Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

Quintessential novelist L.B. Wilshere-Cumming's Intarweb Lawyer/Agent has something to say. Shame on you, fandom_wank. Shame on you for trying to bring down such a brave little soldier.

ETA: The Author herself speaks! And appears to suffer from the same Parentheses Disease as her esteemed agent!

SON OF ETA: "Lionel Austin", Sockpuppet-At-Law, has shown up on the journal of the original wank's poster, varesh. Threats and demands and legalese, oh my!

DAUGHTER OF ETA: Bahleeted! Screencap of "Lionel's" original rant here. Anyone get The Author's site?

MOTHER-IN-LAW OF ETA, SHEESH: The requisite demand on Journalfen's support page for the wank to be taken down or face LEGUL AKSHON is here.

Hi all, first post here. I hope I don't disappoint. Let me know if I do.

This is a bit of an "archived" bit of ego-stroking-mess, as it's old, and a good number of the sources have died out. Hope this subject hasn't been covered before... but this chick's still alive and kicking, and growing worse by the minute.

Meet eternalforest. Well, her publicist, anyway--- if we're to go by posts she's they've who-the-fuck-ever's made in the past, constantly referring to the blogger as "The Author". She's written a novel called "Eternal Forest of the Soul" among a few other things. She's put up her own website at angelfire.com to promote her works. If you click that link, you'll see how incredibly pleased she is with herself.

She's also very pleased with her thesaurus, judging by this blurb from EFotS:

( The dominant adverb culls the weak text from the herd... )

So what's this got to do with fandom?

There was once an lj-user that went by the name of hothobbitgirl. Note that I said "went", as in past tense. This girl was HUGE in the LotR fandom, perving on Frolijah specifically. Proof of her existence (and perviness) can be found in various places. Her perviness and obsession included everything from making manips of her, her husband and Frodo in bed together to planning on going to conventions to interview Sean Astin with her "production company".

It wasn't long before hothob wanted to get her work published, and created--- yep, eternalforest. All of a sudden, gone was the obsessive fanaticism over the LotR boys and hobbits. The world wept as EF's journal disallowed comments, and all that was left was a girl a publicist who-the-frick-ever obsessed with her original fiction.

Then came a dark day, when she posted this in her journal this past June:

( Glad I saved this, cuz she decided to erase it... )

So her NEW journal here is full of post titles like Absolutely stunning images now up on the website, This is for those who asked for some personal guidance, and Reflection&Wonder: a sermon on life... well, the urpley-purpley-flowery-adverb-infected prose gets to be a bit too much.

Needless to say, just about everyone's defriended this sack of baloney. When your site shoves ads at you when you open each page, has gads of photos of you posing by your *self published book* that you stick haphazardly onto shelves right next to J.K.'s and J.R.R.'s work to make yourself look good, and post loads of photos showing you at book signings where the quantity of books on the table neither increase nor decrease as time moves on and your grandparents show up to make you look good, things just ain't gonna fare that well.

EDIT: One of the links in "various places" doesn't work. Sorry... um...
REVISED EDIT of Edit: Thanks, jrs1980 for pointing out how to make the link WORK. ;)

The moral of this story? Stick to hobbit-pr0n. You look more dignified that way.

Details I'd forgotten: An anon pointed this out; someone's embarrassed about being (blank)-published. She's whined mentioned many times that she's against sending one's manuscript out to EBUL PUBLISHERS, and that it's best to (blank)-publish. Can't find the link where she states that philosophy... darn, USED to be up... I'll keep looking...