midnight_charm just can't stop wanking. She apparently figured her convoluted theories were too much for poor LiveJournal to handle, and she moved to a brand new blog.

But first, she left this gem at her journal:

( You have been the victim of a mind control experiment. Alan Ball is actually that chick from V )


So, now with the blog. ( The characters have multiple personality disorders. True Blood really is fucked up, man :O )

BONUS: You also can't miss Bill fans are like rabid Bush or Ann Coulter supporters.

ETA: The crazy takes a whole new level with Sookie is USA and Eric is Jesus (thanks to mariem_1 for the find!)

ETA II: Hey guys, it's me again. This is from the About page of her blog:

While I adore reading and contemplating film theory and criticism I am far from a qualified expert in the field. My admittedly amateur forte is and has been for some time in the area of conspiracy research- sussing out propaganda and official lies with it’s attendant psyops and mind control techniques which are practiced on the unsuspecting population through the corporate controlled medium of television. I QUESTION EVERYTHING I am told and I diligently apply this motto to my analysis of True Blood. My rigorous intuition tells me Alan Ball is well versed in conspiracy lore and is using it to the hilt to tell the story of True Blood.

“The media’s the most powerful entity on earth. They have the power to make the innocent guilty and to make the guilty innocent, and that’s power. Because they control the minds of the masses.”
-Malcolm X

So there's this video about Bleach voice actors who were at Kawaii-Kon, an anime convention hosted in Hawaii, where they were questioned about possible romantic preferences for the young man they provide voices for. Johnny Yong Bosch (JYB) is the voice behind Kurosaki Ichigo for the English dub, while Morita Masakazu (MM) is the Japanese seiyū for the dashing hero. No, he's not really dashing. More like cranky.

the toobs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQfkhEK04jE

Then someone dared to ask the million-dollar question: do they prefer RUKIA or ORIHIME for Ichigo?

In summation, JYB & MM both said "Orihime." So there!
( OH. HELL. NO. Voice actors aren't allowed opinions! )
( But this series isn't about ROMANCE!!! )

Bonus references to Avatar: the Last Airbender wank here.

This has been a busy, busy week for Bleach fandom! I have some caps, but tinypic keeps re-sizing the images.

Finally, a friendly reminder to my fellow wankas: don't feed the trolls.

:throws cheese to mousey for collecting links:

( Aww, ETA's for breakfast? You're too kind! )
( We have contact! )

Edit 3: Fandom Wank's name was dropped like it's hott. jaseroque got a special mention for the translation.

Edit 4:( The wank levels up! Or uh... Bankai. )

First True Blood wank!! *is excited*

Here I present you: midnight_charm's crazy shipping theories.


( Bill Compton, the Lord of the Rings )

( YOU ALL HAVE BEEN FOOLED. This is what REALLY happened at the beginning of episode 9 )

ETA: I added some more explanations for our non-True Blood fans :). My additions to the quotes are in [].

Snapedom issued a new challenge - Bullies and Fathers. This topic was suggested by mary_j_59. She wrote:

What convinces so many people that Snape is a bully by nature, and abusive? And why do people like me - who can see that he actually does bully, and is even abusive on a couple of occasions - insist that, nevertheless, Severus is far more victim than perpetrator, and is neither habitually abusive, nor an habitual bully?

That seems to be the real gulf between the Snape lovers and the Snape haters, and it's a sore point.

And it actually goes along with Snape as a father. I'm sure that those who see Snape as bully would insist that Snape would be an abusive father, whereas I and others see him as struggling to break the chain of abuse -and succeeding. Again, Rowling would like us to see Harry this way, but she never shows us Harry holding back, being sorry, reconsidering his actions - all of which she actually does show us in Severus. So I can't buy the "happy family/Harry as good father" picture she tries to sell us in the epilogue. I can, on the other hand, see Snape as a good father, perhaps most of all because he does have a conscience (however rudimentary - this sets him apart from just about everyone in the Wizarding World) and is not afraid to discipline the children in his care.

sylvanawood added:

I would like to extend this topic to other fathers in the wizarding world. How about James? We know he was a bully, we are being told he was a good father. How do you see it?

How about Remus Lupin who ran away from his responsibility but later totally fell in love with his son?

And Arthur Weasley who is presented as the model father? Some call him hen-pecked, some Molly's eightst child. He certainly seems like the anti-bully. What do you think?

