With thanks to @doctoraicha on Twitter--

I'm just going to link to what is already a very thorough writeup, but let's just say that when I got to

she talked a lot about her boyfriend, Jeff, and her best friend, Lexie, and both of them actually had occasionally-used FF accounts and would sometimes participate in AIM chats with the rest of us

I knew exactly where this was going, and I think you will too. (With a bonus Facebook twist!) Commenter irishmizzy dubs it "CATFISH 2: EXPECTO PATRONUM," which is about the way of it.

Remember that whole Harlan Ellison/Dan Fogelburt's llamas thing? (not like that you sickos) Where Harlan confronted the sockpuppeteer who had targeted a friend of his?

Yeah.

Apparently the victim is suing. The first judge dismissed the case but apparently it's been kicked up to appeals.

It's pretty much a rehash of the original wank, minus the famous names. I wasn't sure if I should post this here or fandom_lounge, but fandom_wank has been kind of slow lately. So yeah.


Edit: New blog post from Paula.

Edit the Second: Moar llamas are needed. *waves back*

Okay, you know what guys? Quit commenting on her blog. I know she seems to be okay with us there, but it is still against the rules. Rules that we have good reasons for. She's obviously keeping an eye on us so if you want to respond to her do it here, and she can choose to address it in her own space if she wants to.

THIS DAY IN FANDOM_WANK HISTORY:

December 6th, 2006:

Fandom_wank suffered a great tragedy in the name of fandom research.

Yes, that is the day that snacky and sepiamagpie investigated pseucide, but delved too deeply, too greedily. That is the day they died.

Everyone, please join hands in mourning them and don't read the next line in the linked post.

Over in LotR fandom, the story of a Munchausen-by-Internet hits LJ. Sockpuppetry including a woman dying of cancer(llady_roisin), her putative husband (eli_14) and a spunky newcomer to the fandom (jedi_tarja"). Much OMG and "I'm so sorry, thanks for all your good work here!" abounds. All very feel-good and inspiring and pre-group hug.

But wait! There's more!

Alassante points out she posted about Munchausen Syndrome, not naming names, and still got pilloried by the sockpuppets.

Nierielraina posts as another mean, nasty person who doubted because of those pesky facts, instead of believing in the Love That Is Fandom.

Will Alassante and Niereilraina be called Negative Nellies for not joining the group hug? Will more WTFery be revealed? Or will overdosing on tryptophan and storming the malls at 3 am distract the (American contingent) LotR fans?

Hat tip to the mice on wank_report

Thank you, wank_report mousie, for this little morsel of sheer, unadulterated crazypants.

In the land of figure skating, all was quiet -- well, okay, all was wanky, but no more than usual. Then, Aunt Joyce (skating's most popular blogger, perpetrator of much unfunnybusiness, and generally awful human being) makes a post about the retirement of popular and controversial figure skater Johnny Weir. The actual post is rather disgustingly homo and transphobic, so we won't really dwell on it. It doesn't have much of anything to do with the impending weirdness that follows.

Now, a good number of Johnny Weir's fans are well known for their special snowflake attitude, so I'm sure you can all see where this is going.

At first, the comments are generally divided between snarking about Johnny's career and outrage over the fact that AJ is basically a huge ass. That is, until this comment, when, to quote directly from the wank_report, "someone claiming to know Johnny's friends (who he calls the Dingles) IRL pipes up, claiming that Johnny is happy now after being in a black hole of despair following the Vancouver Olympics, and even has a new special someone. Of note, he says that Johnny doesn't really hang out with the Hollywood types, but prefers a small circle of personal dingles (aka friends). "

Initial response is a mix of people thanking the commenter for their insight and more wank about Johnny's personal life. Until somebody else who claims to know the Dingles chimes in.

Then it gets downright bizarre.

( I quite like this fanfiction, but could you also include Evan not winning in Vancover, and werekittens if at all possible. )

In conclusion: LOL, Dingles. I still can't get over that.

EDIT: Thanks to tarash, who pointed out that a previous pseuicide had been carried out by none other than Johnny Weir's astral wife. It's a good thing they have phoenix down on the astral plane. Some of the people mentioned by name in this wank are also mentioned there. I still don't know what's going on.

