c/p'd from Mousie's hard work:

Emma Watson is guest editing a British magazine that comes out on Thursday.

In it, supposedly JK Rowling shares her regret for making a certain pairing canon over another one.

Nowadays she admits she got it wrong - she should have shipped Harry / Hermione.

( You can see where this is going )
The actual article is slated to come out on Thursday. Prepare yourselves for the Second Coming...

Msscribe! She defeated Crystalwank easily in the end, and who was really surprised? I am sure she's out there somewhere, cackling over this latest triumph in her quest to dominate fandom. :D

Thanks for playing along! I hope you all had a good time. I don't know if we'll do this ever again, but it was fun to go back to all the old wanks and take a stroll down memory lane.

I haven't posted here in years. Well, until I finally found something definitely worth preserving over here. This wank is reported in two parts, primarily because the wank itself is spread over two sizeable threads on the same forum.

Today's new flavour of wank comes to us courtesy of the SpaceBattles forum. The site originated as hosting for several fanmade 3D movies. From there, the site added a forum, becoming a place for science fiction fans to come talk about their favorite shows. Today, the site enjoys a userbase of almost 75,000 members, with subforums dedicated to roleplaying, fanart, and arguing over whether Superman could beat Goku, or the Enterprise-D could fight a Star Destroyer.

None of those, however, are what concerns us, today.

Spacebattles also possesses a creative writing subforum. In practice, this is mostly filled with fanfiction of varying levels of quality, plus another subforum dedicated to recommendation and handing out plot bunnies. For the most part, the content there consists of various flavours of gun porn, power-gaming, and a phenomenon known as "Humanity Fuck Yeah", in which plucky humanity triumphs over a variety of alien invaders out to enslave/destroy us. (Popular candidates for this role include the Minbari of Babylon 5 and the Twelve Colonies of Kobol, after two very popular an influential fanfics first posted on that board.)

All this is background to the events recorded in this post.

Forums user Lord Charon makes a post in a plot bunny thread for Harry Potter fanfics describing an idea he just can't let go off:

When Hagrid goes to get Harry, he introduces him to a girl on a leash, whom Hagrid calls 'Ermione, and says is going to be Harry's guide and servant due to having been raised in the muggle world, but also having lived a few years in the wizarding world. When Harry sees (or perhaps touches) the crest on her collar, he gets a feeling similar to the one he gets when he first holds his wand, and when he asks about the collar and leash, Hagrid explains that the leash is just to show who's responsible for her, while the collar keeps her under control, and connects her to her Master (Harry). Hagrid looks on her fondly, like one of his 'interesting creatures' (well, she's probably less dangerous than a dragon, at least), but reluctantly admits that she killed three people, even if it wasn't her fault.

Responses range from stunned incomprehension to, "This is just wrong." Some time later, a mod arrives to berate Lord Charon and ban him for the contents of his post. Lord Charon's post, however, is left intact.

Shit immediately begins to fly:

"The ruling was shit. Sure it was dark. Very dark in fact. But not worthy of an insta ban. I could somewhat understand a temp band but this.... This is just a mod going on a power trip to lord his own values over others using the vague rules of the site."

"I'm not even sure it's worth a temp-ban. It could have gone very inappropriate places, but merely discussing potential 'slavery' in a setting that actually has it (House Elves) even if it is vaguely sanatized."

Among the voices loud in their disapproval of the mod action is arthurh3535, who is equally loud in denouncingt he perceived arbitrariness of the mod action:

So, basically, it maybe/sorta alludes to something so isn't worth deleting, but bring down the ban-hammer so that everyone know that you ban even thinking of writing something uncomfortable because 'girl slavery' automatically equates squicky sex-slavery.

There's at least two sets of double-standards in that...

Despite (or perhaps because of) a mod stepping in to clarify the administration's position, other posters continue to echo arthurh3535's paranoia of mod oppression:

"What I dislike about this recent slavery issue is that it de facto cuts off a huge avenue to establish why a person / race / polity / religion / custom / nation deserves to get it's shit stomped in unless I take an alrready well established example which exihibits the feature I need in my antagonist(...)Now let us take an reader who has never heard of Draka and is now wondering: "Who are these Draka guys and why is everyone else in thread cheering that they're about to be invaded by walking sharktopus ?". So when he asks the thread, what answer should he get, according to how I interpret this recent application of moderator interpretation of the relevant rules ?

