Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

Sunday, February 24th, 2013

Writing fanfic is totally like running a restaurant.

Taken from a kind anon, with some small changes made.

Ice, an author of some regard in the Avengers fandom, is no stranger to wank. A few months ago, she attached a long author's note to one of her fics that, simplified, requested readers not leave kudos (still needs caps):

"You know what? I am currently in too much fucking pain and under too much fucking stress to give a flying fuck about social conduct.

I had one simple wish — no kudos.

I keep on asking that on every fic and every fucking time on every fucking one of them, there's a person who just... what? Can’t help themselves? Well done. Thanks for reminding me, over and over again, that I must, indeed, not post my stuff and hope for a simple fucking courtesy to respect my fucking wishes."

Fail_Fandomanon and Tumblr got ahold of the story and promptly spammed it with kudos.
Since then, her fics have continued to be subject of kudosing and - in her mind- low comment counts when compared to the rest of the fandom. Thus, she decides to leave the ficdoms in a blaze of glory.

By writing a longform analogy comparing writing fanfic to running a restaurant. (Original link BALEETED, caps HERE.)

This immediately lands on Avengersanon, Fail_Fandomanon and Tumblr, and subsequently her comment pages fill up with snark. (All deleted: page 1, page 2, page 3, and page 4, with bonus fic.). There's even podfic! After trying to orphan the piece (since deleted), Ice deleted all of her Avengers fanfic, leaving her table AO3 account empty of Avengers content.

For a bonus treat, be sure to read this gem from the wank report, in which a disgruntled ex-ficwriting mousie pops up to sympathize with Ice and humblebrag about her important profic writing career, eventually declaiming all feedback-denying fanfic readers and non-pro fanfic authors as a "whiny ass bunch of freeloaders" and "doormats," respectively, who may or may not be in an abusive relationship.

(162 comments | Leave a comment)

Sunday, December 30th, 2012

(You can pry my parens from my cold dead fingers)

seiberwing

FelicityGS is very attached to her parentheses. She recently posted "There's Nothing There" a Loki/Steve Rogers fic, to AO3. The earliest reviewers seem to enjoy it. And then a fiend known only as "J" has the unmitigated gall to post this scathing, atrocious, narrow-minded comment:

Almost all of the parenthesis and several commas were unnecessary. If a sentence goes on for more than two lines, it should probably be broken up into two or more sentences. You might want to get a beta who is really good with grammar/punctuation. Otherwise, great story. Very cute and well thought out. (:

( Now that just won't do. )

(46 comments | Leave a comment)

Delicious AO3 Comment wank

girl_friday

(Thank you to a mousey at

wank_report! I have c/p your commentary verbatim, only adding links.)

Ten days ago, author FelicityGS posted "There's Nothing There" a Loki/Steve Rogers fic, and lo, there was squee...for three comments. [ETA: Added correct link, because I'm apparently a dumbass before coffee.]

Until, that is, the following mild concrit is posted by "J":

"Almost all of the parenthesis and several commas were unnecessary. If a sentence goes on for more than two lines, it should probably be broken up into two or more sentences. You might want to get a beta who is really good with grammar/punctuation. Otherwise, great story. Very cute and well thought out. (:"

Felicity GS does Not Take It Well, and in a series of comments compares her work to that great author "Nabakov", and claims her "style" trumps such things as "proper grammar" and "readability", closing with this flourish:

But do me a fucking favour:

don't fucking tell me I need a fucking goddamn beta who knows grammar really fucking well and that I could get rid of all those fucking parens and had too many fucking commas because I did not use any of those fucking lightly and you are a fucking douche.

Because if the above didn't give it away?

I know fucking grammar. I know style. I am comfortable in my style, I have given thought to my style, and I know the difference between grammar and style. I write fanfiction as a labour of love and to share stories, to hone my craft and to practice what I have been doing since I could hold a pen.

Fuck.

You.