If you play World of Warcraft, you'll know that there is a darker, more sinister side to the game. A side known as... a Roleplaying Server. *dun dun da!*

Like most places of free range RP, there are delicious tidbits of wank. This one involves everyone's favorite- Internet Suicide!

The story starts over at The Roleplayer's Lament, a blog that brings the Mary Sues, Godmodders, and other such failures of WoW RPing to your computer screen with the added picture or two for laughs.

When you use certain addons like FlagRSP, you can give yourself a title, last name, and all sorts of horrible life details that another player would totally know instantly by looking at someone. A particularly nasty Gary Stu is posted and there is joyous mock for the RPing community.

Until the blog poster learns later that the player behind the Aizen wannabe died.

Kinda puts a damper on the fun making, right? Nah! Turns out the player *gasp* faked his WoW death to get back at the Lamenters for poking fun at him. Apparently, it's all fun and games until the tables are turned, which has various WoW RPers demanding blood for their tears and prayers, and one person suggesting he get prison raped for his Internet Death scheme.

But fear not, fellow Moon Guard-ians! For as long as this blog will stand against the test of internet time, Marrowdarkness shall forever be remembered and immortalized as a Godmodder and Death Faker! And we shall all forget this wank in time, probably when the next Sue who claims to be Illidan's newest chew toy trots into Goldshire.

Bonus: Official Forums nerd rage. T minus until Bliz nukes the thread.

C&P'd from wank_report:

"The original post was deleted, but there's caps a'plenty at sf_drama. These are probably the most complete: http://pics.livejournal.com/halrenna/pic/000e0zr0

So. chiibiusa, co-mod of sm_secrets, announces in sailormoonfans that she's thinking of shutting down the comm (at least temporarily, but possibly for good), because there aren't enough secrets being submitted, and she's tired of it. The first commenter, tenchichan, suggests that chiibiusa needs to calm down.

DON'T. TELL. CHIIBIUSA. TO. CALM. DOWN.

Cue raeg, increasingly incoherent responses, a small amount of "OMG don't leave us we love you!" fangirling, and some sighs from people who thought their comm had outgrown this shit.

Then the whole thing hits sf_drama: http://community.livejournal.com/sf_drama/2556609.html?page=1#comments

Bringing chiibiusa with it: http://community.livejournal.com/sf_drama/2556609.html?thread=404234945#t404234945

She is STILL replying to comments left on the sf_d post, as well as randomly friending comm members. There are rumors of a post waiting in the sf_d mod queue, presumably telling us all how gullible we are for falling for her trolling, and how we've all been lol!pwnd! There's been a few comments from people who claim to know her and say that this is really unlike her, so it's possible that this is all leading up to the classic "I GOT HACKED!" defense."

ETA! Chiibiusa flounces: "i amno longer updating this journal from now until ever. and 'ever' is subjective is until i am ready to open it back up again."

Aptly, she's back for more. I guess in the recession, the exchange rate for 'ever' is approximately 45 minutes.

ETA 2: Oh, lordy, more posts. Courtesy of sistrelwood.

ETA 3: *facepalm* First rule of fight club, y'all.

Taken from the pages of wank_report...

Num8 (now KurwaSuka) was a wolf furry who spent his days happily living in France, running the IRC channel #FursuitTV, making appearances on furry puppet shows, and just generally being known far and wide as an all-around nice guy. Until one day, when he was tragically diagnosed with brain cancer. Metastatic brain cancer.

Because he wanted to spend his last days with the friends he held so dear, a collection was taken up in his name to send him on a weeklong trip to the States, during which he would pay a visit to various furry gathering hubs (and also Disney World). Reports of the exact amount that was raised vary somewhat, but according to Pawpet, the community that was collecting on his behalf, around $2000 was donated to the cause.
( This will not end well. )

Information culled from an anonymouse source on wank_report.

Daddy's Little Cannibal was a Twilight fic writer, and apparently quasi-BNF enough to merit at least one interview, with 43 stories to her name that garnered multiple awards. Her most popular story was Cigarette Burns, which her twin sister is now posting for her posthumously.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention. Daddy's Little Cannibal died on May 8, 2009, after being involved in an accident with a drunk driver.
( Tragery! Or something else? )

The end! ... or is it?

