midnight_charm just can't stop wanking. She apparently figured her convoluted theories were too much for poor LiveJournal to handle, and she moved to a brand new blog.

But first, she left this gem at her journal:

( You have been the victim of a mind control experiment. Alan Ball is actually that chick from V )


So, now with the blog. ( The characters have multiple personality disorders. True Blood really is fucked up, man :O )

BONUS: You also can't miss Bill fans are like rabid Bush or Ann Coulter supporters.

ETA: The crazy takes a whole new level with Sookie is USA and Eric is Jesus (thanks to mariem_1 for the find!)

ETA II: Hey guys, it's me again. This is from the About page of her blog:

While I adore reading and contemplating film theory and criticism I am far from a qualified expert in the field. My admittedly amateur forte is and has been for some time in the area of conspiracy research- sussing out propaganda and official lies with it’s attendant psyops and mind control techniques which are practiced on the unsuspecting population through the corporate controlled medium of television. I QUESTION EVERYTHING I am told and I diligently apply this motto to my analysis of True Blood. My rigorous intuition tells me Alan Ball is well versed in conspiracy lore and is using it to the hilt to tell the story of True Blood.

“The media’s the most powerful entity on earth. They have the power to make the innocent guilty and to make the guilty innocent, and that’s power. Because they control the minds of the masses.”
-Malcolm X

First attempt at posting, although I've been barracking from the sidelines for about a millennium now ...

astolat posts A Matter Of Inconvenience, which is American Idol slashfic (Kris/Adam) with a 'Regency' setting. At least, that's the general idea, and harmless enough you would have thought - assuming that AI AU RPS is your thing. (Alphabet soup!)

zvi, however, takes exception. Amongst other objections, A Matter of Inconvenience is not about race, thoughtlessly invokes colonial issues, and just doesn't put up any warning flags for those who are about to read it. Also, apparently, this is a thing Astolat fucked up. Everybody, please to endeavor not to fuck up like that with your next happy fun sexytimes historical.

What starts off as moderately polite discussion about historicity in slash fanfiction is, however, quickly derailed by willow who offers the following reasoned evaluation: In the middle of the cuppa tea, the empire waist dresses and the ass-sex of your AU Regency - please to be remembering the hydra heads of colonialism and imperialism and what that means for and about your whitey white penis salt lick fan thought of the moment.

liviapenn tries to calm things down a bit with some entertaining stuff about plumbers and blow jobs but this only serves to upset willow further. Why is it that everytime I see you lately, you're happily shoving your foot into your mouth via your hindquarters? ... You keep claiming to understand your privilege and say you're reflecting on it and then you start chomping that feces encrusted shoe leather again. willow's User Info states "'M brown and I have an attitude." No kidding.

astolat's attempt to explain herself gets stomped on, and the desirability of historical accuracy in a Kris/Adam Regency alternate universe is lathered, rinsed and repeated for those who missed it the first time.

Small, but strangely vitriolic given the subject matter. It's difficult to imagine why people are getting quite so over-excited about one piece of costumed fluff in a universe of lesbian cars and tentacle porn, but it may keep us entertained while we're waiting for next incarnation of VB.

ETA: Okay, I get the message, I got it wrong - or maybe I just don't have a sense of humour? Either way, it was obviously a bad call. Lesson learned.

It all starts with what people are already calling LJ Genderfail: the newest beta version of LJ added a mandatory "gender" field to the sign-up process and eliminated the "unspecified" option (LJ quickly responded that the mandatoryness and binaryness of the new question were an accidental bug, and that the code was not going to go live. Of course, not everyone believes them about the "unintentional" part).

Well-known SGA BNF, former lj staffmember and co-founder of Dreamwidth Synecdochic made a call-to-action post that included the line,

It's been a while since I've been furious with anything LJ has done; having DW has done a lot to calm down my knee-jerk "AUUUGH NO" whenever Moscow does something stupid again.

A few people, some Russian and some not, are offended by this, and object. Synecdochic apologizes and edits the post after a request for clarification, but that is not enough to stop Ivorygates from making her side look bad.

Furiosity (who identifies as Russian) had objected to dismissing an entire culture because you're mad at some of its representatives, and Ivorygates takes the opportunity to school her. In her own cultural history. Because, you know, Russians don't understand freedom: it's not in their culture! America's special history of free speech can't be truly respected by them! (At this point Synecdochic freezes the thread.)

But Ivorygates isn't done! Bell had commented to Synecdochic that saying "Moscow" made a decision wasn't the same as saying "San Francisco" did because "Moscow, in US rhetoric, is that creepy place with commies and weird politics and gangsters". Ivorygates PMs her about this claim,

Are you actually -- are you actually seriously -- suggesting that identifying as a Russian national -- online, where you are safe from physical attack and can maintain anonymity -- presents you with duress identical to the harassment and persecution that transsexual and genderqueer individuals experience not only on-line, but in every facet of their lives?

