Heroes is on the verge of cancellation. Again, apparently. I don't pay attention to these things so much, but some people seem to care very much that Heroes will be cancelled. They care so much that they've organized a petition! The post is short, but the wank is quality. Mostly, the wank is bigbadwolfeboro, a True Fan (tm).

Of course, not everyone feels the same way.* This is terribly tragic.

*(also, raveneyes signs all their comments with a tilde and a lowercase letter. It's like all my pet peeves blended into a foul smoothie of hate.)

bigbadwolfeboro is a rather helpful individual, though! For example, she answers her own questions:

Shows what you know I AM A WOMAN!!!! and I'm not the one complaining about Heroes on a Heroes fan com. You come to a fan site in a post trying to save a show and talk trash. What did you expect would happen? Now who's crazy?

Mmm, delicious crazy. Other highlights include:

Well, someone clearly knows how to use HTML tags.

Two ships points, passing in the night, possibly on different planets.

Don't go peddling that dirty voice of reason when I've got UNBELIEVERS to hunt!

My new favorite GIF. Seriously. You can't go wrong with Cary Elwes.

And as a bonus mini-wank, mousie fap-off in wank_report! I'm not sure why you think this is some kind of moral judgment, grudge-mousie, but when you say this should be wanked because "They're making everyone else look bad," I assume you're not including yourself in "everyone else." You're doing a bang-up job on your own!

So I've been idly checking back here on and off all day to see if this wank's been reported yet, and finally decided I should just go ahead and write it up myself.

So, apparently, a big spoiler for the upcoming "Heroes" season finale broke on the interwebs yesterday. Today, the interwebs are responding in fine form, determined to break the "Heroes" writers right back.

Here, we have what started out as a spoiler wank, which has forked off into 'ship wanks, character hate wanks, an entitlement wank, and Fandom v. Fandom wank. Three Four wanks for the price of one!

( Runs a bit long. Also, do I really need to say that a spoiler wank will contain spoilers? )

Cribbed from wank_report   :

Heroes wank, claims Mousie #1, is not usually this bad. It all started with a fandom secret dissing Mylar, a popular slash ship. (It's secret #144.) (Thanks to Mousie #4 for that direct link.)

Not secret: I find this pairing viscerally repulsive.
Secret: last year I wrote a crappy little Mylar fic on a whim, as an experiment. I didn't deliberately go out of my way to make it horrible, but I put no effort at all into making it good, either. I just wrote down whatever first came to mind. Several times I had to stop myself from going back and revising what I had written to make it better.
The object was to see how much feedback a lousy, hastily-written Mylar fic would get, just by "virtue" of being Mylar. In the end, not only did it get more comments than most of my real fics, but someone actually nominated it at the heroes_slash awards.
If that isn't proof of what awful taste this fandom has, I don't know what is.

Some anons and users are up in arms, some sympathize, and someone calls the secret-poster out.

(These aren't all the responses, just the interesting ones, or so the mice say.)

This, supposedly, is the fic in question.

speccygeekgrrl reposted the secret on their livejournal, causing Mousie #2 to snicker over the butthurt (with Mousie #3 concurring).

Someone else got really butthurt, but speaking as someone outside of fandom, I find her entries really cryptic. A Heroes mousie tells me that tiptoe39's angst hearkens back to an epic Mylar v. Mattmo ship battle last season, when Mohinder was gay for Sylar in fanon but shacking up with Matt in canon. If anyone feels up to an archeological dig for that wank, I'll add the links to this report. BONUS, FROM doomsday: tiptoe39's weepy voicepost of ultimate sorrow.

Naturally, it all ends, as all good wanks do, with a hearty circle jerk.

Disclaimer: I still barely know Heroes, so feel free to correct me or tell me if I've linked to a spoiler or something. Y'all know I only posted this because I love using this icon.

ETA: The weepy voicepost is down, but a nonny mouse recorded it and dropped it off in a comment to my personal jf: http://tindeck.com/listen/ggzj.

Well, the wank presaged here has come to be. If you're a Heroes fan who hasn't seen the latest episode, tread carefully.

( Spoiler. )

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Secrets kept popping up on Fandom Secrets hinting at a person who was convinced that they were dating Zachary Quinto of Heroes fame. Most people didn't know what was going on until the other day, when freetheelves2 pops out of the woodworks to tell us that she was getting bored. People asked for an explanation and things quickly devolved. I had posted to fandom lounge asking about the situation and as it devolved into wank twentythree posted it to clairvoyantwank.