<3

Her commenters are rather boggled, except for an anon who immediately starts rending garments in response to someone leaving a critique on - GASP! - a Yuletide fic:

But you're probably also someone who tells their granny the Christmas socks scratch and the cookies are dusty instead of doing the right thing. What a miserable bunch of hypocrites and nasty bitches claimed Yuletide this year!

Unfortunately, the fic has nothing whatsoever to do with Yuletide, and fellow anons take him/her/zie/them to task for the mistake:

Gift exchange? Yuletide? Also, the author was the one reacting with hostility to a helpful comment-- vile, abusive hostility. WITH AN EPIC NOVEL OF OVERLY DEFENSIVE BABBLE.

I don't even-- what is with your comment? Are you trying to paint me as some sort of hands-rubbing, world-domination-wanting Grinch? Where are you going with this absurd reading into things that aren't there at all?

FelicityGS deflects blame by claiming she was "stressed" and wrote the fic to ease said mental strain. She also complains about the meanness of the author who dared leave her concrit, up to and including misrepresenting the content of the feedback:

"No. It was not helpful nor constructive. It said "this sucks, this sucks, do better, oh and the idea was nice."

That is not useful."

Still active and ongoing, as FelicityGS's comments have hit both Yuletide Coal and Fail Fandom Anon, where, unsurprisingly, is hilarity at FelicityGS's overreaction.

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

FelicityGS has taken the wank to her own tumblr (all stylistic choices original):

I.

Love.

Parentheses.

And you can pry them away from me and my style over my cold, dead body.

(fuck you)

(no seriously)

(but not you guys that actually explain why you don’t like parens, you guys are cool)

Commas? Okay, yeah, there are some comma splices in the story. No big. Whatever. I literally typed it up and posted it, and there are some spots I wouldn’t mind smoothing a bit. And I am willing to bet most the commas that you think are ‘unnecessary’ are, in fact, doing things. Like separating lists, or clauses, or, you know, THINGS THAT COMMAS DO.

I actually feel delightfully, refreshingly vindicated and good for breaking down that comment and addressing it in that manner, because I can look at it and see that, no, no, I’m not fucking crazy.

You may not be crazy, sweetie, but you are certainly a wanker.

mood: Impish

(138 comments | Leave a comment)

Friday, September 30th, 2011

'You can't beat me down with your USELESS and PATHETIC "reviews"'

loopywafflehead

A good old-fashioned author freak-out, courtesy of Burn Notice fandom. Many thanks to the anon on wank_report for the links; I’ve used much of your wording this post. (Please note that while this is funny overall, the author in question does use a particular ableist insult. It has been taken out in the text below but is still visible in the two links marked with an asterisk.)

InvisibleRain is fairly well-known within the Burn Notice fandom, as both a fan artist and the author of Carry Me, a very long fic heavy on angst and, as she calls it, "Extreme Michael Whumpage". She also has a tendency to explode whenever she receives negative criticism, despite her repeated claims that she's open to feedback and wants to improve. Cue the events of this week:

( I have more followers than you think I do )

InvisibleRain is also not above begging for reviews and threatening to flounce if she doesn't get them:

( Just comment autonomously, but your name as the name you log in as )

(187 comments | Leave a comment)

Sunday, July 3rd, 2011

Another Doomed Attempt to Monetize Fanfic

duraniedrama

(Thanks to the mousey on wank_report for the original notice and

qem_chibati for boosting the signal on

clairvoyantwank. I think it's grown all big enough for a Fandom Wank entry of its very own.)

Meet Keith Mander. He posts about things like the hierarchical ranking of how deep a company actively utilises social media and he buys websites. His recent purchases include Just Pooh (a Winnie-the-Pooh site) and he "snapped up" Twilight Archives, a Twilight fic site a couple of months ago. You can read about his purchase of Just Pooh here, where he shares such wisdom as:

I tend to avoid marketplaces such as SitePoint and eBay. Sellers using one of these platforms tend to have a better understanding of their site’s value, and therefore have higher expectations. My approach would be to directly contact site owners who are unaware of their site’s value and who’ve never experimented with online advertising. They’re usually surprised when you contact them with an offer and this eases the negotiation process. The potential with this approach is far greater.