Furiosity also posts to ask people to apologize instead of getting defensive when informed that they have offended "someone's race/culture/language/sexual orientation/gender identity/whatever". In her post meddie_flow comes to Synecdochic's defense with the ever popular Bingo square of "She didn't mean anything by it" with a side-order of "don't turn everything into a lynch-mob". Being offended by russophobia is also likened to being offended by the color red, and I'm honestly not sure if the irony there was intentional or not...

snatched from wank_report

"Someone" posts a secret (#114 now bahleeted--caps?) on fandomsecrets and the image is stored on her easily identifiable photobucket account. She claims to be lonely and not have any friends and she wishes the Avatar characters were her RL friends. But she means local friends, not imaginary intarweb bitches her LJ friends.

Responses are mostly of the "Oh, snap!" variety except for the "What am I? Chopped liver?" one. It's really a very mild response though yukinoomoni is outed by name.

( She doesn't overreact at all: )

eta: F_W is not your therapist. If you can't lol at a wank maybe you need to go for a walk. I thought this was funny. lol sociopath.

Lambda Literary Foundation: We're changing our submission criteria. From now on our GLBT literary award will only be given to self-identified GLBT authors.

( This does not go over well. )

Well, if you're looking for some real crazy, look no further than digimon!.

Overlord_Mordax wants to know why people like Ken. Or as one user puts it, why people like her. Mom jokes are taken seriously. Anonymous gets involved.

Mordax BAWS on her own journal.


***brought to my attention by a lovely mouse on wank_report

Thanks to the mousie who posted this on wank_report.

r_becca starts the Harry/Ginny fic exchange takingitinturns. Things go well for the most part, despite a small kerfluffle during the exchange over reviews.*

As it turns out, that would not be the last review wank this exchange would see.

almond_joyz posts When You Figure Out You, Come Back to Me as a gift to another participant. The fic receives positive reviews until deadwoodpecker adds her two cents in a rather patronizing manner.

Highlights include her telling the author that their fic - a dramatic story - was an absolutely hilarious "absurdist comedy" and then finishing with this:

And that "ending"! To be honest, I've gotten lazy about endings as well. After writing 30 chapters of Yellow Submarine, I pretty much threw in the towel and said "no more." I think that in another month or two - when you aren't so burnt out - you'll probably find that your little story needs a resolution.

almond_joyz responds in a calm fashion, explaining it was not a comedy and that she is happy with the fic as is.

Then three of deadwoodpecker's friends decided to add their critical reviews, one after another, each pointing out the same flaws in the story. birlan even goes so far as to delete a prior positive review to the fic and repost his review pointing out the same flaws his friends did.

Another of deadwoodpecker's friends, mhersheybar, coincidentally decides to post a rant about the right to leave concrit before anyone reacts. In this post, deadwoodpecker decides it would be a good idea to mock the story and almond_joyz shows up to tell her off. Sadly, mhersheybar decided to disable comments but if anyone has a screencap, it would be much appreciated. IIRC it involved deadwoodpecker showing up just to post *gives erotic massage to paralyzed girl* and LOLing about it.

Elsewhere on the internets, Deadwoodpecker and friends are called assholes, almond_joyz flips her shit and deadwoodpecker decides to mock the author and r_becca some more while gearing up for a flounce.

Finally, Deadwoodpecker tries to explain herself. She was just being honest, you guys. And the old guard in H/G is oppressing the newbs.

* I mention the early kerfluffle because deadwoodpecker was suspected of being behind the review, according to her. Edit: Or because it was a rumor going around!

ETA: The plot thickens...?

ETA II: More history! A while back, after deadwoodpecker and her friends swept the H/G awards, almond_joyz decided to hold her own awards.

And thanks to mariem_1 for the files of deadwoodpecker mocking the fic.

ETA III: More history still! deadwoodpecker had a discussion with loony4lupin during the hp_porninthesun fest. This was over the fest rules which deadwoodpecker assumed singled her out personally. loony4lupin is also the person whose fic was mentioned above as having been trashed by an anonymous reviewer with deadwoodpecker being the suspect.

Thanks, mice!

What follows is an account written by swsa, a friend without a JF account, and it is such a classic take-the-money-and-run story that I present it to you unaltered (well, okay, I threw in some links).


