Orlando Jones, most recently known for playing Captain Frank Irving in the hit show Sleepy Hollow is also known for being the unofficial head of the entire fandom. But as a BNF of a modern occult fandom starring incredibly attractive people facing weekly supernatural threats and the potential of an oncoming apocalypse, he has been subjected to a rite of passage endured only by the greatest of our number. Our hero must now face the Wrath of the Tinhats.

( Wrath beneath cut. )

EDIT: ORLANDO JONES HAS TWEETED THE POST GUYS OH MY GOD THIS IS NOT A DRILL SEMPAI NOTICED US

This is glorious http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/1304731.html?style=mine …. And this http://tinyurl.com/mmmf8m5 BTW - What exactly is wank? #SPN #J2 #Destiel

TURNABOUT EDIT: The wank comes full circle as spn-gossip finds the above tweet. Insults fly and the fans don't seem to understand that people may have priorities that don't completely revolve around what the Supernatural fandom might think.
( More wrath )

( Read more... )

Edit: The consensus was that this wasn't funny. Sorry about that. I obviously made an error in judgment yesterday. Also, some people said this was triggering/upsetting with regards to bi/homophobia, so be warned.

Edit 2: holy shit. That's a nice painting.

Jensen and Danneel Ackles are expecting a baby.

You know what this means? It means one good-looking little baby. Also, wank, because some people think Jensen Ackles is gay.

Gay, but a huge coward with daddy issues and completely FUBAR conservative social beliefs. His attitude to being known as gay, and to gay families, is fucking offensive. I hope someone outs him." (Link)

So, it's official, they are never going to stop pretending to be straight, homophobic, misogynistic, good old Texas boys in incredibly unhealthy marriages to awful women. I just feel sorry for the poor children.

I stopped watching Show two years ago, and was just hanging on to the hope these two idiots would get their shit together. Thanks for the kick up the butt I needed, Jensen, time to move on to actors I can actually respect. I'm out." (Link)

Boy, if it turns out that Jensen Ackles is straight won't they feel silly?

So someone posts a proposal on spn_gossip:

OUT THEM!
I'm being serious(yes, and bitchy) anyone have any proof? I'd offer to pay you but I'm sure you'd get more from the rags than I can afford. Why should they get $$ for being lying dickbags when you can get some for being honest. (link)

el_chamaleon takes them up on it:

I can out them if you want (ilegal ways, don't ask) and my moral was never too high, so say the magic words and I'll do it :).

P.S 1: the magic words are "DO IT", just to be clear.

P.S 2: If you say the magic words (I need more than just one person saying "DO IT") it's not gonna be quick because i don't have a lot of free time to work, so a month or two, maybe less depending on my schedule. (link)

Ilegal means? I'll mark my calendar.

For some reason, some anons don't think it's such a good idea to forcibly out someone, but other anons have lost their sympathy for Ackles.

Why the fuck do you have so much hate for a couple of guys who have nothing to do with your life? So they're gay and lying, big fucking deal. Unless they hurt you personally, then you're acting alike a spoiled 2 year old whose Mommy said 'no!'. Grow the fuck up already and just quit following them. (link)

I understand people are upset but the amount of hate because the guy had a kid with his wife are baffeling. If they are gay, then outing them against their will is not cool. Would YOU want to be outed before you are ready? They have every right to lie to fans who want to pry into their personal life.(link)

Oh, give me a break! They've shoved the beards down fans's throats for years, made this fandom a police like state, where you can't say a fucking thing without having the wives protectors on your ass and they'd want us to protect them? Well, no.

If someone really has shit on them and feels like sharing it they're welcome to do it.(link)

First off, I don't believe that you really have anything or proof. Yet giving you the benefit of the doubt I have to say that waiting a month or two after the whole 'PCA baby bump' hoopla to drop whatever information you claim you have and just drop it here would be like closing the barn door after the horse has left the building. All you are left with is a stall full of horseshit that can be quietly raked away.

