Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Rageful Jewel sporks a fic called "Hermione's Choice" and the author shows up to defend herself.

SFPanther only posts two more times. Things calm down and true wank is not to be had...

At least not until SFPanther's sock puppet super nanny anonymous friend shows up to set the GAFFers straight.

Damn, Hermione Granger brings all the wank to the yard these days.


Note: This is in the New Releases forum, so people without GAFF accounts can see the links.

ETA: SFPanther shows up to apologize and tell off the anon-friend.

Doe starts a thread in Godawful Movies wondering whether Tristian and Isolde is going to suck, based purely on the music used during the preview.

Some people have better reactions than others, such as Mvctar Avrelivs's fit over replacing Wagner with Evanescence. Raven and Writing Desk gets historically philosophical by asking whether angsty pseudo-goth is better than anti-Semetic, long dead composers.

But that's not the real wank.

Anais idly relates a tale of high schoolers who had the gall not to be familiar with Romeo and Juliet.

Then the wank ensues. ( In this corner, plebians! )

Ravenbell GAFF's a Full Metal Alchemist BNF's fan art.

Agammenon, supposedly youkofujima (the artist in question), shows up to wank. The BNF's friends show up and accusations of stalking fly. It all goes to hell from there.

Then, on the second page, Agammenon claims that she, Ravenbell, youkofujima are the same person! (Ok, not really. But she had you going there for a minute, didn't she?)

ETA: Agammenon != youkojima. She/He is just another overzealous fan. You may resume snarking.

This is just a GAFF baby wank. It looks to be pretty much over, but I thought the absurdity was too funny not to share.

It starts when Ouchthathurt posts a fic snark in New Releases. All is well for several days, with interested GAFFers providing the usual snark and "pass the bleach" comments.

Rabid Badger mentions another Trigun smutfic, a somewhat famous one in which Wolfwood rapes Meryl with guns. Again, the usual "I know that fic! Aauugh! Run away!" comments from GAFFers. Again, all is the usual snarking-in-peace that goes on on GAFF.

Then, evilmouse, the author of the Wolfwood rapes Meryl with guns fic shows up to say "OMG, you meanies! How dare you judge my fetishes or my right to fanfic them?!" Complete with a copy of an e-mail she made to Rabid Badger.

Then, the real fun begins.

Flying Skull proceeds to tell evilmouse that she wishes for her to get gangraped by several large, smelly men. "May you be raped and not once; may you be gang-raped by lots of 'HAWT UNTAMED EROTICA' seeking males for at least a month."

This is followed by Ouchthathurt tearing apart evilmouse's post, followed by evilmouse tearing apart her comments with psuedo-intellectual babble about how anyone should be able to do anything they want with fanfiction without being criticised for it (evilmouse apparently completely misses the point of GAFF, not to mention the point that some of the other posters there were trying to make about real rape being a distinctly different thing than "romance rape.")

FlyingSkull makes allegations that evilmouse, despite presenting herself as a female, is actually a man playing pretend, and again with the "I hope you're gang raped!"

BarnabasFrid comes along with the classic "Don't liek, don't reeeeed!" defense that is the staple of many fangirls. She praises evilmouse as as having "stellar" writing skills, and proceeds to take the thread off topic by explaining how she wrote a Dark Shadows fanfic in which a character who normally would never say "fuck" says "fuck" and talks about how she based her entire fanfic on that premise. She accuses GAFF of being childish, complete with an invoking of Snacky's Law.

And BF plugs her upcomming Hitler lemon! Oh joy!

PixeBob says in response "If you were truly a fan of the these characters, you wouldn't be twisting them around making them do things they wouldn't actually do."

BF takes offense and responds with "Of course I'm a true fan! I'm fanner than you! I got tattoos of the character on my body!" complete with photographs of her tattoos, to OMG PROVE SHE'S FANNER THAN ALL OF US!!!

People snark, BF accuses GAFF of being bullies who are insecure with themselves. She/He/It proposes the game "Let's see who can shut up longer!"

Evilmouse calls FlyingSkull out on her desire to see her gang raped.

Everything sort of dies down with laughing at the trolls after that, though BF manages to get one last Adolf Hitler quote in.