I think it would run along the lines of "Oh we can't tell you, we would get banned for it". "

(Note: The Draka mentioned above are a villainous race of Mary Sues from a pulp book series by S.M. Stirling. The series describes the slow conquest and enslavement of humanity by this race of genetic supermen, with the exception of a small remnant that flees for outer space. Understandably, they make somewhat popular villains for crossover fanfiction on Spacebattles.)

Surprisingly, despite comments from various posters explaining exactly what the problem is, arthurh3535 recalcitrantly fails to understand the reasoning behind the original mod action. In desperation, forums user Harry Leferts posts snippets from a particularly dark fic he wrote, pointing out that he never sustained any mod action from these posts, only for arthrh3535 to sneer:

"If the Mod had decided that it was too much for that moment, you'd be banned because he felt it was 'too much' even if it was not a deep or disturbing imagery per se.(...)Tomorrow he might decide that your story is too far and ban you, because you should be an amazing mind reader with precognitive powers to know that he can just decide something like that so arbitrarily.

Finally, not one but two mods step in to declare an end to the discussion:

"...if you are writing up a story(or even a story idea) which has an underage child being a "slave", and you don't think to yourself "wow this could go horribly in the wrong direction, maybe I should make it absolutely clear of what this is, and more importantly, what this isn't", because finishing it off with "'Servant' might or might not mean 'slave', it's up to the writer." tells me the poster didn't care. And that is not going to fly.

Now seriously, drop this derailment. You now have a second mod confirming what the first did(which shouldn't even be needed in the first place!). This goes double for all the people needlessly bitching about Kensai; we have a Complaint Procedure, check the news forum and follow it, before I start handing out temp-bans.

"The key issue is that we have found we can't trust this sub forums judgement at all.

You want to complain about us cracking down on stuff, but we're trying to contain this thing by stopping people from driving the Creeper Monkey to the Little Girl International Airport. If you have a problem with that, blame the people who buddy fucked you, assuming you're not the person doing all the buddy fucking."

This effectively ends the argument in this thread. Discussion moves on to more pleasant topics. The wank however, has not died. Elsewhere in the forum, it is brewing. That discussion, the fallout from the whole affair, will be discussed in my next post.

With thanks to @doctoraicha on Twitter--

I'm just going to link to what is already a very thorough writeup, but let's just say that when I got to

she talked a lot about her boyfriend, Jeff, and her best friend, Lexie, and both of them actually had occasionally-used FF accounts and would sometimes participate in AIM chats with the rest of us

I knew exactly where this was going, and I think you will too. (With a bonus Facebook twist!) Commenter irishmizzy dubs it "CATFISH 2: EXPECTO PATRONUM," which is about the way of it.

On Snapedom marionros/smallpotato made a post - Teacher Snape and Student Harry, where she argued that Snape was a wonderful teacher and Harry was a prejuidiced brat. An anon named "Maria" bravely tried to take on Marionros, but to no avail.

Moved from clairvoyantwank.

Please note that there are minor spoilers for HP7 Part 1 in the links below. This would be the start of the Harmonian fapping from That Scene we've all been talking about and waiting for in the past few weeks.

Silly wankas, you thought Harmony was over.

( DELUSIONS, DELUSIONS! )

MTV wants to know if the Good Ship Pumpkin Pie can still sail.

There are screams of "THIS. IS. NOT. TWILIGHT." and "DELUSIONAL" from R/Hr shippers to every Harmony comment. Comments are also being rapidly deleted by the MTV website as shippers start flagging each other over fictional OTPs. There were some hilarious R/Hr comments and comments from the supposed "sane middle ground" (Martin and Jordan) that were bahleeted before I could c&p. :(

( HERMIONE AND RON FOREVER AND EVER! )

This is the wank that never ends...yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people started shipping it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue shipping it forever just because...

I'm sure everyone remembers the Snapewives... Well, they now have company on the astral plane. That's right folks, buckle your seat belts and put your tray tables in their upright position, because the astral plane is about to take off and your in-flight movie is "Snapes on a Plane 2: Severusmoms".

It all begins at the LJ of mike_smith, a journal half dedicated to "crapping all over Harry Potter books" (that's what it says in the user info). Insane Snapefan oryx_leucoryx shows up to wank in the comments to this post while soldurios, a sane Slytherin fan, attempts reason with her.