That said, personally I really don't want Jensen or an innocent baby to be under this kind of gun, be the information real or fake. He's a good guy and a gentle human being. His life is his own to live as he pleases and even I have to accept that means being married to Danneel.(link)

Aww look at all the ass-kissers coming to shame us all. I wondered when you guys would show up. We've supported them and made excuses for them long enough and we don't owe them shit. If they aren't lying liars that lie, they can't be outed. Karma is a bitch. We'll get ours for being fed up with their lies but they'll get their, too. (link)

"If they aren't lying liars that lie, they can't be outed. Karma is a bitch."

MTE anon. MTE.

Also, maybe if they [Jared & Jensen] were concerned they would stop being ~affectionate in public places like so many have reported. (link)

Still being affectionate in public, falls into the aforementioned "bullet proof" mindset. (link)

"If they aren't lying liars that lie, they can't be outed. Karma is a bitch."

People have been here claiming they had proof and that they were going to provide it for years now.....and nothing. I think it's pretty clear that what you are saying is true. They won't (and can't) be outed because they aren't lying. (link)

THANK YOU. That's kind of what I've been trying to say but ofc, no one listens. Nobody outs them because there is absolutely nothing to out and those people who say "I"ll out them if you want blah blah blah" need to STFU.. Maybe people should get over the fact that these guys are not gay and together (probably never have been) and the marriages to the wives are just that, REAL. IDK how after this news some still think they're bearding tbh. Bringing one baby into this charade, but two? I'm sorry but, just no. I'm done here. (link)

Then please explain to me why on earth would Danneel photoshop pictures to make it look like Jensen was hanging out with her? (link)

Pretty sure those picture weren't photoshopped and were real. (link)

So the homophobia and misogyny wasn't just a cover or panicked reaction, but how they really are? And all the queerbaiting was just for the lulz and $$$? Good to know. What wonderful men to be a fan of. (link)

I'm gay, and this is the most offensive goddamn community I've come across in a /while/.

I would rather be called slurs, told I was going to hell, anything but being forcibly outed. You are heterosexual women, you have no idea how that would feel, and screw all of you for thinking you have the right to do it.

Calling them cowards for not coming out? YOU ARE STRAIGHT, YOUR OPINIONS MEAN JACK. You are all pretty much a plague on the LGBTQ community - just go vote Republican and be an open homophobe and we can all be done with this.

And if you're seriously going to delete this comment, when you would leave these vicious attacks against queer people and their safety, then holy jesus. (link)

Hmm, I wonder how they responded to speculation that Misha Collins was going to have a baby?

Sorry to start off the post with a Misha question, but after the thread in the last post, I was trying to see whether Misha said anything about the first pregnancy before the baby was born. I remember speculation, but nothing 'official' before he tweeted the birth announcement.

Does anyone else remember any confirmation from him or the Js? They made a joke about not knowing whether the baby was his, but was that before or after the birth? (link)

NOBODY FUCKING CARES EXCEPT YOU. (link)

Edit: spn_gossip takes the opportuniy presented by the People's Choice Awards to talk about how ugly Danneel Ackles and Gen Padalecki are and how Danneel is wearing a pillow, because spn_gossip is gross. For this, Supernatural won Favorite TV Fan Following, so you know... the competition must have been really shit.

... or so fandom seems to think. The lovers might disagree.

So, it’s been announced that Genevieve Padalecki is pregnant.

And the Supernatural fandom, naturally, loses it.

Like any rational fan, they question it:

“But why would she have to disappear the second she found out she was pregnant if everything is hunky dory normal?”

Speculate wildly:

“Or, maybe that's when Gen said she wanted out, and Dan came up with this great excuse for her to be out of the public eye for the next year while still contributing to the het parade.”

“If it's true my opinion of Jared is in the toilet. I still believe he's gay and in a relationship with Jensen. It's not possible for two guys to work as close as they do for almost 7 years and be as close friends as they are unless it's beyond friendship. Not possible. Not with HW egos.

But they don't need to bring kids into the mess to establish het cred. For God's sake he's not 30 yet. Most men in HW don't have kids till way into their 30s. I always thought Gen was a lesbian. Far out theory but maybe she's pregnant with a GF and will pass it off as Jared's.
“
( J2 are gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay... )

A gentle palate cleanser, if you will. Retread of an old wank, but this little twist was too wtf to let it get buried in the many ETAs to that post.

