Wank and write up taken from the little mousey over at wank_report.

Tumblr user and Teen Wolf fan Heyysourwolf posts the air date for TW's third season. Unsurprisingly, she tags the post #s3 spoilers and--follow me closely, here--#teen wolf.

Sherlock fen, for no discernable reason whatever, assume that the post is regarding the air date for S3 of their show. Because no other show on TV anywhere is entering its third season, apparently. Or something.

Once they figure out that the post was not, in fact, about the return of the BBC series, Sherlock fen lose their shit.

Completely.

Sherlock fandom wants an apology RIGHT NOW, Heyysourwolf. A FORMAL apology. And we're going to berate you with misogynistic slurs and rant about how this is all your fault and how egregious it is that you should make yourself out to be the injured party and, above all, how immature you are, until we get it.

After all: "SOME OF US ARE EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE DO YOU EVEN FUCKING THINK BEFORE YOU POST? GOD I HOPE YOU GET PUNCHED IN THE TITS."*

* Probability that that particular entry is just somebody awesome trolling the shit out of the other anons with sarcasm: moderately high


EDIT: Aja has written an article about the wank for The Daily Dot.

midnight_charm just can't stop wanking. She apparently figured her convoluted theories were too much for poor LiveJournal to handle, and she moved to a brand new blog.

But first, she left this gem at her journal:

( You have been the victim of a mind control experiment. Alan Ball is actually that chick from V )


So, now with the blog. ( The characters have multiple personality disorders. True Blood really is fucked up, man :O )

BONUS: You also can't miss Bill fans are like rabid Bush or Ann Coulter supporters.

ETA: The crazy takes a whole new level with Sookie is USA and Eric is Jesus (thanks to mariem_1 for the find!)

ETA II: Hey guys, it's me again. This is from the About page of her blog:

While I adore reading and contemplating film theory and criticism I am far from a qualified expert in the field. My admittedly amateur forte is and has been for some time in the area of conspiracy research- sussing out propaganda and official lies with it’s attendant psyops and mind control techniques which are practiced on the unsuspecting population through the corporate controlled medium of television. I QUESTION EVERYTHING I am told and I diligently apply this motto to my analysis of True Blood. My rigorous intuition tells me Alan Ball is well versed in conspiracy lore and is using it to the hilt to tell the story of True Blood.

“The media’s the most powerful entity on earth. They have the power to make the innocent guilty and to make the guilty innocent, and that’s power. Because they control the minds of the masses.”
-Malcolm X

First attempt at posting, although I've been barracking from the sidelines for about a millennium now ...

astolat posts A Matter Of Inconvenience, which is American Idol slashfic (Kris/Adam) with a 'Regency' setting. At least, that's the general idea, and harmless enough you would have thought - assuming that AI AU RPS is your thing. (Alphabet soup!)

zvi, however, takes exception. Amongst other objections, A Matter of Inconvenience is not about race, thoughtlessly invokes colonial issues, and just doesn't put up any warning flags for those who are about to read it. Also, apparently, this is a thing Astolat fucked up. Everybody, please to endeavor not to fuck up like that with your next happy fun sexytimes historical.

What starts off as moderately polite discussion about historicity in slash fanfiction is, however, quickly derailed by willow who offers the following reasoned evaluation: In the middle of the cuppa tea, the empire waist dresses and the ass-sex of your AU Regency - please to be remembering the hydra heads of colonialism and imperialism and what that means for and about your whitey white penis salt lick fan thought of the moment.

liviapenn tries to calm things down a bit with some entertaining stuff about plumbers and blow jobs but this only serves to upset willow further. Why is it that everytime I see you lately, you're happily shoving your foot into your mouth via your hindquarters? ... You keep claiming to understand your privilege and say you're reflecting on it and then you start chomping that feces encrusted shoe leather again. willow's User Info states "'M brown and I have an attitude." No kidding.

astolat's attempt to explain herself gets stomped on, and the desirability of historical accuracy in a Kris/Adam Regency alternate universe is lathered, rinsed and repeated for those who missed it the first time.

Small, but strangely vitriolic given the subject matter. It's difficult to imagine why people are getting quite so over-excited about one piece of costumed fluff in a universe of lesbian cars and tentacle porn, but it may keep us entertained while we're waiting for next incarnation of VB.