His latest purchase? ( One does not simply walk into Fandom... )

(423 comments | Leave a comment)

Sunday, May 22nd, 2011

Plagiarism Wank!

visp

Short, but sweet.

Stop_Plagiarism is a comm dedicated to *drumroll* stopping plagiarism. One day PolgaraWolf is brought to their attention. She's posted some Doctor Who fanfic that's got plagiarized bits in it, so the OP writes her about it.

The whole thing is Here but TLDR, Polagara wolf responds with:

"Listen, Lady, Mister, whatever the hell you are,

I spent six hours in a hospital last night with my dad and I am NOT in the mood for this shit. So let me make this very clear for you: THIS IS AN OLD STORY THAT HAS BEEN ON MY COMPUTER FOR MOST OF A YEAR FOR FANDOMS THAT I NEVER HAD ANY TIME TO REALLY TAKE PART IN, DUE TO MY DAD BEING OFF WORK AND IN THE HOSPITAL WHILE I WAS TRYING TO WORK FULL TIME AND WRITE SAID STORY AND THEN DAD WAS DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER AND I STOPPED WRITING IT. Is that bloody well clear enough for you?

STOP EMAILING ME.

Oddly enough, this does not persuade people that she didn't plagiarize. People start digging and pulling out more instances where she'd plagiarized. So what do you when people start calling you out? Apologize? Delete and slink away? Call out the internet lawyers? The third one.

I don't know who in the heck you people think you are, but I DEMAND you take this thread down right now or that you at least be honest and brave enough to give me your contact info so for each and every one of you to the police for taking part in this crap, which is cyber harassment and libel.

This is even funnier when you realize that several of the main people involved aren't even living in the USA (one's from Norway). Perhaps PolgaraWolf intends to try her in the Hague.

(158 comments | Leave a comment)

Saturday, April 2nd, 2011

Someone didn't get the message that Friendship is Magic

fern_on_fen

Brief disclaimer: this wank, while funny, there is, quoth a fellow FW member, "one dickbag who starts using slurs." There are one or two instances of this. For the most part, I've tried to minimize these insults.

Anyway, it's more pony!wank.

Equestira Daily is a fansite for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, with a very specific group of fans: /b/ronies, or those who have come to the show through 4chan. It’s neat layout, regular updates, and ability to break Pony-related news, however, has made it pretty indispensable for any fans of the show.

You’d think that a place originally created and geared to 4channers would be pretty inhospitable all year round. However, as you might have learned from this previous wank, MLP:FiM has really softened its /b/ronies. Hell, they’ve even held events like Derpy Day, an event dedicated to sending messages of friendship, as well as sharing muffins, with people.

Anyway, this is a fandom website, and as such, you might find pictures and images dedicated to shipping. There’s even smushed names; for instance, AppleDash refers to pairing pony Applejack with Rainbow Dash. Shipping is a little controversial in MLP:FiM, because all the characters are ponies, or at the very least, some manner of animal (griffon, zebra, buffalo…). There has been some discussion of whether this is furry or not, but for the most part, people have learned to stay away from things with [Shipping] labels if they don’t like pony!ships, and people are usually tolerant of shipping discussions in comments to more general posts.

Usually.

Cottonmouth is not supportive of the alternative lifestyles of lesbian ponies. In the comments for the post discussing the latest episode, he was displeased with some casual shipping discussion. (Specific shipping comments can be found at the beginning of the comments in this post. As you can see, pretty tame, talking about cute moments, and done in a polite fashion).

