There once was an archive for Yuletide
and when it died every other fool cried
stop thief
in erroneous belief
that their fics were about to go worldwide

( background )

( the set up )

( coda )

OH ETA: melodyclark is here to show us all that even older women like to wank like horny thirteen year olds, but if she doesn't give it a rest I'm worried she's going to go blind, develop hairy palms, AND come down with a raging case of carpal tunnel syndrome.

thanks to inquisition for the heads up.

eta 3.1415 The abyss is looking into us... and it's fucking stupid. :D

bonus lulz: tzikeh point out to me that melodyclark tried to edit her fanlore page.

( text for anyone who can't or doesn't want to load fanlore )

Those dragons that pop up everywhere and you're supposed to click on them for your friends so the dragons hatch or grow or take over Sunnydale?

The eggs have changed. The "alts" look like regular eggs now and people do not know what will happen when they click on those. I still don't know entirely what that means, but the rules say the fun of playing is the surprise. Players with Excel spreadsheets disagree. And some players will resort to "murder" because they can't be as control freaky about their imaginary breeding of pixels.

alts explained Thank you!

Would you kill your dragons? Most people answer HEAVEN FORFEND! sort of--kind of. There is a nice lecture about how deleting pixels is not an immoral act. ETA: post bahleeted.

Another thread asks what will happen? Won't someone think of the children hatchlings?

The FAQ says that if your attempt to kill an egg the dragon might survive and flee from you because you tried to fucking kill it. LOL.

Oh, look. Common sense.

You are mean and your dragons are ugly.

It's not so much RAGE as OCD entitlement.

ETA note: The links I provided seemed to me to be comments made by adults. The users I know are all of age and many of them hang out here. If an actual F_W mod wants me to delete that is cool.

I think the theory that Meg over at Cute Overload occasionally posts questionable content just to fuck with her viewers maybe true. Yesterday, Meg posted this video which tells the touching story of a dog who comes to a farm as a puppy and the duck (a male duck named Sheila) who adopts him. Unfortunately, Sheila eventually dies of old age.

That's where it gets weird.

Sheila's owners decide to get the duck embalmed and present the stuffed results to the dog, who is very happy to see his friend again. So happy, in fact, that he knocks her fake beak off. The video ends with one of the owners dragging Sheila's corpse so the dog can chase after it.

( And of course, all hell breaks loose in the comments. )

( You're all horrible people and I'm never coming back here again! )

And then someone reveals that the video was fake, made as commercial for an Argentinian Internet Provider. Their tagline translates to "Internet you talk about."

( This commercial is animal cruelty! )

There's more to the thread, including discussions on the merits of giving ducks wheels, people quoting sketches about parrots who are pining for the fjords, and the vegans also weigh in toward the end.

I'll leave the parting shot to Sara here:

If dragging my preserved body around the yard made my friend that happy, I'd be fine with it.

ETA: Link to commercial fixed, sorry.

ETA 2: The Duck Drags Back: We have more angry flounces!

( Apparently these people missed the comments about how the whole thing was staged and that the whole McKenzie / Sheila friendship was made up. )

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Fanficrants again. And yet, not a single thought on yaoi in sight. Instead, we have emmabrock posting a review she got on a recent story of hers, as you do. However, the fanfic review -- the fandom for which is never even mentioned -- is really secondary to the real purpose of emmabrock's post, which is: Homeschooling!

The wank wastes no time, as emmabrock helpfully shares some of her, "ah, research," by which she means googling for homeschooling vs. publicschooling wankbait. Helpfully, she posts some of her results, which 'prove' that homeschoolers regard public-schoolers as barely one step above microbes.

So, are public-schoolers illiterate, drooling retards, or are home-schoolers surly, elitist, socially malformed trolls? Judging by some of the responses to emmabrock's post, I don't see why both can't be right:

( Some, but not all, of the wank below... )

"Intelligent, reasonable, and open-minded?"

lawl.

Well, apparently the mods at least aren't open-minded enough, because emmabrock promptly gets banned for editing her post. And then unbanned a little later because she might not actually have edited her post, maybe. Oh, well, as long as we're clear on what we're doing and why.

Comments devolve into "My Thoughts On Education" on the second page off the FFR post with no new comment thread kerfluffles to show for it, but in the meantime the wank moves to a reaction post on fanficrantsrants, where people are shocked I say, just shocked irritated by the mod's overreaction.

