Gamefreak and Nintendo promised an "evolution" of Pokemon earlier this week. Fans were excited, with most expecting an announcement for the sixth generation.
And indeed, there is going to be a brand new set of games, Pokemon X and Pokemon Y, released in October.

So you can imagine where this is going...
WHY THE HELL DO I GOTTA BUY A BRAND NEW SYSTEM FOR THIS GREEDY BASTARDS
I'm done except if they release Ruby and Sapphire
It's different why is it different
They look like Neopets but I'm not a genwunner!
REAL fans are excited. Fans that bash are stupid!
Hi jut wanted to tell you Gen 1 is still the best bye
It's just sad that we don't get what we want because we want nostalgia okay

No, not bad furry skunk art. Pokémon.

For those not in the loop or really not caring to be, Pokémon Black and White launched in Japan on the 18th. Naturally, fandom being what it is these days, the major sites are working their damnest to be the newest with all the 'Mon and such as. Pokébeach and Serebii were two of many sites getting their stuff up with a quickness, with tons of screenshots and images of the new games and characters and such. Anyways, at some point Pokébeach go on and admit on the front page that they are using a ROM to get all their images, and Serebii has gotten their images from Pokébeach.

Can you tell where this is going? Both sites are hit with a C&D notice telling them to take the images down.

Both sites do as they are told. Pokebeach, of course, takes this very maturely like a person should....

Since us posting images of Black and White "has the potential to cause substantial damage to Nintendo," we have obviously complied with their wishes. All recent images of the games have been replaced by Ditto, a Pokemon from 1996 who we feel will best represent Pokemon's current image. We've also taken the liberty to change the name of this site to "PokerBeach" since we figured using "Poké" also has the chance of causing substantial damage to Nintendo's property. We hope that all English-speakers will remove images of Black and White from their websites, forums, blogs, YouTubes, Facebooks, instant messages, e-mails, homes, and minds since under law Nintendo has the right to declare any media they want, on any website they want, illegal and out of the domain of fair use [luckily criticism isn't]. We hope everyone will comply with their wishes or Pokemon may end up in the gutter, since covering and advertising new games for free is obviously counter-productive to Nintendo's sales. I mean, images of the games will obviously cost more damage than minor Isshus like this. Why go after the big guys when you can waste your lawyers' time on small fan sites that only help your franchise?

....or maybe not.

Meanwhile, the fandom reacts up in arms. ElJay Com; Bulbapedia Forums; Pokebeach Forums.

And for those who don't care about the wank, there's 156 of the little buggers* this round. I'm a fan of the deer, the candle, the water otter, and the fire piggy.

*Image shows all 649 (!) of em.

ETA: Having been linked in the comment: Kotaku; IGN.

ETA 2: Pokebeach backpedals, WPM claims he didn't have ROMs (even though front page said so). only used ROMs for plot for a little while and so it doesn't count. Nintendo are Big Bad Bullyfolk kicking people in head. Shows maturity of Target Pokémon audience of 8-12 year old.

Pokebeach is a Pokemon fansite whose webmaster, Water Pokemon Master (hereby known as WPM), is currently living in Japan in order to cover news about the upcoming 5th generation of Pokemon.

This week the 13th movie in the series came out, featuring advertisements that revealed two new Pokemon. WPM took photographs of these new Pokemon during this showing and posted them to Pokebeach. Filming a movie in a theater is a serious offense in Japan, and members of the Japanese site 2chan were enraged at WPM's actions. They reported him to the Japanese police and are encouraging others to do so. WPM could face an $11,000 fine and deportation.

Bulbagarden, another Pokemon fansite, reported on the incident, with the note that: "After learning of Water Pokémon Master's act, many people, such as several of the administrators of Bulbagarden, have condemned WPM's actions." This is where the wank comes in. A post about the news story was posted in the Bulbagarden forums ETA: Now deleted. A couple pages into this post, a copy of WPM's response to the affair is shared in which he lashes out at Bulbagarden for condeming him:

( If anyone should pay a fine, it should be Pokemon and Nintendo to its loyal webmasters who have spent years out of their time and wallets promoting their products. )

This results in a back-and-forth between Bulbagarden staff and forum users on whether they're hypocritical for their opinion on WPM's actions considering they reguarly post leaked CoroCoro scans:

TTEchidna: "We weren't the ones who took the scans. As a news organization, what we're doing is no more illegal than a TV channel showing video of a murder."

