I read the strangest rant today. How strange you say? So strange no one can agree just whether it's even a rant at all!

OP replies to requests to clarify, a few times, while a brave idealist attempts first contact, before realizing only a sucker would try to breach such impenetrable walls of WTF.

A random potshot at someone's fic-writing skills prompts the best simile ever.

The more persistent commenters dig through the layers of Bizarro-talk until they uncover the truth: OP is... 'anti-criticism'?

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE SMILEYS.

And shattered idealism is shattered.

ETA: aslongasitlasts has studied the people of FFR. He's like a magic 8-ball, in a way.

And wank_report has some too.

ETA2: Modly intervention. But he wants to be banned. No, really.

ETA s'more: Post got blanked and F-locked. Comm membership is open, though.

The ETA Apocalypse Now: Comments are being baleeted at random, and the original post is replaced by the preface to The Picture of Dorian Gray. It's the final troll blowout, people.

ETA Captain Obvious:: Oh, so that's what started it. Taunting the mod, and then deleting comments (A no-no in ffr^2). He's banned now, but you wouldn't know because the mod comment that said that is... deleted!

ETA Cry For Justice: There are 409 Google caches of the wank still with pre-baleetion comments. Saving the ones I can before they update.

BJR has a bone to pick with the mod of a Pokemon RP community.

Way to go there. You banned me for "being rude" to you when I have a log proving that it was YOU who was being rude to ME. You banned me for insulting other players ICly and OOCly when I did no such thing (with convienant lack of evidence, no less! And the only player I ever insulted ICly was ME, when I posted in dear_mun!).

My characters are arrogant bastards, but they never insulted any other player, just other characters and only when it was appropiate for them to do so (and come on, the other characters insulted THEM right back).

Naturally, people are Not Impressed and proceed to explain to her, in detail, why she brought this on herself. BJR, as usual, tries to wriggle her way out of taking any blame by insisting "the mods don't get it" and accuses people of making claims without having any evidence to back them up and shit like that. ketsuban tries to plead for sanity and saiyamanms attempts to defend her, but to no avail.

And what would BJR wank be without the classic New Orleans bit?

blackjackrocket makes a rather mundane post in the pokemon community to find out if jesusatemeout still wants to do an earlier agreed upon Pokemon trade. jesusatemeout says she does, and they proceed to began the joyous dance of trading!

Sadly, this does not go smoothly. A span of time passes with no reply, and BJR starts getting testy.

"...ok, I've been waiting for TWENTY TWO MINUTES now, stalling out on that INVITE/DISCONNECT screen. Where the HELL are you?" "Yeah, half an hour. Tell me when you're *actually ready* instead of making me wait around with that insipid music going on."

jesusatemeout replies about twenty minutes later: "You could like. Not be mean. Right when I got to the Pokecenter, my internet went out. It's still intermittent. I was fucking tearing my hair out and worrying you'd freak out, and you totally did. I don't intend to keep your Lugia, I'm very happy you let me get the info with a tradeback, and please just calm down and stop accusing me of shit when it is entirely out of my control.

In fact, if someone completely disappears, I think it's safe to assume that their internet went out or something more important happened. Next time just be patient- I will get back to you when I can."

In most cases, things would smooth themselves out from here and people would go on about their lives. But really, would I be posting here if it had? Of course not.

Aside from the always amusing cluelessness of BJR, we also feature penguinsane letting her know she's banned from the pokewifi community in spite of this whole shebang not taking place there.

Spinning Spinsters decides to write an essay about how fan culture is highly conservative, and bolsters and propagates male supremacist ideas.

People in the comments seem to agree with her and thank her for having opened their eyes to how they're really just serving The Man by writing about guys getting on it.

But wait! Is such blanket approval natural? Not in the least.

As soon as she starts getting disagreements that are pro-slash, she deletes them on the grounds that such defenses can be found anywhere. She also refuses to link to any examples because it'd be unhelpful/too much work, and characterizes most femmeslash stories as being like lesbian pornography.

For bonus points, she apparently also has the power to edit comments if they talk about women in unacceptable ways. Though it's okay to say that on House, 'the women on that show are so lousy, either shrews or sex objects or both', so I'm curious as to what she doesn't find acceptable.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to serve The Man.

