There once was a soap opera called “As the world turns”
They had a gay couple called “Nuke” (Luke/Noah), then the soap got cancelled but not before Luke ran away with another guy called Reid.

First a lot of people didn't like that Reid destroyed Nuke, but then a lot of Nuke-shippers jumped ship as the new canon pairing became "LuRe" (Luke/Reid).

To be a good little "LuRe" shipper you have to bash Noah and "Nuke" at all times (best in the Douchefest)but you are not allowed to think that after Reid died in canon, Luke is allowed to ever fall in love again.

At least not in fic.

If you write or post fic that has Luke with someone else , you are insulted as stupid. Everybody who doesn't agree is also insulted and called stupid. If you call people too lazy to scroll over fic they don’t like you get banned.
If you like one fic like the next where canon gets ignored, Luke and Reid get married and have lots of kids, you are everyone's friend


yeah, I'm a "Nukie" who loves to see the "lurians" fight among themselves. So what?

Sex scenes can be really funny. Badly-written sex scenes can be absolutely hilarious. Since there are a lot of badly-written sex scenes in the world, the denizens of LJ's weepingcock take it upon themselves to select the best of the worst and laugh uproariously at it. Or cringe. Or possibly laugh uproariously in a cringing fashion. It depends on the excerpt.

Anyhow, pirsquar posts this amazing excerpt, for the enjoyment of the entire community.

( My ovaries are incandescing at the thought of this quote. )

The reaction is a standard mix of 'lol', 'wtf', and 'OW'...

...at least, until Loyal Defender Of The Literary Mighty deborahkla charges in to express her displeasure with the mere posting of this blurb.

Why?

Because it was written by Henry Miller.

Apparently, if you are a Noted Figure Of Literature, you are incapable of writing bad porn, regardless of what our eyes might be telling us. She makes sure to inform us of this. She even did it twice, in the exact same wording.

( Her learnings, let her show us them. )

Despite the condescending tone, the weepingcock natives are actually quite reasonable in pointing out that funny sex is not discriminating, and 'great authors' are not immune to mockery if they write and publish something weepingcock-worthy. For deborahkla, however, 'reasonable disagreement' translates into 'OMFG EVERYONE'S ATTACKING ME'. So she attacks back...despite not being attacked in the first place. (She has mastered the use of the c&p comment, for sure -- there are several in there that she copies verbatim into multiple threads.)

She also flounces out of the community.

The only problem there is that she keeps right on posting answers to comments, actively telling people that 'she's out of the community now'. Her logic flaw is pointed out to her numerous times.

She reacts, naturally, by doing the most reasonable, mature thing possible.

She messages the mods.

( Mods, they're being meeeeeeean to meeeee! )

I don't know about all of you, but I definitely feel my ovaries incandescing right now.

Once upon a time, there was a lonely drabble. “How I wish I could be more than 100 words long,” it sighed wistfully.

Over time, fandom granted the drabble its wish. Its meaning drifted, expanding further and further, until finally some allowed it to encompass a large number of short fics.

Its newfound happiness was cut short, however, when catchester claimed anyone who said the drabble could ever be more than 100 words was ignorant and a twit.

The drabble’s spirit was crushed, but happily it found catchester alone was unable to take its shiny new status away.

The End.

While I await for being able to stuff myself on turkey I have come across a delightful little wank recipe thanks to the anonymice over at the wank_report

You start off with a cryptic LJ entry on rejeneration's personal LJ asking why people are mean on the internet.

You then add anony wondering from spnanonhaven about said LJ entry. Don't worry about the BNF-secret cabals theories mixed in there, it just adds a little extra flavor.

Add ten PMs to people who visited rejeneration's journal without being anon saying, "Looks like you dropped by the journal earlier. Did you find what you were looking for?" Anons should be at least a bit disturbed and/or confused by this.

Then let it stir with the abuse of end notes in rejeneration's next LJ entry over a heated plate of 'talking about anon as if they are all male' with a dose of 'if you read her public post you are stalking her'.

Allow the anon to keep the wank warm. Then allow it to simmer.

As you let it simmer check for evidence of deleted comments in rejeneration's journal entries. While you may not find screen caps there is always copy and paste from tracked posts. When you can confirm the deletion of comments, as well as a side dish of accusations of drumming up page views of the second LJ entry for an LJ idol competition, your wank is ready to serve.

Before serving though you can add tasty little gems of rejeneration's past wanky behavior, which can be found in this old spnanonymous thread. Because nothing tops a wank better than a wanker comparing themselves to Jesus.

Enjoy and happy Turkey Day for those celebrating.