How about Lucius Malfoy? Would Sirius have been a good father or would he have lost interest when the child didn't turn out the way he wanted? Can you think of others?

Snapefen proceeded to answer that Snape was never a bully, that Lucius was a good father and that Arthur, Remus and Harry were bad fathers. pearlette and night_train_fm tried to disagree with that and were told that James and Lily would've abused Dudley, that Dumbledore wanted Harry to be abused by the Dursleys and sent Hagrid to Harry in order to make Harry emotionally dependent on Dumbledore, that the Wesleys are Gryffindor propagandists who forget nothing and learn nothing, that Albus Severus probably thinks that his father hates him because his relatives constantly diss Snape, that Draco is watching out at the Ministry, keeping Hermione's self-righteousness in check (and even JKR doesn't know about that). Never change, Snapefen!

ETA: marionros graced this wank with her loony presence.

ETA 2: sylvanawood thinks we all are stupid and lazy:

Discussing old topics again after a while will often give new ideas, so banning that or rolling your eyes over it is just as silly. We're not one of those communities who are too stupid and lazy to come up with their own stuff and thus find nothing better to do than to mock what others do, after all.

First attempt at posting, although I've been barracking from the sidelines for about a millennium now ...

astolat posts A Matter Of Inconvenience, which is American Idol slashfic (Kris/Adam) with a 'Regency' setting. At least, that's the general idea, and harmless enough you would have thought - assuming that AI AU RPS is your thing. (Alphabet soup!)

zvi, however, takes exception. Amongst other objections, A Matter of Inconvenience is not about race, thoughtlessly invokes colonial issues, and just doesn't put up any warning flags for those who are about to read it. Also, apparently, this is a thing Astolat fucked up. Everybody, please to endeavor not to fuck up like that with your next happy fun sexytimes historical.

What starts off as moderately polite discussion about historicity in slash fanfiction is, however, quickly derailed by willow who offers the following reasoned evaluation: In the middle of the cuppa tea, the empire waist dresses and the ass-sex of your AU Regency - please to be remembering the hydra heads of colonialism and imperialism and what that means for and about your whitey white penis salt lick fan thought of the moment.

liviapenn tries to calm things down a bit with some entertaining stuff about plumbers and blow jobs but this only serves to upset willow further. Why is it that everytime I see you lately, you're happily shoving your foot into your mouth via your hindquarters? ... You keep claiming to understand your privilege and say you're reflecting on it and then you start chomping that feces encrusted shoe leather again. willow's User Info states "'M brown and I have an attitude." No kidding.

astolat's attempt to explain herself gets stomped on, and the desirability of historical accuracy in a Kris/Adam Regency alternate universe is lathered, rinsed and repeated for those who missed it the first time.

Small, but strangely vitriolic given the subject matter. It's difficult to imagine why people are getting quite so over-excited about one piece of costumed fluff in a universe of lesbian cars and tentacle porn, but it may keep us entertained while we're waiting for next incarnation of VB.

ETA: Okay, I get the message, I got it wrong - or maybe I just don't have a sense of humour? Either way, it was obviously a bad call. Lesson learned.

There once was an archive for Yuletide
and when it died every other fool cried
stop thief
in erroneous belief
that their fics were about to go worldwide

( background )

( the set up )

( coda )

OH ETA: melodyclark is here to show us all that even older women like to wank like horny thirteen year olds, but if she doesn't give it a rest I'm worried she's going to go blind, develop hairy palms, AND come down with a raging case of carpal tunnel syndrome.

thanks to inquisition for the heads up.

eta 3.1415 The abyss is looking into us... and it's fucking stupid. :D

bonus lulz: tzikeh point out to me that melodyclark tried to edit her fanlore page.

( text for anyone who can't or doesn't want to load fanlore )

Lost in the comments of the last post, julian_black tells us that idiomagic has spit out the kool-aid.

The evil twin is yesterday's news, people. Now there's an UNDEAD SHAMAN-WIZARD.

Yeah, I'll repeat that: UNDEAD SHAMAN-WIZARD.

I don't even know. Does it top channeling fictional hobbits? You decide.



ETA: HOLD THE PHONE: UNDEAD SHAMAN-WIZARD EMAILS HERE! All personal info redacted, of course. Thanks bacon_lover!

Also, idiomagic would like us to know that She never drank the kool-aid. She was *cue dramatic music* THE MOLE!

I dunno, there's a reason Deep Throat's identity was never revealed...





