Roleplay!Secrets is an LJ community in the PostSecret vein, wherein when you have a grudge against another RPer, you can Photoshop (or MSPaint) your complaints onto a related picture, post it anonymously to the community, and watch the wank explode. You can also make secrets about how awesome you are -- but if you're using a screenshot of one of your own threads, be sure to edit the delete buttons out of the comments so that you can pretend that you really didn't posted it.

Normally, I would never post wank found there, because let's face it -- the thing's a complete cesspool of wank. But this one's a little more interesting than your typical "You suck at RPing!" and "lol self-post" wanks, so I thought I would share it.

So one day, a secret appears on the community about someone who plays Demyx, a character from Kingdom Hearts II. The secret complains about said player making said character have sex with another character in a portapotty. Yes, a portapotty. You just can't make these things up, folks! Or can you? Though anons act as though it's real and vehemently insist that it really happened (in a game whose name they can't divulge, or the crazy mod will show up and BAN EVERYONE FOREVER), various people begin to suspect that the community is being trolled -- especially when a sock journal for the portapotty in question shows up and attempts to explain the circumstances of the game's smutty outhouse goings-on. The "Demyx player" shows up to defend herself, leading to a discussion of the insanitary nature of having sex in a place where many people have, er, excreted; later, the "Sora player" shows up too.

Several days later, another secret shows up, ostensibly about the same Kingdom Hearts character. This one uses a graphic implying that the Demyx is the one in a game known as tltw_university; however, this is apparently lies and slander -- that Demyx has never had any lewd encounters in privies. At this point, the fake wank turns into real wank. The posters of the original secret come out of the woodwork and condemn whoever posted this latest one, appalled that their troll secret has been used for, uh... trolling. There are accusations of a mod at tltw wanting to kill her own game and using the secret as a means of doing that. And someone sings Les Mis songs for some reason. (I'm not sure what that has to do with anything, but the comment says it's a response to secret #6, so...)

It is at this point that your humble wank-writer-upper completely loses track of what's going on. But whatever it is, it is pretty special.

ETA, thanks to chlorhexidine: The troll responsible for the mod-wank accusations comes clean here. Also, this PSA in this post is the first appearance of the trolls behind the first secret. Also, it's a social experiment!

Politics and shipping are two very wanky subjects. What happens when we combine them on fandomsecrets?

For one, we get childings complaining that people aren't taking their shipping seriously enough.

I doubt many people seriously fap to that when they say that they slash something. They're doing it for the lulz. Which is even more disturbing to me, because when did sexual fantasy become a joke for people, or just a way to express that you really really like someone or something? I think it's stupid and immature. If you slash something, it should be because the pairing really gets you off.

Then you have paperclipchains, who is all over this post and I'm honestly not sure if they're trolling.

163. I know what you mean. I don't know, I feel like people - especially people who have accomplished great things in their life - should be respected enough to be elevated above your base desire for an orgasm.

And that's not all, folks! paperclipchains continues their reign of terror by asking what's so great about Kingdom Hearts II, and then insulting everyone who doesn't agree!

Anon: So... is the only reason you asked in the first place so that you could tell people "no your opinion sucks, mine is more correct"?

paperclipchains: No, I was genuinely curious. I was also pretty sure that the reasons would be ridiculous, so there's that."

Fortunately, Obama unites the parties. And by unite I mean gets paired with. And by parties I mean everybody.

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

It begins with arson_attrition posting a a rant on khfanficrants about crappy made up last names in fanfiction, the offending name being "Roxas Key". She uses an example from this fic, which wasn't actually linked in the rant.

Of course, we now know what the fic is because the author shows up! Said author (envyofthestage) is offended and decides to use this event to pimp her fic.

As you can see from the previous link, the original poster later amended her post with the remarks on being gay (and therefore eternally shunned, apparently) in Britain.

envyofthestage then makes a post on her lj with her thoughts on yaoi the wank.

ETA: Now arson_attrition is wanking in her own journal and has also gone in to make peace with the author of the original fic.

I went over to Gamefaqs.com to look for some info on Kingdom Hearts 2: Final Mix, and I see:

Someone claiming that he got the "retail" copy of the game early, and is willing to answer questions!

Quite naturally, people jump on this, but lots of people are also skeptical. Much as I wanted to believe "SaWa", I couldn't bring myself to. The 14 page(and counting) long thread starts out with Q/A, but it ends with people simply not believing him when he failed to provide proof that he actually had the game(they wanted a picture). Now people feel stupid. Still, all this is in one day, so who knows? Maybe SaWa really does have the game, but I doubt it. Either way, I don't think that thread will be dead any time soon.