WPM then posts a conversation on AIM between himself and the Bulbagarden staff on Pokebeach, and this is also posted by Sparrow on the Bulbagarden forums:

( I hope you know that until charges are pressed against me, your news story is stupid )

Before the deletion (after I made this post) there was 29 pages about the situation on the Bulbagarden forums. Supposedly there's more wank on the Pokebeach forums, but my work blocks that website (hence why I used the Bulbagarden forum quotes of what has been posted on Pokebeach rather than the site itself, apologies). If anyone has a link to that, it'd be appreciated!

ETA: Lots of caps here thanks to galateus!

marikocure has a dream, that one day man and pokeman will live in peace and know one another. Biblically.

She wants to know, more specifically, how the rest of the Pokemon community thinks pokemon would feel about a man/mon match. She doesn't find that answer, but rather, how a lot of the community feel about it.

Hilarityensues.

Someone compares pokeality to homosexuality. Not funny, d00ds.

Sadly no one brings up the fact that a pokemaster and his darling Victreebel would be in an inherent BDSM relationship. But there are still more lulz to be had.

EDIT: They deleted it, but I have PRESERVED IT FOR POSTERITY.

http://img18.imageshack.us/img18/3526/pokewife.jpg

I would not recommend attempting to view that image if you have dial up.

The first Pokemon of the upcoming 5th generation was revealed today!

that_eevee is not amused: "Just found out about this and am furious, the character is IDENTICAL To my fan character http://h-balth.deviantart.com/journal/30240075 Everyone is on my side and upset about it x_x I'm still gonna collect merchandise of it, as much as this upsets me."

She had also made a journal post about the event on her DA and a submission about it on FA accounts. The latter has Both have been taken down, so there's a link to screenshots.

Once people start pointing out the fact it really looks nothing like her character, she goes from 'upset' to 'I was just joking guys!' in record time. It's backpedaliscious.

I am glad that I have been blessed with delicious Pokemon wank on a day that a blizzard is keeping me inside. Truly, someone up there likes me.

ETA: Someone elsewhere also apparently got a screenshot of her DA submission which has also since been deleted.

ETA 2: Now she's posted art of the two characters together and is acting like she was annoyed by everyone implying it was stolen. OH YOU GUUUUYS.

BJR has a bone to pick with the mod of a Pokemon RP community.

Way to go there. You banned me for "being rude" to you when I have a log proving that it was YOU who was being rude to ME. You banned me for insulting other players ICly and OOCly when I did no such thing (with convienant lack of evidence, no less! And the only player I ever insulted ICly was ME, when I posted in dear_mun!).

My characters are arrogant bastards, but they never insulted any other player, just other characters and only when it was appropiate for them to do so (and come on, the other characters insulted THEM right back).

Naturally, people are Not Impressed and proceed to explain to her, in detail, why she brought this on herself. BJR, as usual, tries to wriggle her way out of taking any blame by insisting "the mods don't get it" and accuses people of making claims without having any evidence to back them up and shit like that. ketsuban tries to plead for sanity and saiyamanms attempts to defend her, but to no avail.

And what would BJR wank be without the classic New Orleans bit?

blackjackrocket makes a rather mundane post in the pokemon community to find out if jesusatemeout still wants to do an earlier agreed upon Pokemon trade. jesusatemeout says she does, and they proceed to began the joyous dance of trading!

Sadly, this does not go smoothly. A span of time passes with no reply, and BJR starts getting testy.

"...ok, I've been waiting for TWENTY TWO MINUTES now, stalling out on that INVITE/DISCONNECT screen. Where the HELL are you?" "Yeah, half an hour. Tell me when you're *actually ready* instead of making me wait around with that insipid music going on."

jesusatemeout replies about twenty minutes later: "You could like. Not be mean. Right when I got to the Pokecenter, my internet went out. It's still intermittent. I was fucking tearing my hair out and worrying you'd freak out, and you totally did. I don't intend to keep your Lugia, I'm very happy you let me get the info with a tradeback, and please just calm down and stop accusing me of shit when it is entirely out of my control.