At one point, oryx_leucoryx swears up and down that Snape could totally still be alive in canon until soldurios gets oryx to briefly admit that she doesn't give a crap about what really happened in canon and just wants validation for her pet theories and wants:

oryx_leucoryx
...The book says Severus moved no more, but that what OOTP says of Minerva when she was attacked by Aurors and we know she lived. So no, there is no body. Albus' portrait showed up within the same night he died, Severus' had yet to show up by the time of Harry's last documented visit in the Headmaster's office. Rowling's non-canon explanation of that is lame. I take it as the castle's magic not noticing the death of a Headmaster (or former Headmaster) because said Headmaster was still alive. Of course Harry has no idea, if Severus wants to leave Wizarding Britain he wouldn't let Harry know.

Of course I want Severus to live. But more than that, I want him to have the acknowledgment he deserved. By the text. In canon. Harry telling his son 19 years later (and in secret, without the other son hearing, and only at a time of crisis) that Severus was the bravest man he ever knew doesn't quite cut it. Since he doesn't get that acknowledgment I take what I can from the text, and I don't care what Rowling thinks.

soldurios
He moved no more.

Canon text does not continue on to say "And then he moved to a small resort town in jolly old England and got himself a website."

Moving no more means dead. He is dead. He's not helping people being bullied. He's not warning parents about their wizarding kids! He's passed on! This potions master is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his train station! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If he wasn't rotting in the shack, he'd be pushing up the daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, shuffled off the mortal coil, run down the curtain, and joined the bleeding choir invisible!

This is an ex-Snape!

...Did you really need an autopsy done on Snape and for Rowling to go over it detail by detail in order to prove that he is, in fact, wormfood by now?

oryx_leucoryx
...So I want to see Minerva bringing his body to the Great Hall where all the other bodies were laid out. And Harry facing his portrait. At the very least. If Rowling can't bring herself to write that then as far as I'm concerned he lives. Call it my revenge.

Then, mary_j_59 shows up to support oryx_leucoryx and throws soldurios into disbelief that there could be two of them:

mary_j_59
It is not canon that Severus is alive. Nor is it canon that he is dead. And yes, he died protecting Draco, if you assume him dead.

If some of us prefer to assume him alive, there is nothing at all in canon to keep us from thinking so.

soldurios
At this point, I am under the belief that you or Oryx are sockpuppets of one another. I'm sorry but I just can't fathom the idea that over one person in this fandom actually believes that Snape didn't die in canon.

It is just way too much to buy into. I mean, at least the Harmoanians realized that their ship didn't sail in canon. You've just surpassed them and went right over the edge of the earth.

I remain floored by your ability to ignore everything cited above as canon. But I cannot accept that another shares your feelings in this.

Well, not unless you two are Snapewives. That'd explain it all and I'd simply back off right now.

oryx_leucoryx
Not Snapewives, maybe Severusmoms describes us better. He's my boy and I'm proud of him. When I put down HBP I just wanted to hold Severus tight and promise to never leave him.

But as to whether he died in canon - that depends on whether you are a reader who trusts Rowling or one who doesn't. If you don't trust her any loophole she didn't close is kosher.

And there you have it. First there were Snapewives, and now there are Severusmoms. Snape fandom has just kicked it up a notch from batshit insane to bugfuck bonkers.

Snapefen at Snapedom are engaging in their favorite pastime - abusing everybody who isn't Snape or at least a Slytherin. This time their designated target is Remus Lupin. Note that this wank started 21 day ago and is still going on.

It all began when terri_testing posted an essay Remus (and other Lycanthropes) as Parents, where she depicts Remus as bad and irresponsible teacher, husband and father. Some excerpts:

( Read more )

The essay ends with a horror-novel scenario:

But if my reasoning is correct, human mothers, in general, can only carry a human child to term. So Remus should have been angsting over the possibility that Tonks would miscarry her much-wanted child, not that it would be born a lycanthrope. But he wasn’t.

Unless the only precedents Remus knew of involved werewolf mothers, who must always produce werewolf children if any. In which case Remus got Tonks pregnant while believing that any child he fathered MUST be born a lycanthrope.

*

But there’s a wrinkle thrown into all this by the fact that Tonks is a Metamorphmagus.

She can alter her body—including, we have seen, taking on superficial bestial characteristics (a pig’s snout). Can she alter other organs to be bestial? Specifically, can she alter her uterus and the mother’s portion of the placenta, perhaps subconsciously, to be more lupine to save her changing child?