The next day, the entire thread of wank disappears. Too bad the internet never forgets (it's a zip file with saved webpages). Another thread is started to discuss the deletion. It's decided that they should take it to a private journal to save it from all these mysterious deletions (about three threads have been deleted at this point). cazrolime creates a post to discuss the situation. The discussion of this thread on FS is later deleted.

This is where the fun stuff begins. It comes to light that freetheelves2 is using her psychic mother to figure out who's been posting secrets about her and sending her 800+ f-list after them. And her point of contact with Zachary Quinto is her 12-year-old medium sister. That's right folks, apparently she's dating him on the astral plane! And he sends her letters and family heirloom earrings through spirits, through her medium sister...or something.

All is full of lulz until the cavalry arrives to defend their friend's honor and break Snacky's Law. They staunchly defend freetheelves' sanity, while slinging around the word moot (which apparently meand vagina down under). The defenders start taking a page from freetheelves' book and deleting their comments as they are attacked by mice enraged by their comparisons to current tragedies in the news and attempted guilt trips about the possibility of freetheelves hurting herself.

And if that wasn't a fun enough romp for you, the mice and medoroa bring the funny with an amusing exchange of Sylar/Mohinder wedding photos.

Edited: freetheelves2 addresses the issues and breaks Snacky's Law and she is already aware of our presence. Thanks a lot numbnuts mouse.

Edited again: Annoying sock is annoying revealed to be a freetheelves supporter. What a surprise.

A Note to the Mice (and anyone else asking)
We actually have rules here on Fandom Wank. Rule number 6 states Do not link to locked material. So no matter how much you want proof or lulz or whatever from FTE's super sekrit filter posts, you can't have them. Please stop being morons and asking for them. Certainly don't post them! The mods will take your mouse power away.

Hey look! A mouse wrote this wank a Theme Song!

Yet Another Edit: Some of the former super secret filter friends are doing a little Q&A Thread.

A Note to the Mice (and anyone else asking) Part 2
Snacky says "summarizing the flocked posts is pretty much a no-go here too. This is a JF-wide thing, not just a FW thing, and we'd really like not to piss off the JF admins and respect their wishes."

Let's review:
Don't link to locked posts.
Don't ask to be linked to locked posts.
Don't c&p locked posts.
Don't encourage the posting of locked posts.
Don't summarize locked posts.
Don't [verb of your choice] locked posts!

Oh, I just know some of y'all are going to feel me on the meta-irony of this one. :)

Over on LJ, regisjr has decided to make a new community just for gay and lesbian fans of the NBC scifi show, Heroes.

Apparently, there has been a lot of drama over this!!! Because regisjr has posted the following missive in no less than five different places, alleging that "everyone thinks it's a weird idea":

( GET OVER IT AND LET US SHOW OUR SUPPORT FOR THE SHOW!  )
With a rant like that, you would think there was an avalanche of opposition to the idea in the fandom, right? Right. Problem is, there's not. In fact, all visible reactions - what meager few there have been - range from the harmlessly snarky to the supportive, with only a few people questioning why regisjr felt unsafe in such a slash-heavy fandom, including other gay and lesbian fans of the show. This person is emblematic of the general reaction, which is a polite "I just don't see the point, but go for it!"

Basically, if there is an avalanche of opposition, it's either all been through e-mail, or really, really difficult to find, or all in regisjr's head. However, he continues to post about how terribly brave he's being in the face of all this oppression.

I think it's safe to say that msscribe had the persecution routine down much better than this. He didn't even bother to make up any sock puppets. C- for effort.

[Edited to add: Several of the comm posts have since been deleted by the mods due to lack of damn given relevance.]

(First Heroes officially reported wank? Maybe? *apparently missed out on some good stuff in another comm*)

So AfterElton.com posts an article about Heroes supporting character Zach, who's been arguably coded as gay (or bi) almost since we met him on the show. The article concerns recent NBC comments that no, Zach has never been anything but the straightest straight straight that ever straighted, sorry.

Said article is quoted and linked to on heroes_tv, and within an hour, the comments are flying.

Highlights:

Arguing over whether or not Zach's gay, including pointing out of typos, anecdotal evidence, and other totally mature lines of evidence.

A brief diversion into America's political and cultural stance on homosexuality, including the comment "And who says lack of acceptance of homosexuality is "screwed up?" Some would say homosexuality is screwed up."

But-it-was-just-my-opinion-why-is-everybody-picking-on-me?

I'll admit it; I've been following this all day, so I'm in there a couple of times. Mainly exhorting people to actually read the article first and waiting for it to get good enough to post. :)