A blogger buys a used, beat-up copy of Anne Rice's Pandora, ends up not liking it, and decides to get crafty with it. (Well, she also says, "Don’t be mad at me, even if Pandora really is one of the worst Anne Rice novels then it’s still better written than Twilight. Just not by as much as you think.")

Anne Rice finds out.

Anne Rice links to the blog on her Facebook.

You know what happens next.

( HOW DARE YOU EVEN COMPARE SHITTY ASS STEPHANIE MEYER TO THE QUALITY WORK THAT IS ANNE RICE )

and it is JUST LIKE THE HOLOCAUST, Y'ALL! http://community.livejournal.com/tothehometree/4785.html?thread=105393#t105393 !

So they made an Anti Na'vi Defamation Community http://nadl-org.livejournal.com/

and much wank ensued! http://community.livejournal.com/tothehometree/4785.html

I know my write up is lacking, but I think the wank found inside is not!

ETA: it looks like nadl_org is set up as a personal journal. FYI.

ETA Part 2: and the troll is out of the cave http://nadl-org.livejournal.com/1667.html

This is one of those wanks that kind of speaks for itself, so that makes my job easy!

On the FurAffinity forums, Enoki posts a list of rules all furries should live by originally composed by a guy known as Sammyfox:

1) By joining this fandom, you agree that you will get ridiculed someday.

1a) You agree that you will act responsibly and maturely. This means that you won't, for example, try to blank that Encyclopedia Dramatica article you don't like. Not only this doesn't work, but it'll get you ridiculed even more.

2) Three words: Orthography, grammar, and punctuation. This fandom doesn't need idiots who can't greet someone without replacing entire words with abbreviations.

2a) I'm dead. Fucking. Serious. Writing like a mongoloid pisses off EVERYONE, especially those whose native language isn't English and who learnt it - be it entirely by themselves or with help. See, I learnt English ENTIRELY by myself, and while it's still not perfect, I'm doing my best to be comprehensible.

3) You will NEVER bother an artist with requests unless said artist SPECIFICALLY states he takes requests.

3a) In an art site which allows you to comment on an artist's work, you will NEVER ever type shit like "murr I'd fuck her/him/it/whatever" and the thousands of derivatives which are just as stupid and retarded. There are better ways to praise art.

3b) You are allowed to diss shitty art without restraint. Wannabe artists have the duty to use their judgment to assess the quality of their own art and to decide whether or not they should upload it. This is even more important when said art is drawn porn. If you can't draw anything correctly, DON'T UPLOAD IT. Do this fandom a favor and do not pollute the internet with your sub-par excuse of a drawing.

4) You will not take photos of yourself in a fursuit, no matter the costume's quality, where you are engaging in sexual acts, be it with another person, a sexual toy, or your hands. It's people like these who give this fandom a bad name.

4a) Diaper fetishists, stay the fuck away from this fandom. "Diaperfurs", get the fuck out. You are not liked in here. We hate you. You guys are awful even by furry standards.

4b) You are responsible for what you say in there. If you say that you diddled a kid or that you fucked a dog, you must accept the consequences.

4c) You will not take the defense of people convicted of serious crimes, and you will not complain if they get banned from a website even though their crime has nothing to do with it. (I'm looking at you, Frank Gembeck fans.)

5) Upon achieving fame, you will not act like a snob at others. You may be famous, but you are only known in the furry fandom. There's far better people out there, so don't let your ego take over.

5a) You will not rip off people. Your customers are most likely what helps you pay the rent. If you commit a fraud, and people gets word of it, you're pretty much dead in this fandom.

5b) You will accept responsibility for giving the fandom a bad name if you end up saying that you fuck your mate in a fursuit and proceed to parade with it on national TV.

5c) You will accept that we are entitled to hate you just as much as you hate us. You will not use substitutes to names (the usual idiots instead of liberals) to make your rhetoric sound more manly. It does not. All it does is make you sound like a pompous asshole.

6) You will not threaten to sue a website for failing to live up to your personal expectations. This means that you won't threaten to sue just because a site will not force your set of beliefs down the throats of others.

7) If you fail to follow these rules, we have the right to insult and humiliate you until you leave this fandom.