If she can, that opens a truly chilling possibility. The metamorphmagus alters her uterus at the first full moon after conception, and manages to carry her lycanthrope fetus past the first full moon. And past the second, and the third….

Over time her fetus’s nervous system develops, and with it its normal instincts. Human, for almost all of the month. Except for those few hours when the full moon is above the horizon.

Her fetus will have no teeth, not before birth, unless that might be another point in which werewolves are unlike other canids, but it will eventually grow claws.

And then will come another full moon, the last one, and the werewolf-fetus’s instincts will urge it overwhelmingly to rend, to tear, the nearest human.

The one surrounding it.

terri_testing also posted a drabble Teddy’s Sister to go with her essay. I guess the name of Teddy's sister is Renesmee Lupin.

sailorlum, a sane Snape fan and Lupin fan, decided to argue, that Remus didn't completely suck. That caused a huge wankfest, where terri_testing, oryx_leucoryx, 00sevvie, duj and oneandthetruth argued that Remus was a bad guy, that it was cruel of him to make Snape!boggart look funny and not to drink Wolfsbane Snape brought immediately ("HOW ON EARTH is that scene supposed to be FUNNY to anyone in a way that does not deny the validity of Severus' pain? HOW?", wondered terri_testing), that Remus was hunting human prey with his friends the animals, that terri_testing is Lizzie Bennett and Lupin is Wickham, that Remus was only kind to Molly because she cooked for the Order and that werewolf!Lupin was probably more aggressive than werewolf!Greyback. Several Snapefen were also pretty rude to sailorlum. My favorite exchange is this one:

( Read more )

After all that 00sevvie made a new Snapedom post, where she bemoaned supposed whitewashing of Lupin's flaws and lack of validation of Snape's pain and trauma from other HP characters, JKR and sailorlum. marionros/smallpotato appeared in the comments to this post and proved how logical and reasonable she is by claiming that lycanthropy symbolizes pedophilia and that Remus metaphorically almost raped Snape while at school:

( Read more )

ETA: Harry has no ability to love and Ginny reminds him of Bellatrix.

ETA 2: farmercuerden summarized the Snapewank in a song.

Snapedom issued a new challenge - Bullies and Fathers. This topic was suggested by mary_j_59. She wrote:

What convinces so many people that Snape is a bully by nature, and abusive? And why do people like me - who can see that he actually does bully, and is even abusive on a couple of occasions - insist that, nevertheless, Severus is far more victim than perpetrator, and is neither habitually abusive, nor an habitual bully?

That seems to be the real gulf between the Snape lovers and the Snape haters, and it's a sore point.

And it actually goes along with Snape as a father. I'm sure that those who see Snape as bully would insist that Snape would be an abusive father, whereas I and others see him as struggling to break the chain of abuse -and succeeding. Again, Rowling would like us to see Harry this way, but she never shows us Harry holding back, being sorry, reconsidering his actions - all of which she actually does show us in Severus. So I can't buy the "happy family/Harry as good father" picture she tries to sell us in the epilogue. I can, on the other hand, see Snape as a good father, perhaps most of all because he does have a conscience (however rudimentary - this sets him apart from just about everyone in the Wizarding World) and is not afraid to discipline the children in his care.

sylvanawood added:

I would like to extend this topic to other fathers in the wizarding world. How about James? We know he was a bully, we are being told he was a good father. How do you see it?

How about Remus Lupin who ran away from his responsibility but later totally fell in love with his son?

And Arthur Weasley who is presented as the model father? Some call him hen-pecked, some Molly's eightst child. He certainly seems like the anti-bully. What do you think?

How about Lucius Malfoy? Would Sirius have been a good father or would he have lost interest when the child didn't turn out the way he wanted? Can you think of others?

Snapefen proceeded to answer that Snape was never a bully, that Lucius was a good father and that Arthur, Remus and Harry were bad fathers. pearlette and night_train_fm tried to disagree with that and were told that James and Lily would've abused Dudley, that Dumbledore wanted Harry to be abused by the Dursleys and sent Hagrid to Harry in order to make Harry emotionally dependent on Dumbledore, that the Wesleys are Gryffindor propagandists who forget nothing and learn nothing, that Albus Severus probably thinks that his father hates him because his relatives constantly diss Snape, that Draco is watching out at the Ministry, keeping Hermione's self-righteousness in check (and even JKR doesn't know about that). Never change, Snapefen!

ETA: marionros graced this wank with her loony presence.

