Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

You may recall a petite wankmoiselle by the name of svmaria. Because God loves us and wants us to be happy, the overwrought musical that is her life is still running strong – someday, she will be the new Cats. The following is less a singular wank report than a wank buffet, almost entirely C&Ped from a helpful mouse here.

( There is quite a bit of text behind this cut. )

(Thank you to the mouse on wank_report who posted this!)

Everyone remember svmaria? She's the Clex fan who, a few months ago, lied about being in a car crash, got found out, and finally confessed.

But is she taking responsibility for her compulsive lying and being "a bipolar"? Of course not.

A few people leave encouraging and sympathetic comments, but then toadstoodsmiles makes her entrance.

I swear to Christ I wish I was the kind of person who would delete your LJ myself.

Focus really hard on what I am telling you.

I have your email password.

It was given on the night of your 'accident' in December.

It hasn't ever changed.

It's the same email password for all your sockpuppet accounts.

It's the same email address that is still linked to this account.

The email address that is still getting comments.

The email address you used to change the name of this account.

svmaria's response?

I guess it's your word against mine then, Becky.

Small right now, but this is so inherently wanky and full of lulz that I thought it deserved posting here.

SVmaria confesses


Its a Xmas miracle!

What the world needs now is a little more Svmaria wank. After her close brush with death svmaria's boyfriend/sockpuppet deleted her Livejournal.

In ACT II, svmaria reinstates her LJ to tell us she is real.

"I just found out that my dear and loved friend herohunter had a really, really bad time because people accussed her of inventing ME and playing people into what? Buying her lipstick and DVDs??

That's just crazy and insane. Anyone who gave herohunter a bad time is not welcome in this LJ.

Comments turned off. That was today, but a fewy days ago an anonymouse left a comment on mskatej's LJ saying Svmaria was a schizophrenic who tried to impersonate her cousin Maria Jose, and is now in the psychiatric hospital.

Today, toadstoolsmiles reveals that the ISP for that comment is the same as Svmaria's.

What could possibly be the rationale behind this elaborate story? Well, I'm inclined to believe it's to clear herohunter. See! She was taken in by the mental patient! Thanks to wank_report for the link.

ETA: Svmaria trades comments with her loyal believer radditzuchan, and claims Herohunter/Ash Creedy has deleted her comments and is ignoring her.

ETA 2: Well, whaddya know? Another svmaria sockpuppet.

Formerly at a clairvoyantwank near you...




herohunter reports that svmaria has been in a car accident and miscarried her baby.

( I come to you on Maria's boyfriend's behalf, to let you know the, unfortunately, sad news. )


A flood of friends and well-wishers post prayers, hugs, and sadfaces. 1 2 3 4 5 6 herohunter helpfully sets up a comm for fics and manips dedicated to Maria, pimps Maria's Amazon wishlist, and mentions that


Her boyfriend has asked me to let you know that if you feel inclined to send her any gifts besides what's on her Christmas Wish list, she likes especially the following:

Lip balm, lip gloss, butterflies, dragonflies, kittens, angels, bunnies, snowmen, x-mas trees, lieetl presents like earrings, make up, stuff like that.


As the love and goodies pour in, lo and behold, svmaria awakes!

Just in time for svmadelyn to call shenanigans:


Allright. I have quite a few things that are leading me to believe that svmaria is sockpuppeting around as msjulialurker, and I want a hospital address where Maria is staying. If you're willing to give out her personal address, then you can give out her hospital address so this information can be verified.

If I'm completely wrong about my suspicions, I will apologize profusely to you in front of Live Journal at large, but if this is all some sort of weird...thing you all have going on? You should be so ashamed.


Others chime in. herohunter categorically denies everything. Meanwhile, svmaria and supportive sockpuppet msjulialurker immediately delete their journals.

herohunter posts again: Because of your doubt, Maria is dying! And her boyfriend hates you all.

In the comments of the post, it's revealed that Maria's home IP and the "hospital" IP match up, and just as general opinion starts to swing in the direction of pseuicide, herohunter deletes herself too.





Now wait until the betrayed friends find out that svmaria and herohunter are alive and well on GreatestJournal!




ETA: svmadelyn calls it like she sees it.

ETA2: herohunter's journal is back up, with all the relevant entries either locked down or gone.




Thanks to lol_meme for the tip-off and temari for the caps, which can all be found here.