In Moonlight fandom, their high priestess of campaigning is named Leeser. Leeser's status in the fandom grew and grew as she organized fan cons, did the leg work for their Variety ad, etc. She is absolutely beloved and a hero of their cause. Which is why another fan apparently felt secure enough to give her $11000 in order to pay for bus ads to run in L.A. ( This ends about as well as you might expect )

ETA ∞: I was waiting to update until the supposed Leeser-vindicating deadline this afternoon, but it looks like... I don't even know what. So:

The donor updates:

The ad agency has stated they cannot confirm whether the funds are available or not. The New York office is placing at least a 3-5 day hold on Lesser's account in order to verify funding with the bank, however it may be longer. They are now hoping to be able to post this account on Friday. The ads have arrived and are waiting in the warehouse. Lesser is aware of this. I am so angry at this moment I dare not say too much more. One thing I must say though is to Lesser: Shame on you! To put me through this is one of the most unconscionable deeds I have experienced in my life.

Also: Homophobia on Leeser's board? Convention money shenanigans? Sockpuppetry? (Note: the Blue Whale Pub board seems to be down at the moment.)

ETA ∞ +1: And now about $8K in convention funds cannot be accounted for. (More.) Yes, we are pretty sure this is not VB on the rampage again.

ETA ∞ +2: I think dhaunea called this one...

ETA ∞ +3:: The ads are going up on Monday?

ETA 9/29/08: Y'all, please somebody take this over and do a new entry or something. I can't keep up with all the board shenanigans now.

So, there is a petition aimed towards Stephenie Meyer and her publisher Little, Brown that's actually more of a letter about why Breaking Dawn sucks and what the author (of the letter!) would have done to make it better. It has received 1152 signatures so far.

When it broke a thousand, the petition's author emailed the following letter to Seth*, the maintainer of StephenieMeyer.com:

Seth,

I completely understand that you are not the whipping boy for Stephenie Meyer, but she has given us no address to reach her directly, so sadly, I have few choices- and one of them was to send this to you.

My name is Heather Faust, and I have written a letter to Stephenie and to Little, Brown. As suggested by a number of others on message boards, I posted this letter as a "petition." Today we reached a thousand signatures. (It has only been live for a few days.) We will continue to leave it live and see how it grows.

I feel that it is well written and respectful, and I would hope that you would take a few minutes to read it. If it gets through to Stephenie, well, I'd be thrilled. We are not looking to hurt her, we aren't looking for her to rewrite it... We just want our opinions acknowledged, and we'd like to no longer be referred to as a "vocal minority." We'd also love it if she'd be able to answer our concerns with more than just "it's fiction," "I'm not a biology major" or other brush offs. We don't, of course expect that at all. But just a simple "Yes, I hear you, I'm sorry that you were disappointed" would be enough for us.

Anyway, sorry that you are in the middle of all of this. That must suck for you.

Thanks for your time

Seth responds:

( In an attempt to keep the books clean and not make young girls think about things that they don't need to think about, no other book mentioned anything about reproductive systems. )

*A lot of people have mentioned that Seth is not only the webmaster of SMeyer's site, he's also her brother.

I found this at wank_report and have too much time on my hands this week. There were 333 comments when I started the recap.

MTV.com has a Twilight Tuesday thing every uh, Tuesday. Let me 'splain, no there is too much. Let me sum up. Stephenie Meyer's Vampire series Twilight is now also a movie coming out in December and staring Cedric Diggory (aka RPATZZ). MTV is making the movie and this blog every Tuesday is part of their marketing strategy.

Today's post is about three sophomore girls from Texas who formed "The Bella Cullens." Larry, the blog writer, falls all over their jailbait asses:

"I had seen their MySpace page and heard some of their songs, but I was honestly amazed by how pretty their voices and melodies are, and with lyrics like “Edward’s so hot he can set the house on fire/he’s a sexy vampire,” these teens already have more talent than all the Pussycat Dolls put together."

1. Those are good lyrics? WOT?
2. More talent than the who now? Doesn't slime mold have more talent?
3. The band's name abbreviated is BCP. But remember only condoms help prevent STDs.


Most comments are some variation on "Larry, you fail" or "I <3 LARRY!":

Edward Cullen Says:
July 8th, 2008 at 9:50 am

My Sparkly Peen sings better, even when it drools for muh Bella.

But Janet comes to Larry's rescue:

Janet Says:
July 8th, 2008 at 10:02 am

Yikes people are being harsh. :) He has a lot of weeks to fill before december and I’m sure summit wouldn’t let him give us big stuff like clips every week and remember these are a gift. I’ve never seen people do something like this before to promote a movie…weekly updates I mean. Larry, I really thought it was the trailer this week and now I feel silly.

Under the cut I C&P for your pleasure.

