Small but sweet.

In the land of Glee, there are singing teenagers and many fans who want them all to bang.
Of course, there is much screaming and gnashing of teeth over the right way for a bunch of fictional underage characters to be getting it on, but someone tries to be reasonable about it.

The loudest jerks do not speak for the entire 'ship. Skurt fans and Klaine fans need to realise this.

And we all agree to disagree and go home, right? Wrong! Because even when you've worn the shipping arguments to the ground, there is still... *drumroll* Arguing about ship names!

Not going to debate you on the beginning, but please. It's Kum or Hevans. We've repeatedly asked the fandom to choose one or the other, but calling us "Skurt" or "Kam" or whatever else is disrespectful at this point.

It goes on from there:


We don't want Kam and Surt to be used because they will always sound derogatory and mocking to us, even if you don't mean them in that way.

We already put up with being called delusional, crazy, retarded, etc; ok no big deal. All we're asking here is, at least respect the ship portmanteaus we chose. Yes, it is an emotional issue to us and we do take it personally, but it doesn't cost to just give us this much.


It's about respecting slash as much as het!

So there's this video about Bleach voice actors who were at Kawaii-Kon, an anime convention hosted in Hawaii, where they were questioned about possible romantic preferences for the young man they provide voices for. Johnny Yong Bosch (JYB) is the voice behind Kurosaki Ichigo for the English dub, while Morita Masakazu (MM) is the Japanese seiyū for the dashing hero. No, he's not really dashing. More like cranky.

the toobs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQfkhEK04jE

Then someone dared to ask the million-dollar question: do they prefer RUKIA or ORIHIME for Ichigo?

In summation, JYB & MM both said "Orihime." So there!
( OH. HELL. NO. Voice actors aren't allowed opinions! )
( But this series isn't about ROMANCE!!! )

Bonus references to Avatar: the Last Airbender wank here.

This has been a busy, busy week for Bleach fandom! I have some caps, but tinypic keeps re-sizing the images.

Finally, a friendly reminder to my fellow wankas: don't feed the trolls.

:throws cheese to mousey for collecting links:

( Aww, ETA's for breakfast? You're too kind! )
( We have contact! )

Edit 3: Fandom Wank's name was dropped like it's hott. jaseroque got a special mention for the translation.

Edit 4:( The wank levels up! Or uh... Bankai. )

Thank you, kind mousey from wank_report!

Crystaldawn doesn't think that IchiHime shippers are so bad. So she writes an essay about it, debunking some of the "myths" about them... (Thanks for the exact link, mariem_1)

Yulieana (from these wanks) finds out. And she is not happy AT ALL.

Feminism is not about celebrating and encouraging women! Bullies must only be dealt with through hitting them back! A True Woman should NEVER EVER become a teacher! And samurais do not belong in Bleach. That's what Yulieana says, after all.

And as a bonus, Fandom Secrets seems to have some things to say about her...

ETA: Aaaand she saw us. Now WE are the stalkers, the bad "feminists" and the wankers, according to her and Co.. =D

ETA 2: "I wrote an eleven page essay in reply to yours!" "And I think you're such a BITCH for not fucking replying to her on it! Not from Yulie herself, but still damn wanky.

ETA 3: Why ship wars are awesome! IDK MY NOT BFF YULIE? Thanks, lady_ganesh!

ETA 4: And the whining bout CD's essay FINALLY reaches Bleachness

From a mouse on wank_report and using some of their language.

copper_cakes uses a picture as her Livejournal background of the Bleach pairing Ulquiorra/Orihime. Unfortunately, it was a commission, and the artist and the person who paid for the art let her know. She takes down the image, and apologizes for using it and causing them trouble here.

Sounds straightforward, right? But you forget: this is Bleach and Bleach is serious fucking business. Not only is stealing wrong, copper_cakes is a LYING LIAR who only really ships Ichigo/Orihime!