Guess how well this goes over?

( Quotes over this-a way. Including good 'oil Godwin's Law! )

Taking your children to see Watchmen is child abuse? -found at wank_report

Conservative blogger's "review" starts:

"If you take your kids to see "Watchmen," you're a moron.

If you see it yourself, you're also probably a moron and a vapid, indecent human being. The movie arrives in theaters at Midnight, Thursday Night. It's rated "R"--which should kinda sorta be a hint--but it really deserves an "NC-17," at the very least. And plenty of clueless parents brought their young kids and kept them there for the entire almost three hour "experience" at the screening I attended."

She can't stop bitching that it is somehow being marketed to children because there are people in superhero costumes. Or something. Are there like happy meals with these characters or something? I honestly don't have a clue about the marketing and am curious now. There's a video game--but like the movie it is rated for Mature Audiences Only.

There are comments over and over that Debbie doesn't get it. SHE DOES THOUGH! IN ALL CAPS! AND WE'RE ALL MORONS IF WE DISAGREE WITH HER!!

My favorite comment:

"Its not enough to feed children to Molech to satisfy depraved adult desires. No we must show children what adult desires are like when they are young enough before they are fed to Molech."

Yesssss, it makes them more tender to traumatize them first.

Also her photo scares the bejeezus out of me. Instead of ponies with hateful eyes watching me sleep, I am sure I will now see her in my nightmares.

ETA:
She posted about Watchmen again and the screed is even less comprehensible. One of her commenters calls himself "Uncle Joe McCarthy." D: The Godwins breakage is coming up like kudzu.

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

As seen on clairvoyantwank...


LiveJournal is holding elections for a users' representative on the LJ Advisory Board. Among the candidates are jameth and legomymalfoy. There are other candidates, bugt these two have the most attention. Depending on who you talk to, jameth is a witty, widely read LJ celebrity/troll who kicks people when they're down, and legomymalfoy is a fannish member in good standing of LJ Abuse/Establishment Pig who left her fellow fen out to dry during Strikethrough.

This being LJ-related, there's wank. Sweet Mother of God, is there wank.

It starts with a post from jameth about possible ballot-stuffing and rolls downhill from there. Accusations of jameth's newest campaign icon triggering seizures in epileptics (sorry, no links - the one I saw on metafandom has been locked down). Supporters of both candidates being called trolls (too many threads to link) and accusations of smear campaigns on both sides. The "sleeping giant" of fandom being awakened. Like the dragon!

By Monday, legomymalfoy was in the lead. But that's not enough bookshop, aka Aja. Because jameth is still a menace to LJ! So she encourages people to spam fannish LJ communities to get out the vote.

Not everyone agrees. Comments are deleted. jameth shows up, and Aja freezes the thread.

And what's a fandom popularity conest debate without Godwin's?

ETA: Someone blew their Humanity roll.

As an anonmousey was so kind to write up a complete report at wank_report, I figured I should share this little wank with the rest of fandom_wank. The only thing I have added is fixing the html for the links and anything in bold text past this paragraph.

Gundam 00 is the latest in the Gundam anime franchise. It's tauted as the Post 9/11 Gundam for being realistic about war and being broadcast in Hi Def. Despite ample opportunity for wank-fests in this series so far the Gundam community has been generally civil. Or at least, I thought it was, but apparently our main wank generator here is a repeat offender (at least in the land of stupid_free.)

Yesterday...
News broke out that Bandai will be distributing Gundam 00 in North America.
LJ comm gundam00 breaks the news to its members
And seemingly, things are fine. Not too much ruckus.
Except moderator and owner of the comm, bucue, is already sewing the seeds of ire taking any opportunity he can to mention how much he truly hates dubs. Dubs suck, therefore he will not be investing any money in DVDs for the sub, because that only rewards lousy dubs.

Things don't get interesting until bucue makes a follow up post to the comm stating, once again, how dubs suck and that drama regarding the sub v dub debate will most likely ensue...with some...added incendiary comments. This post is locked.
But the epic fallout, for some reason, is not. (I think you can glean all that you miss from later comments.)
First, witness "rival" lj comm, gundam_00 calling bucue out
As you can gather from that post, bucue accused the gundam_00 mods of spamming his gundam00 comm. And as we find out later, apparently the spam in question may have been yaoi fic related.