Is it a social experiment? Attention seeking? Was she just tired of flitting from xanga to xanga and craved a more dramatic way to disassociate herself from her previous activities? And who is the anonymous source on wank_report - grudge? overzealous detective wanting to show off their leet snooping skills? or one of the wankers, trying to garner more attention? Only time - and possible ETAs - will tell!

ETA: I found a single now-deleted flame c&p'ed by other authors on FF.net.

As those of you who haven't been living under a rock may know, a new Star Trek movie just came out. Over on fanficrants, roq is upset about this. Apparently, TEENAGERS are now WRITING in HER fandom! Quelle suprise!

She has some choice words to say about it.

( Wank long and prosper )

Pogoroo is a furry artist. This afternoon, there was an entry posted to his FurAffinity journal proclaiming his death on the 19th of June by a drunk driver. It was posted by his long distance girlfriend GhostlyDingo, who says that Pogoroo's mother called her shortly after the incident to advise her of what had happened. Due to grief, GhostlyDingo says she's been staying off the internet and this is why she did not make an announcement until now. (ETA: Original entry had been BAHLEETED, but someone posted a copy on their website which I've inserted.)

At first, there is much grieving. As expected people give their condolences. Then along comes the first shred of doubt by thefurwithoutaname, asking for proof. This irritates folks some, and admittedly thefurwithoutaname is not exactly the most polite person with his replies. It's pointed out that nobody seems to be able to locate any obituary online for Pogoroo, in spite of the death being almost two weeks ago.

The plot thickens further when it's pointed out that just a week ago, a post was made in Pogoroo's journal by another friend claiming he is without a computer for awhile. The most interesting part of the post was the mention that everyone that had purchased a commission from him will be fully refunded upon his return. After this journal is pointed out, it and all the previous journals (save for the death notice) are mysteriously deleted.

Some of the choicest comments in the thread are from Straitfox, a fellow with a 'fursona' of a criminally insane fox in a straight jacket known for doing his share of wanking:

"Oh i'm a nice person but I thin kyou have that backwards....I do not want to talk to you, YOu do not seem to be a person I can trust and ge along with so fuck that on your conscience you stupid TROLL!

OWNED! BOOYAH!"

Saving caps of the journal now, because I don't think it's long for this world either.

ETA: Also, something I just noted on my own. GhostlyDingo made a journal post about a week back complaining about people who beg her for free art. Kind of an odd thing to focus on when your boyfriend just died.

ETA II: Oh hey, and she also posted a week ago about commissioning her for fursuits, and to contact she or Pogoroo for concept art! Sheeesh. This has been a pretty messily faked death.

ETA III: Comment just recently left by Rhari (bolding mine): "Yeah I'm in now. Pogo, this is low. I hope wherever you move to, you can find new friends.

Also, Ghostlydingo's Husband contcted me today askin why she's so sad. Apparently he didn't know her internet boyfriend is le dead."

After this comment, GhostlyDingo is now starting to claim she's possibly been duped as well: "Remember when I said If anything was wrong with this it was that he got some other lady to call me and say that? Do you think maybe thats it?" Also she is claiming that the aforementioned husband is on his way to being her EX and that they still live in the same house.

ETA the last (?): All journals have been deleted, and the PogoRoo account has been banned by the mods while they investigate the situation. They did mention they found it linked to five other accounts, but they aren't mentioning which.

There was a second journal posted on PogoRoo's account after the first was deleted (and it was archived before it was also deleted), but since it supposedly contains the undead's phone number I won't be linking to it. I will however, give a summary: GhostlyDingo proclaims she has clearly also been duped, and that PogoRoo must have gotten some lady to call her pretending to be his mother. A couple folks buy it, but soon it's pointed out that it still doesn't explain the journal GhostlyDingo had written a few days after she would have thought he was dead advising people to contact EITHER of them for concept art for fursuits. At this time, the commentors notice that GhostlyDingo's account was only just created on the 12th of the month. It's suggested that GhostlyDingo IS PogoRoo, and he is attempting to escape his debts. To make his story more credible, he likely pretended to be GhostlyDingo's husband as well, asking Rhari why she was upset so that once folks got suspicious she could act as if she were duped as well. After this proclamation, there is no more commentary from GhostlyDingo.

