DELETED!

I originally wasn't going to delete this wank (and someone can always repost the Econtra thing anyway if they feel it's wanky enough, but I didn't post it, I know who did, and I don't think their motivation was lulz. I've changed my e-mail address (back to my POP instead of the Evil E-Mail redirect it was on that is NOT MINE AND SHOULD BE BLOCKED) and password. This person shouldn't be able to use it now, but feel free to flame/ban me because it's all my fault.

Ahhhh, the smell of batshit in the morning, to quote someone from the wank.

Fanficrants is often a source of some interesting wank and such, but this one hit a whole new level of it.

So there's this chick, see, she likes X-Men fandom just a teensy bit too much, as posted here in FFR.

( Hooboy. )

But it gets BETTER, ladies and germs, because the nutter in question hath SEEN the FFR rant and gotten positively irate.

( My children love him like they love Jesus! )

But wait, here's the batshit trifecta!

"scottswife" responds directly!

( UR ALL L00SERS! )

elsewhere7 gets it FTW!

I don't think it's over!

Besides, everyone knows that he loves Emma anyway.

ETA the first!: She's back! Troll or hoax, this is some primo stuff

ETA the second!: baron_waste shows up to tell us how dumb we are to think this is real:

( UR ALL DUM! )

My word, but we lot are enjoying this.

And Scott's Wife is responding to questions, complete with furbashing!

Today nessie_cakes posts that she's tired of people using OMG!BIGWERDS in their fanfiction.

S/h/it claims that if you have a decent vocabulary "It makes you look kinda like a bitch."

Fanficrants does the usual and explodes/implodes/whatever.

Only up to 50+ responses but growing quickly.

EDIT:
One of the highlights

A brand-spankin' new user who calls herself Missey3455 posts to Fanficrants about how MEAN people are and how she just wants reviews for her "Arthur" fanfiction.

The usual crowd at fanficrants screams "troll" but Missey is persistent in her replies.

Then it comes out that Missey believes Arthur talks to her.

Ah...fanficrants. You bring the wank and the weird.

HP fen convention is currently going on in Salem. And guess who has speshul enough contacts that she got in without paying?

Three guesses and the first two don't count.

Apparently someone has OHNOES! been stealing Adele Sessler's "online identity." This prompts a very long and nasty post on Adele's website wherein Adele provides email addresses, IP addresses, etc on this mysterious "online identity thief."

Unfortunately, she has deleted her message board because OHNOES! people aren't NICE all the time. But the post of "she stole my online identity!!!" is well worth the trip to Meadow...whatever.

( An Adele primer...she's not legendary like Cassie, but she's up there )

Kuro5hin is an online "newspaper" that runs more like a blog. It has a rather significant following in the techie industry.

Anyway, one of the regulars posts an article called Fuck Natalee Holloway

The nutjobs come out en masse for this one, folks. The wank comes from camps cheering "get her bitch ass mother off TV" or "I'm a mother and you all are terrible people!"

The author of the offending article (which, incidently is now #1 on the google search for 'Natalee Holloway' no quotes) follows up with a second story in which he details the hate mail that has been flowing into his box.

And more wank ensues.

EDIT:
Yes, I realize that Natalee is/was a real person, but at this point she is a B-list celebrity, even in absence.

swift_wind has a complaint:

Hey fanbrats!

If you are going to write a really long story with lots of chapters then you need to stick with it. Stop writing side stories and stories for other fandoms before you finish the one you are writing. It makes you look really stupid and shows all you want is a quick review fix to boost you're already inflated egos.

Elite Suikoden fanficcers I'm looking at YOU.

The first one to guess what community she posted it in and how many "bitch, please" comments there are wins. No cheating and looking at the link first!

So it's more of the grudge-ranting that goes on with this bunch of RPG fans over in Fanficrants

This time, swift_wind complains that a certain well liked fic just steals the game's plot and that s/h/it hates it when THAT happens.