In fact, if someone completely disappears, I think it's safe to assume that their internet went out or something more important happened. Next time just be patient- I will get back to you when I can."

In most cases, things would smooth themselves out from here and people would go on about their lives. But really, would I be posting here if it had? Of course not.

Aside from the always amusing cluelessness of BJR, we also feature penguinsane letting her know she's banned from the pokewifi community in spite of this whole shebang not taking place there.

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Wild optimusprime appeared! Wild optimusprime used grudgewank!

fandom_wank used Mock! Wild optimusprime's defense dropped harshly!

Wild optimusprime used selfdestruct!
Wild optimusprime fainted!

fandom_wank gained 2342 EXP!
fandom_wank gained a level!

I have the original f_w thread in another window and can take screenshots if someone can host 'em. Some caps over here, provided by worstangel.

ETA: UH OH!
Wild optimusprime appeared! Again!
COMMAND?

So apparently, Sarah Brightman is going to sing the theme to the 10th Pokémon movie. The JAPANESE 10th Pokémon movie.

Most people are impressed.

Some people, on the other hand, are not.

Quoth Maxim:
English/American singer singing the Japanese version song.
I don't like it.
It will kill J-Music taste that we could feel in previous movies songs.
I don't like it. Pokemon is Japanese and I'm very disappointed that they try to make some things american-styled.
Pokemon is Japanese. So, if it won't LOOK Japanese, it won't be Pokemon, not for me.

and
Japanese is tuning english.

He then complains that all the movies have had English names in them, despite pointing out characters with names like Sweet, Yodel, and Ship. And he can't spell the real English names right anyway, using "Battler" instead of "Butler".

The kicker? He claims to be 97.

...this may mark the first time Brightman's ever been wanked about that wasn't by Phans or other Broadway fen.

I don't even know what the fuck this is this time.

...okay. Apparently Joe of The zomg BESTEST POKEMON FANSITE EVAR has a sekrit Nintendo source that gave him the English names of the new Diamond/Pearl (henceforth "Diaper") Pokemon and he's been leaking them slowly. Which is to be expected; how else is he going to get people to visit his site?

Melkor, of some Spanish fansite had the names from a different source, but he and Joe apparently had worked out a deal to synchronise their leaks. Yay for collaboration.

Then someone posted all the names in one fell swoop on GameFAQs. Joe assumes it's Melkor. Somehow, Joe thinks this is "blackmail" and follows suit by posting all the names on Serebii, even though he promised his source he wouldn't, and acts like he was forced into it.

Chat logs exist.

Joe may leave fandom. Again. Stay tuned.

Post-fad status Pokemon fandom is a very wanky and whiny fandom. We're never, ever pleased. When they transfered the rights over the anime dub from 4Kids to Pokemon USA and changed all the voices, we wanked and wanked and we're still not happy about it! Now we're going to get the localized versions of Pokemon Diamond and Pearl (April 22nd! Preparing our wallets...), and naturally, people are whining about the names of the new Pokemon.

It all starts some while before "Serebii" Joe, owner of Serebii.net, claims that he has a source and reveals the English name of Perap, a parrot Pokemon, to be Chatot. This is a while before the first episode with the Pokemon actually airs. People initially hope he's joking, but he's not. Here's the Bulbagarden topic about Perap-Chatot, which is quite wanky in itself. From then on, Joe occasionally goes and reveals new Pokemon names on his website, and everyone starts a whole new wank about every new Pokemon name. After Chatot was revealed, the manta Pokemon Tamanta got renamed Mantyke, which the fandom accepted. In the Bulbagarden topic about this name change, Joe cares to tease the fandom and goes on about an influx of bad names that's about to come next.