( More drama under the cut )

PS: If you want to see an example of the guy's fic, I recommend this story in which he personally insults fandom for liking an ascended meme character (Derpy Hooves), ends by saying “And then they had lesbian sex” in the belief that this will increase readership, kills off one of the main characters, and insults another fandom member by implying that he plays too many video games via a music video. Oh, that Cottonmouth. He's a real gem.

(424 comments | Leave a comment)

Thursday, March 17th, 2011

Queer as Folk fandom is alive and strong (when there's wank involved).

knowsall

As with most television fandoms, once a show is over and finished, there are people from fandom who move on. It's much like having a gift that you love for several years but you have to return it after that set period of years. You return all the Good Fic, all the fun show discussions and conversations, and wonderful graphics. After the show, several years after the show, fandom becomes extremely watered down into Bad Fic, discussions that are repetitive, and more bad graphics than good graphics.

People take offense to this analysis. Here's where the wank comes in.

( Wank 1 - March 6, 2011 )

You'd think that it'd end there but it didn't. People were fighting and arguing and would continue to do so until this, the last comment in the shot. That's a mod and up until now, everything's been about badfic. Then, shit got personal:

( Personal wank that got comments deleted. )

That was really the calm before the storm.

( Wank 2 - March 15, 2011 )

She wants the mods to take down her post so that she can alter history and pretend that none of it happened. Um, sorry. Wank doesn't work that way. It gets saved and posted on fandom_wank.

Summary: badfic is badfic and not art, petulant2u is the crusader for all badfic everywhere (including her own), mods at getithere will ban you if you troll the place, people who are butt hurt will publicly cry in their journals to their friends list who will always defend their idiocy, and Queer as Folk continues to be a fandom that has to hunt for any kind of quality fic. Tragic but true. Kudos to the mods for leaving the wank up!

Edit: Screenshots to her Twitter and locked posts to come!

[Picture removed. Irrelevant to wank.]

(379 comments | Leave a comment)

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011

If you're a TV character who's lover died in canon, you're never allowed to fall in love again

mockingbird

There once was a soap opera called “As the world turns”
They had a gay couple called “Nuke” (Luke/Noah), then the soap got cancelled but not before Luke ran away with another guy called Reid.

First a lot of people didn't like that Reid destroyed Nuke, but then a lot of Nuke-shippers jumped ship as the new canon pairing became "LuRe" (Luke/Reid).

To be a good little "LuRe" shipper you have to bash Noah and "Nuke" at all times (best in the Douchefest)but you are not allowed to think that after Reid died in canon, Luke is allowed to ever fall in love again.

At least not in fic.

If you write or post fic that has Luke with someone else , you are insulted as stupid. Everybody who doesn't agree is also insulted and called stupid. If you call people too lazy to scroll over fic they don’t like you get banned.
If you like one fic like the next where canon gets ignored, Luke and Reid get married and have lots of kids, you are everyone's friend

yeah, I'm a "Nukie" who loves to see the "lurians" fight among themselves. So what?

(182 comments | Leave a comment)

Friday, December 3rd, 2010

Drabble-o, drabble-o, wherefore art thou drabble-o?

tez

Once upon a time, there was a lonely drabble. “How I wish I could be more than 100 words long,” it sighed wistfully.

Over time, fandom granted the drabble its wish. Its meaning drifted, expanding further and further, until finally some allowed it to encompass a large number of short fics.

Its newfound happiness was cut short, however, when

catchester claimed anyone who said the drabble could ever be more than 100 words was ignorant and a twit.

The drabble’s spirit was crushed, but happily it found

catchester alone was unable to take its shiny new status away.

The End.

(340 comments | Leave a comment)

Wednesday, November 10th, 2010

While we wank of yuletide treasure

goblin

Another year, another Yuletide wank.

On November 8, a provisional list of fandoms and characters eligible for Yuletide went up. Some 4000 fandoms are listed.

