c/p'd from Mousie's hard work:

Emma Watson is guest editing a British magazine that comes out on Thursday.

In it, supposedly JK Rowling shares her regret for making a certain pairing canon over another one.

Nowadays she admits she got it wrong - she should have shipped Harry / Hermione.

( You can see where this is going )
The actual article is slated to come out on Thursday. Prepare yourselves for the Second Coming...

Moved from clairvoyantwank.

Please note that there are minor spoilers for HP7 Part 1 in the links below. This would be the start of the Harmonian fapping from That Scene we've all been talking about and waiting for in the past few weeks.

Silly wankas, you thought Harmony was over.

( DELUSIONS, DELUSIONS! )

MTV wants to know if the Good Ship Pumpkin Pie can still sail.

There are screams of "THIS. IS. NOT. TWILIGHT." and "DELUSIONAL" from R/Hr shippers to every Harmony comment. Comments are also being rapidly deleted by the MTV website as shippers start flagging each other over fictional OTPs. There were some hilarious R/Hr comments and comments from the supposed "sane middle ground" (Martin and Jordan) that were bahleeted before I could c&p. :(

( HERMIONE AND RON FOREVER AND EVER! )

This is the wank that never ends...yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people started shipping it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue shipping it forever just because...

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Pretty much all taken straight from wank_report and clairvoyantwank, because I'm not brave enough to wade through the storm of crazy.

So as the Internet knows by now, Dumbledore is gay.

Some people are elated. Others -- not so much.

ONTD is, as ever, a hive of wank and villainy.

And as always, FAP lives up to its name.

At westeros.org, the issue of interview canon is raised.

LJ seems mostly elated, although there are a few gems: Not that I have anything against gays, but DUMBLEDORE?, JKR is a huge whore! and JKR is a cunt! ETA: Also Dumbledore is the good kind of gay. The dead kind. And queer_rage is even more vitriolic, calling her a hypocritical piece of privileged fucking shit. (Apparently, JKR was never a welfare mom.) On the other side of the argument, how could I forget about antiyaoi? You know, I'm starting to think I might have been wrong about LJ being elated.

Leaky Cauldron, HPANA, and MuggleNet have their fair share of "EWW!" and "She should have done it IN THE BOOKS!" in the comments. (Feel free to hunt for gems. My eyes start to glaze over when I try.)

Things really get interesting on Sword of Gryffindor, where Travis Prinzi rightly fears what the "anti-Potter culture war Christians" will make of this. RC and Richard Abanes seem happy enough to commence with the Rowling-bashing.

The post will be updated as The Crazy spreads.

(The title for this post, by the way, is Cleolinda's someone else's doing, not mine, lest everyone think I'm more clever than I actually am.)

ETA: "JKR is a huge whore" is gone. Does anyone have screencaps? Also, there are Harmonians. There are always Harmonians.

ETA II: Usenet: Wanking It Old-Skool! Ah, it warms the cockles of my shriveled heart. Laura Mallory is a nutter, but that's not exactly news anymore.

March 21st is Harmony Day in Australia, a day to promote interethnic and interracial cooperation and fellow feeling.

This is mentioned on Portkey:

OMG!!! We harmonians get our own holiday? ...Racism? What's that?

There's a vague tip of the hat or two to the actual concept of the holiday, but it's quickly drowned in "OMG I don't have anything orange!" and similar idiocies.

A few weeks ago, someone tried to post personal information on a Fandom Wank entry. The post was reported to the mods, who then deleted it, and banned the offender.

Apparently, Vanceone, internet lawyer extraordinaire, has been brooding on it ever since. On coming upon a thread where R/Hr and H/G shippers are complaining about Harmonian arguments that JKR really is shipping H/Hr, he launches into a rant about how Harmonians are now being stalked and no one cares.

Of course, since name calling is in vogue here, I guess no one will be offended if I say you have an unbelievable double standard, since I have yet to see any condemnation of THOSE theories. Oh, or any outrage at the very recent (within the past week) attempt by a well known OBHWF shipper to start a harassment campaign against a Harmonian webmaster by posting his personal contact info and encouraging harassing phone calls and letters. I can just imagine what would have happened had I posted, say, Angua's home address and phone number and encouraged people to harass her....

I'll be charitable and hope that you didn't know about that, and don't condone it. It's pretty sad that now prominent Harmonians are having to take steps to protect themselves in RL.

That's only the beginning. Accusations of a cover-up follow.

ETA: Waltraute points out that he's also wanking here, insisting the FW mods did nothing, even though they banned the offender.

ETA2: Vanceone shows up here to tell us more of his side of the story.</a>

ETA3: Vance apologizes for overreacting. Kudos to him. That takes real guts.