Apparently, braumsgirl26 of Customers Suck! fame has returned as selenafan27 and come to Bad RPers Suck. It starts out innocently enough, with our dear friend asking what a Mary Sue is, seen here: http://community.livejournal.com/bad_rpers_suck/4999066.html#comments

She trolls a bit

http://community.livejournal.com/bad_rpers_suck/5006139.html

http://community.livejournal.com/bad_rpers_suck/4999612.html

http://community.livejournal.com/bad_rpers_suck/4999843.html

http://community.livejournal.com/bad_rpers_suck/5002933.html

and seems to be losing interest. OR IS SHE!?

This evening, a beautiful example of caps-locked stupid is left us by selenafan27 Claus. It's already hit the triple digits and shows no signs of petering out.

http://community.livejournal.com/bad_rpers_suck/5039592.html

Witness the rain of macros! See the stunning vistas of LOLZORS! Hear the cries of EPIC TROLL!

If that's your thing. Me, Imma gonna drink my brandy and listen to the History of Sex on History Channel.

EDITED to bring you more of her glowing wit.

BPAL wank that isn't about BPAL. It's about eBay. Or more specifically, that ever-controversial subject, sniping.

If you don't know anything about eBay: sniping is when someone waits until the last minute to bid on an auction, hoping to snag it before the other person has a chance to rebid. Of course, eBay has a bid proxy system - you enter a (hidden) maximum and the system counterbids for you automatically until you're maxed out - so the snipe is only successful if the late bid has a higher maximum than you do. (Ties go to the earliest bidder.)

The pro-snipe contingency says that sniping is just how the game is played. The anti-snipe contingency says that sniping is rude, sneaky, and mean.

So, girltuesday bid on some BPAL and got sniped. And boy, is she pissed.

( sniping is evil. )

( no, sniping rocks! )

( not about sniping, just a little bit of wank dessert )

Wow, this is just . . . woo.

I'm going to try to make this better than my usual summaries, but this is way more amusing than it should be.

kittywuff posts an (let's be honest, here) ungrammatical rant about "cthulu fan-tards" and "McWiccans", railing against the wannabe rebels who slap on the pagan label to look "different" or "cool." (I have no idea how accurate her facts are as I know nothing about wiccanism/paganism/whateverism.)

The first poster agrees. Then werebitch steps into the arena and lives up to her username. Her reply (all 1604 words of it) is split into four parts to accomodate the posting limit. "But get a clue here... it's NEOPAGANISM not "let's be exactly like it was 1000 years ago" paganism." What follows is a detailed iteration of everything that's WRONG with kittywuff's argument (with a "By the way, your spelling and typing skills are horrible" thrown in for flavor), delivered with, I imagine, nose firmly in the air. However, she manages along the way to throw out the accusation that it is in fact kittywuff who is the arrogant one.

"But I doubt it... you are so full of yourself and what you believe to be "real" that you will only see where I'm correcting you, you won't see the wisdom, or the knowledge contained in the words. You will get angry that I dared to speak thus to you, and you will probably even delete this comment." (Which isn't true; comments are still up at the moment.)

mugetsu_ replies with "preach much?" and it all goes downhill from there. The highlights:

- tedious definitions of "pagan" that don't seem to ever resolve the issue!
- assertions that anyone not Christian, Jewish, or Muslim is pagan by default! (Shocked my Buddhist ass to the core, that one.)
- a giant pic of a half-naked long-haired weirdo giving a thumbs up!
- ribald condescention!
- accusations of childishness!
- allusions to Star Wars! (All the more amusing since the word "Corellian" shows up in werebitch's sig lines.)
- a pic of the Iraqi (dis)Information Minister!

And in the end . . . it just ends up making pagans (or rather, this group of pagans) look like argumentative boors, precisely what they keep insisting they're not. Two thumbs, er, sideways. :P

And it's a good thing too, cause I'd hurt myself.

Mami. Got that? Mami. Not Mommy.

I can deal with being freaked before she knew the difference. But what seems really wanky here is it was explained to her and she's still saying it's 'mommy' and how men better not call her that.

Cultural diversity, it's a wonderful thing. Really.

BTW, did any of you know chick is another word for baby chickens? Next time some guy calls me a chick, I'm gonna punch his lights out for insinuating I'm poultry.

edit Very loosely fandom, but as long as JC and Britney are mentioned, I'm going with it!