Reminder: please use male pronouns when referring to VB/thanfiction, and leave the transfail in the other post, thanks.

Meet Lironess, a person of such stunning perfection that she feels confident, nay obliged, to point out the shortcomings of others. Constantly.

When she's not diagnosing diseases over the internet, she's apparently advocating approaching strangers at cons with skin diseases to ask them:

"OMG What the hell is wrong with your skin?"

Yeah, not even kidding*.

Unfortunately no one told betnoir that icky diseased people exist solely as teaching moments for the beautiful people, and that she better learn to live with it or else spend the rest of her life in misery. Luckily for her then, that lironess is here to explain it to her.

The spat lands in sf_drama, where lironess baleeted her most offensive comments (though considering what's left - just WOW) and apparently whole threads if bizarro goodness like handing out condoms to furries, and horse sex, and her inability to spell freak. she then demonstrates her utter lack of getting teh internets, as well as proving that there really isn't a maximum fail quota per post.

After calling like, everyone, a coward or accusing them of hiding (for commenting in an unlocked post in a very public community? huh?) lironess prepares her flounce by calling betnoir (and everyone else) out. As in, *cue scareh music* she can FIND people:

"It has been fun to watch you all hide on a community and make your statements thinking I would not see and reply. However, I can find all of you, any where."

betnoir names a place and time.

but yanno, it's waaaay to far, plus it'd be a hassle and betnoir's fucking parents would sue and it would be a big mess and lironess doesn't care enough to bother. Or something.



*I debated if this should be in UNF because disability!fail = so fucking unfunny, plus there's bonus!fail on both sides, but for sheer overwhelming WTF wankiness I think it belongs here.

Background: Ubuntu is a distribution of Linux. Think of it as a version of Linux like you have Windows XP, Vista, Me, 95, etc. Some people created Ubuntun Christian Edition, which annoyed some members of the Ubuntu community who didn't see why a special religious-based distribution was needed but it was mostly a polite argument. Then, in retaliation, Ubuntu Satanic Edition was created.

Cue wank.

Not from the Christians, though! The wank was all provided by a Satanist called HHS and another Satanist who called himself 'friend of HHS', both of whom popped up in the comments box and kept a running argument going with several different people until he randomly disppeared.

Most of it is under the cut, because it's long and takes place over years, but here are a few highlights to whet your appetite, both from him and people who were arguing with him.

HHS starts off with saying "This is very insulting to my religion. I really don’t think you should misuse the Lord’s name like that.

Richard M. Stallman, who is responsible for GNU and Linux, is a jewish psychopath who does not deserve to come near Hell. We do not want to be associated with him or anything made by this communist who never bathes and eats his own hair."

People get confused and think he's a Christian who's objecting to Linux SE. Cue HHS exploding and warning them "It’s very unclever to go against the Lord and dishonour Him and His people. When you die and meet Satan, just try calling Him “jesus boy” too and you’ll know what I’m talking about. I assume that you two are Jews because they call everyone Christian who aren’t Jews or Muslims."

( All hail LINUX -- I mean, Satan/Cthulhu/Flying Spaghetti Monster/God/Allah/[insert deity or pantheon of choice here!] )

snatched from wank_report

"Someone" posts a secret (#114 now bahleeted--caps?) on fandomsecrets and the image is stored on her easily identifiable photobucket account. She claims to be lonely and not have any friends and she wishes the Avatar characters were her RL friends. But she means local friends, not imaginary intarweb bitches her LJ friends.

Responses are mostly of the "Oh, snap!" variety except for the "What am I? Chopped liver?" one. It's really a very mild response though yukinoomoni is outed by name.

( She doesn't overreact at all: )

eta: F_W is not your therapist. If you can't lol at a wank maybe you need to go for a walk. I thought this was funny. lol sociopath.

Inglourious Basterds is the latest Quentin Tarantino movie. Oh No They Didn't, is a gossip site based on LJ that is big enough it's actually taken LJ severs out more than once all on its lonesome (I think the last time was when Michael Jackson died, but don't quote me). Eli Roth is the guy who plays Donny "The Bear Jew" Donowitz in Inglourious Basterds (he also wrote/directed Cabin Fever and Hostel and its apparently awful sequel. That guy).

It all started when Eli Roth discovered the Inglourious Basterds Kink Meme.