ETA: Okay, I get the message, I got it wrong - or maybe I just don't have a sense of humour? Either way, it was obviously a bad call. Lesson learned.

The swan song of one thanfiction aka Andy Blake/VB, etc. He is leaving the internets forver. Maybe. If he doesn't die from his mysterious heart condition--he's going to college. Yes, sir. But he is unlikely to ever give up the cancer sticks.

n.b.: Please use the pronoun he when refering to Andy or face the wrath of pretty much everyone, but especially those who can ban your ass along with the rest of you.

eta: I didn't bother posting a link to Turi's reaction post because it was even more boring than Andy's brave farewell. But some sockpuppet comments to defend Andy.

"These do not exist other than the usual complaints about a failed romance (between he and luvscharlie)."

WAIT WOT? All that frothing from luvscharlie was heart break? D:

Snapefen are still wanking about Lily Evans Potter. terri_testing posted an essay More on Lily's behavior in SWM: Lily the Prefect? on Snapedom. An excerpt from this essay:
( Read more )

Batshit flourishes in the comments:
( Read more )

I know we've had a few HP posts lately, so of course it's time for something Twilight related. I saw this posted in a forum I lurk in and felt some of you might find it interesting, even if it is a few months old.

This doesn't involve Twilighters so much as the dark side of the fandom: TwilightSucks.com. Specifically, the Fangirl Encounters forum.

First, the backstory. You see, the OP, Nyxbel Hawthorne, has a cousin who is a bit obsessed with Twilight. So obsessed, in fact, that when she catches Nyx browsing TwilightSucks.com, she is moved to spit in Nyx's yogurt when Nyx is in the other room. Nyx finds out with the spoon in her mouth, spits out the yogurt, then takes to the TwilightSucks fora in order to have the members come up with ideas for revenge. Interestingly, in later iterations of the tale she says she threw up for "a half hour" after, though in the initial post she makes absolutely no mention of this. She posts two threads, one in which members vote on which plan of revenge she should implement, and one in which she announces the winner.

( What happens next is fairly interesting indeed. )

EDIT, per ara: Seems the thread has been archived in the "Bullshit Encounters" forum. Was it all a dream?

Remember the last HP wank - Hermione Granger - Voldemort in the making? Here we have Episode II.

The OP in the previous wank terri_testing wrote a fanfic about Dumbledore's childhood. People in the comments started to argue with each other and wankery ensued.

marionros, who during the previous wank diagnosed Harry, Hermione, Dumbledore, the Twins, James and Sirius as psychopaths, insisted that Harry, Hermione and Dumbledore have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Lily also has NPD.

And what the heck, so does JKR herself.

My issues, let me show you them.

Snape is a victim of narcissist.

Hermione isn't intelligent and she has bad studying skills.

Pureblood prejudice is probably justified.

James was ever so evil.

JKR doesn't know Neville like I do.

Why did students hate Snape for insulting them? My teachers insulted me and I loved them!

Harry is like a suicide bomber and Dumbledore is like Osama bin Laden.

The whole Wizarding World is a cult, Dumbledore is a cult leader and Harry and Hermione are completely brainwashed.

Because of the Marauders' bullying Snape suffered from PTSD like Vietnam veteran, which justifies his treatment of Harry.

Snape was pressured into joining the Death Eaters.

You call my argument sick, but you find me hot!

Before I get started, a disclaimer: The closest connection I have to Irish fandom is that I've flown over bits of Ireland from time to time. And, when I was a kid, I saw a lot of commercials for Lucky Charms. So I'm probably going to be missing a few subtleties. Also, this is something that happened recently, and recently . . . recently isn't really the decade that I'm best at.

With that said, it seems that there's a guy named Pádraig Ó Méalóid. Who's active in Irish con-going fandom. Or at least, he's active in large parts of Irish con-going fandom. But not Octocon, the Irish National Convention, which is going to be held next weekend. You see Pádraig got a letter the other day, that went a little something like this:

Hello,

I'm writing on behalf of the 2009 Octocon Committee. I am the Co-Chair.

Due to your behaviour at the convention some time ago and your online behaviour earlier this year we have come to the unfortunate decision to ban you from this convention. We believe that your attitude towards us has been far to aggressive both online and in the past at the convention.

