Well, all right, maybe not high speed car chases. So, the background: last year, Neil Gaiman, author of such lovely things as Neverwhere and the Sandman series etc., was contacted to speak at a library in Minnesota for a hefty speaking fee, which was paid for by a fund which (a) stated any leftover money would be lost if not used, and (b) was also not available for books, salaries, or other useful things. Neil Gaiman did so, and subsequently donated the speaking fee to charities.

All's well that ends well, right? Well, except that Matt Dean, the House Majority Leader, decided it was time to let his long-simmering grudge be aired to the world: 'Dean said that Gaiman, "who I hate," was a "pencil-necked little weasel who stole $45,000 from the state of Minnesota."'

Neil is... well, he's not well pleased. Nor is his Twitter. ( Cut for length )

RPG.net has often been accused of having a Liberal Hive Mind, or being unfriendly towards right-wing posters. Today morgonstjarnan takes a stand against this tyranny by posting a thread titled Superman & socialist self-loathing to Other Media.

( Cut for right-wingnuttery, patronization, and deliberately missing the point. )

The mods, who while competent and gracious often have a habit of spoiling the fun, are quick to evict him after this revelation. The Trouble Tickets thread also reveals this isn’t his first violation.

Silly Superman trolls. Don’t they know it’s Captain America who’s commanded to wank?

Politics and shipping are two very wanky subjects. What happens when we combine them on fandomsecrets?

For one, we get childings complaining that people aren't taking their shipping seriously enough.

I doubt many people seriously fap to that when they say that they slash something. They're doing it for the lulz. Which is even more disturbing to me, because when did sexual fantasy become a joke for people, or just a way to express that you really really like someone or something? I think it's stupid and immature. If you slash something, it should be because the pairing really gets you off.

Then you have paperclipchains, who is all over this post and I'm honestly not sure if they're trolling.

163. I know what you mean. I don't know, I feel like people - especially people who have accomplished great things in their life - should be respected enough to be elevated above your base desire for an orgasm.

And that's not all, folks! paperclipchains continues their reign of terror by asking what's so great about Kingdom Hearts II, and then insulting everyone who doesn't agree!

Anon: So... is the only reason you asked in the first place so that you could tell people "no your opinion sucks, mine is more correct"?

paperclipchains: No, I was genuinely curious. I was also pretty sure that the reasons would be ridiculous, so there's that."

Fortunately, Obama unites the parties. And by unite I mean gets paired with. And by parties I mean everybody.

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/LAC.20070616.BAUER16/TPStory/TPNational/Television/

US Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia and Canadian Justice Richard Mosley get into it about Jack Bauer. Also giving their opinions on 24: Lord Carlile of Berriew, an independent reviewer of Britain's laws on terrorism, Stanley Cohen, a senior counsel for the Justice Department, and Maher Arar's attorney, Lorne Waldman.

Senior judges from North America and Europe were in the midst of a panel discussion about torture and terrorism law, when a Canadian judge's passing remark - "Thankfully, security agencies in all our countries do not subscribe to the mantra 'What would Jack Bauer do?' " - got the legal bulldog in Judge Scalia barking.

(...) "Jack Bauer saved Los Angeles. ... He saved hundreds of thousands of lives," Judge Scalia said.

Sadly, Judge Scalia does appear to be aware that Jack Bauer is a fictional character.

During a break from the panel, Judge Scalia specifically mentioned the segment in Season 2 when Jack Bauer finally figures out how to break the die-hard terrorist intent on nuking L.A. The real genius, the judge said, is that this is primarily done with mental leverage. "There's a great scene where he told a guy that he was going to have his family killed," Judge Scalia said. "They had it on closed circuit television - and it was all staged. ... They really didn't kill the family."

At hogwarts_elite sorting is Serious Bizness. . They've bartended in the dark, exploded in outrage when mocked, and writhed in indignation when applicants sneakily deleted squib votes in an attempt to beat the system. And that's before we even mention "Aspberger's." Calm and placid types they ain't.

So when a rabid right winger (primary targets: gays, ethnic minorities, the poor and the mentally ill) and Voldemort fangirl applies to the community, and then proceeds to answer the question "What's one thing you would do if you knew you would suffer no consequences from it?" with the words:

Manipulate the US presidential elections in order to place myself at the head of the nation, and then alter the constitution both to give myself extraordinary powers, and to retain office for twenty years with an option for a further twenty should I so desire. I would also wish it to be that the remuneration of the role increase in order to found a family fortune of considerable dimensions, to maintain the presidential lifestyle, prestige and status into my retirement.

As President I would no longer need to consider the wearisome whinings of Congress and the Senate, but could govern with free reign and at my absolute discretion. My key policies would be as follows:

1) Enforce strict austerity measures upon the poor. It is neither helpful nor fair on any of the parties to take from one sector their hard earned monies, and then channel that via a series of state waterfalls to another societal group. To do so is to create a nexus of parasite state bodies, to sap the ambitions and entrepreneurial hungers of both sides, and to keep the poor in a perpetual state of infantilized inertia. Abolition of all politically correct initiatives to salve white guilt should also be immediately instituted; the inherent insult to all non-whites is glaringly apparent. While no minority groups should have rights withdrawn, the baffling demands of certain groups to have their lifestyles imposed upon everyone else should be resisted; nobody should be forced to accept an assault upon their traditions and beliefs. Since the habits of the bedroom should remain private, efforts to drag these into the public eye should, similarly, be firmly resisted. The exceptions should not seek to dictate the rule; most particularly the rule of law, and the agitations to the contrary are vulgar and distasteful.