Surprisingly, not via a fangirl breaking the sacred rule of Though Shalt Not Force Porn On The People In It AFAIK, but all on his lonesome. He was pretty much amused and also decided to show it to and discuss it with Quentin Tarantino (who apparently agreed with him the Donny would be a top), and also Christoph Waltz (who played Landa in IB) and apparently his parents, because he's that kind of classy. This garnered many facepalms from fangirls in places like 100_scalps, but shockingly, very little wank.

This resulted in a lot of twittering porn at him and his discovery of ONTD. He made a I <3 ONTD sign. Something a fair few celebs have done in the past.

After that it kind of got out of control, progressing from ONTD changing his Wiki page to say he was their Official Boyfriend to him twittering he would think about all of ONTD when he jerked off the night, then posting a picture of a very used looking tissue, then to a very candid interview with questions from a lot of people at ONTD*, to-- and here's where the wank really started, pun utterly and completely intended-- having cyber sex with various ONTD'ers on his MySpace. The Eli Roth tag on ONTD contains basically every screen cap and citation, so I'm not linking to everything individually. Scroll on down.

Then it came out that some of said cyber sexin' ONTD'ers sent him pictures of their boobs.

ONTD proceeds to have a 5000 comment long flamewar consisting of the brilliant arguments (paraphrased, but I assure you all quite accurate as you will see if you click this link): YOU'RE SLUTS. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE.

I think, in conclusion, I would like to say that despite what you may think of Mr. Roth, he certainly knows how to make a girl laugh.

*This is the only thing that is locked, however, you only have to join ONTD to see it. It's... worth it.

[ETA]: Omar Doom answered a similar fangirl written survey for ONTD, said he wouldn't be at all opposed to seeing some fangirl boobs, and the wank goes ever on and on in the comments.

A Slytherfan terri_testing writes an essay The Wizarding World and the Otherworld, where she argues that Harry Potter books are horror, not fantasy and that Hogwarts is like the school where the Native American children were brainwashed:

( Read more )

The essay provokes a chorus of "I agree"s and complaints about JKR's treatment of Snape:

mary_j_59 (see "Good night, sweet prince, And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!")

This is brilliant, Terri! And absolutely consistent. You know, my sister and I went to hear Rowling, Irving and King in NYC, and we both liked John Irving (reading from Owen Meany) best. Now the reason is clear. Rowling is actually a horror writer, like King, and I do not like horror. Still less do I like horror disguised as a children's fantasy quest. Irving, on the other hand, was writing in the great tradition of picaresque novels - a tragicomedy with a moral core.

But what I still wonder is: did (and does) Rowling know that she has actually written a dystopion/horror story? Somehow I don't think she realizes this.

condwiramurs/00sevvie

I second the 'brilliant' comment. And I highly doubt Rowling is aware of what she has actually written. She is too utterly blind to the reasons we like Severus, for example, to have any clue that she may have written something different from what her perfect picture of her work in her head is. I'm sure she thinks we're just getting it 'wrong.'

oryx_leucoryx (see Cry the Beloved Slytherins)

So if Severus Snape actually survived Nagini's bite, returned to the Muggle world and became some kind of counselor to delinquent youth or someone who runs an anti-bullying program (by working both with victims and perpetrators) he would be a hero with a rather protracted but complete journey? Starting out as the victim of neighborhood bullies (I doubt Petunia was the only one who knew that the strangely dressed kid was the Snape boy from Spinner's End) who must have dreamed that magic would solve his problems, learned that magic simply gave bullies more dangerous/'interesting' ways to hurt people, played a key role in getting rid of the biggest bully in the magical playground and came home to use non-magical ways against bullies?
***
bohemian_spirit has some fics in that general direction - in her 'Light Between the Cracks' series Severus Snape of canon years was secretly married to a Muggle school teacher and while at his Muggle home watched over the neighborhood children. And in her 'Professor Grunge' Severus immigrates to the US instead of joining the Death Eaters. He studies at a wizarding university and becomes a teacher who fights bullying and uses music to assist in magical healing.

But the real fun starts when night_train_fm decides to argue with terri_testing and says, among other things:

'Hermione exiling her parents to Australia'
She did that because she was terrified (with good reason) of the DEs coming after them: Voldemort was taking over the government, had already ordered several public mass-Muggle-killings, and anyone remotely connected to Harry was a potential target. According to Jo, Hermione reversed the spell ASAP once the threat was over. For that matter, is it ever outright stated that she didn't sit down and discuss it with them first?

