You'll have to excuse me. I decided that I wanted a Dvorak keyboard instead of a Qwerty keyboard and I am basically relearning how to type.

From Clairvoyantwank.

Someone posts a pirated download of Wil Wheaton's audiobook Just a Geek. Wil finds out and is Not Happy.

( an open letter to the guy put the just a geek audiobook on his website for people to steal. )

No word yet from Lee Goldburg, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time.

A little bit o' wankery stemming from the Star Trek XI fandom, this time originating on ontd_startrek. To quote garamsythe, It's not quite a shitstorm. More like... a little constipation.

marauder_bex posts a crowdsourced celebrity gay list to the community. OP has this to say:

ZQ had 100% at the time of this but he's dropped to 95% so I think we should go vote yes a lot and try and get it back up more (obv we cant get it to 100 but we can try for 99!)
Naturally I added Chris Pine to the list, who else should we add?

Of course, some people find it funny and some people find it unfunny, and no one seems to notice the obvious thats-what-she-said statement "get it back up."

lifebehindadesk appears offended.

velocityofsound thinks this is NOT CLASSY.

hook_and_line can't even find the words.

bjzblue is confused, because ZQ does NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT act a TAD BIT gay AT ALL. NO SRSLY. They know he's gay, but he doesnt have the high, girly accent or the insight of a gay man.

gethenian does not understand why you would want to vote someone gay. That's really not cool, yo.

littlemousling would like to have some serious business discussions.

paradox74 challenges you to make a graph of how ZQ's sexual orientation would impact your life. (ETA: Here's mine!)

fofomazuzu wants you to know that IT'S OKAY TO BE GAY.

bigmamag reinterprets the list as a GIF.

And, lastly, a few would like to see fic where "Adam Lambert sits below 5 other men."

There's a whole lot of unrelatedness going on in this post, too, including Anderson Cooper hit on my friend and being gay is like FDR's wheelchair.

I thought momentarily about putting this one in unfunnybusiness, but dammit if I can't laugh at some C-Pine/ZQ my hed is pastede on yay, what can I laugh at?

Over in LJ-land, user post_tets posts in the Star Trek community about 'fangirl' icons.

Cue petshopboy1983 getting his boxers in a wad, including pwning someone in an epic battle of "which episode?" as well as a claim that ALL old canon will be ignored.

post_tets tries to regain some sense of logic (*snerk*) in the thread by reiterating his original points, getting into a pissing contest with sio.

But really, what's the point of Star Trek anyway?

EDIT: Okay, this post has almost as many comments as that one. ILU GUYS

Some point-and-LOL fun, instead of absolute bat shit craziness for a change today! First things first, not my find.

Anyway, Darkqueenakasha makes a post in ontd_startrek, asking people to not post about ZQ [Zachary Quinto] being gay or not. Obviously, a very good idea. Not understanding the point of ONTD and ONTD related communities in general, she blames her noob-status on the misunderstanding of why people would post gossip about celebrities in a gossip community!

Only, there's a bigger issue at hand! Darkqueenakasha? She's a moderator of salinto, a community dedicated to Zoe Saldana and Zachary Quinto RPF (real person fiction) and when called out on her hypocrisy and general stupidity she comments to her own post first but then edits her post to get the point across that she only created the RPF communities because people expressed interest in the subject of Salinto RPF and there were no communities set up yet for said pairing and was just helping and doing the fandom a favor even though she may or may not care for RPF and few begin to speculate if it's a coincidence or not that she asks for gay rumor postings to stop since she runs a het-RPF comm! *breathes*... Although she says something here, it's still a rather lulzy defense no matter what.

She also edits this thread in her post, which caused me to go searching. There were more posts, but only one I didn't know that! comment, thanking darkqueenakasha for her mighty work in the Star Trek Fandom, and the Alabama Anime fans, and the VA WoW Players and AALT2: African Americans with Asian Interests because of course, she's just trying to help.

Helpful? Perhaps, yes. Going about it the way she did? Good old fashioned LOLS. And if that doesn't make you laugh, there are 14 pages of GIFS, I'm sure you'll find something to amuse you (the Karl Urban ones on page two are pure win).


Also, tell that to the J2 crazies.

As those of you who haven't been living under a rock may know, a new Star Trek movie just came out. Over on fanficrants, roq is upset about this. Apparently, TEENAGERS are now WRITING in HER fandom! Quelle suprise!