NO WAIT MOAR ETA: The mods at FA have spoken to PogoRoo's former roomate. He confirmed PogoRoo moved out on the 22nd and that he's never heard of GhostlyDingo before.

WheelieMachine sums up the whole thing quite well: "What a shitty deal... first you die, then you're kicked out of your own parents' house.

Talk about insult to injury!"

Dearest, beloved, Fandom Wank.

I know you were looking forward to great excitement today. Some of you said words to me that indicated you anticipated fiery 'judgement' upon those who remained fresh and dewey white, those you call n00bs.

Anyway, you got today instead.

Stop anticipating things, we'll just break your hearts.

Sincerely,

Sepia P. Magpie, Esq.



PS: Use this post to reflect on how you could be better people. Or just fuck around in the comments.

By way of Wank Report. Small, and it's one person doing 95% percent of the wanking, but oh how batshit that wank is.

ckll, last seen receiving cryptic letters from someone who may or may not work for Supernatural and who may or may not be fictional, is apparently trying to work her way through every wank cliche she can get her hands on. Having covered the Super Secret Fan category, she has now moved on to possible Pseuicide.

She posts a fairly innocent-looking post to dean_sam, searching for a new roommate for the upcoming Supernatural convention in Chicago. (I like the tags on the post.) There are also vague references to her making the same post in her own friends-locked journal, but possibly with more whining. Her original roommate feels the need to post in the con community, windycity_spn, explaining why she can't be ckll's roommate. (She cancelled the reservation for financial reasons.) ckll shows up to defend herself. "Shame on you!" she says. And she kind of makes a point, that she hadn't accused abydosww of anything. However, the thread rapidly goes downhill from there.

ckll appears to have deleted most of her own comments, but thanks to the anonymouse I have screencaps. (You can pretty much tell what's going on in the original thread anyway, thanks to people copying and pasting what she said into their comments.)

She didn't let me know about the cancellation in time.
When should she have let you know, five years ago? For that matter, you apparently made your own reservation, so what's the problem?
In my country, you talk with someone after you cancel. (Uh, isn't that what she did?)
We're not in your country.


At least one person offered to share their room with you, so stop complaining.
But it was after I'd already made a reservation. (So cancel it?)

My favorite part: Because I have to spend extra $$ on the hotel room, I can't afford an operation to remove three tumors from my body. I'm not lying: I wrote about it in my journal in the past. Uhhh...yes. Lying: you're doing it wrong. Also, I like that she feels the need to bring up that defense before anyone accuses her of lying.
Then why are you spending $500 on a con and whatever it takes to fly to the states?

Bonus defriendings! Ckll's response, which only makes minimal sense to me</>.

Complete caps here. Thank you, anonymouse.

As previously reported in clairvoyantwank:

Over on LJ, Supernatural fan missyjack posts that fellow fan nu_breed has been trampled to death by a draft horse during a "drunken fangirl meetup, highly publicised." Some folks express their condolences, others voice skepticism. Another fan present at the meetup, veronamay, links to the post.

Aaaaaand...you know how the rest of this song and dance goes.

It's a hoax, of course, of course. People express their outrage. veronamay and vileseagulls can't seem to grasp why they don't share the LULZ (because draft horses are funny! Teehee!) Something called a "purple nurple" is blamed. Folks don't know what a draft horse is. Someone just has to drag Neil Gaiman into this mess. Also, death is fucking funny.

And just to make the wank truly complete, we now have the requisite love meme.

Oh, and fair warning: If you don't know what a draft horse is, for the love of all that's holy, DON'T do a Google image search with the safesearch off. Just...just don't.

ETA: Courtesy of eilan: "They have no obligation to apologize for having made the joke."

Return of ETA: veronamay says she's the one who wrote the post, and she didn't mean to make everyone look like fools! But she's not apologizing. 'Cause it's still funny. Dammit.

Revenge of the ETA: Just to round things up:
nu_breed: "I am not upset."
missyjack: "I am really sorry that anyone was hurt or upset by this."