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Over on LJ's idontdance community, devoted to (apparently) a High School Musical slash couple, the mods post to ask people to please avoid making potentially racist remarks regarding the hair of one of the two characters involved.

Predictably, the wank is started in the first comment by killerspork33, who takes every possible opportunity to point out that s/h/it knows a white person with hair like that!, and goes on to contribute half the comments and 80% of the point-missing and general wankery to the post as a whole.

Fortunately for the lulz-to-serious ratio of the wank, it's not all standard racism wank -- we have alethalia wanking about how edgy and un-PC s/h/it is and how the mods are being oppressive and are suppressing s/h/it's speech.

headachehead wanks over use of the word "retarded" as a generalized insult, is offended at being called immature, and complains about being disrespected for "having a sense of humor."

Small in terms of comment-count, but efficiently packaged. Now that it's hit metafandom in a comment, it might even expand.

It's on the main page! I'm asking!

What the heck is a BNF? And why do I see it everywhere?

Ok, I mod over at Bulbagarden, and let me tell you, some weird shit goes on over there.

At Kanna's behest, I must post the sheer wank-n-weirdness of one such thread. Please to note that this wank contains events that have not occured in the English run yet.

Our story begins when Geodude posts a thread about something he saw in Nintendo Power and if it will affect a character on the show. (the character May is also the female lead in the Ruby/Sapphire games)

BenRG makes a passing mention that the show writers tend to shy away from giving the characters powerful Pokémon

Kaz begs to differ

BenRG refutes her

Not much wanky so far, but trust me, when it rains, it pours.

Kaz tells Ben he has "no plausable example" to use.

Ben says that he was kidding about his first example, but keeps refuting Kaz.

Kaz's reply gets the wank going at an even keel.

But Ben takes the ball and runs with it, so to speak, as he brings up the issue of Pokéballs and capture, among many, MANY other things.

And thus begins the wank.

Highlights include thusly:

Pokéball Peril...which, sadly, was the name of an actual episode. However, the episode did not include the wanktastic lines "What show do you watch?" or "I also think that you read 1984 too much."

Your posts don't matter, in which Kaz yells at someone for posting truths rather than a common fan legend (see, in one episode, James suddenly has a Weepinbell that evolves into a Victreebell, but it wasn't said where he had gotten it in the first place. Rumors had abounded that he had stolen it from the place it was first seen and it was edited in the dub, but the truth was that the Japanese version was equally vague on how he got it)

Same fan posts telling her where James *really* got it (which *was* on the show, as the writers backpedaled three seasons late to fill in a plot hole.)

Kaz hates to be wrong, so she claims that James *really* stole it from the breeding center, despite the fact that the episode dispelling this had been shown in her country at this time. Her exact quote is probably the wankiest thing in the entire thing:
Oh no, Johto canon, help help, I'm so scared.

Ever seen "The Breeding Centre Secret", where, in the REAL [as in, Japanese] version, James STOLE it before he ran? And 4KIDS dubbed that it was his to stop the little kiddies stealing their neighbour's plants cos James does it?

Considering NONE OF THIS ever happened, and that it was PROVEN ON THE SHOW THAT HE DID NOT STEAL IT, and that the dub DID NOT CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT HOW HE GOT IT, I wonder how she got to be a mod.

Yes, you read that right. Kaz, as well as BenRG and Geodude, are my fellow mods. These are not clueless newbies making these posts.

And I think that's enough for now. Read the rest of the wank for yourself. I have to clean my monitor.

This started about a fandom, but the wank really isn't about it, so I'm not sure if this is the right place to put it.

It's pretty wanky, though, so...

I posted something about yaoi on Saturday Morning cartoons, given that in the comic this show is based on, Static's sidekick has a crush on him.

The first reply is not really all that wanky, as girl complains about her homophobic family.

The reply to that takes issue with her methods in dealing with them

Oh boy. Open the floodgates.

You don't understand me!

No excuses!

You prick! You insulted me!

And down a little more...

Telling it like it is

I don't expect pity (ACTUAL QUOTE)


And it's *STILL GOING ON*, so watch it for more wank, wank, wank!

So. Ryosato just finished reading the Korean Digimon comic. Ryosato...was not pleased. No biggie, not many people seem to be.

And then Blackjackrocket comments.

And things...go downhill fast, and I can't finish reading it due to eyepain. Maybe you'll do better.