( It goes back and forth between the Twimoms and the Twatlighters and the haters. )

ETA: LARRY SPEAKS!:( Read more... )

ETA w/XTRA SPARKLES: http://www.thebellacullenproject.com (warning: music embedded in site) is getting spammed on the comment pages by people claiming to be from ontd_twatlight. Twatlighters are saying it is not them. (Sorry can't like to comment pages directly.)


cleolinda convinced me to add the BONUS EW COVER FROM HELL!!!1:
http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/
21 pages of OMGWTFBBQ at ontd

ETA part 9.546382023: MTV blog has posted the EW photo. There may be more comments to come though currently it is at 0. Larry wants to know what people think! *CACKLE*

As Whomageddon rolls on, doctorwho  brings us another sterling gem. Or rather, two bright turds of wank, coupled together to form a synergistic pile of perfection.

First, cringer1982 shares that he's written a very pointed letter to the BBC about how they have portrayed Asians in their recent episode Turn Left. He neglects to mention that he's white as the fresh driven snow. Irish, in fact.

BBC officials respond with a letter that has nothing to do with anything.

Some people don't see his point.

( Meanwhile, back on the blog... )

I found this recipe in the other wank and thought you guys might enjoy it:

You will need
1 greased ohnotheydidnt
1 ship-based MS Paint macro (Do not credit the macro! This is very important!)
3 cups inksplotched
1/2 teaspoon grudge (optional)
2 heaping tablespoons bazcat89
a pinch of CAPSLOCK
sparkles to taste

1. In a large bowl, add inksplotched to the macro in 1/2-cup increments, beating on high speed until stiff peaks form.

2. In another bowl, combine grudge, bazcat89, and CAPSLOCK and stir until mixed thoroughly.

3. Fold grudge-bazcat89-CAPSLOCK mixture into macro-inksplotched meringue.

4. Spread over ohnotheydidnt and top with sparkles.

5. Bake at 400 degrees for 3 days until edges are crusty.

6. Serve with your favorite alcoholic beverage and a large sprig of mockery.

*You may store Twilight Sparkle Surprise in your freezer up to 3 months.
**CAUTION: if you share your thoughts on fandom near Twilight Sparkle Surprise, it will turn out bitter and inedible and all the hungry wankas will eat you instead!

The ever wanky Twilight fandom has finally exploded.

It stared off with the usual batch of hate secrets which no one really looks twice at anymore, but then things heated up when inksplotched made an disgustingly attention whoring announcement of her departure from the fandom and her crony __dittany followed her shortly.

The anons did not approve.

As if that wasn't obnoxious enough, they two of them proceeded to STICK AROUND and wank even harder at various anons.

But that is not all. She was then echoed by fallenmelody in her spazzy announcement.

Some of inksplotched's cronies jumped into the wank and made total asses of themselves, as can be seen in the comments I linked to.

ETA: Many of the secrets occurred because of now deleted wank which took place in sortofbeautiful when aromarcuscaius created the community realtw_secret. This community annoucement set off a bucket-load of wank when anons starting going off on the ontd_twilight mods for what may or may not be accurate accusations of assholery and god-modding.

ETA 2: Please see secrets number 9, 43, and 50 to see what started her off on her diatribe (#50 refers to a friendship community she apparently runs with her friends).

ETA 3: And also note the explosion of ontd_twatlight. They seem to be twatting all over the secrets, in the anons, and have several long comment threads (foutu aka the shining star/twat/anus of the Twilight fandom also made an appearance.)

Oh yeah... I forgot to say 'sorry' in my last post.

Modsquad out. *snap* *snap*

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Wank in progress, running over here to post before anyone else does...

Over on hated_character, chibizoi rants (completely off topic, I might add) about people complaining about her use of fangirl Japanese.

( 'I'M annoyed someone's that full of themselves that, for having taken the language, they now believe they have the power to tell someone how they should or should not speak.' )

After a couple of partially agreeing posts, spiderflower dares to outright disagree, and the OP shows her true colors as one of those fanfic authors who can't take take any type of criticism. Some excerpts:

chibizoi: It's the age-old argument: If you don't like it, don't read it. Granted you'll have to read some of it to find out whether or not you like it, but after that choice has been made, stop reading and there you go. XD

chibizoi: Judging by your reply, I really don't know what else I can say beyond that you are one rude, and downright arrogant person. Sorry, but reading a fanfic for the sole purpose of insulting it? That's pathetic, not to mention your assumptions about others is pretty insulting (And a huge turn off.) as well.

Oh well, it was nice trying to talk to you. I do hope you learn from yourself one of these days, because an attitude like that isn't going to get you very far, hon. ^^

...and then the fact that chibizoi writes Zoisite mpreg is brought up. O_o

Many other asides, these are just the highlights, and it's still going on...