(Sidenote to the few people who *might* remember me here: MillyFan/Ouchthat hurt and I are no longer buds. I feel no need to defend her anymore if anyone calls her out as wanky. However this is not grudewank. I don't think she's being wanky here, she just happened to be the originator of the thread).

I posted on the thread, though, at least so far, I'm not really involved in the wank - why I thought to post here instead of I_Wank. Please tell me right away if this thread should be moved there. Thank you.

OK, this is my first wank so be gentle. I was the anonymouse that reported this wank in the Libertines wank thread and since people are discussing it there and in the TORC thread I figured I might as well grow a pair, log in and post.

Over in pornish_pixies, ailei posts a pretty intense, extremely graphic chan/slash/incest/twincest porn story about the under-aged Weasley boys.

GAFF gets hold of it and the handwringing continues for four pages. There are uninformed discussions of the first amendment, plans to contact JKR's legal reps, accusations of unfit parenting, and a GAFF invasion of the story's comment pages.

UPDATE: biichan has learned that the GAFFers notified either JKR's people or LJ and the author has been ordered to remove the story.

I give you the Great Trigun Wank '04, that's been going on for about three months now, with the same arguments ciculating ad nauseum. Yet somehow, it still hasn't gotten old. This is a long story, but I'd like to see it preserved for future generations. From the start.

100bullets, the Trigun drabble comm, is a happy place where, through some fluke of the universe, yaoi (dominantly W/V) and het (dominantly V/M) fans manage to coexist without killing each other. Weekly challenges are issued wherein participants are assigned challenges suggested by other participants, and everybody has a good time. Until lushdesolation shows up and makes it very clear that she doesn't like yaoi, citing religious reasons for her dislike.

The yaoi crowd is hacked, but amazingly, all hell does not break loose. Yet. Until she does it again. And again. And again.

Around this time, millyfan starts getting all up in people's junk about being mean to lushdesolation. Yes, this is important, trust me.

Changing tack, lushdesolation writes her own yaoi drabble positively dripping with scorn. She also makes the staggeringly insightful comment that it's okay to be gay if you're evil, but not if you're one of the protagonists.

"I don't mind writing yaoi for villians - as for heroes who are not explicitly yaoi in canon, I don't want to make them yaoi. To me, making Vash and Wolfwood have hot mutual buttsex...would be "tainting" them - at least, tainting Vash, whom I see as an extremely moral character."

It doesn't much go over well, and she then posts an apology for acting like an ass. Said apology would be a whole lot easier to swallow, if she didn't lace it with pity-me comments about cutting herself.

Not long after lushdesolation promises to shape up, she's at it again, in a drabble that's not even yaoi. People get pissed off, millyfan freaks out and both are banned for a month for being rude and unseemly by community mod jaina. Several posts later, taking advantage of anonymous posting, lushdesolation gives people a piece of her mind before drifting off into the ether.

Fast forward to present. Fresh from her one-month ban, lushdesolation makes her presence known, refrencing a thread she started on the Godawful Fanfiction boards detailing why 100bullets sucks. Regulars from 100bullets are attracted by the sound of spooge, and wank happens elsewhere. Sensing people talking about her, lushdesolation shows up because bashing a comm in a different forum and then bragging about to the targets themselves is so not wank omg.

She then makes the obligatory "STFU I'm going home" post and gives the comm the finger. Showing what a true friend she is, millyfan makes some hideous icons to commemorate the event.

It's the GAFF forums again.

Someone gets her panties in a knot but nobody knows why, because she's not logged in.

See the bitching! See the logic! See the endless repetition of her stupid skanky loser bitches mantra! which she takes to posting in other threads as well.

*cowers* I did it properly, right?

The Protector of the Plot Continuum, or PPC, is a forum that critiques bad fanfiction, and sometimes has self-insert stories about hunting down and extermination Mary-Sues to restore the proper plot.

The Godawful Fanficition Board (or GAFF) discusses bad fanfiction.

On GAFF , someone finds a badfic from a PPCer. One of the commentors is also PPCer.

A couple days later, the PPCer announces She's Leaving Forevermore,Because She Was Stabbed In the Back!