Finished HBP. I Need Some Serious Love. . ., Just can't believe JK., a thread on Portkey, started by one Veronica.

" Hi guys. I'm a newbie and I'm pissed, depressed, embarrassed, disgusted, betrayed, angry, dumbfounded, and every other negative emotion that exists. I JUST finished reading HBP last night (I'd been punished for the last year and got my priveledges back a week ago--don't ask for the reason) and I can't even BELIEVE this is real. I actually had to CHECK the cover and publishers and author to make sure I had the right thing in my hands. I've never been so let down. I was more depressed than when my dog I'd had since I was born died."

This mid-February post is Veronica's first and last post ever on Portkey. She couldn't be more obviously a troll if she was carrying a club and hanging out under a bridge. I can't say she has too much time on her hands, as this seems to be the least-amount-of-input-for-maximum-reaction style of trolling.

( How NOT to deal with a Troll )

( Harmony is the Word: JKR's Shoutout to Harmonians )

( JKR shot my dog! )

( Enter Disharmony )

( Harry Potter is sort of like the USA, but you can leave )

From HermionePotter.net's Sidebar Chat:

LawOfJude
Caina, maybe you can interview JK, that way Harmony Shippers can have representation and a way of defeding ouselves!

LawOfJude
We we're given no way to refute what Emerson was saying about us. She doesn't kow us and has never tried! She needs to talk to Harmony Shippers...

Caina
Me? Interview JK Rowling? I'd love to.

Caina
I could have the queen Heron herself tell me that I and thousands of other readers

Caina
though still highly valued, to be sure, just got it all wrong. That we have no base whatsoever for seeing the H/Hr ship in her books

Caina
And that we need to re-read because obviously we have poor reading comprehension skills.

Phoenix
*snort* I agree with you there, Caina. That's probably all she'd say. Oh well, I don't care. I'm still sailing!

LawOfJude
Caina, you crack me up! A bunch of H/Hr Shippers on HPANA are trying to figure out someone who represents Harmony that could interview JK.

LawOfJude
Your name has come up several times and people are frustrated that JK has yet to interview someone who avidly supports H/Hr.

Caina
Really? I had no idea my name had come up on HPANA.

Caina
For those purposes, I mean. That's very flattering.

See also This gigantic tl;dr from Caina

...Something's afoot here....


ETA: ...She's already starting collecting questions for the interview...

ETA2:

"You don't have to agree with me to be a member of HrP.Net, but you will need to be respectful, and follow the site rules. Members who are approved, and then come to respectfully rebuttal posts will soon find the door locked next time they come back."

...Well, good to know she respects other opinions.

Gacked from a mouse on Wank Report. What happens when R/Hr shippers and H/G shippers fight?"

A short but amazingly passive-agressive wank. People are "offended" that H/G is left off Author-By-Night's list of canon pairings. My favourite line comes from rhrsoulmates: Thank you author_by_night for at least admitting you weren't doing it against H/G shippers because we see too much of that around the fandom.

And here I thought it was the Harmonians being persecuted.

ETA: Some mice didn't think this was wanky enough for their tastes so they brought their own wank. Here and Here, most of it, and it's being discussed on wankitywank here. Have fun.

Damn, harryandmione63. Just damn.

( Read more... )

First off you say it's totally gay that people disagree with you. That's cool, that's fine, you say that as though it's now enticing to disagree with you, because if one of the perks I get is to be gay then fuck me down: that's a mighty fine offer.

But now Ron/Luna represents classism and 'raceism'?

Well, to your credit, you did spell racism correctly this time.

I love you, I really do. You're like this bountiful provider of wank, like mother nature and vaseline. You invite us all to frolick in your meadows of splooge and to walk among you in the serene fields of wadded tissues.

Can I keep you? For plz? I would feed you carrots and a fresh bowl of water every day and I would ensure that your cage is always lined with tissues clean hay. Of course, you might have to witness my partner abusing me, because I am a lowly R/Hr fan who cannot pick a good man if I tried, but I will try to be a good owner.



eta: Oh, and she would be totally forgetful if she didn't remind us of her new anti-FW community. And she did. Which is lucky, because I would have forgotten, because she hasn't linked it to a million different places yet.

(copied links courtesy of ashenmote

HMS Harmony is open to the public again! And gleefully breaking Godwin's Law, among other things.

Little Illy starts up a thread to ask about the origin of the ship name 'Heron' and it's discovered that there are actually R/Hers who call themselves Herons, God help us.

( Highlights of ship names argument )

( And then the climax: R/Hr shippers are socialists and Mugglenet is a Nazi website )

ETA: Is it just me or have they locked the place down again?