The real wank starts when the otter Pokemon Buoysel's English name is revealed to be Buizel. He reveals the name in page two, and then the whining comes forth. Meanwhile, Joe makes a biiiiiiig mistake by teasing Water Pokemon Master. Water Pokemon Master (whose real name I don't know) is the webmaster of PokeBeach and a Joe's rival of sorts. Apparently, when Diamond and Pearl were first released, the two clashed because of a dispute over romanizations. Lame? You got it. Anyway, people scold Joe for being an ass for the next few pages and whine about Buizel some more. The webmaster of Bulbagarden, Archaic, tells Joe to stop his gloating, and Joe is all "jeez, have a sense of humor" and proceeds to talk about WPM in a bad light again. People make fun of the Serebii message board a little (it's famous for having plenty of noobs) and... whine about Buizel some more.

In page 5, WPM himself comes and defends himself against Joe. Serebii retorts on page 6, and everything wanksplodes. They both don't quite shut up and stop squabbling until a mod tells them to shut up on page 9. They try to keep away from each other... until people start wondering who's Joe's source and in page 11 and SHTR suggests that Joe pays people to improve his image. Joe takes offense, WPM can't help himself, and the admins proceed to STFU them both forcibly.

The saga does not end, for lo and behold, Archaic asks the members of the boards: should Joe be permanently banned from Bulbagarden? An overwhelming majority votes 'Dancing Banana'. The whole thing is kind of wanky, but things get really fun again on page 5. munchlax_cutie defends Joe and curses everyone out while Joe himself ban-evades and tries to defend himself. Both get banned, and the ban on Joe's regular account gets extended. SHTR talks about his personal vendetta against Joe, Edward Elric (who is a mod at the Serebii forums, as far as I know) makes a face at The Great Butler for going on about him for no good reason, and the mod Kasumi warns everyone to drop the subject.

The story will continue, for sure. I mean, Joe's ban is going to end before Diamond and Pearl come out, and he just revealed that Electabuzz's evolution's localized name is going to be Electavire, and there are so many more names to be revealed!!!

'Tis truly the Year of the Wank.

Yes, it's another Blackjack post, so it must be more Poké-wank.

Over on LJ, Kassichu posts about finding a shiny Pidgey during a sad moment with his/her girlfriend, which ends in girlfriend breaking the DS and getting smacked. People call troll, mostly because you can't find wild Pidgey in Pokémon Ruby.

But some people are not amused.

So then Robomechadedede posts with this lovely bit of wankery:

Okay, I am sick and tired of these joke posts about losing a shiny Pidgey! LOSING A SHINY PIDGEY IS NOT ****ING FUNNY! Joke about anything else you want, but not that!


Joke about child pornography, joke about 9/11, joke about murder, joke about drugs, but DON'T JOKE ABOUT LOSING A SHINY PIDGEY! Losing a shiny Pidgey DESTROYS a trainer, it STRIPS THE TRAINER OF HIS WORTH! It is disgusting, inhumane, regressive and insane. LOSING A SHINY PIDGEY IS OFF THE TABLE, NOT EVEN YOU ******* CAN BE SUCH ****HOLES THAT YOU JOKE ABOUT A SHINY PIDGEY BEING LOST!

And no, I am not ****ing Ash Ketchum, I am a trainer, I lost a shiny Pidgey. My 1/8192 chance Pokémon was taken from me, I can never get it in a Pokéball. I was defeated again and again and again and again and again by The Elite Four when I was on Victory Road, I wanted to ****ng kill myself. IS THAT ****ING FUNNY? **** NO YOU ****HOLES!

Go back to making 'can I transfer my GS Pokemon to RSE n_n' posts, you inhumane monsters

Over on Serebii, Jesse GS the II posts a "fic" in huge, unreadable blocks.

Mod Zephyr Flare tells her to read the rules.

Jesse complains that her other fic was in the same format and no one complained, so Zephyr tells her So because you were caught first that makes it all right does it?

I think not.

Jesse goes nuts, telling commenter Yami Ryu "How 'bout you get the hell off my back and stop telling me how to write?"

And it wouldn't be complete without this..."I am officially retiring from writing "Pokémon" fanfiction, effective immediately. I refuse to attempt to function in an environment that only cares about getting things right according to the higher-ups."

Then Zephyr replies again and locks it. Short, but an entertaining wank

This is a followup to the PokéWank I posted a while ago.