2) Close all borders and promptly withdraw from all overseas military engagements that are not vital to protect US national interests. We should desire to be neither the world's policeman nor its soup kitchen, and should focus inwards before seeking to assist, protect and defend the interests of non-Americans. A working individual's pay check should not be denuded for a cause he benefits from not a whit, and the ludicrously overblown sentimentality that causes vast sums of US monies to be idly squandered upon lost and hopeless causes is a national disgrace. We should also promptly withdraw from the UN, who abuse our hospitality and our patience in equal measure.

you could justifiably predict that they'd go batshit. Only...they don't. On the whole they're fairly patient; a few even trying to gently explain that her style of interaction may be counter productive. The troll/Ann Coulter clone scores a couple of fairly spectacular own goals when she tells a woman who works in Congress to read more newspapers to overcome her political naivity, and a lawyer to stop being jealous of those with a legal education. Pride of place, however, must go to erbylikewhoa</a>, who squibs her by saying,

4. Though this perverts my previous sentiments of in-the-dark bartending, I will triumph my instinctive beliefs, rend myself pachydermous, and stick to my original statements.

7. Perhaps I have been left comose due to the nature of this application or else you may perceive me as simply viraginous, but to say that you have no disingenuous desires (to play heroine and so forth, but that is a frivolous import)? You hide behind a theca of verbosity and expect me to miss this phrase?

10. Well I suppose it was but an eventuality for my admittace of the fact that at the termination of every week, I conceal myself in a tenebrous corner of my bedroom and listen to dismal music one may characterize as "emo" and wallow in self-compunction. Yet still, might I not be a great omnipotent authority? Why, perhaps. Perhaps.

Most of the community appear to believe she is a troll, and make that plain. A few are too bothered by her year-old paid account and fifty odd entries to agree, though others question if anyone could really be that much of a gaping twat. A few more don't care either way, and declare undying devotion on sheer entertained principle, with such love tokens as Hillary Clinton's scalp and Michael Moore's dismembered body laid on the altar.

"You might bring Hillary's scalp...

I, for the love of Cressida, would render Michael Moore's fat into romantic candles, dyed a seductive red with the blood of bipolar lesbians. I can also sautee baby harp seals. Top that."

At least one member genuinely appears to agree with her political beliefs. A Gryffindor. Good to know it isn't only Slytherins that approve of nocturnal bartending.

There's the obligatory Fandom Wank reference, and a random bonus reference to lafeemechante, too.

Grabbed from a mousie on wank_report. Not too long ago, a post about the wankery revolving around the creation of a gay friendly guild in the online game World of Warcraft was posted here. Now, the plot thickens as Lambda Legal, the legal group dedicated to the protection of gay and lesbian civil rights, has thrown their hat into the ring:

http://www.kotaku.com/gaming/breaking/wow-blizzard-gets-gay-rights-warning-153075.php

( more under the cut )

I'm really surprised I haven't seen this on here yet, so I guess it falls to me.

Blizzard reprimands a player for advertising her guild as "GLBT friendly"; all hell breaks loose.

This is actually showing up on every forum and blog with even the slightest connection to gaming, but I've chosen the official forum because Blizzard deleted the first three threads that mentioned the issue, and we have to reward persistence, now don't we?

I can't figure out how to link to specific posts in the thread, so have some choice quotes behind this cut.( Read more... )
Anyway, it goes on like that for another twenty pages. I know I'm supposed to do a full report, but frankly it's making me kind of sick. Blizzard remains silent on the issue, and eventually locks the thread when it devolves into a discussion about sandwiches. Liberals are generally canceling their accounts, moderates are generally disturbed but figure it's not a big deal, and Blizzard can do whatever they want since it's their game, and conservatives are generally continuing to not understand why anyone would be gay in the first place.

xperiment314 thinks the L-Word is too critical of the Bush administration.

Lots of people disagree.

Obligatory, "I thought liberals were openminded!" comment.

And remember, folks: "George Bush would eat you if he could. That's what he does, he eats gays. He hates you. Just an FYI."

Edit: Fixed broken link.

CC wrote The Very Secret Diaries (LotR), and thus started a trend that continues on across fandoms- and now into the political realm. Cygnusfap wrote a VSD for Dubya, and now the entry weighs in at over 250 comments.

A little piece of evil- in the form of "The Very Secret Diary of George W. Bush". The wank is in the commentary, naturally. Just look for the pro-Bush people who don't understand humor, and there you shall find plenty of wank. Not exactly fandom, but based on fandom material. Close enough for me?

(I happen to like the president, but this is a very funny VSD. Also, I wish I could write an entry that got seven bloody pages worth of commentary.)