That doesn't go well.

( Hermione is teh ebil! )

So who's been wondering what's been going on with Lady Sybilla and the Russet Doom Saga? I know I haven't! But here we are regardless.

First there was this May 5 message to FanHistory editor Tikatu on her talk page:

Hi, Tikatu. I noticed you've been the most frequent editor of the Russet Noon article, so I'm sending you an update on the "Blood Roses" image by Charli Siebert. I just received an email from her, informing me that she does not want me to use her image for the cover of the book.

Charli wrote to Sybilla: "Unfortunately, I do not give out permission for use of my work in any way, so you'll have to find another cover for your book."

Charli also added, "All of your advertising and marketing of the book containing the image will need to be removed from any and all publications. This includes all print advertising and websites that display the image. If there are websites that you are aware of that are displaying the book cover in question, it is your responsibility to contact them and inform them that they need to remove the image from their site."

Based on Charli's specific request, I am asking that you please remove the old Russet Noon cover currently on display in the article. And, if it's not too much to ask, please add a note to the article to confirm that Russet Noon will have a new cover image before it gets published. Please let me know if you need me to upload a screencap of Charli's email as proof.

Last part of the update is that Charli and I are in negotiations to have her create a new image exclusively for the new Russet Noon cover.

Thanks very much.

Artistic revolution 07:45, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Consider also this newly-added apology on the Russet Noon website:

On behalf of AV Paranormal and Russet Noon, we'd like to offer our sincerest apologies to Charli Siebert, the creator of "Blood Roses," the above image. We had used this image for the cover of Russet Noon under the mistaken assumption that it was a royalty-free image. Even though this image will no longer be on the cover of Russet Noon, we are extremely proud to announce that Charli Siebert is in negotiations with Lady Sybilla to design an image exclusively for the cover of Russet Noon. We look forward to revealing the new cover of the novel. Please click on "Blood Roses" to visit Charli Siebert's official site, Unimaginative.org.

As for Wikipedia, it looks like Potato Moon's page is pretty safe from deletion for the moment. The article currently identifies Russet Noon by name, with the explanation, "Stephenie Meyer uses the word "russet" numerous times throughout the Twilight Saga to describe the color of Jacob Black's skin." You will never guess who edited the article to include that superfluous information. The change occurred after this conversational exchange:


Oh, and how is old PAD's circle jerk parody novel coming er, going? Well, it's up to, like, Part 20, but I haven't read it past the first chapter so I can't tell you whether it's any good.

And now, for funsies! Sybsy's now been namedropped in the Small Name Big Ego article on TVTropes.

Aaaaaand we now have the QUEEN of this trope for Twilight fandom: Lady Sybilla, whom no one had apparently ever even heard of before in the fandom before she became the writer (and attempted publisher) of "tribute sequel" Russet Noon, and convinced the entire internet is made up of one person with a grudge against her after the fandom at large and fandom_wank told her that her understanding of copyright was... flawed at best. She was banned from The Other Wiki after refusing to believe that her "highly controversial" unreleased fanfic wasn't notable enough and continually reinstated its article. Try to read the Russet Doom Saga in all its glory and not boggle.

And for a little added lubrication? Lady Sybilla Apologizes to Stephenie Meyer for Writing Russet Noon. Why yes, that IS another press release, fresh just today! I c&ped it here in case you don't want to contribute to her page views (and she'll probably take it down again as soon as she has another change of universal mind anyway). She's also updated her Twitter for the first time since April as well.

I just returned from a nine-day trip, so I'm playing a bit of catch-up with my supplementary links list and link hub/screencap guide; I appreciate your patience. And you know what else I appreciate? When I got home this morning, you will never guess what I found waiting for me in my mail box. Except that you totally will.

It was lip gloss.

ETA: So I clicked a link back to the Russet Noon site, and found myself in a time warp. It seems Sybilla's reverted to her original format after so long. But before you start thinking she just fuxxored the files, check out the links at the top. She links to: her own Twitter, Comic Mix, Google News, Foforks, Wordpress, her own Myspace, IMDB, Wikipedia, the Wall Street Journal, Twilight Blips, FanHistory, Fanpop, the Small Name Big Ego TvTropes article, Amazon forums, the reupload of her reading the preface on tinypic, Buzznet, ONTD, Fandom Wank, the Twilight Lexicon, and Edward Heart Bella.

Screencaps forthcoming here (thanks ari_o).