She has some choice words to say about it.

( Wank long and prosper )

It's a beautiful day in the fanficrants neighborhood. The sun is shining, birds are chirping, people are ranting. amandasapanda stomps in to let the community know, in no uncertain terms that Star Trek fanfic is for real characters and not stinky OCs.

( Phasers locked on grudgewank, Captain! )

( ETA THE FIRST )

( ETA THE SECOND )

( TRIPLE ETA )

As foretold, we have Enterprise cancellation wank. Here's the checklist:

Assorted hostility. Check.

Petitions: (1) (2). Check.

Letter writing campaigns. Check.

Pulling out the "I was a trekkie/trekker before you were born" street cred. Check.

Comments about the rest of UPN's lineup. Check.

Something Positive. Check.

"Enterprise sucked and I'm glad it's gone." Check.

Yep. That should cover it.

Okay, we knew this would get wanky. Someone posted an entire NC-17 Star Trek fanfic contest to GAFF. Needless to say, it got wanky:

http://www.godawful.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=2044

It's got religion. It's got Nazis. It's got ALL CAPS ranting. It even has links to previous wanks. Enjoy.

Be kind, it's my first wank. Use lube.

The carnage started when EvilDrEm posted a little diddy on her lj to cheer up Laura. It goes like this:

La Fish
Your posts are full of hesitation
Sure makes me wonder
If you know what you're talking 'bout.
La Fish
I wanna keep my reputation
I'm a sensation
But what you post, leaves me in doubt.

Because, La Fish, I can google
And I can follow the same thread.
I can google,
Google woogle
You have no cred.

Oh, La Fish, I can google
Please shut up, you know your wrong.
I can google,
Google woogle
All night long.

[Chorus Repeat To Fade]

Oh, La Fish, I can google....

Sing along, everyone!

Only those involved in this little lovefest know what that is about, but the 'Fish, involved is none other than Leslie Fish, one of the original queen BNF of Star Trek fandom. Apparently she's left the haven of Trek for the craziness of Highlander and they don't like her much there. HL is not known for being kind to newbies, HP/LOTR fans should take notes on how to piss off newbies here.

Enter Jennie, she takes offense at the song and crap being posted about her Trek bud, Leslie and posts about it here. Wank ensues here and here.

The story behind this saga is that Tritorella threw Leslie Fish off her archive. Tritorella + EvilDrEm are friends = song/wank.
The original thread seems have been deleted off Tritorella's lj. But alas, I saved it. It is here.

The deleted reference of "Leslis Fish is no longer archived at the Freedom Fanfiction site. Her stories can now be found here." flys in the face of Tritorella's own ragings of deleted posts *shakes fists* in this post. Where she bemoans the fate of posts friends made about her in defense when nasty people talked bad about her.

As the wank moves to Tritorella's page, then back to EvilDrEm's page -you need a score card to keep up - accusations of stalking, spam attacks and virus bombing are thrown back and forth between the waring BNF's. Then out comes the big guns!

Jennie accuses Tritorella of having - GASP - sockpuppets! However, no one touches that accusation with a ten foot pole. See this as to see why no one disputes it.

The wank was continuing as I post this. It is Trek old geezers versus HL upstarts. May the best fandom win.

EDIT: This was sent to my inbox. It is a LJ post where Tritorella, now known to all as Sockpuppet Queen of All Fandoms, admits she created a bogus LiveJournal to mock a person named Jeylan (see below for more about Jeylan). Can we keep our trolls straight in this fandom?

EDIT #2: This wank took a left turn somewhere near Omaha and has not gotten back on course. What about Leslie Fish and Star Trek fans? **whines** But, I am flexible. TritorellaWank2004 has begun.

To the wanker who sent this gem to my inbox - you rock! I knew there was a good reason I listed my Email address on my Info page. Cuts from this could start a whole new wank. *wipes a tear away for the classic Trek wank that isn't to be, but glad Leslie Fish is still alive*

A yahoo groups owner/moderator sent an invite to an alleged newbie, who was in fact an old timer in disguise. Seeing as how we're in the Star Trek Voyager fandom, offense was taken.

http://www.voyagerangel.net/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=239

See if you can follow the basic argument, cause I sure as heck can't. I did enjoy this, however:

"Usually I try to stay neutral and not judge based on second hand information, but here I have to say that... well, so many people can't possibly be wrong."

Yup, large numbers of sockpuppets always equal truth.

Whatever.