Then bucue posts again, in very tl;dr fashion, trying to sort everything out

Like mousey says it's quite tl;dr as bucue gives us all s/h/it's thoughts on yaoifandom. But it does have a nice LOL worthy bit where s/he mentions they had mistaken a friending meme as wank and thus deleted it.

I don't know that there are many lols to be had in his actual post, but the comments once again point to the epic wankery that went down in the span of one night.
Which apparently included things such as deleting posts that weren't really violating the policy, "you guys misunderstand my humor!", banning people...including, from the first comment thread, one of the other moderators...


Oh and look! Godwin's!

Oh yes, a lot of tl;dr here - but the scope that can occur in one night is amazing. It's also amusing to note that the forecast of wank came about with the announcement of licensing, heralding sure fire Dub vs Sub wank...and yet none of the massive wank that occurred from this mod really had anything to do with dub vs sub opinions so much...

ETA: Thanks to sticks I have been pointed to the clairvoyantwank report of this wank which fills in the holes and brings more wank to the yard than the wank_report version of it.

clairvoyantwank version written up by hermisia

( Cut for length. )

ETA 2: Bucue is his ever tactful way has deleted entries and threatened to ban anyone who continues to complain about how he's been running the comm, as can be read in these saved screen shots of the wank, thanks to yosei.

ETA 3: Bucue has been ousted from his comm and has taken up the age old art of trolling under the name of tieriaisafag on various LJ journals using current gundam00 maintainer cerulean88's default icon. As can be seen here and here.

ETA 4: kaiser_chan has given an update including the post he made on the /m/ board at 4chan. 4chan thread is deleted now but deconcentrateat LJ made a cap of the thread.

Also links for screen caps of deleted wank from Bucue before he got booted has been provided by kaiser_chan:

We're not special and he's not babysitting us
he only told lies for our good
but wait, he's been telling the truth all along! He knows not of these lies we speak of!
anon comments are worthless. Nevermind all those examples of good anonymous comments in the past.
"go fuck yourself"

Remember rosiesintherain, who made a self-congratulatory mess on vergil_fangirls? Sure ya do.

She's back! That was fast.

As annataria, the LOL psychology student of last time, comes to dante_fangirls this time to announce an update to her site (FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR EYEBALLS DON'T FUCKING CLICK OH GOD), rosiesintherain dons her crusade armour again and wanks all over the post!

rosiesintherain: I'm trying very hard not to vomit.

Includes yet another verse of "fucking your sibling is sick", accusing writers of (tw)incest of having no life, telling someone repeatedly that their icon is too ugly for her to read their comments, AND bonus Godwin right off the bat!

Such a winner we have here, people. Such a grandiose winner.

Also, pedophiles again.

I can't help but wonder why she insists on staying in the Devil May Cry fandom if incest and twincest physically repulses her so much.

ETA: Remember, ladies and gents! If you are overweight, no opinion or knowledge you could possibly possess is relevant because of your excess weight, as seen here and pretty much all over the comments, since it's now rosiesintherain's new cookie cutter response to all the comments. Okay now I call troll.

ETA 2: rosiesintherain, with elvenpath as faithful sidekick, and annataria go back to vergil_fangirls to reaffirm their mutual fail. Strangely enough, even though rosiesintherain fails the most, it is annataria who's banned. At this point, it's just sad. Thanks to tetsuki for bringing the link to my attention.

In vergil_fangirls, rosiesintherain posts:

I know I'm going to be stomped with flames and insults for asking, but why exactly do people like Dante/Vergil?

It's something I never understood. I understand people appreciating the brotherly (FAMILY) love between them. The fact that they're so different and would definately be willing to kill each other, but they can't bring themselves to completely hate each other. Lady and Arkham had that too. Despite all the horribly things that Arkham had done to both her and others, she was still saddened when she killed him. Same with Dante. Despite what Vergil had done to him and was planning on doing to the world, when he left the human world forever, he was saddened by that too.