( No, really. )

Small, but tasty in its utter detachment from any sense of perspective.

EDIT: Yes, you've seen Yulieana before.

EDIT THE SECOND: Yulieana...um. Responds, I guess?

EDIT THE THIRD: Moar caps! Were people actually buying wedding dresses? Spill the details, folks! EDIT THE FOURTH: This may be an exaggeration. BUT IF YOU HAVE BLEACH WEDDING DRESS ART, PUT IT IN COMMENTS, I'm bored and LJ is slow today. Bonuses for boys in dresses.

EDIT THE FOURTH (NO, WAIT, THE FIFTH): Where are my wedding dresses, bitches? Yulieana compares fandom_wank to Fox News (can I be Shepherd Smith?), some girl I don't know to infamous lawyer "Jake" Thompson, and takes a sideswipe at Johnny Yong Bosch. Dude, dissing the Black Ranger? So not on. Get it before it's locked!

EDIT SIX: Thanks for the wedding dresses! Oh, and neutrality is simply impossible when it comes to Bleach ships.

So I've been idly checking back here on and off all day to see if this wank's been reported yet, and finally decided I should just go ahead and write it up myself.

So, apparently, a big spoiler for the upcoming "Heroes" season finale broke on the interwebs yesterday. Today, the interwebs are responding in fine form, determined to break the "Heroes" writers right back.

Here, we have what started out as a spoiler wank, which has forked off into 'ship wanks, character hate wanks, an entitlement wank, and Fandom v. Fandom wank. Three Four wanks for the price of one!

( Runs a bit long. Also, do I really need to say that a spoiler wank will contain spoilers? )

Popular Pirates of the Carribean fic comm Pirategasm is being overrun by a shipwar, and the mod has had enough.

The Captain is angry and completely disgusted.

I am well aware that the subterranean SparraShip war has erupted into full-fledged battle. I will NOT have it here. Don't try my patience over this, folks. I already have no time to read anything posted here because I'm too busy checking the comments to make sure you cuttlefish aren't cannibalising each other. ( Read more... )

fried_flamingo asks if hippediva's explosion is in reference to anything in particular. This does not go well.

soleilpirate questions why the post was necessary, since the wank seems to have happened off-comm

mary684 points out that most people have no idea what the mod is talking about.

madam_pudifut threatens to flounce to which the mod replies "GTFO".

All of this results in a second modly decree from on high: "I am, at this point, undecided about whether or not to continue this community at all."

What? No! What a shocking outcome. Ack! Don't shut down Piratagasm! DON'T LET THE TERRORISTS WIN!111!!234".



ETA: Whoa, the mod is actually behaving sensibly and taking a break? No way! no pirate speech today, this is too serious to make light of it.

As some of you know, Avatar: the Last Airbender had its series finale yesterday. Many mind-blowing things occured in the finale, but since this is fandom, all the wankers care about is one thing: whose ships got sunk?

( Spoilery Ship Wank under the cut )

OH my fandom. You never stop wanking, do you?

Edit: Bonus wank from livejournal! (Thank you ueuecoyotl!) Character-bashing, creator-bashing, and plans for a rewrite. My Harmony flashbacks grow stronger and more vivid by the minute.

Edit 2: Limey404 brilliantly calls Avid on her bullshit. Wow that's some grade-A hypocrisy right there folks.

Edit 3: The batshit continues as Avid posts a follow-up. Just... read it. It's special.