Sometimes, the foes of fandom_wank complain that we're partisan about very important issues like GM foods, women's right to choice and Harry Potter shipping. I would like to hope that this entry proves them WRONG!!!!!

What else could it be? Harmonian v. Orange Crush shipping wank. What a wonderful world we live in.

Spilled Ink went and posted a H/G essay over at the LJ comm harry_and_ginny, the gist of which can be summed up in this quote:

For starters, let's talk Harry and Hermione. Oh, how those two names together with a little "/" between them makes my skin crawl.

And it all goes downhill from there. Some highlights: ( Read more... )

The now infamous Emerson Spartz of Mugglenet and Melissa Anelli of the Leaky Cauldron were at the NYC premiere of the Goblet of Fire movie. They did a podcast from there, hung out with Dan Radcliffe, and Emerson apparently called an H/Hr shipper delusional. I haven't listened to it, but the part with the shippers has been transcribed here by shallow_kid and some may find that wanky enough.

But to make things funner, phoenixwriter writes about how much she hated the podcast and others chime in/show up to tell her off.

Emerson is compared to those mean girls guys in high school, comments are made about how unmasculine his voice sounds, fans accuse each other of not having lives, and the whole delusional thing is hashed out. Again.

NM

ETA. For more premiere fallout, check out the Dan/Emma shippers at Danemma.

cheesecake_van: I swear if they don't start snogging and stop denying their relationship soon, I'm gonna go find them and lock them in a room together??? I dunno, but something...yea. Heck, why not, I'm going to england on friday.

darynthe decides to show Fandom Wank who rules on the lj comm. hmsgetalife. Please, please stop it. She shows her complete unawareness of FW history by saying that 900 comments on the last Harmonian thread must be a record. Someone needs to tell her about Crystalwank.

Then she pastes in lyrics to a song called 'Get a Life' for the benefit of FW members.

All sorts of hilarity in the comments including "We are trying to get you to stop the hatred and bad natured stupidity of sites such as FW.", a parable about Buddhist monks, and an alleged quote from the late John Paul II: "Even stupidity is a gift of God, but you should know how to use it." which I judge to be about as authentic as Karl Marx yelling "CAPITALISM ROCKS!"

I've been lurking around watching this wank unfold for a while, but if I get any of the rather numerous details wrong, feel free to correct me. It's long but it has so many wonderful features that I couldn't *not* wank it.

( Starring the HMS Harmony, HMS STFU, HMS GET A LIFE, Hermionepotter.net, LJ Abuse Team, all the usual suspects, copyright infringement, trolling, and One Very Pissed Off Internet Lawyer )

You know, I really did vow not to bring up anymore HP shipping wank. I feel for those who are getting bored/nauseated. So just don't click on the cut tag.

( Ted Turner controls JKR, Emerson, and Melissa )

ETA - The poor mods at Portkey take down the insane conspiracy theories, for which I think they should get props, but it means that stuff's only available here.

What? You thought the HBP shipping wank was over? Are you kidding?

The SF Chronicle runs an article on the shipping fallout of HBP, which interviews Mugglenet's Emerson, The Leaky Cauldron's Melissa, and H/Hr fic writer Alison. Posters on Portkey feel slighted. (The HBP forum's passworded to prevent people from accidentally stumbling on spoilers, but anyone who takes a minute to register can see the posts.)

The thread begins with some non-wanky responses about how this does/does-not make H/Hr shippers look bad in the media. But there's wank. Of course.

( Highlights )

( And if the highlights are tl;dr for you, you can skip to the climax of the thread: Emerson of Mugglenet and his Harmonian Slaves )

Edited to Add( More about slavery. Plus the Salem Witch Trials )

ETA 2: I've just been informed that Emerson has updated his Wall of Shame with some of the quotes from this Wank, and has featured ahiru's Civil War icon. Check it all out here. (Scroll to the bottom of the page).

Friends, are you tired of digging through comment threads to find links to the gnashing and wailing of despairing shippers?

Dig no more!

holy god, HP fandom is fucking insane!

Innermurk's HBP reaction

Homophobia made her do it!

The obligatory Dido reference (Yes, yes, dear, go down with your ship -- make sure to use a weighted lifejacket.)

Apparently I Was Wrong

OMG BLAISE IS BLACK!

Dear Mrs. Rowling: YOU SUCK!

WARNING: DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU'RE NOT HYSTERICAL!

Atanielle's triple threat . (Now with religious sneering!)

ZOMG I had to wait an extra minute for my book!

The Funeral of OBHWF

Someone on remusxsirius needs a serious reality-check.