This matter is not open for discussion and we will not enter into any online discussion regarding this nor will we discuss this with any other persons. This decision is final.

We are deeply saddened by this as this is the first time a committee has had to ban someone. We will of course will refund your money; if you reply to me with your address I will forward this onto you as soon as possible.

Regards,

Nichola Hannigan

Now, if you're like me, you look at a letter like that, and think "she probably meant 'far too aggressive'." Also, you'd find that third paragraph amusingly repetitive. (I have to warn you, if that was actually your reaction, you're going to want to lay some tarp around your work area, as one of the links that comes later is going to make your head explode. And that's hard to clean up.)

And, if you're someone like Pádraig, you'll go ahead and post the letter to your livejournal. I mean, I'd have done that as well, but with far more mockery.

But Pádraig wasn't the only place in which this news was broken. Cheryl Morgan happened to mention it as well. To quote the seemingly innocuous paragraph:

In less good news my email is currently buzzing with the news that my good friend Pádraig Ó Méalóid has apparently been banned from the convention. I know that Pádraig has been rather critical of the Octocon committee this year, and perhaps rather more aggressive about it than he should have been, but I know my fan history well enough to remember that banning people from conventions rarely ends well. The right way to deal with one’s critics is to prove them wrong by running a great event.

Comment 3 is by one James Brophy, who was, at that point, on the Octocon committee. And he's there to link to the convention's Code of Conduct, and defend the committee's decision. Against all challengers.

The first one he takes on is Pádraig. To his protestations of "I don't know what the hell they're talking about," James replies with "You turned your ignorance of your own actions into a press release." Zing!

Then there's another challenger. Gary Farber replies in his own, inimitable fashion. And at great length. And other people agree with him. Also, Chris O'Shea points out that the code of conduct in question wasn't actually put up on the web last week, which is apparently after whatever happened that made them kick Pádraig out of the convention. It also is in the realm of possibility that the code went up after they sent the letter.

Chris concludes with:

Octocon’s PR has the ears of the world at the moment, it would be a good time to explain what is going on, because in the absence of such, things will only get worse.

James isn't going to take that lying down! In the next comment, he announces his resignation from the con committee, and comprehensively flips his shit. This is where the grammar induced head-explosions are going to start, by the way, as his language skills seem to go at the same time as his temper.

I'm not a hundred percent capable of parsing the claims in the post, but as I understand them, they more or less go as follows: a) Pádraig is a mean guy. b) Also, he says mean things, both to people, and about people. c) One time, he took some prints from a photographer that he shouldn't have.

Rather than do a play-by-play for the rest of the thread, I'll summarize. Gary makes fun of James's difficulties both with the English language and with logic. James explains that one of the lurkers who supports him isn't speaking up, because he's a writer, and fears that Cheryl Morgan will ruin his career. Cheryl gets upset at that, and bans James from her blog, until she's contacted by the guy in question. Which, rather surprisingly, she is, so she un-bans him. Various other members of the committee show up, not so much to explain their actions, as to explain that they wanted this to be kept private, and they are saddened that Pádraig has put his own interests above those of a convention which he's not allowed to attend.

As one might expect, there's some discussion about there elsewhere on the internet; the one bit that jumped out at me as providing useful data was a comment on lj which suggested that one of Pádraig's major sins was founding a convention that's been more successful than Octocon over the last decade or so.

And that's all I've got.

snatched from wank_report

"Someone" posts a secret (#114 now bahleeted--caps?) on fandomsecrets and the image is stored on her easily identifiable photobucket account. She claims to be lonely and not have any friends and she wishes the Avatar characters were her RL friends. But she means local friends, not imaginary intarweb bitches her LJ friends.

Responses are mostly of the "Oh, snap!" variety except for the "What am I? Chopped liver?" one. It's really a very mild response though yukinoomoni is outed by name.

( She doesn't overreact at all: )

eta: F_W is not your therapist. If you can't lol at a wank maybe you need to go for a walk. I thought this was funny. lol sociopath.

Lambda Literary Foundation: We're changing our submission criteria. From now on our GLBT literary award will only be given to self-identified GLBT authors.