Edit 4: Avid's BFF, Isaluvszutara, brings the drama in her own journal. Sheesh, don't these people have lives ouside of their ships? D:

I found this recipe in the other wank and thought you guys might enjoy it:

You will need
1 greased ohnotheydidnt
1 ship-based MS Paint macro (Do not credit the macro! This is very important!)
3 cups inksplotched
1/2 teaspoon grudge (optional)
2 heaping tablespoons bazcat89
a pinch of CAPSLOCK
sparkles to taste

1. In a large bowl, add inksplotched to the macro in 1/2-cup increments, beating on high speed until stiff peaks form.

2. In another bowl, combine grudge, bazcat89, and CAPSLOCK and stir until mixed thoroughly.

3. Fold grudge-bazcat89-CAPSLOCK mixture into macro-inksplotched meringue.

4. Spread over ohnotheydidnt and top with sparkles.

5. Bake at 400 degrees for 3 days until edges are crusty.

6. Serve with your favorite alcoholic beverage and a large sprig of mockery.

*You may store Twilight Sparkle Surprise in your freezer up to 3 months.
**CAUTION: if you share your thoughts on fandom near Twilight Sparkle Surprise, it will turn out bitter and inedible and all the hungry wankas will eat you instead!

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Alternate Title: Shipping: Fucking. Serious. Business.

In katara_zuko, Avatar: the Last Airbender fans congregate to discuss their shippy Zutarian love. It's normally pretty wank-free, but with Season Three rapidly approaching after an unannounced hiatus of almost a year, many of the wankier fans are coming out of the woodwork.

It starts relatively simply. hyper_roo decides to post about the possibility of Zutara becoming canon. Their post probably has some decent points, if anyone would bother to read them. Unfortunately, she/he does not realize that she is not the first to do this kind of post and that they are, in fact, the second person to make a post about Zutara's canonicity (or lack thereof) in the last 36 hours, and that posts of this nature have been at least weekly for the last month or so.

rachelthedemon, among others, is sick of these posts. Not only that, but her reply ("TO HELL WITH CANON") is the reply that has been frequently used on this posts because these posts are the same over and over and over again:

"If you've ever wondered why the rest of the fandom likes to mock the hell out of us? THIS IS WHY. Because collectively, we are obnoxiously immature and don't know when to accept things the way they are and shut up. Unfortunately, that gives those of us who are sane about shipping a bad name.

Really. I'm almost ashamed to even LIKE Zutara thanks to some of what's been posted here in reaction to the Season 3 trailer, because I don't want to be lumped in with the crazy.

The horse is dead. The carcass is maggot-infested and sagging and rotting and there is absolutely nothing you can do to make it get back up again.

The community pretty much divides from there. Some people agree with rachelthedemon. Others support the OP and agree that Zutara will be canon. Additionally, rachelthedemon is accused of killing hope and overreacting. (Also, we have someone who thinks Dante Basco's voice is sexy.)

Apparently all this controversy is too much. hyper_roo feels personally attacked and leaves the ship in a new post (mood: betrayed). People are upset and blame their fellow shippers. Other people don't know what's going on, but think everyone's overreacting. The word flounce is used. xxawayfrommexx posts to the community in support of hyper_roo to general support:

"It's been, perhaps, a month since I last checked this community, so when I came here I was like: YAY! My Zutara sanctuary!

Then I see that more than 5 or 6 people have left.

T.T

It really makes me sad.

I read HyperRoo's little post, and all ,and I saw most of the Zutara posters were kinda like Kataang posters. Now please, I'm not bashing Kataang posters; my brother is one. But really people, we used to pride ourselves is saying "I'm not like immature Kataang person, who bashes other, I'M ZUTARIST AND AM MATURE!! >P "

Then why did you go off at HyperRoo? Yes, I see that many people are like, "ZUTARA WILL BE CANNON!!oneone!" but, really, I thought that most of the comments were a tad rude. So... what are you going to do about it?"

But rachelthedemon is still unhappy and lets xxawayfrommexx know exactly how many posts on this topic have been made since July 28 (eight separate posts, not including hyper_roo's, averaging out to about two a week). anais_ninja thinks she's missing the point.

Finally, the mods step in to wrap everything up and tell everyone to play nice.

I've come bringing a tasty little ABBA wank.