ETA 2: sylvanawood thinks we all are stupid and lazy:

Discussing old topics again after a while will often give new ideas, so banning that or rolling your eyes over it is just as silly. We're not one of those communities who are too stupid and lazy to come up with their own stuff and thus find nothing better to do than to mock what others do, after all.

I totally don't care that you've prevented me from my fourth successful entry in Hogwarts Elite, AGAIN, that I'm going to tell you it's really just a social experiment.

It's over a month old and tame in comparison past HE sorting-jerks, but given the current state of FW in the past day, I thought you all would enjoy a pleasant break.

Snapefen are still wanking about Lily Evans Potter. terri_testing posted an essay More on Lily's behavior in SWM: Lily the Prefect? on Snapedom. An excerpt from this essay:
( Read more )

Batshit flourishes in the comments:
( Read more )

The essay about Lily by randomneses continues to attract crazy people. oryx_leucoryx finally stopped wanking here, but don't worry! Enter n1ght1ng4l3, who claims to be not a Snape fan and to dislike the Marauders and Snape equally, despite being a member of Snapedom and two Sirius comms (also such comms for butthurt fans as dh_oh_shit and deadlyhollow).

Wank ensues. Some comments by n1ght1ng4l3:
( Read more )

Apparently Snapefen can't stop wanking. terri_testing posted a James-bashing essay James the Stag.

oryx_leucoryx (whom we remember from "Lily was a traitorous bitch" wank) and lil_itu (who wanked on hp_essays several months earlier) got loose in the comments. night_train_fm tried to insert some sanity in the discussion, but without success.

From this wank we learned that Snape was a downtrodden woobie, James was a sociopath and as bad as Lucius and Vernon, Luna was probably bullied because she was perceived as a closet Gryffindor, Ron was like rapist, all people who think that pureblood prejudice is like racism are racist themselves, but inter-House rivalry is totally like racism and inter-religious hatred. Enjoy the crazy!

From the annals of livejournal, I bring you, "Snape is a wonderful man and everyone around him was awful" wank.

randomnesses, a college student in the Harry Potter fandom, posts an essay, "In Defense of Lily Evans," about the rampant misogyny she has perceived in the Harry Potter fandom, especially in regards to the Lily/Snape relationship.

Most posters react in agreement or alarm, not having realized that the anti-Lily sentiment was so strong.

Enter oryx_leucoryx.

"Lily betrayed Snape and married an abusive bastard," "Remus is a dangerous mental patient," and "Lily should have forgiven Snape for being a racist who wanted her dead" comments abound.

And of course, the party continued in the rec post at Snapedom.

Remember the last HP wank - Hermione Granger - Voldemort in the making? Here we have Episode II.

The OP in the previous wank terri_testing wrote a fanfic about Dumbledore's childhood. People in the comments started to argue with each other and wankery ensued.

marionros, who during the previous wank diagnosed Harry, Hermione, Dumbledore, the Twins, James and Sirius as psychopaths, insisted that Harry, Hermione and Dumbledore have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Lily also has NPD.

And what the heck, so does JKR herself.

My issues, let me show you them.

Snape is a victim of narcissist.

Hermione isn't intelligent and she has bad studying skills.

Pureblood prejudice is probably justified.

James was ever so evil.

JKR doesn't know Neville like I do.

Why did students hate Snape for insulting them? My teachers insulted me and I loved them!

Harry is like a suicide bomber and Dumbledore is like Osama bin Laden.

The whole Wizarding World is a cult, Dumbledore is a cult leader and Harry and Hermione are completely brainwashed.

Because of the Marauders' bullying Snape suffered from PTSD like Vietnam veteran, which justifies his treatment of Harry.

Snape was pressured into joining the Death Eaters.

You call my argument sick, but you find me hot!

A Slytherfan terri_testing writes an essay The Wizarding World and the Otherworld, where she argues that Harry Potter books are horror, not fantasy and that Hogwarts is like the school where the Native American children were brainwashed:

( Read more )

The essay provokes a chorus of "I agree"s and complaints about JKR's treatment of Snape:

mary_j_59 (see "Good night, sweet prince, And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!")

This is brilliant, Terri! And absolutely consistent. You know, my sister and I went to hear Rowling, Irving and King in NYC, and we both liked John Irving (reading from Owen Meany) best. Now the reason is clear. Rowling is actually a horror writer, like King, and I do not like horror. Still less do I like horror disguised as a children's fantasy quest. Irving, on the other hand, was writing in the great tradition of picaresque novels - a tragicomedy with a moral core.