As expected, efforts to try and convince The Pokémon Company to keep the English dub's voice actors (who were replaced when 4Kids lost their rights to produce the dub) have failed. Today a 10th anniversary special, "Master of the Mirage Pokémon", was aired on Kids WB, showcasing the new VAs.

Of course, Pokéfen are mad as hell about it! There's a bitty wank on the pokemaniacs community here, but the spooge has been flying fastest on Serebii.net's forums. Here's the thread discussing it, and a sampling of comments can be found below.

( POKEMON IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. )

And those were just from the first 7 pages of the 27-page (at the moment) thread. *g*

If anybody's curious as to the sound of some of the new voices, a clip's been put up on YouTube.

ETA: I just stumbled across a Save the VAs LJ community. According to a post in it, the new VAs have been contracted for season 10, so there's not much that can be done about that. Also, apparently a big reason the VAs were changed in the first place is because The Pokémon Company et al got the mistaken impression that it was what the fans wanted, because 4Kids is so wildly unpopular with so many people. However, fen just wanted the stupid dialogue/editing to be done away with, not the VAs.

I know a lot of y'all in the comments are sympathizing with the wankers, and I totally understand, but the new voices aren't _that_ bad. The old VAs sucked when they first had the roles, too.

ETA 2: Another clip from YouTube; this one has Brock, May, and Max in it. OK, I'm really starting to sympathize with the wankers a little. Brock's voice is just... *shudder* His is hands down the worst of the lot.

Cosplayfucks drama! that does not involve Usagi Kou

EDIT: There is some very scary and non-worksafe "artwork" posted in the comments. You've been warned.

Ok, I mod over at Bulbagarden, and let me tell you, some weird shit goes on over there.

At Kanna's behest, I must post the sheer wank-n-weirdness of one such thread. Please to note that this wank contains events that have not occured in the English run yet.

Our story begins when Geodude posts a thread about something he saw in Nintendo Power and if it will affect a character on the show. (the character May is also the female lead in the Ruby/Sapphire games)

BenRG makes a passing mention that the show writers tend to shy away from giving the characters powerful Pokémon

Kaz begs to differ

BenRG refutes her

Not much wanky so far, but trust me, when it rains, it pours.

Kaz tells Ben he has "no plausable example" to use.

Ben says that he was kidding about his first example, but keeps refuting Kaz.

Kaz's reply gets the wank going at an even keel.

But Ben takes the ball and runs with it, so to speak, as he brings up the issue of Pokéballs and capture, among many, MANY other things.

And thus begins the wank.

Highlights include thusly:

Pokéball Peril...which, sadly, was the name of an actual episode. However, the episode did not include the wanktastic lines "What show do you watch?" or "I also think that you read 1984 too much."

Your posts don't matter, in which Kaz yells at someone for posting truths rather than a common fan legend (see, in one episode, James suddenly has a Weepinbell that evolves into a Victreebell, but it wasn't said where he had gotten it in the first place. Rumors had abounded that he had stolen it from the place it was first seen and it was edited in the dub, but the truth was that the Japanese version was equally vague on how he got it)

Same fan posts telling her where James *really* got it (which *was* on the show, as the writers backpedaled three seasons late to fill in a plot hole.)

Kaz hates to be wrong, so she claims that James *really* stole it from the breeding center, despite the fact that the episode dispelling this had been shown in her country at this time. Her exact quote is probably the wankiest thing in the entire thing:
Oh no, Johto canon, help help, I'm so scared.

Ever seen "The Breeding Centre Secret", where, in the REAL [as in, Japanese] version, James STOLE it before he ran? And 4KIDS dubbed that it was his to stop the little kiddies stealing their neighbour's plants cos James does it?

Considering NONE OF THIS ever happened, and that it was PROVEN ON THE SHOW THAT HE DID NOT STEAL IT, and that the dub DID NOT CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT HOW HE GOT IT, I wonder how she got to be a mod.

Yes, you read that right. Kaz, as well as BenRG and Geodude, are my fellow mods. These are not clueless newbies making these posts.

And I think that's enough for now. Read the rest of the wank for yourself. I have to clean my monitor.