Everybody remembers Stephanie Ware, right? Whackjob who goes around various Internet sites claiming in broken English that she is the true wife of Jensen Ackles of the tv show Supernatural, despite those ugly, filthy lies about Jensen marrying his co-star Danneel Harris?

Well, I'm sure that we'll all be happy to discover that now Jared Padalecki, Ackles' Supernatural co-star, has found his own true love, in Bianca Ware!

Stephanie Ware's daughter.

Bianca Ware-Padalecki says: Everybody get yourselves prepared to laugh at the fake impending wedding of Jensen Ackles (my real life stepfather) and Danneel Harris…

.....which. Makes her -- how old? Maybe Padalecki likes 'em (really) young?? Or Ackles likes 'em older. Me, I don't like 'em at all, not one bit.

Oh, she also claims that Supernatural is moving filming to Jacksonville, FL to be near their new Ware-wives. So I guess at least we have a location for the nexus of crazy.

Many thanks to lissa_ann   for the headsup.

Thanks to a mousie on wank_report for this tip!

Even though they might be the same asshat!mousie who has linked the wankers to the wank_report already. This has happened before, so I suspect we have a repeat-offender moron!mouse on the loose.

(Update: reporter!mousie says no; the fink ain't hir. Many apologies to our intrepid reporter!mouse for the libel.)

---

Also, before we start, I humbly dedicate the following post to the presumably-different and very amusing outraged!mousie who continues to snipe in any and all posts on wank_report that feature spn_gossip. Everyone loves a bonus wank!

---

This wank involves a nice long thread on spn_gossip, but before we can get to that, you're going to need some definitions and facts:

( Danneel Harris has short fingernails and is therefore lesbian. )

I love Supernatural. One of these days, I'm going to have to actually sit down and watch the show.

Part the first: A T-shirt is auctioned at a convention, with Jared [actor playing Sam] wearing the shirt during the auction. Misha Collins [Castiel] bends Jared over to sign it. Jensen [Dean] turns away and buries his face in his palm. The audience roars its approval. Watch the video. (The lazy can skip to the 2 minute mark.)

The question: Is this (a) funny or (b) abusive toward poor Jared?

Oh, come on. Like it was ever going to be option (a).

Part the second: But, wait! We're overlooking another traumatized party in this debacle: Can't you just feel Jensen's deep and agonizing pain? Maybe keepaofthecheez can't, but susannaheanes can! (For reference, see also Dean will never be a misogynist because I like him and Jensen's freckles: like melted drops of caramel.)

She goes on to express her personal outrage. Nothing captures the context of the original event better than a closeup still of Jensen with his face in his hands. How could anyone dare to laugh at this portrait of a man in soul-searing pain? (The link is to one of esorlehcar's screencaps, as susannaheanes later locked her post. esorlehcar has preserved some choice quotes and several more screencaps.)

AND SPEAKING OF WHICH...

Part the third: Persecution! Is there anyone on earth crueller than esorlehcar? How dare she mock a post that was made in susannaheanes own journal? My God, she must have had multiple tabs open to be able to cap the unlocked version of that post-- or have taken screencaps when she first saw it. Clearly, she's the overinvested one here.

If only fandom_wank would identify and mock the true wankers in Supernatural fandom, and stop picking on poor susannaheanes.

I've got to start checking wank_report more frequently.

Somedays, I swear I am only in this fandom because the wank is so damn fine.

Jensen Ackles' girlfriend nauseates, cockblocks, enrages, and harshes the squee of fangirls so much, one "jokingly" asks security to remove her from a con.

These people are not just deeply stupid, they're terminally stupid.

Is there a crisis going on in the SPN fandom? Could it be possible that Jensen Ackles really doesn't matter? I am no longer a die-hard fan of Jensen Ackles. In fact, I really don't like him much anymore.