But what I still wonder is: did (and does) Rowling know that she has actually written a dystopion/horror story? Somehow I don't think she realizes this.

condwiramurs/00sevvie

I second the 'brilliant' comment. And I highly doubt Rowling is aware of what she has actually written. She is too utterly blind to the reasons we like Severus, for example, to have any clue that she may have written something different from what her perfect picture of her work in her head is. I'm sure she thinks we're just getting it 'wrong.'

oryx_leucoryx (see Cry the Beloved Slytherins)

So if Severus Snape actually survived Nagini's bite, returned to the Muggle world and became some kind of counselor to delinquent youth or someone who runs an anti-bullying program (by working both with victims and perpetrators) he would be a hero with a rather protracted but complete journey? Starting out as the victim of neighborhood bullies (I doubt Petunia was the only one who knew that the strangely dressed kid was the Snape boy from Spinner's End) who must have dreamed that magic would solve his problems, learned that magic simply gave bullies more dangerous/'interesting' ways to hurt people, played a key role in getting rid of the biggest bully in the magical playground and came home to use non-magical ways against bullies?
***
bohemian_spirit has some fics in that general direction - in her 'Light Between the Cracks' series Severus Snape of canon years was secretly married to a Muggle school teacher and while at his Muggle home watched over the neighborhood children. And in her 'Professor Grunge' Severus immigrates to the US instead of joining the Death Eaters. He studies at a wizarding university and becomes a teacher who fights bullying and uses music to assist in magical healing.

But the real fun starts when night_train_fm decides to argue with terri_testing and says, among other things:

'Hermione exiling her parents to Australia'
She did that because she was terrified (with good reason) of the DEs coming after them: Voldemort was taking over the government, had already ordered several public mass-Muggle-killings, and anyone remotely connected to Harry was a potential target. According to Jo, Hermione reversed the spell ASAP once the threat was over. For that matter, is it ever outright stated that she didn't sit down and discuss it with them first?

That doesn't go well.

( Hermione is teh ebil! )

A "slightly disgruntled fan" wrote an 80,000-word essay about everything he disliked in the books and wants JKR to rewrite HP in accordance with his wishes.

An excerpt from the essay:

Destiny Unfulfilled is designed to convince as many fans as possible that a revised edition is called for, so they can begin haranguing Ms. Rowling (politely and with restraint, of course). Never underestimate the power of peon pressure!
Creative writing students will likely also benefit from reading this book, as the careful analysis of the strengths and weaknesses of someone else's writing often helps us spot those same traits in our own work. Finally, students of composition can use this as an example of argumentative writing, as well as a jumping off point for school writing assignments, by either agreeing with or countering points made here-in.

Then he went to The Leaky Lounge to brag about his essay and to convince the posters here to beg JKR to revise the books.

An excerpt from his first post:

I do have an M.A. in English, but I feel my main qualifications for writing the book are that I'm a (slightly disgruntled) fan of the series, and I've put a lot of effort into analyzing the seven books. To be clear, this is not a religious diatribe, political axe-grinding, nor do I attempt to take Ms. Rowling to school on who should have fallen in love with whom in the series. (I am *not* a kook! Heh.) Rather, this is an examination of issues like the role of a protagonist, the writer's contract with her readers, characterization, shaggy dog resolutions, and so forth.

The critique makes claims such as that Harry fails to fulfill his role as a protagonist and, ultimately, ceases to be even a necessary character. Hermione could easily have made it through Book 7 without Harry and Ron tagging along after her.... That seems like a fairly major problem, when the title character turns out to be unnecessary.

I hope we can make enough noise to get Ms. Rowling's attention. We aren't asking for more books in the series, just that she fulfill the promises she made to us: that the books would star Harry as the hero and protagonist, that the books wouldn't be episodic, and so forth.

ETA: "We're operating within our rights under the Magna Carta".

ETA 2: "I've been told to not post more than once in 24 hours".

ETA 3: madderbrad adds his two knuts.

ETA 4: Migdalin himself appeared on Fandom Wank. And he apologized to us.