Turns out the fic being ranted about was written by none other than karthur who just brings the wank. Of course, karthur's pals and readers rush to his rescue.

EDIT And what the fuck is up with this "authoress" shit?

The wantastic Ms. Claire has posted that OMFG! People don't know she has updated her stories!!!111

Continue on down the self-wank and you'll learn that her book is "due" in October.
Anyone want to take bets on this shit being published by a vanity press?

Anyway, there's wank of the pet-friend variety in the comments:

1. Mouse who says "these people aren't true fans"

2. Another mouse asks, "will your Original Fiction be as popular as your fanfic?"

3. Huge discussion throughout the FIVE PAGES of comments discussing chapter size. Have fun wading through it.

4. Don't take it away! I know you're mad!

Aww...fuck me. That's enough to get you started. This is Cassie, afterall. She just brings the wank.

( Cassie's Post in case the bitch locks it and takes away teh_funnie )

Fanficrants...it has it all these days.

The offending post in question

Wankiest Discussion So Far:
Are Catholics and Mormons really Christians?

Let this one simmer awhile and I'm sure it will deliver.

I've been a Mouse for ages but finally got an account. Between this miniwank from earlier in the week, and the latest gem of parents whining about omfgteh_pr0n!11

All was semi-well until Angry Ms. B shows up and whines about Cassie Claire stealing money from her daughter. Right here, hot and spoogy

It seems that Blogger won't let me link to the comment directly, so just go and search for Ms. B

Remember this wank, where we had an influx of the oh noes! Think of the children type parents? Well they went and started their own blog to bitch about teh_sex, especially in the Harry Potter fandom. Well, they were chased off of blogging by trolls (Yeah. So sad. I know.)

Anyhoo, they delete everything, except for one post telling readers that they're being deprived because of the trolls, but hey feel free to duke it out in comments.

So people do.

( Cut for the best fandom fairy tale evah! )

Yay, for entitlement whores! They make the weekend bright and shiny.

Edit to add: Good-bye, cruel internets! *throws self off cliff*

Edit the second: The how to parent your kidshelping hands community springs up.

Edit for kicks: the fandom fairy tale hits metaquotes on LJ

Edit because I knew this was coming: The child-free comm on LJ sends up their wank signal.

Edit because it was too good not to point out: Damn those thieving HP fen! Where, oh where can we go to avoid Cassie Claire!?

This one definately has potential.

Karthur at livejournal posts about a letter written by an angry parent to Warner Brothers that was posted on Planetfeedback

Here's the "letter" where the author asks Warner Brothers to shut down a HP fanfic site called Fiction Alley

Only four responses so far on Planetfeedback, but I guess that's because each account has to be validated.

Lesson in life: Don't use the internet as a babysitter.

~PinkingShears~

A day or so ago, we were all treated to a wank wherein someone decides to whine about her scriptfics being deleted off The Pit in fanficrants at LJ

Today, a friend of said "victim" arrives to troll the community with more whining. It's only been up for two hours and already has upwards of 50 comments...

EDIT
It seems that the OP double posted to fanficrants. Here's a link to the first whine-fest.

Wow, I almost never post here. Also, this is new and very small. But it shows promise.

I hate Fanfiction.net! They deleted my script fics that have been up for years and years! I am not a poor writer, dammit! I am going into AP English next year! Grr! Everybody rise up against the oppressor!

Posters: Err, script format is against FF.net's TOS. Deal.

Favorite respondent so far: eiviiaru.

Like I said, small as of yet, but it has plenty of room to grow. And I haven't gone near it. ::crosses her heart::

Just when you thought we'd be Cassie-free for awhile following her idiot fans donating money to buy her a new laptop so she could continue to pen her fanfic last outpouring of love from within Harry Potter Fandom, along comes Nurse Orlando .

Nurse_Orlando posts THIS in fanficrants whining about TEH_MEAN PEOPLE, those who try to write, and of course defending Cassie against deu_sex_machina.