From wank_report:

Someone has decided that enough is enough, and it is now time to cleanse the Pit of Voles FF.net of all that ails it. And that someone is the Literate Union! Motto: "well here are the people who are going to give it anyways!"

"It", apparently, being concrit or flaming. You know, whichever you prefer.

"The LU -- The Literate Union -- is a society that helps to improve the quality of stories on FanFiction that either break the rules or are poorly written. In the case of the latter, we try to help the author, bringing their piece up to standard. Difficult cases are reported to the admins."

( And we got to go in with our hydraulic system, and blast him out! )

Small, but quite delicious and bound to grow. It involves Bleachness and Yulieana, after all. Thank you, wank report mousies *feeds cheese*

Troll sends Kubo a comment saying that they wish Orihime was dead. Kubo gets angry. Bleachness records it, and stresses that he wasn't talking about them, only about trolls who say those horrible things about her. (As if they didn't say horrible things about her)

The Ichihime FC on BA picks up on it, and discusses Kubo standing up for Orihime... It also has a translation of Kubo's (pretty awesome) smackdown of the Orihime-bashing troll.

Yulieana picks up on this and makes a post, which draws its complaints not from BA but from locked comm FLOL.

And Bleachness keeps rolling! ETA: And rolling! And rolliiiiiing!

Let's stay tunned to see how this goes on...

ETA 1: Grudgewank or not? You decide!

ETA 2: I'm glad I don't like hate comms!" Yeah, sure.

My Lord,

I hope this missive finds you well, for I write to you now with the most dire of news. A new enemy threatens our homes, our families, our very existence.

I am speaking, of course, of that movie about Scott Pilgrim.

( Read more... )

ETA from ilinana: Banned!

Taking this from wank report. Thank you, mousie! :*

Background: ( Meep meep! SPOILERS HEEEERE! )

Shit gets started in the Inoue Orihime FC at Bleach Asylum. Mods have already been deleting the choicest wank, but look for FW favorite Yuliana leading the charge.

( But wank can't be escaaaaaaaaaped from! How dare you dislike her, you're evil! How dare you like her, she's a whore! )

As usual, wank moves to Bleachness, where wank is officially discouraged except when it is courted and encouraged.


( You want a proof? Here, here! )

And there you have it. Orihime apologists rape their mothers. How DARE anybody like her.

Bonus Wank! -- FW alum sleepwalkerrrr is also present, and white knighting so hard it’s kind of cute.

ETA 1: Wank Round 2! Why are so soooooo co-dependent on that asshole Ichigo and NOT on Ishida-chan or Ulquiorra-sama, huh?

ETA 2: Karenai is a tiiiiiny bit bitter because Orihime commits the sin of existing.

ETA3: Whenever Yulieana opens her trap, insanity pours out.

ETA 4: Orihime sucks because we say so! Let's ignore all canon saying that she doesn't and add emoticons to make our claim stronger! :D xD ^_^

Brought to you by wank_report!

Clan Mitchell is a Dreamwidth community revolving around the fictional Mitchell family, which appears to be a huge group of people who live in the Carolinas under the administration of a matriarch named Momma, generally serve in some branch of the U.S. military, and/or operate under a general curtain of good ol' American values, get-well-pies, and care packages.

Motto: "The Mitchells will inherit the earth: the meek don't move fast enough."

From the profile:

"So ivorygates and synecdochic made up a bunch of crazy Southern relatives, and the "Fuck Canon, Fanon Makes More Sense, Dammit" club (meetings on alternate Tuesdays, free t-shirts at the recruiting tables, bring your own beer but the cookies are free) firmly believes that "Kansas, my ass" is the best way to approach Cameron Mitchell's home life, and, well, there should be more fic about these people!

Not necessarily a shared-continuity set of stories -- use as much or as little as you'd like -- but a shared-character-list and a place for people to build a shared-world. Grab a Mitchell and start writing. Resistance is futile! You will be assimilated. And probably baked for."

( It all starts with a ficprompt... )
ETA: Revenge of the Sith: cap including the offending fic.

Holy ETA, Batman: (thanks, mousie)
"When someone has put in a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to create an absolutely beautiful sandbox to play in (a sandbox that they love very very much), and then not only allows you to come in and play in their sandbox, but graciously opens the door and INVITES you in, you don't shit in the sandbox. You don't. M'kay? Good."

We can't stop here, this is ETA country: It's time for the public address roll, looks like. From eilan:
* slybrarian calls for fair and balanced.
* quinfirefrorefiddle & co. are appalled at F_W's lack of journalistic integrity.
* Synecdochic's state of the union, and also ivorygates is banned. Or left. Either way, she's not a mod any more.