Also we may have missed another in-between site version. Did anyone catch a screencap?) You can view the last edit to the Russet Noon site before this latest revamp here, where she had added the "temporary model" for Russet Noon's new cover art.

Below is a temporary model of the new Russet Noon cover image that Charli will be recreating. The copyright information for the artist of this talisman is currently unknown. Hopefully the efficient fandomwankers will help us track down the artist who originally created this talisman so we can give them credit. This is just a sample image of what the final design will look like.

She wants us to do her homework for her. Great.

ETA 2: I'm reasonably certain the Russet_noon twitterer is taking the piss. I quite like the blend of Snacky's and Godwin's Law lobbed our way.

ETA 3: FanHistory has given Lady Sybilla a space to speak her point of view. It's... uhmazing.

ETA 4: She took out her link to the Twilight Lexicon and added a new one to this article from RelateMag.com, which spells the title of the book Russet Moon. Still, I prefer this version of the RelateMag article:

There’s a ‘new’ Twilight words that is dated people to charge alarming waves across the the public. Sure you’ve irrefutably impute to a fraction of fanfiction stories that takes the Twilight psycho we fondness and puts them in bizarre scenes, rewrites parts of the books, adds scenes prospect to be missing. The words is all fustian up to Jacob and what happens after Breaking Dawn. But Lady Sybilla has written an uninjured words entitled Russet Moon and she’s flourishing to advertise it. Some people improvise it is flourishing to be smashing addict fiction. Others imagine it is unconditionally miscarry. To affect the dip on the words button the website.

It's like it went through Babel Fish and crawled back out again, weeping bitterly about its lost messages and implications.

I stumbled on this a few wanks down, and I think this deserves its own Wank Report.

(EDIT: Sorry, hadn't realized that sparklefield had already covered this one a while back. Oops. But I've added extra links and stuff at the bottom!)

So there's a board called Twilight Sucks where people who don't like Twilight can get their hate on.

Somebody has helpfully complied an entire directory of threads reporting incidents of 'attacks' by rabid Twilight fans, which range from "Cussed out" and "Slapped", to, well . . . this one:

( The goggles! They do nothing! )

More feminism wank on Fandom Secrets. Surprise surprise!

This time, the secret is about female fanservice. monpetitpetaq claims that no matter how well-rounded and awesome the female characters in Bleach are, their awesomeness is negated by their large breasts because female fanservice harms real life women somehow. (Well, I can see the huge boobs being a problem for one's back...)

Anon tries to argue that both forms of sexism are equally bad, but monpetitpetaq and paperclipchains aint buying it.

Also apparently female fanservice is "icky" but male fanservice is ZOMG YUMMY!!!! And panzer_knight adds to the "big boobs = sucky character" pile. Huh, maybe it's just me but I can't remember the episode or manga chapter where Rukia, Tatsuki and Soifon had huge knockers spilling out of their swimsuits. XD

Is there a crisis going on in the SPN fandom? Could it be possible that Jensen Ackles really doesn't matter? I am no longer a die-hard fan of Jensen Ackles. In fact, I really don't like him much anymore.

But wait! No! This must be an error! Because: "Why Jensen Ackles Matters"

There's a truckload of mind-boggling awesome tl;dr there, so ( let me give you the highlights: )

Sophie Briand and Susannah Eanes - evidently these two wacky kids professional, intelligent, educated, hotass women are one and the same.

BONUS WANK: J2 fans have moved into true tinhat territory: Yes, it's time for the clothing shoutouts!

How very 2002. Domlijah called, they want their schtick back.

ETA: The author has shown up in esorlehcar's journal, claiming it was all fiction, although her friends seem a little appalled and hurt. However, capslock means it was all a joke, evidently!

If it's fiction, does that mean she and her friends aren't intelligent and hot?

ETA 2:

1) susannaheanes has deleted her LJ AND the essay! But it was just FICSHUN! AND FOR THE LOLZ! Alas.

2) Evidently there is nothing more wrong than finding something funny. Only the author and her friends can do that!

3) Evidently me posting this wank is a violation of FW policy! After not explaining how this is to me, she made a very brave post, in which she stood up for her beliefs and completely fail to understand a word Sep said. Now all her friends who are FW members are going to quit or protest or something, I guess. Strangely, these same people who are so concerned with the FW policy, including susannaheanes, do not realize that trolling esorlehcar's journal is a violation of the FW's rules.