( This does not go over well. )

Inglourious Basterds is the latest Quentin Tarantino movie. Oh No They Didn't, is a gossip site based on LJ that is big enough it's actually taken LJ severs out more than once all on its lonesome (I think the last time was when Michael Jackson died, but don't quote me). Eli Roth is the guy who plays Donny "The Bear Jew" Donowitz in Inglourious Basterds (he also wrote/directed Cabin Fever and Hostel and its apparently awful sequel. That guy).

It all started when Eli Roth discovered the Inglourious Basterds Kink Meme.

Surprisingly, not via a fangirl breaking the sacred rule of Though Shalt Not Force Porn On The People In It AFAIK, but all on his lonesome. He was pretty much amused and also decided to show it to and discuss it with Quentin Tarantino (who apparently agreed with him the Donny would be a top), and also Christoph Waltz (who played Landa in IB) and apparently his parents, because he's that kind of classy. This garnered many facepalms from fangirls in places like 100_scalps, but shockingly, very little wank.

This resulted in a lot of twittering porn at him and his discovery of ONTD. He made a I <3 ONTD sign. Something a fair few celebs have done in the past.

After that it kind of got out of control, progressing from ONTD changing his Wiki page to say he was their Official Boyfriend to him twittering he would think about all of ONTD when he jerked off the night, then posting a picture of a very used looking tissue, then to a very candid interview with questions from a lot of people at ONTD*, to-- and here's where the wank really started, pun utterly and completely intended-- having cyber sex with various ONTD'ers on his MySpace. The Eli Roth tag on ONTD contains basically every screen cap and citation, so I'm not linking to everything individually. Scroll on down.

Then it came out that some of said cyber sexin' ONTD'ers sent him pictures of their boobs.

ONTD proceeds to have a 5000 comment long flamewar consisting of the brilliant arguments (paraphrased, but I assure you all quite accurate as you will see if you click this link): YOU'RE SLUTS. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE. NO WE'RE NOT. YES YOU ARE.

I think, in conclusion, I would like to say that despite what you may think of Mr. Roth, he certainly knows how to make a girl laugh.

*This is the only thing that is locked, however, you only have to join ONTD to see it. It's... worth it.

[ETA]: Omar Doom answered a similar fangirl written survey for ONTD, said he wouldn't be at all opposed to seeing some fangirl boobs, and the wank goes ever on and on in the comments.

A Slytherfan terri_testing writes an essay The Wizarding World and the Otherworld, where she argues that Harry Potter books are horror, not fantasy and that Hogwarts is like the school where the Native American children were brainwashed:

( Read more )

The essay provokes a chorus of "I agree"s and complaints about JKR's treatment of Snape:

mary_j_59 (see "Good night, sweet prince, And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!")

This is brilliant, Terri! And absolutely consistent. You know, my sister and I went to hear Rowling, Irving and King in NYC, and we both liked John Irving (reading from Owen Meany) best. Now the reason is clear. Rowling is actually a horror writer, like King, and I do not like horror. Still less do I like horror disguised as a children's fantasy quest. Irving, on the other hand, was writing in the great tradition of picaresque novels - a tragicomedy with a moral core.

But what I still wonder is: did (and does) Rowling know that she has actually written a dystopion/horror story? Somehow I don't think she realizes this.

condwiramurs/00sevvie

I second the 'brilliant' comment. And I highly doubt Rowling is aware of what she has actually written. She is too utterly blind to the reasons we like Severus, for example, to have any clue that she may have written something different from what her perfect picture of her work in her head is. I'm sure she thinks we're just getting it 'wrong.'

oryx_leucoryx (see Cry the Beloved Slytherins)

So if Severus Snape actually survived Nagini's bite, returned to the Muggle world and became some kind of counselor to delinquent youth or someone who runs an anti-bullying program (by working both with victims and perpetrators) he would be a hero with a rather protracted but complete journey? Starting out as the victim of neighborhood bullies (I doubt Petunia was the only one who knew that the strangely dressed kid was the Snape boy from Spinner's End) who must have dreamed that magic would solve his problems, learned that magic simply gave bullies more dangerous/'interesting' ways to hurt people, played a key role in getting rid of the biggest bully in the magical playground and came home to use non-magical ways against bullies?
***
bohemian_spirit has some fics in that general direction - in her 'Light Between the Cracks' series Severus Snape of canon years was secretly married to a Muggle school teacher and while at his Muggle home watched over the neighborhood children. And in her 'Professor Grunge' Severus immigrates to the US instead of joining the Death Eaters. He studies at a wizarding university and becomes a teacher who fights bullying and uses music to assist in magical healing.