Troll is quickly called by the denziens, complete with cries of "attention whore" and poetry.

*Although given that it's about Cassie, it will probably escalate to a super-sized spoogefest soon enough.

Everyone remember this fanficrants wank? It ain't over yet.

Most of you in the Suikoden fandom have to be aware by now of the metawank going on between a handful of fanfiction authors (mostly K'Arthur and Straya, since they left some reviews she didn't like a year ago) and an author who goes by the name of Iztayul Tepes on ff.net. She has tried repeatedly to TOS the Livejournal community Suikosnark for "copyright infringement" because they're quoting parts of her fanfiction in their reports. Though really, my guess is because she thinks they're just like those mean girls in high school.**

She claims that the authors in question are nothing more than dirty, dirty Suethors. In fact, she leaves reports on marysues and trolls fanficrants under at least two different account names in order to get her point across. Or something.

Anyway, she's now siccing the intarweb lawyers on one of the writers, K'Arthur.

The wanky part? The lawyers are sockpuppets.

More insanity idiocy in the email below.

( Read more... )

I could not make this shit up if I tried. Enjoy.

**Any similarity to Snacky's Law is quoted for parody according to fair use OMG dun sue me purely coincidental.

Straightforward "IF U DUN LIEK YAOI U MUST B A H8R!!!" wank. Homophobic name-calling and Godwin's Law invoked within the first three lines. Enjoy.

Small wank, but cute. A few more pulls and it should spurt, but it's bound to be just a little spurt. You know the kind.

Following a link on GAFF that said "English teacher vs. badfic" led to Adele Sessler's Meadowhaven. It seems that Adele Sessler has gone the vanity press route with her fanfiction turned, uhm, fiction that isn't fanfiction.

Now, it all starts on this page of the meadowhaven bulletin boards. As stated by Wraxany on GAFF, Adele's fans are eating the book up and lavishing on the praise. Until one youngster says "My literature teacher made me an assignment of it... I shouldn't have been reading it during class. He came up to me as I was reading it (I thought he would have been happy to see me reading something) and marked on the page I was on with a red pen an error I simply overlooked. Now I have to read your wonderful book and mark every little grammatical error I find along the way.

Anyone who knows of Adele knows that this isn't going to go over well. But I, for one, was truly surprised when she broke out the old Not fair! Some of those mistakes were on purpose!

Uh-HUH. (This also ends up on the GAFF thread about Adele, which I already linked, and is worth looking over for a few sploogey comments and for a random line from Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead. A few good points there about Adele in general and some retrowank about her past "All Japanese look alike" comment, her deletion of threads she doesn't like, and her alleged penchant for little boys.)

But back to Meadowhaven, where a new poster posts a link to the book's Amazon page, asking everyone on the board to go and kiss the writer's ass so maybe she'll draw you some art someday give good reviews, and this is where it really starts to happen.

People do not give exclusively good reviews. I sense a war of vendettas on the Amazon page, which is a veritable orgy of wank, (IT SUCKS! IT RULES! IT SUCKS! IT RULES!) and one reviewer even points this out in her review. Adele, of course, catches wind of this, and really starts to yank on it.

People who give bad reviews are out to get me. Please go and counter the bad reviews.

They dun even own the book! (A few extra tissues to Adele for her use of "dun").

See, this kid on the internet looked over the entire book and didn't find many mistakes, so ha! (Because you know, any kid on the internet is worth ten professional editors.)

And finally, FINALLY we get Internet stalker!wank. the bad reviewers are actually stalkers. I don't know why they hate me so! I'm not going to read negative reviews. I'm going to keep writing, so nyeh. (Yes, she actually does say nyeh."

I'm sure it will go on from there, but probably not too much. Probably Adele or the mods will wipe up the stickiness and no one will ever know it was there unless the had a blacklight.

For what it's worth, I haven't read the book myself, but the wank is pretty cute.