Discussions about what fandoms count spring up pretty quickly. Discworld has too much fic on AO3 to be eligible, but rachaelmanija notes that it's mostly crossovers and Yuletide fills. P_zeitgeist argues that her fandoms should be included because even though there's a lot of fic, it mostly sucks. But the real wank starts when people start noticing the presence of huge anime/manga fandoms on the Yuletide list. Franzeska brilliantly tells everyone that to prevent megafandoms like Hetalia and Fruits Basket from being eligible for Yuletide, "go lure people from those fandoms onto AO3 so it properly reflects their non-deadness."

And so the annual celebration of internet arguments begins!
Let's talk about eligibility and large fandoms, says birchsalt.
Let's not, say the mods. "Frankly, for us, this is a non-issue. We aren't terribly concerned that some participants might be "getting away" with something or that some fandoms that aren't truly rare/obscure/inactive are slipping through, or even that all the corrections get done, especially if that lets us open signup earlier and keeps us relatively happy and as unstressed as possible...Note: I'm leaving comments turned on, but I will not be arguing, defending, or explaining our policies."

There is nothing fandom loves more than being told they can't argue. Cue grumbling about basing eligibilty on AO3 content, bnfs, and favoritism.

ETA: The final list is up. Some of the big anime fandoms are out (Pokemon is still in, for whatever reason), Discworld is back in, and all the comments thus far are very reasonable and helpful. Alas! Even fail_fandomanon isn't wanking about it.

Looks like the frooforah is over. I can't wait to see what happens next year!

(494 comments | Leave a comment)

Tuesday, August 31st, 2010

tetradecimal

From wank_report:

Someone has decided that enough is enough, and it is now time to cleanse ~~the Pit of Voles~~ FF.net of all that ails it. And that someone is the Literate Union! Motto: "well here are the people who are going to give it anyways!"

"It", apparently, being concrit or flaming. You know, whichever you prefer.

"The LU -- The Literate Union -- is a society that helps to improve the quality of stories on FanFiction that either break the rules or are poorly written. In the case of the latter, we try to help the author, bringing their piece up to standard. Difficult cases are reported to the admins."

( And we got to go in with our hydraulic system, and blast him out! )

(2034 comments | Leave a comment)

Friday, August 20th, 2010

The LJ board will hear about this!

loopywafflehead

Thank you to the anon on wank_report for this one (I’ve used much of your original wording in this post).

A while back, Linda92595 participated in a fic exchange at the SPN comm deancastiel and was very vocal in her dislike for the fic she received.

She was asked to consider locking the post but didn’t because a completely different community mocked one of her manips.
She was subsequently barred from participation in future exchanges and accused the comm mods of spamming her journal with bots.

She attempted to sign up for the current fic exchange, which led to a confrontation on her lj with one of the deancastiel mods (deleted, but screencapped).

And to round it all off, the Spnpermanon thread on the subject.

(168 comments | Leave a comment)

Wednesday, August 11th, 2010

OMG! Oh Noes!

jetamors

Grabbed from

wank_report.

So toft reveals that she's been interspersing her real requests for fics on sgastoryfinders with fake requests. Some of the "fake" fics actually did turn out to exist, and were found.

Is this hilarious or horrifying? Either way, there's tons of wank in the comments.

(444 comments | Leave a comment)

Monday, June 7th, 2010

♫ My my my my Mitchell ♫

tetradecimal

Brought to you by wank_report!

Clan Mitchell is a Dreamwidth community revolving around the fictional Mitchell family, which appears to be a huge group of people who live in the Carolinas under the administration of a matriarch named Momma, generally serve in some branch of the U.S. military, and/or operate under a general curtain of good ol' American values, get-well-pies, and care packages.

Motto: "The Mitchells will inherit the earth: the meek don't move fast enough."