Half-Blood Prince -- A Run Down

WE ARE FINALLY CANON! (A nice change of pace.)

HBP_WTF. 'Nuff said. Now with icons!</i>

Tonks is just (bleeping bleep) of a beard

Someone's complaining about spoilers STILL?

The letter-writing campaign begins! YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

A Picture Message for JKR For some reason, I'm reminded of Brenda Starr.

Homophobia Made Her Do It! Volume II

Even the political communities are getting in on it

Spoilers make you a bad RPGer!

Fictionalley Park's shipping thread joins the party

Mock, and wtf_inc mocks with you! (Not wanky, but funny!)

Whiny fangirls prove they are twelve years old at heart

More protest art The last is soooo classy.

Are you sure you want a fandom, CC?

I don't think they put faces on milk cartons in the UK, liebchen...

Kenboy provides a sense of perspective Too bad he can't bottle it; it's desperately needed.

I have the right to be offended because I can't comprehend the original post! Metaquotes + huffy H/Hr shipper = wank!

Gordon Lightfoot Kills Harry Potter A filking tribute to the 'shipping wars. It came from MP3!

The Weasley Twins: Threat or Menace?

But it's different (really!) when you're making fun of MY ship!

She did it on PURPOSE! JKR supposedly targets H/Hr shippers and the SugarQuill archive.

More whiny protest art. (Locked. So much for never surrendering!)

OMG! JKR'S SO MEEAN!

The wank turns meta!

Another call for perspective Again, if madlorivoldemort could bottle this, she'd be debt-free in hours.

Wow. Someone's got entitlement issues.

And someone else didn't listen to JKR's thoughts on Snape, either.

Witherwings. Because we love proving Emerson right.

Suggestion: visit the library more often.

Reality check, Aisle Nine! (And bring a mop) </ href>

Projection, much?

Some people have a problem with reading comprehension...still.

Sigh. Kids, if you're trying to prove you're sane, "canonrape" isn't the way to do it, 'kay?"

Grow the hell up, gang! Because people are still being stupid.

Everytime you post with a H/G icon, the terrorists win! See what I mean?


Would anyone blame her? Not wanky, but funny.

Ginny bad, Draco good!

Looking for R/S wank? We got yer R/S wank right here! (Friendslocked. I guess they want to go down with their ship the way the Puppies would have wanted, with a little dignity. Or something.

ETA: Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the fandom....

The Mugglenet Wall of Shame, 'shippers edition

Angua9 posts a long, somewhat smug essay about how "RON/HERMIONE IS SO CANON SO THERE!!!!!" She gets mostly positive responses until the link is passed around and the Harry/Hermione shippers get wind. (I have to admit that I did comment a few times myself, but I'm not a shipper, and I was kind of wanting to debate literary theory, and no one would talk to me. :/ I don't think my mere presence on the thread indicates that it should be an i_wank.)

( Some highlights from the essay itself )

The essay, in the realm of Shipper support essays, is only moderately wanky. But the comments are gold.

( Read more... )

*takes deep breath*

Discuss.

Edited for clarity in the links. That's what I get for forgetting to preview. Bah.

ETA2: I think I ought to take this to i_wank now. I let myself be drawn into a discussion that has gotten way too aggressive, and am kind of bewildered at the result. Yay.

From the HP fandom, I present wank consisting of both FAP and the ship wars. Oh, how they do cater to us.

Falcon, long time debater for the Harry/Hermione shippers on the ship debate, and complete and utter fucktard, recently made his grand entrance on LJ.

Warning: These posts will definitely contain excessive use of the word "Y'all".

As you do, he starts a few days in by proclaiming R/Hr's ain't too bright.

But the real drama starts later with the proclamation that "When I finally get back on FAP...They thought I was bad before, when I get back the kid gloves come off and no more Mr. Nice-Guy. I'm gonna put a disclaimer at the top of all my posts. "READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. IF YOU READ THIS AND TAKE OFFENSE TO SOMETHING I SAY...TOUGH!"

It goes from there...

Moments to remember:

He tells FAP mod ErinMiran to start "doing her damn job." Heidi, FA bigwigthing, has her say. Another FAP mod, Nancy, tells Falcon "Face it, boy, you don't know how to play nice with others."
Obviously, such comments cannot go unanswered, and Falcon replies with a memorable reply filled with comments such as "Well now, Lady, I don't recall giving you a link to this LJ, so you must be huntin' me for a fight", "And Darlin', last I checked, I was allowed to vent in my LJ" & 'Honey, I've given evidence to just about everything I've ever posted."

As to that last claim... well, as he might say, the proof is in the pudding.

and the last word? "Wow, damn I'm popular all of a sudden."