I don't find it romantic in the least and I don't understand why people try to make it out to be. I don't think someone can completely hate their family member, and DMC3 decided to play on that. And it's fairly obvious that Dante likes women. He hits on almost all the DMC girls, has naked pictures of women in his office, and totally got a boner the moment he saw Nevan. I don't think he's ever done that around Vergil.

Plus.... they're brothers. That's just sick.

So since there seems to be quite a lot of twincest fans here, I'd like to hear what they have to say. It confuses me when people dislike Dante/Trish because Trish is a clone of his mother, but turn around and say that two brothers fucking is hot.

Just curious.

( YAY WANK! )

ETA: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE GODWIN.

There's been some wanking going on over at Shortpacked! recently. The most recent storyline has had Amber, one of the two main female characters in the strip, talked into going around in her underwear so she'll be so "intimidatingly hot" that one of her coworkers will stop hitting on her. This doesn't work.

The day of that strip, in its newspost on the Shortpacked lj community, an anonymous comes in and asks the strip's creator "Plz plz plz, Willis, don't ruin Amber with [premarital hanky panky] like you trashed Joyce n' Walky. Show some love to us prudes you used to be a friend to. :("

People don't respond well to the idea that characters not staying virgins until marriage makes their relationship trash, but it blows over fairly quickly.

But then, in the next day's new post, Willis brings it up again:

"Don't try to tell me that Joyce is "trashed" because someone put something in her hole down there. You're not going to win me over. You can tell me she may have made the wrong decision for all sorts of rational reasons, but do not try to tell me that she is a worthless human being now. It makes me sick. If the state of a girl's hymen determines how much you care about her, like the flip of a switch, you've got a way worse problems on your hands than whether you slept with somebody or not."

Things are peaceful for awhile, people either agreeing with that section of the post or ignoring it, but then the anonymous comes back. And gets wordy.

Highlights include the mouse equating being a prude in this day and age with either being a German Jew in 1945 or being someone accused of witchcraft during the Salem trials, Willis being "as much a caricature as your strip" because he doesn't just let bygones be bygones about the "trashed" comment after the mouse said it was just hyperbole, and a bunch of people getting pissed off at the mouse trying to make themself out as a victim.

You remember J.K. Rowling is a Pop-Culter Hitler? The author's back with J.K. Rowling is a Pop-Culture Hitler, Part II and moustachioed JKR pictures (plus Hitlers with lighting bolt scars.)

Thanks to J.Molo (aka spawn_of_kong on LJ)on wank_report

You heard right. Here you are. I'm c&ping this under a cut in case the author g-men.us decides to take it down.

( J.K. Rowling is a Pop-Culture Hitler and Thomas Jefferson Wouldn't Have Invited Her To His Christmas Parties )

ETA: OP identifying himself as Keith Ellington posts in comments: "Paragraphs added and Quintus Snape's troll deleted. Laws are made to be broken, including Godwin's. Sorry about Fueherbunker, don't know much about European history because it's all about famous sociopaths like J.K. Rowling."

From a mousey over on wank_report. A few days stale, yet too hilarious to pass up:

mseverchanging, whom you may recall as kakyuu_kou, has decided to apologize for all her previous misdeeds! (I know she's been here before, but am unable to find the link(s) – anyone able to help a wanka out? Previous wanks featuring Ms. Everchanging may be found here, here, and (in the comments) here. Many thanks to mochibuni!)

Things get off to an awesome start within a few paragraphs, with the OP taking Godwin to new heights by comparing herself to . . . well, just read the sentence:

What in gods name can I even begin to say to you to make the things I've said and done in the past even look shy in comparison to Hitler and what he did to the Jewish community?

After providing her mea culpas to twenty people – with promises of more to come! – she opens up the floor to comments.

And oh, how the comments keep on coming.

There is also a graphic of a cat-tank, I'm not sure what to think of that.

As bonus wank, iamthecosplayer makes a post about the whole thing here, and a lot of "Plz be defriending me kthx" wankery spawns in the comments.

ETA: Oh noes!!! iamthecosplayer has been suspended.

ETA Strikes Back, courtesy sailorjpg: When avian_firefly refers to the OP's otherkin activities here, she is apparently referencing this weird shit. Not part of the wank at hand, per se, but too awesome to pass up.