From the profile:

"So ivorygates and synecdochic made up a bunch of crazy Southern relatives, and the "Fuck Canon, Fanon Makes More Sense, Dammit" club (meetings on alternate Tuesdays, free t-shirts at the recruiting tables, bring your own beer but the cookies are free) firmly believes that "Kansas, my ass" is the best way to approach Cameron Mitchell's home life, and, well, there should be more fic about these people!

Not necessarily a shared-continuity set of stories -- use as much or as little as you'd like -- but a shared-character-list and a place for people to build a shared-world. Grab a Mitchell and start writing. Resistance is futile! You will be assimilated. And probably baked for."

( It all starts with a ficprompt... )
ETA: Revenge of the Sith: cap including the offending fic.

Holy ETA, Batman: (thanks, mousie)
"When someone has put in a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to create an absolutely beautiful sandbox to play in (a sandbox that they love very very much), and then not only allows you to come in and play in their sandbox, but graciously opens the door and INVITES you in, you don't shit in the sandbox. You don't. M'kay? Good."

We can't stop here, this is ETA country: It's time for the public address roll, looks like. From

eilan:
* slybrarian calls for fair and balanced.
* quinfirefrorefiddle & co. are appalled at F_W's lack of journalistic integrity.
* Synecdochic's state of the union, and also ivorygates is banned. Or left. Either way, she's not a mod any more.

(2531 comments | Leave a comment)

Thursday, May 27th, 2010

99 problems (but selling fic ain't one)

twinno

If you're havin' money problems I feel bad for you son
I got ninety-nine problems but selling fic ain't one

ryosato out on fic patrol, she out on flist patrol
The problem here is her funds are getting low
She's got bills stacking up that gonna have to go
She asks for commissions to get some cash flow
But

lady_jane shows up and says "Oh no"
When selling fic, son, what kinds of profits are those?

lady_jane says illegal like her analogy shows

ryosato sees that post, and her temper blows
She comes right out and calls

lady_jane "old"
"Over 60" even - now hot damn that's cold!
"If you're fucking ten years older... TWICE AS OLD OR MORE..."
Then apparently "YOU CAN'T PICK ON [me] ANYMORE"
So I don't know what you take this as
Or understand the problems that

ryosato has

I'm from rags to riches, wankas, I ain't dumb
I got ninety-nine problems but selling fic ain't one
Hit me

ETA: I capped

ryosato's post while writing this up, so I missed the troll but I got the original posts.
Cap 1
Cap 2

ETA 2: Courtesy of

rodo, we now have So I pretty much win at the internets.

(391 comments | Leave a comment)

Monday, May 3rd, 2010

snacky

Diana Gabaldon, author of the wildly popular Outlander series, has an opinion on fan fiction: I think it’s immoral, I _know_ it’s illegal, and it makes me want to barf whenever I’ve inadvertently encountered some of it involving my characters.

Highlights include:

Writing fanfic is just like breaking into someone's house.
Fanfic is WAY WAY WAY TOO PORNY omg ick people have sexual fantasies!*
What to do about an auction offering fanfic to raise money for a cancer patient? She doesn't want to "seem heartless"! So she seeks advice in the comments. Which are mostly full of "Fanfic? I have never heard of such a despicable load of garbage! Also, CRUSH THAT CANCER PATIENT!"

ETA: Unpublished author Eddie Louise (who cannot write the word "shit" and seems to fail spectacularly at reading comprehension) offers fanfic writers A CHALLENGE! Accept it if you dare, sniveling pedo thieves!

ETA 2: Previously, Ms Gabaldon has said fanfic is like selling your children into white slavery. Well. Now. I don't even know what to do with that.

ETA 3: Smart Bitches, Trashy Books has some discussion on the topic.

ETA 4: And bookshop on LJ/DW has a rebuttal.

ETA 5: See what happens when I leave the sweet embrace of the internet for a few hours? Ms. Gabaldon updates her blog!

ETA 6: Evidently Ms. Gabaldon deleted all evidence of her hissyfit, but some wankas have screencaps in this thread.