But the real fun starts when night_train_fm decides to argue with terri_testing and says, among other things:

'Hermione exiling her parents to Australia'
She did that because she was terrified (with good reason) of the DEs coming after them: Voldemort was taking over the government, had already ordered several public mass-Muggle-killings, and anyone remotely connected to Harry was a potential target. According to Jo, Hermione reversed the spell ASAP once the threat was over. For that matter, is it ever outright stated that she didn't sit down and discuss it with them first?

That doesn't go well.

( Hermione is teh ebil! )

( Spoilers for Torchwood and oh god great linky madness within. Enter at your own risk. )

This post brought to you by the ridiculously helpful mousies on wank_report, the letter W and the number 4. (The W is for wut and 4 is how many cups of coffee I've already had today).

(Be warned: long wank report is LONG. Continuation of this clairvoyantwank post. ETAs are under the third cut.)

This weekend, Torchwood fans flocked to Chicago for TorchSong, a John Barrowman-centric convention with a website that looks like it was modeled after a Geocities page circa 1997, a half-assed commercial that aired on BBC America, and some awfully expensive tickets.

When the con was first announced, the only guests were John, his sister Carole, and Mark Sheppard. When people started emailing the organizers about possible other guests, they were emphatically told while more guests would be coming, there would be no other Torchwood guests because it was a John Barrowman event, not a Torchwood event.

Ticket sales apparently convinced them this was not a good strategy, so over the following months they added Kai Owen, Tom Price, and Gareth David Lloyd. Fans squeed, and despite being not particularly impressed with the organizers' behavior, they willingly plonked down as much as $500 to see John and friends and to see John perform. (Later, 'special' auction packages went for up to $1,410.)

Then things start to go wrong.

On Wednesday, Kai Owen was forced to drop out due to a family emergency. Thursday, the day before the con began, they announced that John Barrowman had torn ligaments in his ankle and he would not be attending.

Aaaaand we're off.

( Act I: Pre-Con )

( Act II: The Convention )


( Act III: The Ongoing Aftermath )
ETA3: "UR JUST JELUS!!"

ETA4: Con-goers have now created their own special clubhouse: torch_tanic (torchsong_09 post announcing it. Commenters are not amused, but you'd never know it because she deleted all the wholly negative ones. Raise your hand if you've got a screencap.) (Thank you kaylamds for the heads-up.)

Guess what today is, you guys! That's right! It's Except NOT! ( A quick review. )

And would you look at the calendar? It's... June 2nd. There have been no posts tagged "lady sybilla" or "russet noon" at Foforks since the interview came out April 5th... what happened to the exclusive Brazilian premeire of Russet Noon chapter one? Well, apparently June 1st didn't quite work out, for whatever reason. Naturally, it's time for a new press release (already Caito-cloned here):

Russet Noon: Chapter 1 Will Be Released in English, Portuguese and Spanish

AV Paranormal will be releasing the first chapter of the novel Russet Noon in three different languages: English, Portuguese and Spanish. Chapter 1 is out this Tuesday, June 2 at midnight (Pacific) at russet-noon.com and foforks.com.br/

My personal favorite tidbits:

AV Paranormal is seriously considering the possibility of delaying the publication of the book until November to coincide with the theater release of the movie sequel to Twilight, New Moon.

and

AV Paranormal is also planning a contest for readers to win free tickets to see the movie sequel to Twilight, New Moon.

Because if there's anything this fanfic needs, it's more publicity stunts. More ETAs to come, I'm sure: the sharks, eager as ever to chomp, are just waiting for Sybsy to dip her toes in the pool fall into the deep end.

ETA: Chapter 1 is out. I have no idea whether the prose is as bad as the formatting, but at the end of 21 pages (um, book pages, not web pages), there is this little note:

Would you like to express your opinion about this chapter? AV Paranormal is very interested in receiving your feedback and suggestions. We welcome any type of criticism, either positive or negative. Email us your reactions and we will publish them here. Please be advised that hate emails with insults will not be published. There are diplomatic and polite ways to express your opinion, even if it's negative, so please keep your emails civilized.