Edit: Oh DAMN! It ended up "moderated", or deleted, but this new post comes from SaWa:

http://boards.gamefaqs.com/gfaqs/genmessage.php?board=935702&topic=33600314

So far people aren't so forgiving. Can't say I blame them.

A small Evils Of Disney wank.

Artist Risachantag puts up a card in her series of Kingdom Hearts II playing cards. For some reason, deviantart member Mercenary-Artist sees this as a good excuse to air his rather unique views on the Final Fantasy/Disney crossover.

I recommend reading the full thing, it's quite short, and Mercenary-Artist's firm refusal to listen to just about anything is pretty hysterical. However, for those interested I also provide some highlights.

Risachantag attempts logic, but it doesn't go down that well. Other people also make attempts. Mercenary-Artist tries to cull most of the other arguments by claiming the original conversation was stopped by agreement with the artist in order to not take up space; interesting considering Risachantag's response to the original attempt at getting the last word. This also leads to my personal favorite quote:

"Oh and I stopped this conversation with Risachantag out of curtisy, maybe you should go look up the meaning of that word..."

View also an impressive lack of understanding at the workings of Disney (hint: Touchstone is a division of Disney), and a bonus word origin debate. Small but sweet!

This was here before and apparently got deleted, but I think it deserves reposting.

For those of you unfamiliar, KH is one of the most subtexty games out there, and the majority of it's online fandom seems to be slashers. Rabid, fangirl slashers.

miriamthebat is not one of them, and she wants everyone to know it. Nobody really cares about her "I don't like yaoi" statement, and the rest of her post is completely unrelated to slash (which leads to many people rightfully going "Then why'd you bring it up at all?"), until she posts this lovely little comic (visible here for those without a DA account). (There's also some wank in the DA comments, Fishylove points out it comes off as more anti-gay people than anti-yaoi, Morurie points out Miriamthebat's a bit of a hypocrite pairing Axel with someone he doesn't get along with at all.)

Naturally, people aren't happy.

The OP feels the need to make an ETA:

Edit: Okay, I'm done arguing with you guys. Any more comments I get in responce to my dislike of yaoi are falling on deaf ears.

I'd like everyone to know that even though I dislike yaoi, I am able to be friends and respect people who like and love yaoi and tolerate their love of yaoi pairings as long as they're able to tolerate my dislike of them. I have not and promise I will not make negative comments on your posts about yaoi pairings in this community, and probally won't comment at all unless they're constructive to the conversation.

I'm sorry that my friends chose to post responces to this post. I didn't want them to respond, I just decided to post the link on my friends page because I thought the argument was pretty crazy.

So that's that. I'd also like to say that all of you guys who think I am persecuting you or rubbing hatred in your face when I say "I dislike yaoi" are batshit crazy.

And my personal favorite, from her post on antiyaoi:

The key phrase is "Friends don't let friends..." which is meant to imply that Roxas and Axel are only friends, therefore would not want to do the buttsecks with each other. The fanbrats are offended because they can't tell the difference between "friends" and "gay lovers".

. . .

Yes, I am aware that heterosexual couples do "buttsecks" too. I've experienced this first hand. Against my will. Which is why I dispise yaoi fangirls who adore drawing and writing gay males being raped, having them find pleasure in it and later fall in love with their rapist. Fanbrats who find this cute and perfectly acceptable, and desire for this to happen to characters they're supposed to love, make me sick and I will never respect them.

Editted for the DA wank. And again because I am incompetant and suck at life.

Kingdom Hearts II wank: come one, come all!

I posted once in clairvoyantwank, and my mystical powers were spot on :D

In the Kingdom Hearts II LJ community, this dumb bint makes a stupid post:

Stop making the characters gay for eachother.
they are not into eachother.

...Yeah. So.

People respond funnily, the gem being the essay snark a bit down, and she finally starts replying, culminating in a second follow-up post.

And a third.

She even pulls the age card.

You know what? I'm just gonna go ahead and side with the slashers because it's SQUARE-ENIX, FOR GOD'S SAKE. You do not GET much gayer than Final Fantasy, dudes.

Edit! Apparently she's deleting comments, too.

Edit the Second! First two posts deleted, but screenshot here.

SHE POSTED AGAIN WHAT THE HELL.