Revenge of the ETA, again courtesy sailorjpg: Unscreen My Comments, Bitch, the smash hit Broadway musical. With complimentary screencaps!

Or is he just a paranoid psycho?

Background: For more than a year now, fpb has been alleging that the Fiction Alley mods, daughters of bitches as he once deigned to call them on his journal, are out to get him. A saner person might have let it go by now, but not him.

Fanficrants is at it yet again. You'd think with a name like "fanficrants", people would get used to the idea that it's a comm for snarking at bad fanfiction , and being generally bitchy and disagreeable. But apparently, chaos_r is a little slow on the draw:

ZOMG STP R4NT!N N TEH R4NT COMM! UR MEEN 2 TEH CHYLDRUN DAT RITE FANFIK! ITZ JEST 4 FUUUUUUUUUUN!

Invokes Godwin's law, among others. Because ranting about fanfiction is so totally WWII.

Enjoy!

It's Godwin's law going into it! Babywank, as of yet, but there is potential here for some glorious spooge.

Deleterius has a new icon, and the denizens aren't happy.

Being called canon nazis is one thing, but adopting an image to say so? There's a line there, apparently, and it's been crossed.

Knowing Tviokh, the fact that the icon pisses people off is only impetus to keep that bastard up there for as long as humanly possible.

ETA: Someone backs up the talk and walks, and the wank continues there.

Further ETA, as my attention was called to it: Here endeth the wank...?

Today's FoxTrot is the latest in a continuing storyline about Roger visiting the North Pole on the Polar Express after drinking bad eggnog.

The latest strip refers to the fact that it's too pricey for Santa to employ elves, so he's had to outsource the jobs to the Chinese. weekoldsushi takes offense as s/he is Chinese.

Wank ensues. There are arguments about the Chinese economy, and xellchiri manages to work in a Homestar Runner reference in there.

It doesn't take long before Hitler shows up, courtesy of the OP, and Godwin's Law is invoked.

And the 'best comment award' goes to this post.

But wait, there's more on page 2! littlemiss_pms brings up racism, and is shocked, SHOCKED by the whole thing. And mrs_peabody ties it all together by bringing in some election wank.

Enjoy!

/happy holidays to all!

RattleRain crossposts an anti-Lion King rant to several groups, including rec.arts.disney.animation.

( It's insulting to peasants, whites, and - worst of all - HYENAS! )

Some of the veteran members have a history with this troll and mock him, and someone else pops in to give us a link to history of this troll, better known as Gaza, since about 1997 as well as his MO, as a warning. (Usenet takes trolling really seriously!)

"Gaza" comes back and violates Godwin's:

I don't mind lions being shown as lords of the jungle(or savannah). But, other animals happily greeting the birth of a lion cub? That's like watching black slaves welcome the birth of a massa or Jews celebrating the birth of one of Goerring's kids.

And, of course, a few people take the guy seriously:

"Gaza, it's a fucking DISNEY movie, you dolt. Does this have any significance to you?"

Samantha finally decides she's had it, telling the troll (now back under a foreign name, just like in the MO) to GET OVER IT! IT'S JUST A MOVIE!!!1 Pot, kettle.

"THE HYENA IS NOBODY'S BOOBOO!"

The troll's response after being told to fuck off. (I must icon this...)

'Tis but a small wank, but it's still going on...

EDIT: Links should be fixed now.

I think I found the motherload of wank and idiocy, aka The yahoo movie boards. There isn't a Kate Bosworth thread out there that doesn't eventually devolve into teenies calling for Orlando to 'dump the anorexic skank' and date meeeeeeee!

But for scary proof that anyone can get online these days I bring The LotR board. Keep in mind that this board's second message claimed there will be a LotR 4: Revenge of the Ring. Not everyone got that it was a joke.

The board is pretty wanky anyway, but goes completely OT when someone wonders how Orcs reproduce, or *something* Someone else, *cough*sockpuppet*cough*, jumps in to ask if Adam and Eve had belly buttons. This spawns a flame war that manages to touch upon Creationism, Hitler, Freemasons, with enough idiotic detours to make Clark Griswold happy and is hilarious to anyone who actually took a science class outside of Alabama.

( Fairly Long )