As was established in previous wanks, ABBA fans tend to be a little...touchy? Which is why I lurk for the pictures and tend to avoid discussions. That is, until tonight when curiosity got the best of me and I clicked on a topic entitled Frida jealous at Agnetha?. (The splooge is oozing in a few different directions of wtf/teal dear at once)

I cannot link to individual comments. Woe.

Who's Who in ABBA:

Agnetha = the blonde with the (apparently) famous ass
Frida = the other one

There were also some guys in the group, or something.

New member, Marielon posts innocently asking if Frida was ever jealous of Agnetha.

A seemingly innocent question, especially in light of Frida's infamous 'nudge'.

A few posters make comments about how we can never really know how 'the girls' felt about each other and it seems fairly calm (and personally I was quite impressed, Agnetha vs. Frida debates seem to end up as messy dogpiles).

No problem, right? Well...these are ABBA fans...

( 'when you are so exceptionnally beautiful and talented as Frida,you can not be jealous of Agnetha or any one else i think! ' )

Sorry for the tl;dr, wish I could post links to the actual comments for your viewing pleasure.

ETA: Now with pictures! So everyone can pick their favorite! (Yes, Alex, I'll take Bennybjörn for 500...)

ETA2: I just thought to check the profile of the OP, and they're under age, so I'm going to edit out my quotes of their posts. Everyone else middle aged and much wankier than the OP was anyway. (Mods let me know if you want me to delete the entire post, and I will do so in the morning, but I'm falling asleep at the computer at the moment.)

ETA2: For the sake of comparison Frida's ass

Doctor Who shipwank ahoy! jesidres makes a post about Rose fen being molested by those horrible Martha fen who invented the word "batshit" to be mean to Rose fen, or something. Except, oops, "fen" is a derogatory term. And so is calling someone blond(e).

My personal favorite part is when leighleighla admits she hasn't found any of these posts with the Martha fen attacking the Rose fen, and concludes that this must be because the Martha fen are like ninjas!

Bonus: wank_report mini-wank where this was reported!

A Great Show Not So Great Anymore

And I thought it was another shipper war! But I was wrong!

( Read more... )


This has got to be my favorite quote:

I'm lost. What does Jesus have to do with House?

Edit:Bahleeted</b>

I'm moving this from C_W because this guy is wanky all by himself.

Meet Hiirowing aka Shirohane, a popular shota furry yaoi author in the Naruto fandom whose main pairing is SasuNaru. On December 16th, Shirohane posted a rant to his LJ in large red font. The rant has been reproduced here for those who don't want their eyes to bleed.


( Rant under cut )</ hulk>

Oh Naruto fandom, never change. <3


ETA: Thanks to jetamors for this link! ew_younerd has posted the best "public apology" I have ever read.

ETA Episode II: annwyd pointed these out, thanks so much! Apparently mention of Sakura around Shirohane is a no-no as seen in this thread. He also showed up in comments here in ew-younerd's LJ to post the entire "I'm suing you" thing.

The ETA Strikes Back: So ew-younerd has been alerted to us. Does this mean Shirohane isn't far behind?

Now with 50% more ETA: Shirohane has now disabled comments on the original post.

Everyone remember these two Bleach wanks? Good, you've got your background. Earlier today on the ichi_ruki forum on LJ a post was made by ichirukicanon, which is now deleted (saved here!), but she's made up for it by bitching on her LJ.

At first, it looks like some members of ichi_ruki are trolling her, including ruhime, ichiishi, and kurosakiorihime (formally orihime_kun), except that all of their journals were made in the past week. Just sit back and get some popcorn.

Bonus: Two women can't have sex, and besides it's totally icky and gross. Two men? That's okay.

EDIT: Benihara showed up in the clairvoyantwank post. Not a sock of Orihime, but possibly more fun in the future?

New (socks? trolls? I'm so lost) journals: benihara, byaruk, and everyonexswords.

I endorse this last pairing.

Son of the Edit: Orihime has shown up. We're all mean f*ckers, and she's taking away the intranets! Quick, download as much porn as you can!