ETA 7:

kate_nepevu has screencaps and the text of Gabaldon's posts here. And via

alchemynerd, more screencaps available here:

http://www.sendspace.com/file/tiz4vp
http://www.sendspace.com/file/ibidpj
http://www.sendspace.com/file/r6zik6
http://www.sendspace.com/file/hlknqo
http://www.sendspace.com/file/d9alsh

Thanks for all the links! :)

MOD REMINDER: Remember, my little wankas, we DO NOT troll the wank. Nor do we write fanfic after the author has specifically requested people not and post it in the comments here, no matter how tempting it may be. Carry on. oh god my inbox ow ow

*Just as a point of interest, I was a bookseller for 12 years, and had several customers tell me about the sex scenes in her books. Some were pro ("My friend told me to read these books for the sex scenes, and she was totally right, they are so hot, this is best thing to happen to my sex life in years!") and some were con ("What is up with all the sex all the time? Where's the story?"), but one thing you can't say about her books is that they're sexual-fantasy free. :D

(1880 comments | Leave a comment)

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

The Paradoxers' Tale

twinno

Prologue:
A little background, fandom_wank, and then we can proceed
The Paradoxers are a clan that ship Sheldon/Penny
The show Big Bang Theory is what these characters are on
Bill Prady is a writer there; that's your sine qua non.

In lj's

sheldon_penny, a mod post there is made
Concerning their show's writer and the tweets he has forbade
He does not want to be scared off by "@replies," you see
So please don't send him links to fic or he'll be forced to flee.

The general consensus first is one of agitation:
"Let's not be dicks and send him fics; we need some separation.
Who could send something like this? Who'd do something so odd?"
Imagine, then, the comm's surprise: turns out it was a mod!

She says Bill Prady asked for it but it's not very clear
(One dedicated mousy capped before it disappeared)
Upon this revelation, some members backpedal fast
And others simply quiet down - you think this calm will last?

Epilogue:
The anonymice on wank_report are those you should be thanking
They provided links and caps while they engaged in some more wanking.

Continued!
An ETA's in order, folks - there's been a change in wank
It seems these Sheldon/Penny shippers have really raised a... stank.

arabian has tweeted* that she's stepping down as mod
And at new comm

spanon no mousy seems slack-jawed.

*thanks to

galletas for the cap. I don't think I could shoehorn your name into a rhyme even if I tried.

Reminder: Don't troll the wank. Lurkers, I'd much prefer it if you'd support me in email.

(185 comments | Leave a comment)

Sunday, February 24th, 2013

Writing fanfic is totally like running a restaurant.

Sunday, December 30th, 2012

(You can pry my parens from my cold dead fingers)

Delicious AO3 Comment wank

Friday, September 30th, 2011

'You can't beat me down with your USELESS and PATHETIC "reviews"'

Sunday, July 3rd, 2011

Another Doomed Attempt to Monetize Fanfic

Sunday, May 22nd, 2011

Plagiarism Wank!

Saturday, April 2nd, 2011

Someone didn't get the message that Friendship is Magic

Thursday, March 17th, 2011

Queer as Folk fandom is alive and strong (when there's wank involved).

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011

If you're a TV character who's lover died in canon, you're never allowed to fall in love again

Friday, December 3rd, 2010

Drabble-o, drabble-o, wherefore art thou drabble-o?

Wednesday, November 10th, 2010

While we wank of yuletide treasure

Tuesday, August 31st, 2010

Friday, August 20th, 2010

The LJ board will hear about this!

Wednesday, August 11th, 2010

OMG! Oh Noes!

Monday, June 7th, 2010

♫ My my my my Mitchell ♫

Thursday, May 27th, 2010

99 problems (but selling fic ain't one)

Monday, May 3rd, 2010

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

The Paradoxers' Tale

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

I didn't say this particular work offended me, just that works like this particular work offended me

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

Beat your breasts, maidens, and rend your tunics.