I'm sorry, I no longer believe in their intelligence, or hotness. D:

...And all sorts of wank breaks loose!

Of course, ONTD is on the scene with a cover of Clay and his (imho) adorable son Parker. There's also a video (which I'm afraid to load on my pee oh ess computer).

And then we find in the comments that obsessive Claymates really go over the top.

The Clayboard has placed a temporary ban on discussing the People article until all of the mods can be reached. They have to discuss how to handle the issue, or something.

And in this article by The New York Daily News, it's mentioned that the mother of baby Parker was inseminated using artificial insemination. (Awkward sentence, it is awkward.)

( ETAs under cut. )

As most of you (in fandom, and some who aren't) probably know already, JKR gave £1 Million to the Labour party.

As this included celebrity, politics and Harry Potter, I knew there must be wank somewhere! Oh, internets, you so rarely disappoint. Posted to fandom_wank, because no-one would really care if she wasn't famous and hadn't created Harry Potter.


Bitch! I knew I always hated Harry Potter for a reason

Dogberry: Bloody celebrity socialists, if they are that 'socially aware' they should give all their money to the poor.

Snouter: I never understood the retards who were intrigued by the garbage books she put together. But then again, the Jonas Brothers have also captivated the imagination of today's retards so it is simply folks exploiting the retarded mentality of today's youth.

Datamass: Yeah what is it with the guilty rich who want to force other people to give up all of their money while they only give up a small portion.

I'm beginning to think they are just using socialism as a means to acquire more wealth under the guise of the common good.Essentially they're just playing their bullshit games to get people to give up as much money as they can so they can snatch it up. After all, with money comes power. Those who have the money rule.

Forcing people to "give" at gunpoint is not helping anything.
The greatest of crimes have always been in the name of "the common good", or in the name of helping the poor unfortunate.
So why don't you give up your money to help the poor if you're so concerned for them?
Lead by example, none of this "do as I say not as I do" shit.

( Read more... )

Mucho gracias to the folks over on wank_report. AND A SPOILER WARNING WITH EXTRA SPARKLES FOR TWILIGHT FANS. I suggest Twilight fans who actually care that much about being spoiled avoid this post like the plague.

( Why do I feel we've been through this before? )
ETA: Fixed the tag on the last link. Sorry, folks.
ETA3: A support request was entered by someone claiming to be from a law firm, claiming to represent the publishing group with a pretty much standard letter that has been going around like a strain of herpes to people leaking the book or even discussing spoilers (julian_black explains exactly why here). I don't think intellectual property laws work that way.

( text can be found here )


Other posts concerning the leaks can be found here and a twilight_news (thanks to hooloovoo_too). Possible confirmation of some of the spoilers has also sparked more wank over here.

There's some more fun over at ontd (the macros start on page 2). The OP itself only concerns the movie, but that doesn't stop people from wanking over the spoilers.

ETA4: system is love.

( Go System! )

And there's now been blurry confirmation on spoilers (thanks to miraba).

ETA5: Ok, guys, lay off the Mormons or I'm going to have to ask you to get out of the pool. I really, really, REALLY hate to quote mcity but plz no Mormon bashing. Let's have some class.

ETA6: SMeyer allegedly wrote a parody version of Breaking Dawn according to this EW article (thanks to greenconverses).

I found this recipe in the other wank and thought you guys might enjoy it:

You will need
1 greased ohnotheydidnt
1 ship-based MS Paint macro (Do not credit the macro! This is very important!)
3 cups inksplotched
1/2 teaspoon grudge (optional)
2 heaping tablespoons bazcat89
a pinch of CAPSLOCK
sparkles to taste

1. In a large bowl, add inksplotched to the macro in 1/2-cup increments, beating on high speed until stiff peaks form.

2. In another bowl, combine grudge, bazcat89, and CAPSLOCK and stir until mixed thoroughly.

3. Fold grudge-bazcat89-CAPSLOCK mixture into macro-inksplotched meringue.

4. Spread over ohnotheydidnt and top with sparkles.

5. Bake at 400 degrees for 3 days until edges are crusty.

6. Serve with your favorite alcoholic beverage and a large sprig of mockery.

*You may store Twilight Sparkle Surprise in your freezer up to 3 months.
**CAUTION: if you share your thoughts on fandom near Twilight Sparkle Surprise, it will turn out bitter and inedible and all the hungry wankas will eat you instead!