Well, if you don't have anything nice to say, come and sit by me.

ETA: Sybsy supposedly has a PR guy now, whom she thanks by name on Twitter and is also listed as a contact at this version of the last press release.

ETA: This is Lady Sybilla's new favorite thing. Basically some dude on the internet thinks copyright is bunk. Too bad exhorting others to relinquish copyright doesn't actually change copyright laws. She probably found it by googling herself, because someone named Sheila brings up Russet Noon in the comments.

Oh, but if it means that she's relinquishing her own copyright, that means you can probably take Russet Noon and repost it anywhere, like your own journal or lol_meme or GAFF or wherever. You wouldn't even have to stick a spork in it. You could also probably save it all in one file and make it available for download. (I'm not saying you should, I'm just saying you could, and she couldn't make a copyright claim to anyone's host server.) Not that her copyright was ever really hers to begin with, but yeah.

There is also a Russet Noon blog with a huge banner made from Stephanie Lostimolo's work. Theft begets theft!

Meanwhile, Gilloughly at Absolute Write has a huge hate-on for Sybsy, to the point where I think he's showing up in my journal to tattletale. (If that's not Gilloughly, it's someone who seems to copy and paste off his forum posts, because it sounds just like him.)

There is also now a Russet Noon MST on twitter.

Speaking of Twitter, Sybsy's been pretty funny lately:

#The sharks at absolutewrite are desperately trying to shut me down, but there's always fanfiction.net if they succeed

#they wrote to Little, Brown and got ignored, so now they're trying to take matters into their own hands

#it's humbling to see how my work inspires such a strong passion in people

#hate and love are just opposite poles of the same emotion

#fame and infamy are, indeed, one and the same</i></i>

Bet Gilloughly would like to hit her with that pole, yo.

So today's Fandom Secrets post had a secret about a show called Kodomo no Jikan. WHat is Kodomo no Jikan about? Honestly I have no idea, but going by the posts in the community it's some anime about an elementary school girl who tries to have sex with her teacher.

Oh, but wait! Kodomo no Jikan is actually deep and meaningful!

Fandom Secrets' response: bitch say WHAT!?

But people keep defending it, because it really is more than pedobait! Seriously! Also, there's lots of South Park comparisons, because the two series are so much alike! But some say it's not.

Either way, there's a lot of fail on both sides.

trevelyanl85a2 posts in Girl Gamers that he is mad because he tried friending people on Xbox Live and they didn't give him enough play time.

In his words: Whenever I asked what was up, excuses were made saying "oh so and so of a friend wants to game with me, maybe some other time" or no response was given at all. When I asked later if they want to game, for those who said "maybe later", they gave the same excuse again.

Add in his claim of "mild Aspbergers" [edit: his spelling, not mine] and his wondering if no one wants to play with him because he's a guy and you have a good culture for growing some wank.

95 comments and counting.

ETA: We now have apology.

Once upon a time in the magical land of YouTube, there was a Scottish Youtuber who got bored one night . Turning on her camera and pressing the record button, she sat on her arse to praise the latest work of the almighty Stephenie Meyer, the next best thing since JK Rowling.

She was rather stout with a squared jaw and rectangular shaped eyes. Her hair was a silky brown in colour, straight and thin, shining under her lantern's light. After a few seconds of nasty glares and emo stares, our Scottish Youtuber goes on to make her announcement of just how disappointed she is with fans; going on to patronise the whole fanbase on just how pathetic they really are, not realising the irony of her statements.

Quoth she in a patronising tone while staring closely into the camera:

"How can you act like this? After reading that amaaaaaaazing book, not shit! not boring! not glorified fanfiction, A-MAAZING BOOK! I'ma say it real clear: A-MA-ZING BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK! You've been waiting for what? A year? And you've been thinking of how wonderful it's going to be, and DYING to get your hands on it, cause it's going to be soooo good! And then you complain about it? Because it's not what you wanted?

She briefly blew a small gust of wind into her hair, so as to keep her bangs from falling further into her eyes.

"Since when do you get what you want by complaining, you ungrateful little turd?" she enquires with a tone of anger in her voice "Yeah, I'm talking to you! You who is watching this! If you have ever complained about Breaking Dawn because it wasn't what you wanted it to be: I'ma just go this real slow for you, because your brain obviously isn't working right now, because you're being STUPID thinking that its not very good anyway, okay?