On December 6th, two fandom wank members were lost to us forever. They are memorialized here.


See what we did there? That was pseuicide - faking your death online. In this case, we used the rare pseuicide variant, a pseuicide pact. Ours was a brief pseuicide, not meant to cause outpourings of grief and wank, but simply to pique your interest. Interest in our topic, which today is:

Sep and Snacky's Guide to Pseuicide: How to Fake Your Death In Fandom for the Fun and Enjoyment of All, with help from Ms. Ann Larimer Md. Phd. Esq.

( Click here to learn more, dear readers... )

Formerly at a clairvoyantwank near you...




herohunter reports that svmaria has been in a car accident and miscarried her baby.

( I come to you on Maria's boyfriend's behalf, to let you know the, unfortunately, sad news. )


A flood of friends and well-wishers post prayers, hugs, and sadfaces. 1 2 3 4 5 6 herohunter helpfully sets up a comm for fics and manips dedicated to Maria, pimps Maria's Amazon wishlist, and mentions that


Her boyfriend has asked me to let you know that if you feel inclined to send her any gifts besides what's on her Christmas Wish list, she likes especially the following:

Lip balm, lip gloss, butterflies, dragonflies, kittens, angels, bunnies, snowmen, x-mas trees, lieetl presents like earrings, make up, stuff like that.


As the love and goodies pour in, lo and behold, svmaria awakes!

Just in time for svmadelyn to call shenanigans:


Allright. I have quite a few things that are leading me to believe that svmaria is sockpuppeting around as msjulialurker, and I want a hospital address where Maria is staying. If you're willing to give out her personal address, then you can give out her hospital address so this information can be verified.

If I'm completely wrong about my suspicions, I will apologize profusely to you in front of Live Journal at large, but if this is all some sort of weird...thing you all have going on? You should be so ashamed.


Others chime in. herohunter categorically denies everything. Meanwhile, svmaria and supportive sockpuppet msjulialurker immediately delete their journals.

herohunter posts again: Because of your doubt, Maria is dying! And her boyfriend hates you all.

In the comments of the post, it's revealed that Maria's home IP and the "hospital" IP match up, and just as general opinion starts to swing in the direction of pseuicide, herohunter deletes herself too.





Now wait until the betrayed friends find out that svmaria and herohunter are alive and well on GreatestJournal!




ETA: svmadelyn calls it like she sees it.

ETA2: herohunter's journal is back up, with all the relevant entries either locked down or gone.




Thanks to lol_meme for the tip-off and temari for the caps, which can all be found here.

On July 10th, Vera, the friend of a prominent, well-loved member of the KND forum announces that she has fallen ill and is currently in a coma.

Inevitably, this leads to wank.

( "Call me crazy but I think the immune system is the thing that fights germs and other things, i don't think it has anything to do with aids at all." )

limeybean(a blip on the radar in the Harry Potter fandom) passed away from Tuberculosis a few months ago. A lot of people in the fandom mourned her death.

Some people were suspicious.

Busted! Oopsie!


The dead has arisen! limeybean finally comes clean!
After realising the effect my bravery in my illness had on people, I then used it as a vehicle to try and get some of the idiot emo kids on LJ to buck up and realise they don't really have it all that bad. How much hope can you see reflected on the comments left on my entries, or in ones about me? So the lie was worth something, wasn't it? How bad is a lie if it helps?

( Full Confession here )

ETA: Locked! Screencaps of all 5 pages here: Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Page 4, and Page 5.

First 2 and a half pages with comments extended here: Page 1, Page 2, Page 3



People are sick, disgusted, amused, and pissed.
I respect George Bush more than you. At least he's got some balls. Even if they are literal.

ljsecret(A popular community limeybean was the founder of) has made a tiny amendment and posted a response to the revelation.

Son of the ETA: And now she ded from bahleete. :(

It took Jesus 3 days to come back from the dead, let's see if Limey can beat his record. *waits* Didn't take long eh?

The ETA strikes back: Dramatic reading, the remix!


Thanks funkyhelix, temari, ari_, gabsy, llama_treats, and mousies for preserving the wank. F_W was a well oiled machine with this one.