Another edit: I'm not doing the laundry this week. chizuxhime, and renichiruki. I have no clue what you guys are doing, but watching them implode is great. We've got a request in the comments for Chad/Ichigo. Any takers?

And a new word from orihime: Veggina.

Since the last Bleach pairing wank was focused on Ichigo/Orihime, it was only a matter of time before the more er... intense(?)... Ichigo/Rukia fans would start up again.

Over at rukia_fans, new member ichirukicanon (you can already tell what this wank is about huh?), makes an intro post...

Subject: ichiruki is all that matters
hi, I'm new here :)

Rukia is my favourite character, I love her!! I just wanted to say hi, and YAY FOR ICHIRUKI!! ^__^

ICHIRUKI IS CANON!! orihime can either die or have ishida, renji can die!!

RUKIA BELONGS TO ICHIGO!!! :)

And it just spirals from there.

This must be part of the ffrants Christmas Special I mentioned a while ago.

Edit: BALEETED! D:

Pages 1, 2, and 3 screencapped by iris, plus subthread.

Modtags from jetamors: #1 ichiruki shipper, *fishslapped*, admit it you like the moderator tags, bleach rants, bloody hell not again, capslock can't make this cool, egotistical wankers, fap fap fap, my ego iz pastede on yey, new to the internet, otp rants, shipping rivalries, troll in the dungeon, vanishing post syndrome, wank fodder ahoy

Entire wank saved by pharae

Edit II: She's back for more!

Edit III: Deleted again! But Iris saves the day:
http://iris.superbusnet.com/tunes/temp/lolwanktwo1.html
http://iris.superbusnet.com/tunes/temp/lolwanktwo2.html
http://iris.superbusnet.com/tunes/temp/lolwanktwo3.html
http://iris.superbusnet.com/tunes/temp/lolwanktwo4.html
http://iris.superbusnet.com/tunes/temp/lolwanktwosub.html
http://iris.superbusnet.com/tunes/temp/lolwanktwosub2.html

Edit IV: MORE BALEETION!

Edit V: She's taken it to ffrantsrants.

aukestrel rants about rec warnings in Due South fandom. She doesn't want to read Ray/Ray (or Ray?Ray, as she puts it, because she just can't see the pairing), so she wants clear rec-labels. Okay, fine. Lots of people don't want to read a particular pairing. This makes sense.

This? Not so much:

I prefer my F/K fantasy life. I've loved it for over six years now and I'm going to continue to love it for the foreseeable future.

So please... for the love of Dief and little green apples, would you think before you rec a fucking Ray?Ray story and don't actually mention that fact?

Also, when I defriend you, it's nothing personal. I'm tired of wading through seemingly endless paeans to the glory and rightness of Ray?Ray and recs for stories I have less than no interest in.

Wait, you know what? It is personal. Because I'll wade through endless paeans to Jsquared and Sam/Dean and even McShep without getting all het up. But Fraser's a crazy-ass emotional "for God's sake don't let her near Paul Gross!" connection for me and it hurts me when he's left out in the cold, out of character and just plain out of luck.

Neither does this

Alternate pairings mark the end of "something" (hegemony? group-think? comment-whoring? Tell us!)in a fandom? I did not know that!

There's more nuttiness in the comments,supposedly, but I can't brave them yet without coffee. Thanks to glossing2 for linking to the wank_report,and the mouse that posted it there for the heads-up.

This wank has a couple of days behind it, but since I know that everyone here enjoys a good 'ol batshit paring war with delusional shippers, I thought it'd be okay.

Anyway, the resident Harmonians of the Avatar: The Last Airbender fandom called the Zutara (Zuko/Katara) shippers (or Zutarians) start wanking on Wiki for not allowing any Zutara material to be posted or discussed on their website.

It all starts with Prototime stating that he's tired of the mother fuckin' Zutara fans on his mother fuckin' Wiki. But things heat up when he says the following- "Zutara" is a purely speculative relationship that has no valid basis, despite attempts of some fans to throw together circumstantial evidence and interpreting it in a way to support their fantasies.