"Number One: Stephenie Meyer is a GENIUS! Ya-HA, Ya-HA, okay? She rocks! She wrote Twilight, she wrote New Moon, she wrote Eclipse and you loved them!"

Not even going halfway through her video, her fellow viewers stopped and said:

"Fat FAT FAT FAT You are fat."

Another said:

"Please tell me, why all the Twilight fans are stupid, fat girls?"

And another:

"I think YOU'RE overreacting. You couldn't pay me to read that shit again. Maybe one day you'll develop literary taste and you'll realize how godawful Breaking Dawn was -- no, how godawful EVERY book after Twilight was, and that srs bsns people like you have been acting as Stephenie Meyer's cash cows for the past 3 years. Smeyer's sun tanning on her yacht right now that YOU helped pay for, laughing her ass off at the teenies who believe whatever bullshit she spoonfeeds them."

But best of all. one said:

"THIS. ISN'T. SPARRRRTAAAAA!
You're allowed to have your opinion. The 'haters' are allowed to have theirs.
Deal with it. Stop being so insane over a book.
Y SO SRS BSNS? "

But fortunately to her support one kind soul said:

"I personally loved the book! Although I do think that weather people loved it or hated it they should be able to share their opinions, I do have a problem with people who take it to ridiculous extreems. I hope that after a while things will cool down and everyone can just get over all this drama. I loved all the books and will just try to ignore all the negative feedback. Also, coming from an American I would just like to say that Fuckwit is the most awesome swear word I have ever heard.lol!"

Like the broken clock that used to tick next to me, the vast majority of commentors just went "wankity-wank, wankity-wank, wankity-wank-wank" and occasionally one with a high enough level of oestrogen would go "squee-squee-squee, squeekity sqee! with joy! at the girl who defended Stephie and her literary classics!"

This goes on for a while as tradition has it, and then along came an anonymouse to report the wankage at wank_report

I'm ready for my award now for best break-through narrative of 2008.

[EDIT]:Oh yes, I forgot to point out that like the big bad wolf, this one also huffs and puffs, but didn't succeed in blowing down the house. But she did however manage to have a sadgasm somewhere in between her huffing and her acid trip when Renessme(sp?) supposedly gave her "visions". She also stated that "real vampires poop and wee on you", assuming of course she has come across real ones in her lifetime, and they didn't actually pop out of Stephenie Meyer's books during her state of emotional high. Thank you anonymous!

The Discovery Channel has been hyping up its forthcoming "ALL NEW" MythBusters episodes for quite some time, and the first [ETA: Whoops! My bad.] second new one was supposed to air last night. But ONOZ! Instead of the long-awaited "Viral Video" ep, those who tuned in got...a rebroadcast of the already rerun-to-death "Pirate Special." Sadface.

It turns out that about an hour and a half before the episode was to air, the mod on the MB fansite forum announced a delay in the next two scheduled new episodes; those ("Viral Video" and "Ninjas 2") will be postponed indefinitely and there will not be a new episode until Aug. 27. Comments start out pretty tame, with fans ass-kissing the mod and blaming the Olympics, but quickly escalate to ever-wankier heights.

In 34 (so far) wanktastic pages, we have conspiracy theories, entitlement wank, fans being told to GTFO if they're not angry enough.

ZOMG loyal fans are being deprived of their livelihoods! Won't someone think of the fans??
ZOMG God-modding!
ZOMG leave Adam and Jamie alone!
In Soviet Russia, forum triggers you!
User Bored_as_of_now sums it up nicely here: "As of now, the only reasons for this to be okay are aliens, cancer, or editing."
A Digg thread is started to wank about it some more!
There's even some trollery perpetrated, oddly enough, by a user called thetroll.
What with the God-modding and all, this could be deleted at any time. So...enjoy it while it's hot? Okay, lukewarm.

ETA2: We can has macro! Wank is now up to page 40! :o

The latest skirmish in rec.arts.drwho escalates the continual bickering to breath-taking new heights.



And I haven't even mentioned the tinfoil.

Tiny confession: I have railed at Agamemnon in the past and in one of these threads I give links to a Google groups kill file.