.