Like little shipper bees to honey, the Zutarians show up and 3, 2, 1... wank.

A mouse states that if Zutara is "band", all other parings for Avatar should be "banded" as well. H2P steps in and gets all JKR on the fandom by calling all hints of Zutara to be delusional. This makes the mouse think that clearly H2P has never shipped an Avatar ship before and that the thoughts of Zutara happening was on par with the Theory of Relativity. (Oh shippers, you're just trying too hard!)

The mouse later gives herself the name of "DJ Zutara and Taang FOREVER" and proceeds to hound H2P about oppressing the gold that is Zutara. A couple of other people respond to DJ telling her that Wiki is not the place, but she only comes back for more to ask H2P to answer her questions.

A second mouse kindly tells DJ to pack up her bad grammar and leave, but this only results in more fansqueeing, complete with "OH NO U DI'NT OPRESS ME!".

A second Zutara shipper steps in sometime later. Arowen Half-Elven boldly proclaims "And, hate to break it to ya, I'm an American, this is a FREE country, we have freedom of speech and press, and you CANNOT keep us from posting Zutara or other parings on this talk page". Someone should remind her that the internet isn't only America, thus American rights only can go so far.

And it's a downward spiral of wank from there. DJ just keeps coming back for more, while others attempt to stamp Wiki = FACT, Zutara = FICTION (as of right now) into her brain.

It all ends with this lovely gem-
Geez, using Wiki to push your shipper delusions is beyond sad. You should all be embarrassed.

I know I'm embarrassed for my fandom.

Edit: The Zutara fandom explodes. Would you like some cheese with your whine? (WARNING- there are spoilers to the second season finale in that post!)

Hats off to a mousie on wank_report; we've got short but cute Bleach wank!!

As we all know, the Wiki is Serious Business. And curse its editors' offspring when it puts - in alphabetical order according to first name - Rukia Kuchiki after Orihime Inoue on its BLEACH page.

ileenka, for one, spots this grievous error and sets the name order the right way - the one where Rukia is most definitely more important than Orihime. See, I wouldn't get all the fuss myself, until I switched Ginny with Orihime and Hermione with Rukia. Then this entire thing made sense. The Wiki changes it back, whining, "Look, we don't care how much you hate Orihime! Our decision is FINAL, young lady!"

And so ileenka bitches about it in her El Jay. She also links her LJ post onto Wikipedia, going, "Neener, neener, neener, look at me bitching about how you oppress me on the internet!!" So it shouldn't be surprising when Wikipedia editor finestela - who appears to have made his/her LJ to comment on ileenka's post - comes over to "clarify," right? You'd think.

Insults Highlights include!

Anything said by xjabedx. For example: Do you even know the rule of English? When you put names in alphabetical order, you go by the last name and not the first. Why don’t you go back to whatever retarded school you come from and ask your teacher to teach you the simple step of alphabetizing, you little shit. So before writing anything, you need to get your facts straight and try not to let so many stupidity drip out from you brain, onto the keyboards and into the web and infecting ileenka’s journal with your stupidity.

geraldtuyq: Are you stupid times two hundred and seventy nine?! Or is it retarded times seven hundred and fifty one!?!?

finestela: By the way, your breath stinks... I guess it has something to do with the pile of horse manure you've just shoved back down your throat...

geraldtuyq: Neutral system my ass, why do you need to vote for the order of characters? Just go to the OFFICIAL BLEACH SITE and take the order of characters from there. THAT IS WHAT I CALL FACTUAL INFORMATION.

ileenka: Finn guy: You don't pay for 90% of the servers on the internet, so why should your ideas prevail?

ileenka: Thanks for posting here. You have just proved yourself to be unworthy of being taken seriously.

And I'm not sure what fanartist is doing in there.

FreezePage hates me. :(