I thought I'd pop in and see what HP fandom is up to this day. And, whatdayaknow? My favourite Slytherfen are still around. angakkuq posted about this here for the_hms_stfu

The title Rehumanizing the Slytherins: How Fandom Gave Humanity Back to a Quarter of the Wizarding World" made me weepy, albeit because I was laughing so hard. The linked essay is only a precis of the 20 page "academic presentation" sagedarkwoods gave. It's pretty standard pretentious fan meta, with headings such as "Queering the Slytherin Identity". (To her credit, there's no argument being made that being a Slytherin is just like being gay, only that some fans see it that way.)

The comments, on the other hand.... I'll just excerpt my favourite:

( This causes self-esteem issues and mental health problems. )

ETA: Bonus Wank:How Would Harry Potter Judge Susan Boyle? in which it is revealed that Snape is just like Susan Boyle, and Harry is Simon Cowell, but meaner. On the other hand, JKR is Simon Cowell, because JKR has had makeovers, and Cowell arranges makeovers. (Hat tip to mariem_1 for links in her own post.)

Thanks to the mousie who posted this on wank_report.

r_becca starts the Harry/Ginny fic exchange takingitinturns. Things go well for the most part, despite a small kerfluffle during the exchange over reviews.*

As it turns out, that would not be the last review wank this exchange would see.

almond_joyz posts When You Figure Out You, Come Back to Me as a gift to another participant. The fic receives positive reviews until deadwoodpecker adds her two cents in a rather patronizing manner.

Highlights include her telling the author that their fic - a dramatic story - was an absolutely hilarious "absurdist comedy" and then finishing with this:

And that "ending"! To be honest, I've gotten lazy about endings as well. After writing 30 chapters of Yellow Submarine, I pretty much threw in the towel and said "no more." I think that in another month or two - when you aren't so burnt out - you'll probably find that your little story needs a resolution.

almond_joyz responds in a calm fashion, explaining it was not a comedy and that she is happy with the fic as is.

Then three of deadwoodpecker's friends decided to add their critical reviews, one after another, each pointing out the same flaws in the story. birlan even goes so far as to delete a prior positive review to the fic and repost his review pointing out the same flaws his friends did.

Another of deadwoodpecker's friends, mhersheybar, coincidentally decides to post a rant about the right to leave concrit before anyone reacts. In this post, deadwoodpecker decides it would be a good idea to mock the story and almond_joyz shows up to tell her off. Sadly, mhersheybar decided to disable comments but if anyone has a screencap, it would be much appreciated. IIRC it involved deadwoodpecker showing up just to post *gives erotic massage to paralyzed girl* and LOLing about it.

Elsewhere on the internets, Deadwoodpecker and friends are called assholes, almond_joyz flips her shit and deadwoodpecker decides to mock the author and r_becca some more while gearing up for a flounce.

Finally, Deadwoodpecker tries to explain herself. She was just being honest, you guys. And the old guard in H/G is oppressing the newbs.

* I mention the early kerfluffle because deadwoodpecker was suspected of being behind the review, according to her. Edit: Or because it was a rumor going around!

ETA: The plot thickens...?

ETA II: More history! A while back, after deadwoodpecker and her friends swept the H/G awards, almond_joyz decided to hold her own awards.

And thanks to mariem_1 for the files of deadwoodpecker mocking the fic.

ETA III: More history still! deadwoodpecker had a discussion with loony4lupin during the hp_porninthesun fest. This was over the fest rules which deadwoodpecker assumed singled her out personally. loony4lupin is also the person whose fic was mentioned above as having been trashed by an anonymous reviewer with deadwoodpecker being the suspect.

Thanks, mice!

nikkitrix admits that she has a sockpuppet in every house at Hogwarts Elite.

This doesn't even register to many of the people squibbing her application at sorting_elite.

ETA: Some highlights before I go to work:
Psychiatrist!Anon diagnoses.
But what about our trust?
HEADMISTRESS ABUSES HER MANIFOLD ~*~POWERZ~*~

And, according to Nikki's house descriptions:
RAVENCLAW FULL OF BITCHTASTIC SNOBCAKES!
"Full of mouth-breathing wikipedia editors with nothing better to do than enter elitist fan contests."
THERE ARE DORKS IN SLYTHERIN!
"Lots of dorky goths in this house."
GRYFFINDOR RESEMBLES BEATEN PUPPIES!
"Ah, they've got it all. The dullness of the Ravenclaws, the lackluster talent of the Hufflepuffs and the apathy of the Slytherins."
BUT CONGRATULATIONS TO HUFFLEPUFF ON BEING SASSY!
"totally the house of chubby chicks and soccer moms"

Also, I hate Rich Text mode. With burning.