But wait! No! This must be an error! Because: "Why Jensen Ackles Matters"

There's a truckload of mind-boggling awesome tl;dr there, so ( let me give you the highlights: )

Sophie Briand and Susannah Eanes - evidently these two wacky kids professional, intelligent, educated, hotass women are one and the same.

BONUS WANK: J2 fans have moved into true tinhat territory: Yes, it's time for the clothing shoutouts!

How very 2002. Domlijah called, they want their schtick back.

ETA: The author has shown up in esorlehcar's journal, claiming it was all fiction, although her friends seem a little appalled and hurt. However, capslock means it was all a joke, evidently!

If it's fiction, does that mean she and her friends aren't intelligent and hot?

ETA 2:

1) susannaheanes has deleted her LJ AND the essay! But it was just FICSHUN! AND FOR THE LOLZ! Alas.

2) Evidently there is nothing more wrong than finding something funny. Only the author and her friends can do that!

3) Evidently me posting this wank is a violation of FW policy! After not explaining how this is to me, she made a very brave post, in which she stood up for her beliefs and completely fail to understand a word Sep said. Now all her friends who are FW members are going to quit or protest or something, I guess. Strangely, these same people who are so concerned with the FW policy, including susannaheanes, do not realize that trolling esorlehcar's journal is a violation of the FW's rules.

I'm sorry, I no longer believe in their intelligence, or hotness. D:

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

(First-time poster. Apologies if I mess up. I checked the wiki and past posts, but didn’t see this mentioned anywhere; it seemed too beautifully wanky to pass up.)


Sockpuppet wank ahoy, with a tasty side of Future Restraining Order! This was brought up a while ago by my friend squee. *blows kisses*

I have a theory that Jensen Ackles beams high-power hypnosis rays which turn his fans into deranged lunatics. Today’s crazy Ackles fan: fencha/Chriss/gigi/jay/bee/stephanie ware ackles - 1970/trishortiz/benji. (Please note: I cannot verify the age of this person. If somebody knows for sure that she is a minor, let me know ASAP and I’ll take this down.)

Try typing “jensen ackles stephanie ware” into your favorite search engine and a metric ton of hits pop up. That’s because somebody has been a busy, busy little whackjob, and has been going around to various message boards claiming that Jensen Ackles is married to an actress named Stephanie Ware. This person’s identity shifts between a fan, Stephanie Ware herself, Stephanie Ware’s cousin, and Stephanie Ware’s step-daughter

It’s hard to say when and where exactly this started – indications point to Ackles’ IMDB message boards, but I’m not a member over there. If an IMDB member finds anything of interest on the boards, please do let me know. (Also according to IMDB, there IS an actress named Stephanie Ware. She’s got one movie to her name and no personal info; please bear in mind that IMDB is fan-edited.)


( Here are some of the wank's high points... )

I'm sure this is just the tip of the iceberg. There are literally dozens of other hits that came up when I did a search. 


ETA: via benitle  , apparently she also makes house calls.

ETA2: Update 5/18/08, via rachel_martin  . She's still at it, on the Fanbolt forums. ( It ain't pretty. )
ETA3: Update 7/15/08, via sasha_davidovna :
( On hubpages... )
ETA4: Update 4/30/09, via derryderrydown. New tactic of the Ware-Ackles is to accuse fans of being current Ackles gf Danneel Harris. In this case, missyjack.

First wank, please be gentle! I got this from a mouse on wank report:

la_folle_allure (you all remember her from the "TALK TO MY GPA FUCKERS!" wank, right?) has decided that Jensen Ackles is a coke addict, and thinks if she repeats it enough, it will become fact, and strangely, other people seem convinced. She also is disgusted by Jensen's smoking habit, but since smoking=gay sex, she can live with it.

Inspired by la_folle_allure's successfully fabricated rumor, others in the fandom try their hand at it:

http://tvm.livejournal.com/61881.html

http://sevenfists.livejournal.com/62784.html

http://esorlehcar.livejournal.com/430684.html

http://annalazarus.livejournal.com/51301.html

http://ignipes.livejournal.com/135080.html

Man, that Jensen Ackles sure inspires batshit insanitydevotion in his fans.